The Comparison Trap | Night 5 with the Qur’an

This series is a collaboration between Dr. Ali and MuslimMatters, bringing Quranic wisdom to the questions Muslim families are navigating.

Why Your Teen Feels Like Everyone Else Has it Better

The Silent Epidemic

There’s a mental health crisis among Muslim teens that we’re not talking about enough:

It’s not just anxiety. It’s not just depression.

It’s the constant, crushing belief that everyone else has it better than them.

Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not spiritual enough. Not successful enough. Never. Enough.

And social media has turned this from an occasional thought into a 24/7 assault.

What Comparison Actually Looks Like in 2026

Let’s be specific about what teens are facing:

Morning (before 7 AM):

• Opens Instagram
• Friend posted scholarship acceptance
• Cousin posted vacation pictures
• Classmate posted selfie that already got 2,000 likes
• They’re still in bed
• First thought: “I’m already behind.”

School (12 PM):

• Everyone discussing college plans
• Friend got into Stanford, another into Auburn
• Another friend has 4.0 GPA
• They got a B+ on their final exam
• Thought: “I’m not smart enough.”

Masjid (6 PM):

• Sister memorized another juz
• Brother told that he will be leading taraweeh this year
• A friend’s family going to Hajj or Umrah
• They barely pray fajr on time
• Thought: “I’m the worst Muslim.”

Night (11 PM):

• Scrolls one more time
• Everyone seems happy, successful, put-together
• They feel like a mess
• Thought: “What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone else have it so much better than me? Is Allah punishing me?

This isn’t occasional comparison. This is weaponized inadequacy, all day, every day.

The Psychological Trap

Here’s what makes this so destructive:

1. You’re comparing your “behind-the-scenes” to everyone else’s “highlight reel”

You see:

• Their acceptance letter (not their breakdown at 2 AM)
• Their perfect family photo (not the fight 5 minutes before)
• Their perfect smiles (not how fake they are underneath)
• Their spiritual post (not their private crisis of faith)

You think they have it together. They’re playing the same game.

2. Even achievements don’t satisfy

Get an A? “Well, that other girl got an A+.” Got into college? Well, he got into a better one.” Lose weight? “Well, she’s still skinnier and her skin looks better.”

The goalposts constantly move. You can never win.

3. It becomes an identity

Eventually, you’re not just comparing—you’re defining yourself by the comparison.

“I’m the less-smart one.” “I’m the less-pretty one.” “I’m the less-spiritual one.” “I’m the loser.”

Your entire identity becomes: “Not as good as…”

What the Quran Says: Stop the Game Entirely

In the video above, we unpack Surat al-Hujuraat [49:11]:

“O believers, don’t ridicule other people; maybe they’re better than you. And women shouldn’t ridicule other women; maybe they’re better than them.”

On the surface: Don’t mock people.

Deeper meaning: You don’t actually know who’s “better.”

Allah is saying: You’re using the wrong measuring stick entirely.

You think you know who’s “ahead”? You don’t.

• The person who seems to have everything might be so far from Allah
• The person that you think is struggling might be Allah’s beloved
• The person you envy might actually envy you

You literally can’t know and you don’t know.

The Three Quranic Corrections

Correction 1: You’re Measuring the Wrong Things [49:13]

“Truly, the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is the one with the most taqwa.”

Not:

• The richest
• The smartest
• The most popular
• The most beautiful

The one with taqwa—who obeys Allah seeking to avoid His punishment.

Everything else? Irrelevant on the Day of Judgment.

Correction 2: There’s Only One Race That Matters (Hadith)

The video shares this powerful hadith:

A rich, noble man passed by. The Prophet ﷺ asked a Companion: “What do you think of him?”

Response: “If he proposes, he’ll be accepted. If he intercedes, people will listen.”

Then a poor man passed by. Same question.

Response: “If he proposes, he’ll be rejected … If he even speaks, no one will listen.”

The Prophet ﷺ said: “This poor man, alone, is better than a world full of the likes of the first man.” (Bukhari)

Translation: External success means nothing. Internal worth is everything.

Correction 3: Allah Designed You for a Specific Path [4:32]

“And do not desire what Allah has given some of you over others… Rather, ask Allah for His bounties.”

Don’t compare. Don’t wish for what others have. Ask from Allah.

Your path is yours. Their path is theirs.

When you spend your time wishing you were them, you’re wasting who Allah created you to be.

For Parents: Warning Signs Your Teen Is Trapped

1. Constant self-deprecation

• “I’m so stupid” (after getting an A-)
• “I’m so ugly” (after seeing friends’ photos)
• “I’m the worst Muslim” (after making a mistake in recitation)

2. Excessive social media use

• Hours scrolling, comparing
• Mood drops after looking at social media
• Obsessing over likes/followers

3. Perfectionism that’s never satisfied

• Straight A’s aren’t enough
• Every achievement is minimized
• Nothing they do feels “good enough”

4. Withdrawal from things they used to enjoy

• “What’s the point? Someone’s always better anyway.”

5. Physical symptoms

• Anxiety, insomnia, appetite changes
• All linked to comparison stress

For Parents: How to Help

1. Model gratitude over comparison

Don’t say:

• “Why can’t you be more like _________?”
• “Look at how well they’re doing!”

Do say:

• “I’m grateful for how special you are”
• “Your path is different, and that’s not just okay, but I have a feeling it will lead to greatness.”

2. Limit your own comparison

If you constantly compare:

• Your family to other families
• Your income to others’ income
• Your kids to others’ kids

They learn: Comparison is how we measure worth.

3. Celebrate effort, not just results

Not: “Great job getting an A!” But: “I’m proud of how hard you worked, regardless of the grade.”

4. Create “comparison-free zones”

• Family dinners = no talk of others’ achievements
• Ramadan = focus on personal growth, not competing with the masjid community

5. Teach them to “unfollow”

Literally and metaphorically.

If following someone makes you feel worse about yourself—unfollow.

If a friendship is based on comparison—create distance.

Protect your peace over maintaining image.

For Teens: The Practical Path Out

1. Delete the measuring stick

Stop asking: “Am I as good as her?” Start asking: “Am I better than I was yesterday?”

Your only competition is the person you were yesterday.

2. Practice the “gratitude reset”

Before opening Instagram, list 5 things you’re grateful for.

This literally rewires your brain—GRATITUDE AND COMPARISON CAN’T COEXIST.

3. Remember: You don’t want their whole life

You want the highlight reel. Not:

• Their anxiety
• Their family dysfunction
• Their private struggles

If you could see the whole picture, you wouldn’t trade. In fact, there’s a whole genre in film and literature dedicated to this very idea!

4. Curate your feed intentionally

Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate.

Follow accounts that:

• Inspire without intimidating
• Educate without comparing
• Remind you of your purpose

5. Ask yourself: “Will this matter in 10 years?”

She got more likes than you. In 10 years, will that matter?

She got into a “better” college. In 10 years, will that determine your worth?

Most of what we compare doesn’t matter in the long run.

Discussion Questions for Families

For Teens:

1. Who are you comparing yourself to most? What do you think they have that you don’t?
2. If you got everything they have tomorrow, would you finally be happy? Or would you find someone else to compare to?
3. What’s one thing you’re genuinely grateful for that you’ve been taking for granted?

For Parents:

1. How do you model gratitude vs. comparison in your own life?
2. When you praise your children, do you focus on their unique strengths or compare them to others?
3. What “comparison-free zones” can we create as a family?

For Discussion Together:

1. What would our family look like if we stopped comparing ourselves to other families?
2. How can we celebrate each other’s unique paths instead of wishing we had someone else’s?
3. What does “success” mean to us, outside of what society says?

The Cure Isn’t Confidence—It’s Gratitude

Here’s what most self-help gets wrong:

They tell you to be more confident. To believe you’re as good as everyone else.

But the Quran offers something better: Stop measuring entirely.

You’re not “as good as” anyone. You’re not “better than” anyone.

You’re exactly who Allah created you to be. And that’s perfectly enough.

When you start measuring yourself by Allah’s mercy instead of others’ achievements, everything shifts.

Comparison trap? Closed.

Continue the Journey

This is Night 5 of Dr. Ali’s 30-part Ramadan series, “30 Nights with the Quran: Stories for the Seeking Soul.”

Tomorrow, insha Allah: Night 6 explores “Your Name, Your Story”—why names matter in the Quran and what your name reveals about your purpose.

For daily extended reflections with journaling prompts, personal stories, and deeper resources, join Dr. Ali’s email community: https://30nightswithquran.beehiiv.com/

Related:

When You’re the Only Muslim in the Room | Night 4 with the Qur’an

When Honoring Parents Feels Like Erasing Yourself | Night 3 with the Qur’an