My heart was anguished when I first heard this story because the victim was a mother; one immediately feels a bond. The news of any human being killed so callously hurts, but it felt closer to home because she was a Pakistani American Muslim, like me. There are so many times we walk from one relative’s house to another, after a family meal; up until she was murdered, this could have been the story of so many of us.
This story has been developing in the past few days; we now learn that the husband, Kashif Parvaiz, has admitted to involvement in a conspiracy to kill his wife. A Boston woman was arrested for allegedly plotting and shooting Nazish.
The circumstances in which she was killed were horrific but her life with this man was no less turbulent. She was allegedly a victim of domestic violence.
Shakila Chaudhry, a family friend from Freehold, said family members had told her that Noorani was physically abused by her husband. “She was such a nice girl; she always got beat up.” Heraa Chaudhry, of Old Bridge, who said she’s a cousin of the woman, said the marriage represented “domestic violence at its worst.”
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Another woman suffering from domestic abuse has been taken back to her Creator because of cultural taboos about domestic violence. How much more could she has asked for help? In a text message to family she apparently said “I m dont no wht to do…cant talk to him cuz he abuse me than…he doesnt wanna live with me…I dont no kids get scared of him sometimes i m so tired of this …I dont no i m scared…someday u will find me dead but its cuz of kashi…he wants to kill me..”
The Pakistani community really needs to look introspectively and ask ourselves, is our ‘naak’ and ‘izza’t’ more important than our daughters’ and sisters’ lives? When we send our women back in the hand of savages who mistreat them and abuse them, who are we trying to please? WE are so scared of the community and the people who will talk. Will they be there to raise her children after she is gone? Divorce is disliked but is not haram in our religion, however we are willing to let our daughters face DEATH rather than get divorced from an abuser.
Having said that, I do not blame this particular family, I am sure that they did whatever they could to help her; it is our culture. These norms have been so ingrained in our women, that we do not listen to good naseehah and go back to our abusers.
Right after the murder, Parvaiz made a number of conflicting statements, including that the shooting was a bias crime, Bianchi said at a Friday press conference. In his first statement, Parvaiz said he was shot by a black male, a white male and an unknown third male who shouted slurs saying that he and his wife were terrorists.
These details make my blood boil, the crying wolf about a hate crime makes it harder for real victims of hate crimes. God forbid, next time if there really is a bias crime, people will always remember this plot first.
The statement by Nazish Noorani’s cousin after her funeral was poignant and thoughtful-
Initially, it was reported that it might be a hate crime. I just want to say, that we never thought that. This is fantastic area to live. We have always been from here. Everyone has just been wonderful.
We want to say that we have set up a website, http://www.nazishmemorialfund.org/. We want everyone to check that out. It is for the benefit of the two sons. Please visit that site. That would be very helpful.
************************** Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. A 27-year old Pakistani- American, mother of two, was shot in front of her 3-year-old child while taking a walk after iftar with family. May Allah bless them, their family and protect our families. May Allah punish anyone who assaults families.
Announcement on August 18th, 2011
Funeral will be held at:
JMIC
110 Harrison Street,
Boonton, NJ 07005
after Jumu’ah approx. 1:30 p.m
The details of this horrific murder are still unclear- our thoughts and prayers are with the family- May Allah SWT grant her Jannat tul Firdaus.
Video from WABC-TV/DTCops suspect that a couple gunned down while pushing their 3-year-old son in a stroller in Boonton, NJ, last night were targeted.
Nazish Noorani, 27, was killed. Her husband, Kashif Pervaiz, 26, was shot four times. He was in surgery today but is expected to survive, family members said.
“This investigation is ongoing and the release of information at this stage would compromise the progress of same,” Morris County Prosecutor Robert Bianchi said in a statement. “From what we have already determined, however, it should be noted that this shooting clearly appears to be target specific and that there is not a continuing danger to the general public at large.”
The couple were at Noorani’s sister’s house in Boonton to break the Ramadan fast last night. They were shot after they left the dinner.
Five shots rang out about 11:30 p.m. Noorani was hit near her heart and Pervaiz was shot in the ankle and shoulder, NJ.com reported.
The family is Muslim and Noorani, 27, was wearing distinctive Pakistani clothing when they went for a walk after their Iftar – the nightly meal that breaks daily fasting during the season of Ramadan. “We’ve had Muslims in the community for over 50 years and very few problems with hate crimes,” Boonton Police Chief Michael Beltran said.
The husband’s brother told The Associated Press three people opened fire on the couple on the darkened street. Mansoor Hassan says the child was unharmed and is with his grandmother.
Perveiz was studying at Harvard University. Harvard University has said that they have no record of his enrollment.
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This iz absolutelyyy insane !!!!!!! They took a mother away from her child !!! they took a wife from her husband !!
have they no shame??? no heart ??? May they be punished for this evil evil deed !!!
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. May Allah pardon all her sins, and enter her into Jannah without any questioning. May Allah open the doors of paradise into her grave and grant her husband a speedy recovery. May Allah give her family strength and sabr to get through this difficult time. And may Allah protect us all from all evil. Ameen!
I ask Allah to grant them the utmost sabr to endure the initial traumatic shock as well as the lifelong and abrupt loss of their loved ones. I think most of us cannot even imagine how much pain they must be going through.
At moments such as these, I am reminded of when the angels questioned Allah (SWT) on the creation of man, giving reason that we would only cause much bloodshed as our predecessors, the jinn. At moments like these, in emotion, I wonder the same.
But Allah is the best of Planners, and most-Wise. Just as we come across examples of such evil, soul-less human beings such as this one, we must not forget the dozens upon dozens of good examples of people, who serve others after Allah (SWT), so selflessly.
May Allah protect us from becoming the first, and make us amongst the latter. True recompense shall be on the Day of Judgement, where no man or woman can escape his or her eternal destiny.
Inna lillahi wa inna lillahi rajioon. Al hamdu lillahi ladhi afani mimma btalaka bihi wa faddalani ala kathirin mimman khalaqa tafdilan.
Heart wrenching. May Allah grant the sister the highest level of Jannah without any hisab. Pour the best of patience on the family. Protect her progeny from shaitaan and make her child the best of Muslims. May Allah have mercy on the family.
I live in the NJ/NJ area. I have been to Boonton several times. The Muslim community over there is very large and they just expanded their Masjid into a larger facility to accomodate the increased enrollment of their school. The only problem I have ever heard the Muslim community have over there was over parking during Jumah where Muslims would block resident driveways in their rush to Jumah, so the residents complained.
Many of the Muslims are Pakistani and also affluent as Boonton is a NJ suburban type town. Many people who work in surrounding towns in many corporate offices all come to Boonton for Jumah every week since that is the largest Masjid in the area.
Boonton is very familiar with Muslims and I really can’t imagine that a killing like this take place in that town, the way that it did and be motivated by hate of ethnic origin or religion.
May Allah bless her with Jannah and help her family through this tough time, Ameen.
My sister is best friends with the cousin of the deceased, where she was visiting. I am familiar with that neighborhood and it is NOT the place where such an act would happen.
The case is continuing to grow. Recent reports say that Harvard has released a statement that there is no record of the husband being a student. Also, the wife had expressed concerns, in the past, about her safety (but not sure about what). There was also a report of the husband getting robbed at gunpoint in Boston some months earlier.
Regardless, May Allah (SWT) give the family patience and shower his mercy on the innocent kids.
And for those keeping up the text message I was referring to earlier was sent a month earlier and stated “He abuses me. I dont want him to scare the kids. If you should find me dead someday… It was Kashi.. He wants to kill me.”
Was that text message sent by the woman? Why on earth was she still with him?
I have just read on another website both Columbia and Harvard Universities have no record of him as a student.
Commenters on other websites are, of course, piling the blame on Islam’s alleged mistreatment of woman. If she felt her safety was in jeopardy, why for Allah’s sake did she remain in that marriage? This will only increase the misconception of Islam.
Sad…just read on yahoo news…the husband got arrested along with another lady. Looks like this was murder from within. He had another shooter take her life so he could try to be with her and then had the shooter shoot him in the shoulder and ankle to make it look like they were both victims. What a sad world we live in.? The acts of some humans even have the shaytan impressed. May Allah protect us all.
The Prophet S said that toward the end of time, killing would become widespread. I think we have indeed reached that time, where the taking a human life has become commonplace and trivialized, whether done by the husband or an Islamophobe. May Allah have mercy on this woman and grant her Firdaws and have mercy on her children, who are deprived of a mother from such a tender-age. Absolutely heartbreaking.
It’s so sad to think that the Prophet’s statement may now, indeed, be a reality. How awful for such a thing to occur but especially during Ramadan. It’s just so appalling. I know many of us have made duas for Nazish Noorani and her children. I hope that we all consider the husband’s family who I am sure, no fault of their own, are stricken with both guilt and grief in this holiest of months. May Allah have mercy on our ummah and guide us aright…
Well after attending the funeral, my mother had the chance to talk with the sister of the deceased mother. The sister explained that the abuse from the husband has been on-going for about 5 years now, and she only really started speaking up in recent months. Her family advised her to return home but her reason to stay with the husband was for the sake of her kids, she did not want to put them through any difficulty.
The two met over the internet and married at an early age (husband 20, wife 21), she was advised not to but did so anyway.
After the iftar that day the wife wanted to go meet some other relatives in that area, and the husband would not do so. He texted her that he wanted to leave for Boston, and later that night when he strategically coined her into leaving the house the incident occurred.
As you may have heard, through interrogation the husband admitted to the plot and the woman who pulled the trigger has been arrested.
As for the religious part, I will be completely blunt, they are not very religious people. Unfortunately our perfect and just religion will be criticized by these media outlets, this act was complete idiocy, you could even say cultural BUT NOT RELIGIOUS!
The children haven’t only lost their mum, but their dad will also be away from them for a long time … in jail. Everyone loses. The children she wished to protect are now orphans.
The only positive issue is their being non-Religious. This evening, I downloaded several Islamic audios on marriage, trying to comprehend what Shaykhs teach women to make her remain in that relationship despite fears for her safety. People consider my views controversial, so my desire was to learn what there is in Islam that compels her to remain with a man who compromises her safety.
Deeply weakened by this murder,
Umm Sulaim Iman Taqwa
I don’t think it the deen, it is extreme effects of culture where divorce is so looked down upon that women are forced to return to abusive husband, so the gheerah (status) of the family is not harmed. Women, especially in the desi culture, are taught from a young age that once your wedding procession leaves your father’s house only your funeral procession should bring it back.
Allah SWT does not like divorce but he gave permission for it specifically for situations like this. Our cultural nonsense is killing us.
JazakumuLlah khayra for that. It gave me a clearer insight into the mind of the woman: marriage takes her from her family and only death will bring her back.
The ‘cultural nonsense’ to which you refer does not afflict Muslim Americans as it does those ‘back home’. The divorce rate amongst Muslims in the USA just a few years ago was 31% and I dare say it may be higher now. I would aver that the opposite problem plagues Muslim Americans whereby Muslimahs, having experienced liberation and higher education unbeknownst to their mothers, have a visceral counter-male reaction that manifests itself in a feministic manner – whereby men are looked down upon and not considered “qawwamoona ‘ala an-Nisaa”. I have even read the writings of some female Professors of Islamic Studies in America where they gleefully promulgate the dangerous concept of “Islamic feminism” which has torn the fabric of the family unit of American Muslims. So much so is this plot insidious that some niqaabi women are proud that they make their husband do their own dishes.
My point is this – while Muslim women ‘back home’ may be willing to go the extra mile to preserve the family unit, the Muslim women ‘here’ will up and split at the drop of the proverbial hat. Yes, I know the men don’t make it easy for the women, but the feminist attitudes of a lot of Muslim women in America makes family living a nightmare for many. We must aim to seek a balance.
It truly amazes me that people can go this far to carry out such acts. The video indicated the father also believed his son was a columbia / harvard graduate. And that brother of hers. He must have known about the abuse, Now he is pleading for information.
Edited: please refrain from name-calling and inappropriate language. Thank You. -MM Staff
this is so tragic and sad but at the same time i feel happy for this woman she is free from the domestic torture of her husband and goes to heaven straight
Muslims assumed that it was a hate crime while non-Muslims assumed that it must have been an arranged marriage SubhanAllah. Neither of this turned out to be the truth, shows how all of us just need to stop with these stereotypes. Please! Stop making a fool out of ourselves!
The sister was mistaken to stay in this marriage especially when she had the guts to speak up about it in her sms to her family members. First step to resolving any situation in life is to admit it which is did bravely in her textx, how I wish she had taken further steps and who knows if she had more time than she might have done it. SubhanAllah
I just noted a few comments here, and I think this article is yet again a good reminder of the need to understand abusive relationships.
1) There is NOTHING in Islam, to make it clear, in any way shape or form, for a woman to sustain abuse of any kind, whether physical or emotional. The only “hitting” permitted in our faith is a LIMITATION of what a husband CAN do to keep his marriage together AFTER his wife has committed a serious and major sin, and only AFTER he has followed all the steps previous to this in the Qur’an about handling such a major sin on her part, and that hitting is not allowed to leave a mark, cause an injury, ever touch the face, and is basically a symbolic action representative of the last resort to ask a wife to realize the implications of a major and haram decision. And again to reiterate, that is after the other steps in the Qur’an or seeking out support, separating beds, etc.
It NEVER gave a man a right to intimidate, harm, or injure his wife. As I often say on university campuses – if a man walked into the house, and saw his wife standing with another man, the Qur’an calls him to internal strength,where first he must advise her – give NASEEHAH, the solid soul nourishing Islamic reminder to bring her back to Allah, and her Deen. Remember, our goal in Islam is to inspire others to come CLOSER to Allah, not farther. Then, if this isn’t sufficient, he sleeps apart, creating a physical and emotional separation between the two of them, time to reflect, think, get help. And finally, if nothing else works, she insists on her behavior, her choices, time has passed, then a symbolic act takes place, and is not “wife beating.”
The goal of ALL actions in Islam are meant to be worship, to increase the iman of a person, to remind them of Allah, to bring back taqwa, and not to become a barrier to the Deen of Allah, the Mercy of Allah. Even if one believes in any form of physical correction for children at all, it is NOT intended to ever be done out of anger, spite, or out of control emotions. It’s not a release valve for frustration, but rather the action of a calm person, with a heart connected to Allah, with a firm belief this may bring about some good. Same goes for a husband. If a man ever thought that even in his last step, even if he did something lightly, he was doing it to lash back, as a release valve for anger, a way of causing harm – then he has indeed missed the point. The point is not to “Get back” or to “make her hurt too” but to help his wife come back to the straight path, out of love and respect for her as a slave of Allah.
Islam is not a power trip for a man, ever. Any degree he has is always a degree of accountability, responsibility, and he will be taken account for before Allah, swt. Which is why our beloved Prophet, saw, said that the best of you are the BEST to your wives.
2) A woman in an abusive relationship is often lacking the emotional, spiritual, and psychological means to step out. She knows this hurts, she knows it’s painful, but she can’t leave, even if there were no cultural pressures on her back to stay (that is a horrible and disgusting cultural practice I am well aware of based on the many emails I get from wives telling me about abusive marriages and how their parents sent them back into it.) It is important to accept that you simply cannot understand why she stays, and remove judgment, because there is something happening inside of her heart and mind that imprisons her, until she finally gets to that place where she realizes she really does not deserve or needs to handle what is happening. The problem is NOT her, she is not messed up, she is good enough, she is worthy of love and dignity, and that she is ready to find help.
That saddest part is that when she reaches out, she doesn’t get help. Family either ignores her, pressures her, shames her. Or if finances are an issue she has no where to go, no money to live on, and often children with her. She is terrified he will track her down, he has threatened to take the children away, get her locked up in jail, or kill her, and she believes him.
Even women who have left, they suffer nightly wondering if that man will ever show up at their door for revenge.
The best advice you can offer any woman in an abusive relationship is to get out, get help, and believe in her.
As I say, even IF, and I mean IF you were the WORST wife on the planet, there is still no justification for a man to mistreat you, hit you, smack you, put you down, or shame you. He can seek divorce, and even there, Allah encourages it to be done kindly and respectfully. A woman needs to know that it’s never her fault, no matter who she is, her mistakes, her shortcomings – none of it matters.
A woman has a right to be safe in her own home.
For those who are in an abusive marriage, speak to whoever you know will listen, take you seriously, and get out, before it’s too late.
As for the children, the longer they stay in that marriage, the greater chances you are simply raising a future generation of abusers or doormat daughters who will go through the same thing. Save them too, and get them out.
For several months prior to this incident I racked my brain to seek possible solutions for women in such abusive relationships. I thought women in the US, of all places, should have access to protective social services and legal frameworks to move on with their lives in another state or county and perhaps another identity, if she was deeply concerned about an assassin on her trail, etc. The same reasoning was valid for the UK and a few other countries in Europe, up until this murder. Teenage girls in such situations presented a problem for me because of their lack of experience.
No one can sincerely testify to what went on in the woman’s mind except her. The dead do not talk.
If a woman can be murdered within earshot of her family, in the plush suburb of New Jersey, my heart is torn apart to even consider what women in remote parts of the world experience.
safir
August 17, 2011 at 9:36 PM
This iz absolutelyyy insane !!!!!!! They took a mother away from her child !!! they took a wife from her husband !!
have they no shame??? no heart ??? May they be punished for this evil evil deed !!!
Halima
August 18, 2011 at 12:54 AM
So sad. People in this world are heartless. Killing like nothing…. ;(
kd
August 18, 2011 at 1:29 AM
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. May Allah pardon all her sins, and enter her into Jannah without any questioning. May Allah open the doors of paradise into her grave and grant her husband a speedy recovery. May Allah give her family strength and sabr to get through this difficult time. And may Allah protect us all from all evil. Ameen!
Nazihah Malik
August 18, 2011 at 4:38 AM
My heart aches for them, just cries.
I ask Allah to grant them the utmost sabr to endure the initial traumatic shock as well as the lifelong and abrupt loss of their loved ones. I think most of us cannot even imagine how much pain they must be going through.
At moments such as these, I am reminded of when the angels questioned Allah (SWT) on the creation of man, giving reason that we would only cause much bloodshed as our predecessors, the jinn. At moments like these, in emotion, I wonder the same.
But Allah is the best of Planners, and most-Wise. Just as we come across examples of such evil, soul-less human beings such as this one, we must not forget the dozens upon dozens of good examples of people, who serve others after Allah (SWT), so selflessly.
May Allah protect us from becoming the first, and make us amongst the latter. True recompense shall be on the Day of Judgement, where no man or woman can escape his or her eternal destiny.
Umm Aasiya
August 18, 2011 at 5:52 AM
Inna lillahi wa inna lillahi rajioon. Al hamdu lillahi ladhi afani mimma btalaka bihi wa faddalani ala kathirin mimman khalaqa tafdilan.
Heart wrenching. May Allah grant the sister the highest level of Jannah without any hisab. Pour the best of patience on the family. Protect her progeny from shaitaan and make her child the best of Muslims. May Allah have mercy on the family.
Ibtisam
August 18, 2011 at 8:52 AM
inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.
Iesa Galloway
August 18, 2011 at 11:08 AM
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. She was pushing a stroller!
Muslim
August 18, 2011 at 12:06 PM
I live in the NJ/NJ area. I have been to Boonton several times. The Muslim community over there is very large and they just expanded their Masjid into a larger facility to accomodate the increased enrollment of their school. The only problem I have ever heard the Muslim community have over there was over parking during Jumah where Muslims would block resident driveways in their rush to Jumah, so the residents complained.
Many of the Muslims are Pakistani and also affluent as Boonton is a NJ suburban type town. Many people who work in surrounding towns in many corporate offices all come to Boonton for Jumah every week since that is the largest Masjid in the area.
Boonton is very familiar with Muslims and I really can’t imagine that a killing like this take place in that town, the way that it did and be motivated by hate of ethnic origin or religion.
May Allah bless her with Jannah and help her family through this tough time, Ameen.
Nazihah
August 18, 2011 at 12:28 PM
Another link for more details:
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2011/08/fatal_shooting_of_mother_wound.html
Umm Sulaim
August 18, 2011 at 3:31 PM
I feel awful.
If this is Islamophobia, these are people you mouth off about Muslims preaching hate.
My heart goes out to the family, particularly the toddler.
Allah’s Mercy prevails,
Umm Sulaim
Ibrahim
August 18, 2011 at 4:15 PM
My sister is best friends with the cousin of the deceased, where she was visiting. I am familiar with that neighborhood and it is NOT the place where such an act would happen.
The case is continuing to grow. Recent reports say that Harvard has released a statement that there is no record of the husband being a student. Also, the wife had expressed concerns, in the past, about her safety (but not sure about what). There was also a report of the husband getting robbed at gunpoint in Boston some months earlier.
Regardless, May Allah (SWT) give the family patience and shower his mercy on the innocent kids.
Hena Zuberi
August 18, 2011 at 7:15 PM
JazakAllah for that- will update the post with the Janaza details
Ibrahim
August 18, 2011 at 4:23 PM
Funeral for the Mother iA tomorrow August 19, 2011 in the local Boonton Masjid. (Boonton, NJ)
I will get more details shortly iA.
Ibrahim
August 18, 2011 at 5:13 PM
Funeral will be held at:
JMIC
110 Harrison Street,
Boonton, NJ 07005
after Jumu’ah approx. 1:30 p.m
And for those keeping up the text message I was referring to earlier was sent a month earlier and stated “He abuses me. I dont want him to scare the kids. If you should find me dead someday… It was Kashi.. He wants to kill me.”
Umm Sulaim
August 18, 2011 at 6:11 PM
This is sickening.
Was that text message sent by the woman? Why on earth was she still with him?
I have just read on another website both Columbia and Harvard Universities have no record of him as a student.
Commenters on other websites are, of course, piling the blame on Islam’s alleged mistreatment of woman. If she felt her safety was in jeopardy, why for Allah’s sake did she remain in that marriage? This will only increase the misconception of Islam.
A very sad
Umm Sulaim
Ibrahim
August 18, 2011 at 6:57 PM
Yes the text message was sent by the deceased mother to a family member about one month ago.
And unfortunately in today’s world as Muslims we have to deal with people that will disparage Islam (‘cough’ Fox News ‘cough’).
Umm Sulaim
August 18, 2011 at 7:10 PM
Are you aware of why she did not take steps to leave him? Was it family pressure, fear of the husband, or some other issue?
Stunned,
Umm Sulaim
Ibrahim
August 18, 2011 at 8:37 PM
Well i do not know of details that intimate, however, this tragedy is has greatly bewildered the family.
Ibrahim Olad
August 18, 2011 at 8:37 PM
Allah yaa Rahma.
Argentinian
August 19, 2011 at 12:56 AM
La hawla ua la quwata ila billah.
From argentina we want to say that we are very sad
ahlam
August 19, 2011 at 1:26 PM
Inna lilah wa inna ilayhi raji’oon.
The doors of Jannah are open this month, perhaps Allah wanted to make her one of its residents as a Shaheeda? InshAllah.
sad
August 19, 2011 at 2:15 PM
Sad…just read on yahoo news…the husband got arrested along with another lady. Looks like this was murder from within. He had another shooter take her life so he could try to be with her and then had the shooter shoot him in the shoulder and ankle to make it look like they were both victims. What a sad world we live in.? The acts of some humans even have the shaytan impressed. May Allah protect us all.
Olivia
August 19, 2011 at 3:15 PM
The Prophet S said that toward the end of time, killing would become widespread. I think we have indeed reached that time, where the taking a human life has become commonplace and trivialized, whether done by the husband or an Islamophobe. May Allah have mercy on this woman and grant her Firdaws and have mercy on her children, who are deprived of a mother from such a tender-age. Absolutely heartbreaking.
fauza
August 19, 2011 at 7:15 PM
@Olivia,
It’s so sad to think that the Prophet’s statement may now, indeed, be a reality. How awful for such a thing to occur but especially during Ramadan. It’s just so appalling. I know many of us have made duas for Nazish Noorani and her children. I hope that we all consider the husband’s family who I am sure, no fault of their own, are stricken with both guilt and grief in this holiest of months. May Allah have mercy on our ummah and guide us aright…
dallasmuslimah
August 19, 2011 at 3:39 PM
You won’t hear that on fox.
Pingback: Muslim Family Targeted in Boonton, NJ assault | Islamophobia TV
Ibrahim
August 19, 2011 at 5:17 PM
Well after attending the funeral, my mother had the chance to talk with the sister of the deceased mother. The sister explained that the abuse from the husband has been on-going for about 5 years now, and she only really started speaking up in recent months. Her family advised her to return home but her reason to stay with the husband was for the sake of her kids, she did not want to put them through any difficulty.
The two met over the internet and married at an early age (husband 20, wife 21), she was advised not to but did so anyway.
After the iftar that day the wife wanted to go meet some other relatives in that area, and the husband would not do so. He texted her that he wanted to leave for Boston, and later that night when he strategically coined her into leaving the house the incident occurred.
As you may have heard, through interrogation the husband admitted to the plot and the woman who pulled the trigger has been arrested.
As for the religious part, I will be completely blunt, they are not very religious people. Unfortunately our perfect and just religion will be criticized by these media outlets, this act was complete idiocy, you could even say cultural BUT NOT RELIGIOUS!
Umm Sulaim
August 19, 2011 at 6:18 PM
JazakAllah khayra.
This is significant information.
The children haven’t only lost their mum, but their dad will also be away from them for a long time … in jail. Everyone loses. The children she wished to protect are now orphans.
The only positive issue is their being non-Religious. This evening, I downloaded several Islamic audios on marriage, trying to comprehend what Shaykhs teach women to make her remain in that relationship despite fears for her safety. People consider my views controversial, so my desire was to learn what there is in Islam that compels her to remain with a man who compromises her safety.
Deeply weakened by this murder,
Umm Sulaim Iman Taqwa
Hena Zuberi
August 19, 2011 at 6:45 PM
Umm Sulaim-
Asalamalaikum,
I don’t think it the deen, it is extreme effects of culture where divorce is so looked down upon that women are forced to return to abusive husband, so the gheerah (status) of the family is not harmed. Women, especially in the desi culture, are taught from a young age that once your wedding procession leaves your father’s house only your funeral procession should bring it back.
Allah SWT does not like divorce but he gave permission for it specifically for situations like this. Our cultural nonsense is killing us.
Umm Sulaim
August 19, 2011 at 7:19 PM
Wa alaykumu-s-Salam, Hena.
JazakumuLlah khayra for that. It gave me a clearer insight into the mind of the woman: marriage takes her from her family and only death will bring her back.
Thank you,
Umm Sulaim
Abu Yusuf
August 22, 2011 at 10:17 AM
The ‘cultural nonsense’ to which you refer does not afflict Muslim Americans as it does those ‘back home’. The divorce rate amongst Muslims in the USA just a few years ago was 31% and I dare say it may be higher now. I would aver that the opposite problem plagues Muslim Americans whereby Muslimahs, having experienced liberation and higher education unbeknownst to their mothers, have a visceral counter-male reaction that manifests itself in a feministic manner – whereby men are looked down upon and not considered “qawwamoona ‘ala an-Nisaa”. I have even read the writings of some female Professors of Islamic Studies in America where they gleefully promulgate the dangerous concept of “Islamic feminism” which has torn the fabric of the family unit of American Muslims. So much so is this plot insidious that some niqaabi women are proud that they make their husband do their own dishes.
My point is this – while Muslim women ‘back home’ may be willing to go the extra mile to preserve the family unit, the Muslim women ‘here’ will up and split at the drop of the proverbial hat. Yes, I know the men don’t make it easy for the women, but the feminist attitudes of a lot of Muslim women in America makes family living a nightmare for many. We must aim to seek a balance.
junoh
August 19, 2011 at 7:52 PM
It truly amazes me that people can go this far to carry out such acts. The video indicated the father also believed his son was a columbia / harvard graduate. And that brother of hers. He must have known about the abuse, Now he is pleading for information.
Edited: please refrain from name-calling and inappropriate language. Thank You. -MM Staff
javs
August 20, 2011 at 8:55 AM
this is so tragic and sad but at the same time i feel happy for this woman she is free from the domestic torture of her husband and goes to heaven straight
Umm-Imaan
August 21, 2011 at 6:51 PM
SubhanAllaah,
Muslims assumed that it was a hate crime while non-Muslims assumed that it must have been an arranged marriage SubhanAllah. Neither of this turned out to be the truth, shows how all of us just need to stop with these stereotypes. Please! Stop making a fool out of ourselves!
The sister was mistaken to stay in this marriage especially when she had the guts to speak up about it in her sms to her family members. First step to resolving any situation in life is to admit it which is did bravely in her textx, how I wish she had taken further steps and who knows if she had more time than she might have done it. SubhanAllah
Umm Sulaim
August 21, 2011 at 8:18 PM
The deceased woman’s husband, then the only surviving adult witness did say it was a hate crime.
Megan Wyatt
August 22, 2011 at 6:09 PM
I just noted a few comments here, and I think this article is yet again a good reminder of the need to understand abusive relationships.
1) There is NOTHING in Islam, to make it clear, in any way shape or form, for a woman to sustain abuse of any kind, whether physical or emotional. The only “hitting” permitted in our faith is a LIMITATION of what a husband CAN do to keep his marriage together AFTER his wife has committed a serious and major sin, and only AFTER he has followed all the steps previous to this in the Qur’an about handling such a major sin on her part, and that hitting is not allowed to leave a mark, cause an injury, ever touch the face, and is basically a symbolic action representative of the last resort to ask a wife to realize the implications of a major and haram decision. And again to reiterate, that is after the other steps in the Qur’an or seeking out support, separating beds, etc.
It NEVER gave a man a right to intimidate, harm, or injure his wife. As I often say on university campuses – if a man walked into the house, and saw his wife standing with another man, the Qur’an calls him to internal strength,where first he must advise her – give NASEEHAH, the solid soul nourishing Islamic reminder to bring her back to Allah, and her Deen. Remember, our goal in Islam is to inspire others to come CLOSER to Allah, not farther. Then, if this isn’t sufficient, he sleeps apart, creating a physical and emotional separation between the two of them, time to reflect, think, get help. And finally, if nothing else works, she insists on her behavior, her choices, time has passed, then a symbolic act takes place, and is not “wife beating.”
The goal of ALL actions in Islam are meant to be worship, to increase the iman of a person, to remind them of Allah, to bring back taqwa, and not to become a barrier to the Deen of Allah, the Mercy of Allah. Even if one believes in any form of physical correction for children at all, it is NOT intended to ever be done out of anger, spite, or out of control emotions. It’s not a release valve for frustration, but rather the action of a calm person, with a heart connected to Allah, with a firm belief this may bring about some good. Same goes for a husband. If a man ever thought that even in his last step, even if he did something lightly, he was doing it to lash back, as a release valve for anger, a way of causing harm – then he has indeed missed the point. The point is not to “Get back” or to “make her hurt too” but to help his wife come back to the straight path, out of love and respect for her as a slave of Allah.
Islam is not a power trip for a man, ever. Any degree he has is always a degree of accountability, responsibility, and he will be taken account for before Allah, swt. Which is why our beloved Prophet, saw, said that the best of you are the BEST to your wives.
2) A woman in an abusive relationship is often lacking the emotional, spiritual, and psychological means to step out. She knows this hurts, she knows it’s painful, but she can’t leave, even if there were no cultural pressures on her back to stay (that is a horrible and disgusting cultural practice I am well aware of based on the many emails I get from wives telling me about abusive marriages and how their parents sent them back into it.) It is important to accept that you simply cannot understand why she stays, and remove judgment, because there is something happening inside of her heart and mind that imprisons her, until she finally gets to that place where she realizes she really does not deserve or needs to handle what is happening. The problem is NOT her, she is not messed up, she is good enough, she is worthy of love and dignity, and that she is ready to find help.
That saddest part is that when she reaches out, she doesn’t get help. Family either ignores her, pressures her, shames her. Or if finances are an issue she has no where to go, no money to live on, and often children with her. She is terrified he will track her down, he has threatened to take the children away, get her locked up in jail, or kill her, and she believes him.
Even women who have left, they suffer nightly wondering if that man will ever show up at their door for revenge.
The best advice you can offer any woman in an abusive relationship is to get out, get help, and believe in her.
As I say, even IF, and I mean IF you were the WORST wife on the planet, there is still no justification for a man to mistreat you, hit you, smack you, put you down, or shame you. He can seek divorce, and even there, Allah encourages it to be done kindly and respectfully. A woman needs to know that it’s never her fault, no matter who she is, her mistakes, her shortcomings – none of it matters.
A woman has a right to be safe in her own home.
For those who are in an abusive marriage, speak to whoever you know will listen, take you seriously, and get out, before it’s too late.
As for the children, the longer they stay in that marriage, the greater chances you are simply raising a future generation of abusers or doormat daughters who will go through the same thing. Save them too, and get them out.
Allahu ‘Alim.
Umm Sulaim
August 22, 2011 at 7:31 PM
For several months prior to this incident I racked my brain to seek possible solutions for women in such abusive relationships. I thought women in the US, of all places, should have access to protective social services and legal frameworks to move on with their lives in another state or county and perhaps another identity, if she was deeply concerned about an assassin on her trail, etc. The same reasoning was valid for the UK and a few other countries in Europe, up until this murder. Teenage girls in such situations presented a problem for me because of their lack of experience.
No one can sincerely testify to what went on in the woman’s mind except her. The dead do not talk.
If a woman can be murdered within earshot of her family, in the plush suburb of New Jersey, my heart is torn apart to even consider what women in remote parts of the world experience.
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