Confronting Your Problems – a Khutbah by Sheikh Waleed Basyouni

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And also, my fourth point that I want to share with you today, is don’t ever let these problems knock you down from inside. Always from the inside, stay strong. Stay positive. That’s what I meant when I said don’t let it settle in your heart.  Don’t let it go inside your heart and take over. You know, you might be knocked out from outside, but from inside you always stand tall and strong. When the Muslims lost the battle of Uhud, in the beginning, what did Allah tell them? Don’t be sad, don’t feel defeated, you are the higher. You are stronger, you are better, even if you lost a battle, from inside you are a winner.

You know, one of the most beautiful examples is given about the Mu’min, The Prophet said, the example of the mu’min is like the palm tree.  And al-Qur’an in Surat Ibrahim, has mentioned something similar to that. “Wa mathalul kalimatan tayyibah ka shajaratun tayyiba”. One of the most beautiful thing about the palm tree, that many people don’t know, the palm tree, if you noticed, you look after a hurricane, the aftermath, you know you look at any city, especially look at Florida or areas where Hurricanes occur like in the Bahamas, you always see these palm trees standing tall, while these thicker trees are knocked out. You remember the hurricanes that they have here? So many of these thick trees are knocked down in the streets, but palm trees, it’s very very rare to find a palm tree that was basically knocked down. Why? Because the palm trees have the ability from the top, from the top of the tree to go down, bend all the way, touch the floor and come back again straight.That is not true for any other tree. When the Prophet gave  the example of the nakhla, the palm tree it is to inspire us, and to tell us that no matter how things bend us, we should come back again. Bounce back again straight and strong. You should not ever be defeated from the inside.

Brothers and sisters, we would never be able to solve our problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. That’s a rule. You need to think about how you can deal with it maybe in  a different way? Why this happened? What caused the problem?  I have seen a lot of people come to me, especially in marriage issues or consulting me about their children, and I see that they deal with symptoms, they don’t deal with the root of the problem. You know habibi, the root of the problem is that your kids, they don’t trust you. The problem is not that he raises his voice, the problem is,  he is not convinced that you are taking real responsibility of the house. He doesn’t trust that you’re really the father figure. He has no respect for you. Maybe the problem, young man that all these problems you are having with your father, because your father on the other hand, he basically doesn’t understand who you are. And you need to speak up and to talk to your father, to your mother, about you and what you want and to express yourself properly. Maybe the problem is that, you know what, there is no respect in the house. Maybe the problem is that it is a time management issue. So don’t deal with the symptoms, look at the root of the problems and deal with it.

One of the points also that I want to share with you today, when it comes to problems, watch your words, watch what you say about your problems. How you speak about your problems. And I’m not in favor of speaking about a problem, and I’m in favor of speaking to our problems. But in any way, if you ever want to talk about it, watch the language that you use. And don’t underestimate that. Don’t say that’s the worst ever. Don’t say, I cannot. Rather say, I will try.  Don’t say it cannot be done, ask how can it be done? And let me try. That’s why in Islam, the Prophet said, when a person says all people are bad, he is the worst. Watch your language.

Also we should fill our heart, as I said in the beginning with optimism. Optimism is about seeing opportunities in your difficulties. Don’t be a pessimist who sees difficulties in every opportunity in his life. Don’t be like that. I want you to be filled with optimism. The Prophet loved optimism, according to a hadith by Anas .  And finally, two quick points. Consult, look for people that you trust, that love you, that have knowledge, that have wisdom and consult them. Consultation is a very important tool in facing challenges. You don’t need to face them by yourself. You can have a lot of good people around you for support. You can consult your spouse. Consult even your, my favorite is  consulting your children, especially if they’re older. Let them be a part of your life, make them very close to you. Especially if you have college age kids or graduates from college, consult them. Al-Arab used to say in the old days, that little kids, you can make them behave properly and reprimand them if they make mistakes. And when they become teenagers, you always give them reminders. And when they grow after teenager state, you always consult them.