Inspiration and Spirituality
Lessons Learned From Loss
By: Sabeen Mansoori
I died many times today. I also watched many loved ones-husbands, mothers, fathers, grandparents and aunts depart this world. They were all in my living-room. I could see their eyes glaze over. I felt their warm embrace and the salt from the tears stung my eyes.
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I came home with the young father who had left his wife in the morning only to find people washing her dead body at night. I rode in the ambulance with the daughter who felt fearful of her own mother’s dead body. She felt clammy and cold from the smells emanating from her. The sound of the ambulance blared in my ears and the echoes still resonate in my heart. I was the daughter-in-law who reached out to her mother-in-law as she crumpled in a heap on the kitchen floor and moaned, “Something is wrong with me. Help me! I don’t feel well. Help me!”
Their pain is like a fresh wound. It is still blistering and it is fed by memories of good times and bad, memories of remorse and guilt. The age of those that wept in my home was irrelevant. The age of the departed was of no consequence. The time since the separation seemed like yesterday even though years had passed. The eyes still moist with tears, they relived every moment of their loss as they came to share in my grief.
“How old was she?” they ask.
“Oh, so young! My mother was…my aunt…my grandmother was…..”
My husband’s mother returned to her Lord on the day of Eid–ul–Fitr. May Allah grant her Janatul Firdaus and fill her grave with light. The people came in all their finery, some straight from the Eid prayer, to offer their condolences. For my friends, all the pleasures of the Eid were lost. The distractions of this worldly life that so consume our existence temporarily lost their luster when confronted by the reality of death.
The Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) said, “Remember more often the destroyer of pleasures – death.”
Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) also said, “These hearts become rusty just as iron does when water affects it.” On being asked what could clear them he replied, “A great amount of remembrance of death and recitation of the Qur’an.”
Allah (swt) gave me both this Ramadan. The recitation in the Taraweeh accompanied by the continuous fear of her imminent demise shook me to the core of my soul. Yet sadly, I find myself, slipping imperceptibly, into my pre-Ramadan routine. Why don’t we wake up? Even my ten-year old said, “Mom, don’t cry. We all have to go some day.” We sigh and acknowledge the reality of death yet continue in our heedlessness. Why is it so difficult to summon the will to change? Why can’t we empty our homes of stuff, increase our Salah and our zikr, increase our sadaqat, and live the deen of sacrifice and not the deen of convenience and excuses?
To say that you cannot change is in itself a form of grave ingratitude; a blatant disregard for the promise that Allah makes to His slaves in Surah Zumar.
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (39: 53)
It is as if the clay we were molded from has hardened and we are unable to break out of it. The shock of intense grief will crack the mold but it will immediately reseal with the accretion of age old habits. The realization dawned on me that even though I had peered into the abyss of the grave, I will soon turn my back on it and return to my not very productive routine unless I take immediate steps to somehow retain the memory.
The clay has to be softened so that it can be molded into a form that bows to the commands of Allah (swt). The only thing that will make it pliable are the words of Allah (SWT). We must be continuously drenched in the recitation and remembrance of the Quran so that we can gradually and surely change our lives into compliance with the pleasure of Allah and according to the sunnah of his beloved Prophet (peace be upon him). We have a very limited amount of time to sculpt our routines, our habits, our characters and ultimately our destiny before we are returned to the dust that we came from.
References:
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2168 Narrated byAbdullah bin Umar (r.a.)
At Tirmidhi Hadith 579 from hus Saliheen Volume 1 Chapter 65 Narrated by AbuHuraira (r.a.)
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sharmeen
May 12, 2011 at 10:46 AM
comprehensive and emotional . it has all the elements to awake your soul.
Sabeen Mansoori
May 12, 2011 at 11:05 AM
Jazakallah Khayr. May Allah protect us from falling back into heedlessness once we are awakened.
Bint A
May 12, 2011 at 11:40 AM
This is so true: “Why can’t we empty our homes of stuff, increase our Salah and our zikr, increase our sadaqat, and live the deen of sacrifice and not the deen of convenience and excuses?”
Beautiful. BarakAllahu feeki for sharing.
A Khan
May 12, 2011 at 1:52 PM
AOA: We need to understand who we really are then we will know our Lord !
Allah’s swt Mercy exceeds His Wrath !
This is the good news for the Believers and the servants of The Rabb.
May Allah swt make everyone and me a humble, obedient and good servant. Ameen!
The only title we need to seek is to be called “Abdullah” in our graves and beyond.
WAS.
Aslam
Leo
May 12, 2011 at 5:10 PM
Jazakillah khairan, good reminders.
Do you agree we must have a balance though? We can get a bit too morbid sometimes. We can still increase our salat and dhikr whilst having stuff in our homes. We should remember death often but isn’t it ok to have a bit of halal fun along the way? Your views would be appreciated.
Sabeen Mansoori
May 12, 2011 at 8:10 PM
Many of us think that death is so depressing. Who wants to dwell on it? But so is sickness or disease but we do read about it and the smart ones try to stay fit and eat right so that they can remain healthy and productive.
Reminders of death can also be looked upon as the markings on the road of life. You want to stay between the lines and follow the directions of the arrows so that you reach the right destination especially since no one knows when their drive is coming to an end. The drive does not have to be boring at all. Halal fun is highly recommended but, if that is all you do in life than its ‘halalness’ is questionable!
By stuff I meant ‘unnecessary stuff’ that takes up our time and energy and prevents us from prioritizing the deen in our life.
Nahl
May 13, 2011 at 8:45 PM
Reminder of death and realization of how short life is really stirs me. The “Fear” associated with accomplishment of ones goals in life (& thus remaining stagnant) seems small when you compare it to the magnitude of your own death – especially when you imagine yourself to be wrapped in a shroud and being lowered into your own grave… And having that guilt of not living fully and being a true servant of Allah… it’s Frightening.
I really need to keep that reminder at the top of my head.
JazakAllahu khairan for your reflection. May Allah make it easy on you and all of us.
Sabeen Mansoori
May 15, 2011 at 6:48 AM
Regret is truly a frightening emotion. No one can be saved from death but inshallah there is still time for us to save ourselves from a life that will end on regrets and guilt.
Yahya Ibrahim
May 15, 2011 at 1:02 AM
Subhan Allah. I pray this awakes my inner soul to greater sincerity. Thank you for sharing.
Yahya
http://www.facebook.com/yahya.adel.ibrahim
Sabeen Mansoori
May 15, 2011 at 7:03 AM
Jazaak Allahu khayran Ustadh!
RCHOUDH
May 18, 2011 at 7:13 PM
Beautiful Mash’Allah Jazakillah for the reminder of Death!