FearBusters: Fear of Criticism

See Introduction: FearBusters: Conquering our Fears

See Part 1: Fear of Poverty

Part 2: Fear of Criticism

Let me describe a scenario to you and you tell me if it sounds familiar to you or not.

You have a big decision to make in life and in you’re certain that in your heart you know what the right thing to do is. However, the voices and the opinions of others around you seem to ring louder than the sound of your own heart. So you make the critical mistake of listening to others opinions and the recommendation of others, rather than listen to your own heart.

Sound familiar?

I have seen this situation played out time and time again to the detriment of the individual who has either: 1) Been listening to others for so long that they don’t even know how to listen to and trust their own hearts or 2) They have chosen to ignore their hearts and follow the opinions of others instead.

Why does this happen? Oftentimes, people will point to some obvious reasons for this phenomenon occurring, however I think the underlying reason is the fear of criticism or what others will say and think. As a matter of fact, having been born to a South Asian family, one of the staples of every argument in every desi household is “Don’t do that…what will people say (or think) about you if you wear that outfit? Or if you chose to marry that girl/guy? or if you live in that neighborhood?”

I’m just pointing out the South Asian culture because that’s my background but this type of conversation happens all the time in cultures throughout the world. And I’m not here to say that everyone else’s suggestions and opinions are always wrong and ours is always right. The point is that you need to dig deep and really understand if whether or not you’re listening to them because you really feel that what they’re suggesting is a better route for you and feels right in your heart, or you’re just doing it because you’re succumbing to pressure out of fear of being criticized for making your own choices in life. This is the question that you need to look deep inside of yourself and answer.

Am I living out other peoples’ lives based on their wishes for me, or am I living out my own? Always listening to other people out of the fear of what criticism may arise by not listening to them, is in essence giving away your God-given freedom to make your own choices in life.

Not only are you giving away your God-given freedoms but you’re giving them away to a group of people who most probably will never be satisfied with you no matter what you do! That’s the reality of people who often criticize you and others. They’re bitter and unhappy people who you will not be able to please no matter what you do. So why in the world would you give away the power to direct and lead your life based on what your own heart tells you just to please a people who will never be pleased in the first place?!?!?!

Sounds ridiculous right? The sad reality is that millions upon millions do this every single day.

Here are 3 deeper sides to this issue:

1. Many of the people who criticize you and you are afraid of their criticism will be family members who you can’t just ‘get rid of’. But that’s a topic for another article altogether.
2. By always worrying and fearing what others think, you take attention away from focusing on pleasing the only One who you really have to answer to…Allah.
3. Successful people are not people who always have to rely on what others think and suggest for them. Successful people are confident and self-assured in their actions.

Principle to overcome this Fear: Learn to trust and listen to the voice of your own heart

This is a very simple, yet powerful principle. The prophet himself advised a companion to consult his own heart on a particular matter. We must learn to listen to our own hearts while consulting the Most High in decisions both big and small. Our gut feeling and instinct is very powerful and is developed through our life experiences and we must learn to listen to it and get in the habit of looking inside for answers rather than outside.

Up Next – Part 3: Fear of Poor Health