Cancer, Mum, And Me: A Story of Hardship and Ease

 “Verily with hardship comes ease.” (94:5) We’ve all heard or read this verse multiple times in our lives – I had, too. But I truly felt and experienced the meaning of the “ease” with the “difficulty” last year when I became pregnant… and three months later, found out that my Mum’s cancer had returned.

My Mum had been diagnosed with endometrial cancer a few years ago. The exhaustion from the early morning runs to the hospital, staying there the whole day, and returning home shattered, only to repeat the same routine all over again, day after day, still hadn’t truly left me. Allah had other plans for Mum and me.

Mum’s cancer had definitely come back. The pain in her back was from a 4 cm lump pressing into her bladder and kidneys. Alhamdulillah, the kidneys were working fine, but a major surgery had to be performed to remove the lump and reconstruct the bladder and urethra as soon as possible. 

This time, the train journeys felt so much longer. Walking from platform to platform with my painful pelvic girdle pain was a struggle. Nor was  the physical element of it all that got to me most, although it was certainly the most difficult. Emotionally, I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, upset, and guilty. I felt so guilty for having all these emotions! If I was so tired, how would this affect my baby? You shouldn’t be crying, I used to tell myself, it’s not good for your baby.

The weeks went by with Mum’s appointments and my own midwife appointments in unison; finally, the night before the surgery arrived. I wiped down my mother’s body using the wipes they had given to us, hiding back my tears and keeping up the brave face she needed to see. I kept praying: Ya Allah, please make her get through this again. Please allow her to meet my baby.

We both woke up before the alarm went off. I gave Mum two Fortisips to drink, we prayed Fajr and then headed to the hospital. I told Mum to lie down on her hospital bed so that she could rest, and I took pictures of her for memories, in case something bad happened. The doctors came in and explained the details of the surgery. Unlike last time, this was a longer talk. It would take 45 minutes for the anaesthetic to begin working, and the surgery could take up to 8 hours. My body froze; why would it take so long? I wondered. But I couldn’t show my concern; I had to be strong for Mum. There was also the risk that Mum wouldn’t make it; but of course this was the best hospital in Europe, they reassured us, and we had nothing to worry about.

Last time, I stayed beside Mum as she lay on the bed, holding her hand until the anaesthetic kicked in. This time I knew I wouldn’t be able to, and so did Mum. It would be too difficult for me and we had to think about the baby. I hugged her and sobbed while she walked with the nurses and left to face the third biggest surgery of her life. Once she was gone I fell apart. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have been able to handle it this time too, I thought. I could have gone inside with her, and sat next to her for those 45 minutes before she fell unconscious. All these guilt-stricken thoughts were running through my mind, accompanied by uncontrollable tears.

After a few complications during the surgery, Mum was taken to the ICU where she spent the next 3 days. Then she was transferred to the High Dependency Unit for a further 5 days, after which she was admitted onto the ward. Her recovery in hospital was rough, like last time, but in those difficult moments, Allah always sent help. I knew that He was truly looking out for us; ‘the ease with the difficulty’. 

I remember one of those particular moments of ease, or “miracles” as I had now started to call them. Mum was in the High Dependency Unit experiencing bladder contractions. When a friend asked me about Mum’s health, I explained that it was as though Mum was in labour. It all became too much for me, and when I was able to escape to the waiting room, I let out a heartfelt cry, begging for Allah’s help to come now.

We were waiting for Mum’s scan results when I got another message from that same friend who gave me the number of her uncle, a senior urologist. I explained Mum’s situation to him and couldn’t believe it when he told me that he had trained the same surgeon who had performed Mum’s reconstruction surgery! He promised to contact the surgeon immediately to follow up on the scan results. Alhamdulillah, I was updated soon after with the confirmation that there was a minor internal leak in my mum’s bladder, but nothing to worry about. I couldn’t believe it; I had received this information before the doctor in the ward SubhanAllah! “Verily with hardship comes ease.”

After another month in hospital with more difficult moments and even more miracles, Mum was discharged, and we finally made our way back home. I could not thank Allah enough for allowing my Mum to walk into her home without any aid or support. As the weeks at home became months, we got ready for the next chapter in Mum’s life: chemotherapy.

Alhamdulillah last week, Mum completed the first of her chemotherapy sessions. Allah has once again provided us with ease, by making it so that our neighbour is available seven days a week to care for my mum while I am away to have my baby.

I pray that nobody ever has to see their loved ones go through something as scary as cancer. However, if you are ever put in this position, I’d like my story to offer you some hope and comfort. I, and many others in this world are living examples of the way Allah gets you through your most difficult of times. If you are going through a similar test, I want you to firmly believe that He will provide you with openings when you need them the most. He will give you those moments of relief when you feel so helpless and lost. He will look after you, take care of you in such beautiful ways that you will be left in awe. No doubt it will be hard, so so hard, but know that His words are true, “verily with hardship comes ease.”

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I’d like to thank Allah  for the moments of ease that He provided for me and the many lessons He taught me over the past six months. I’d like to express my heartfelt gratitude to my family and friends who supported Mum and I in one of the most difficult times of our lives; your Duas, your advice, your visits, your phone calls, your home cooked food and your hospitality helped us get through this ordeal. May Allah bless you all in abundance.

 The journey is not yet over for my Mum as she continues with her radiotherapy. I’d like to request all the readers to keep my Mum in your Duas; may Allah bless our Mothers with long, healthy and peaceful lives, and bless us all with a strong faith to get through all the difficult moments in life. Ameen.

Related:

Difficulties Are Our Biggest Blessings: Notes From A Bereaved Mother With Three Calls From Jannah

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