Development

21 Things I Learned at 21

Published

November 3, 2013

Nihal Khan

12. Learn to Dress BETTER

There really was no reason to stop wearing that wrinkled white tee, those ripped jeans, and your rainbow colored converse sneakers during your transition from high school into the realm of college. Actually, in your freshman year you probably downgraded from those jeans and shoes into striped PJ’s and a pair of socks on your feet which you force into your flip flops every morning. Ditch that whole wardrobe if you want the world to take you seriously. Obviously as guys we don’t have the luxury of throwing on an abaya over whatever ridiculous clothing we’re wearing, so be sure to look like a decent, professional, human being in the morning before stepping outside. You don’t need to wear a suit all the time or try to look like the next Neal Caffrey or Bernie Mac, but be sure everything is ironed, your hair is combed, and your shoes don’t look like they got into a fight with a lawnmower. Buy some good cologne and stop using free samples.

13. Stop Being Mediocre.

Getting ahead in life requires sticking out with your skillset and knowledge more so than other people in your field. It means performing above average in life. Satisfaction with what everyone else is satisfied with won’t make the cut. Yes, preventing yourself from mediocrity does extend into getting good grades, but the reality is that it is so much more. Every single one of us should see what we can contribute to those directly within our reach.

14. There Aren’t Many Shortcuts to Life. Accept It.

There is no substitute for hard work. Turn your knuckles purple in attaining success. You will meet many people out there who seem to have life figured out, but really haven’t done anything. Maybe you’ll come across someone who claims to be working with a twenty-three year old millionaire, but that student doesn’t even pay for his own gas. The best moment I recall was when a nineteen year old called a thirty year old friend of mine who was married with three kids and tried ‘life coaching’ him through the next five years of his career and family life. Going back to point two, work hard.

15. Stop Taking Everything for Granted.

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Your car, food, clothing, and education are privileges. They are things to be earned and appreciated. Look to those less fortunate than you and thank Allah for being given an extra day to wake up, not be in a hospital, have two healthy legs to walk on, have the ability to digest your food, not have cancer, and much more. Life is fruitless when you don’t appreciate the little things.

16. Between 18-21, Every Year Feels Like Five Years.

I am not sure what it is exactly…maybe the amount of growth? But whatever it is, 18-21 feels like a long time. Every year seems to pack a punch of its own. New experiences, new failures, new successes, and new people can take a toll on you. Just relax, take it easy, and don’t rush yourself in life decisions. Again, this is the time to begin outlining what you will be doing for the rest of your life.

17. Don’t Live In the Past nor Too Far in the Future

Atonement for the past happens in the present in order to build a new future. Don’t let bad decisions of the past stop you from moving ahead in life. Instead of being depressed or shattered over a bad experience, relationship, business transaction, or even a personal decision, use it to steer yourself towards success in the present. The other point is to avoid thinking so far in the future that you either ignore the present and/or falsely rationalize unrealistic expectations. Create a mental balance. This subject will tie into point twenty.

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Related Topics:21 advice age 21 coming of age Islam at age 21 learning learning lessons maturity wisdom

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Nihal Khan

Nihal Ahmad Khan is currently a student of Islamic Law and Theology at Nadwatul 'Ulama in Lucknow, India. He was born and raised in New Jersey and holds a bachelor's degree in Psychology and a minor in Business from Montclair State University and a diploma in Arabic from Bayyinah Institute's Dream Program. He began memorizing the Qur’an at Darul Uloom New York and finished at the age of seventeen at the Saut al-Furqan Academy in Teaneck, New Jersey. He went on to lead taraweeh every year since then. Along with his education, Nihal has worked in various capacities in the Muslim community as an assistant Imam, youth director, and a Muslim Chaplain at correctional facilities and social service organizations. Nihal is also an MA candidate in Islamic Studies from the Hartford Seminary in Connecticut.

23 Comments

Asif Balouch (@PhilAsify101)

November 4, 2013 at 11:07 AM

Excellent post. A good reminder to all those young folks out there and even the older ones.

Reply
Mohammad

November 4, 2013 at 12:12 PM

Really nice article bro!

Reply
- Nihal Khan
  
  November 8, 2013 at 5:46 PM
  
  Thanks Mohammad!
  
  Reply
Haleema

November 4, 2013 at 9:50 PM

So much relate-able! Amazing post. Jazak’Allah Khayr.

Reply
- Nihal Khan
  
  November 8, 2013 at 5:46 PM
  
  Thanks Haleema!
  
  Reply
Usamah

November 5, 2013 at 9:20 PM

You’ve listed your 18th point as “travel often.” You also mentioned that you took “long trips during breaks.” How do you recommend a 21-year-old (or a 22-year-old such as myself) fund such extensive travel? How do you manage to pay for all the trips you take? It’s not easy for a student (or a recent grad with student loans) to just fly to Dubai during Spring Break.

Reply
- Nihal Khan
  
  November 8, 2013 at 1:51 AM
  
  Salam Usamah,
  
  I usually travel nationally. I go see family and friends usually and try to see places where I’ve never been. Grand Canyon, Mt. Rushmore, skiing in Pennsylvania are all very affordable trips. If you’re working then putting aside $200-$500 every 4-6 months shouldn’t be too much of a hassle in my opinion.
  
  International travel is a little tough. I went to Umrah VIA Dubai (shoutout to Waleed Jameel) and basically saw a good amount of the area in 8 hours. It’s all about the resources you have and using them to your max.
  
  I hope that helps :)
  
  Reply
Mel

November 6, 2013 at 2:32 PM

I like the Author’s bio, nice…Usamah if you cannot afford to travel socialize with people from many different cultures.Easy to do at the Masjid !!!

Reply
Said Hasan

November 8, 2013 at 8:27 AM

Beautiful lessons. JazakAllah Khayr for sharing.

Reply
Khadija

November 9, 2013 at 3:19 PM

Is point #19 an E.T. reference?

Reply
- Nihal Khan
  
  November 11, 2013 at 7:47 PM
  
  I don’t think so lol.
  
  Reply
Mahmud

November 10, 2013 at 9:29 PM

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

JazzakAllahu khair, this was a good article, especially the first page, and especially the bit about working hard. I really learned my lesson here, inshaa Allah.

By the way-your a Psych major….how hard could that be? Pshhhhh. Try an engineering major. You have no time for anything but Salah and Study. And making fun of humanities majors with your stressed out Physics/Mathematics/Natural Science buddies.

Joking, joking.

Reply
- Nihal Khan
  
  November 11, 2013 at 7:46 PM
  
  Lol. Try taking the four credit courses which let you into the major. Your brain will be fried!
  
  Reply
Farah

November 11, 2013 at 7:38 PM

Very nice and well thought out article, mashaAllah. I forwarded it to my 22 year old brother. I definitely feel that everyone learns these lessons at different points in their life and not only at just 21 although the years around 21 are definitely critical. Keep writing!

Reply
- Nihal Khan
  
  November 11, 2013 at 7:44 PM
  
  Thanks a lot Farah!
  
  Reply
Abdul-Azeez Muhammad

November 12, 2013 at 11:02 AM

This article really helped. Jazaakallaah khairan

Reply
Salman Hossain

November 12, 2013 at 8:46 PM

nice,interesting post brother.keep on bro.we are inspiring.

Reply
Harf

November 13, 2013 at 11:23 AM

Here is something I learned: don’t listen to what atheists have to say about free will

http://voices.yahoo.com/the-forgotten-link-between-free-will-honesty-12077072.html?cat=72

Reply
Halima

November 20, 2013 at 7:50 PM

Very glad I stumbled upon this article. It’s a really great piece. I hope I can put this all into action before I hit 21 next year. Thanks for sharing!

Reply
DS

December 1, 2013 at 11:43 PM

Regards to number 19 – I’ve found this to be a major dilemma in my own life. I dorm in a city right near the city that my parents & family live in so I come home on the weekends, every weekend. However, being at school for 4 days a week, doing nothing but school and not having any time for anything – no personal time, no friends/hangout time, no Islamic events time, and practically no time to do anything that I love doing while I’m in school. So when I go home on the weekend, I have three days of time to split between family, friends, myself, events/camps/classes. I’ve cut back tremendously on events – where I used to go to one every weekend, I now only go at most, 1X/mth. Even though I’ve cut back so much, my family still feels like I spend the majority of the weekend outside of the house and not with family. If my weekend consists of 3 days, I spend 2 of them with family (sometimes all 3 if I have nothing planned for that weekend such as a meeting or event that I’m involved with planning(which is not often) and I have to be at). How much more time of my weekend can I spend with them? I know they miss me, so do I, but it’s literally impossible for me to be able to be everywhere and do everything at the same time to the max. I used to have many weekend out of town meetings for organizations I’m a part of (which meant I didn’t see family for weeks at a time) however, I cut back on that tremendously. This semester, for instance, I went to only one weekend long meeting out-of-town and was still able to spend at least one night with my fam but somehow its still not enough. I know it’s not enough time but given the time that I have to split up everything, it’s all that I really have and the best that I can do it. I don’t know if any of this made sense, I guess I might just be ranting but I really need help because I’m tired of being told/being made to feel that I dont care about family because I do care – it’s just that the circumstances of life/school has put me into this situation and I can’t do anything about it until I graduate. Maybe I’m just giving myself too many excuses and I should give my excuses the black eye but I don’t know. PS – I’m a girl and the oldest child, I’m sure this has a lot to do with it. Help on what I can do to make my family feel like I’m still a part of the family and that I do care and that I’m doing my best to spend time with them?

Reply
- Nihal Khan
  
  December 7, 2013 at 4:54 PM
  
  Assalamu ‘Alaikum DS,
  
  In my opinion you should spend time with your family over anyone. Friends will understand if you guys can’t meet up, but family won’t as it is their right. The same rule with campus events. Once you graduate college you never know where you’ll end up, so make sure to maximize family time.
  
  Family is one of those things you need to give your 100% to in my opinion. That shows they really matter over everything.
  
  Reply
Rasul

January 31, 2014 at 11:48 AM

Outstanding article! Keep up the good work

Reply
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