Breakfast With The Khans [Act One] – A Play

As the Khan family sits down to breakfast on a Sunday morning, their youngest son arrives with an ill-mannered friend in tow. Meanwhile, the elder son’s room smells strange, and a discovery is made.

This is Act one of a two-act play.

* * *

Cast of Characters:

Abba (Dad): Mahmood, 50, architect, owns his own firm.
Ammi (Mom): Uzma, 40, fashion YouTuber.
Son #1, Ali: 17, moody & withdrawn.
Son #2, Jaber: 15, cheerful, plays baseball.
Son #2’s friend, Joey: 15, also on the baseball team.
Daughter, Hajar: 10, genius.
Abdullah: 38, from Rwanda. Mahmood’s nephew. Speaks very formally, with an accent.
Imam Salahuddin: Imam of local mosque. African-American.

Scene 1 – Atmospheric River

Setting: Kitchen of a suburban house. Late morning on a Sunday.

Hajar and Abdullah sit at the breakfast table while Abba makes pancake batter. Ammi stands beside him, watching. Abdullah reads the newspaper. Hajar types on two laptop computers at the same time (not in a comical way but at a measured pace, like someone who’s genuinely working on two projects at once).

AMMI to ABBA: Add more sugar.

ABBA: Babe, you asked me to make breakfast, I’m making breakfast. Do you want to do it?

AMMI: No, I’m only helping.

Abba takes his smartphone out of his pocket, glances at it, sets it on the counter and goes back to making the pancake batter.

ABDULLAH (reading the newspaper. Speaks with an African accent): There is another atmospheric river coming.

AMMI: Alhamdulillah! Rain is a barakah. The Prophet, sal-Allahu alayhi wa-sallam, used to always let some of the rain fall on him, even a few drops. And he said, “Two will not be rejected. The dua’ after the Adhan and the dua’ under the rain.”

ABBA: SubhanAllah. I didn’t know that.

ABDULLAH: We might get flooded. Back home in Rwanda some people raise their homes on stilts to prevent flooding, especially in the northwest. I saw them once, when I was quite young. The high houses one against the next, looking over the river like watchers, as if to warn against the rising water. Also, they put the electrical sockets high on the wall to prevent electrical damage in a flood. Do you do that in the buildings you design, Uncle?

ABBA (stirring the batter): No, but that’s fascinating. That’s a great idea about the sockets, actually.

HAJAR: We don’t get floods here, Abdullah Bhai. Why are you reading dead trees anyway?

ABDULLAH (laughs): Dead trees. There are interesting things in the newspaper.

HAJAR: Like what?

ABDULLAH: Well, one time a man saw an ad in a newspaper that said, “Talking cat, $10.” He thinks, “That is incredible! I have to see this.” He goes to the address, and there is an old yellow cat sitting in the sun. The man says, “Are you the talking cat?” To his amazement, the cat says, “Yes that is me.” … “Wow! So what is your story?”… “I was in a CIA program. They taught me to talk and sent me to Russia to be a spy. Then I retired and wrote a book. Now I lie in the sun and play chess games in my head.” … “That is incredible. I am going to buy you and make you famous.”… “Okay.” The man talks to the owner and asks, “Why are you selling this amazing cat for ten dollars?” … “Because,” the owner replies, “He is such a liar. He never did any of those things.”

Abba begins cooking the pancakes. He keeps checking his phone for messages.

HAJAR: (stops typing momentarily, looks at Abdullah) – That’s funny.

ABDULLAH: That is funny, she says. Uncle Mahmood, your daughter does not laugh. What kind of child does not laugh?

AMMI: She’s not ours. We found her in a basket in the forest with a note that said, “I will save the world.”

HAJAR: That’s funny, Ammi.

AMMI to ABBA: Turn down the heat, you’re going to burn them. Why do you keep looking at your phone?

ABBA: You know…the big job.

AMMI: I thought they said they’d get back to you by the middle of next week.

ABBA: Yeah, but I can’t help it. This job would change everything for us.

AMMI: Turn the pancakes over.

ABBA: Babe! Let – me – do – it.

AMMI: Acha, acha.

Scene 2 – All The Way To Bugatti

Jaber calls out from stage right:

JABER: I have company!

AMMI: It’s fine, come in.

From stage right, Joey rushes in with his non-Muslim friend Joey, talking and laughing. Both are wearing baseball uniforms. They drop their baseball gloves on the kitchen table.

JABER: As-salamu alaykum my *most unusual* (in a bad English accent) family. Oh, yes! We’re having pancakes!

Jaber and Joey do a complicated handshake with a mimed explosion at the end.

AMMI: Shoes at the door! You know better!

JABER: Acha, sorry.

JOEY: I’m not taking mine off.

ABBA: (still cooking pancakes and piling them on a platter) – Sorry son, in this house you have to.

JOEY: *Most unusual*.

Jaber and Joey take off their shoes.

AMMI: Who’s your friend?

JABER: This is Joey, he’s our third baseman. You should see him hit! (Mimes hitting a baseball). Pow! Going, going, gone! All the way to Bugatti!

HAJAR: Bugatti is a French race car.

JOEY: (laughs mockingly) French! Whoever heard of a French race car? You’re a dummy.

JABER: Don’t call my sister names. If Hajar says it’s French, she’s right. She’s ten times smarter than you are.

JOEY: Whatever.

ABBA: Hello Joey.

JOEY: What’s up, bro?

Ammi and Abba exchange a look.

ABBA: Mr. Khan. Not bro.

JOEY: Whatever.

ABBA: No, not whatever.

JOEY: Okay… Mr. Khan.

JABER: Why does Hajar get two laptops anyway? Can I get a Nintendo Switch?

ABBA: We can’t afford that right now. Anyway, you have a smartphone, she doesn’t.

AMMI: Both of you wash your hands with soap, and Jaber, go tell your brother to come down for breakfast.

JABER: Do I have to? His room always smells like dirty socks. *Most unusual.*

Abba points with one finger in a way that says, “Go do it.” The boys leave the kitchen, taking their baseball gloves, and exiting stage left.

Scene 3 – Islam Is A Process

ABBA: I’m not sure about this Joey kid.

AMMI (setting the table with glasses, napkins and silverware, butter, and syrup): You have to give people a chance. Our whole faith is predicated on the idea that people can change. Even just being human is a process of transformation. Do you remember what your apartment was like when I first met you?

ABBA: Yeah, the landlord almost kicked me out because it was so dirty.

AMMI: Yet you changed. Allah moves in ways we don’t understand. Who knows why He brought this boy to our doorstep?

ABDULLAH: You are very wise, Auntie.

AMMI (Setting juice and milk cartons on the table): I’ve told you a hundred times, don’t call me Auntie, I’m the same age as you. Just call me Uzma.

Abba picks up his phone again, checks it. Ammi goes to him, takes his arm.

AMMI: Meri Jaan, my love, what is it? They’ll call when they call.

ABBA: I know. It’s just…I might have to lay off a few people at the office. Janet. Maybe even Waseem.

AMMI: It’s that bad?

ABBA: The rent’s gone up. Insurance. We had to upgrade the software, and that’s not cheap.

HAJAR (pauses in her typing): Are we going to be poor?

AMMI (kisses her daughter’s head): We could never be poor. We have Allah , we have our deen, and we have each other.

Jaber and Joey return from stage left. Joey sits down and begins to eat ravenously.

JABER: No, wait, dude. We all eat together.

JOEY: But I’m hungry.

JABER: Just wait.

Joey snorts in disgust but stops eating.

ABBA: Where’s your brother?

JABER: He says he’s not hungry. And his room smells *most unusual*.

HAJAR: Why do you keep saying that? And can’t you talk about anything except how Ali’s room smells?

JABER: No, it’s not dirty socks. It smells weird. You know? (Jaber mimes smoking a cigarette).

ABBA: Are you serious?

JABER: Allahu a’lam. You didn’t hear it from me.

ABBA: I’m going to kill him. (Walks away rapidly, exiting stage left).

AMMI (calling after him): Don’t do anything rash! He’s still your son.

Scene 4 – Emerging Technologies

JOEY (to Hajar): Hey girl. How can you type on two computers? Are you faking it?

HAJAR (pauses in her typing): On one I’m writing code for a natural-language search engine for the Quran.

JOEY: The what?

JABER: Our holy book. The words of God. It’s a very cool book. Hajar knows the whole thing by heart, ma-sha-Allah.

JOEY: Whoa! That’s nuts.

HAJAR: The app uses AI chat technology. The idea is that you can ask a question, like, “Why was Prophet Yusuf sent to prison?” And the app will find the answer.

ABDULLAH: That is truly genius. This is what Muslims need. To use emerging technologies in service of the deen. We should all be looking for ways to use our unique talents in that way. I am proud of you.

HAJAR (grinning): Thank you!

JOEY: What about the other computer?

HAJAR: I’m playing Ms. Pac Man.

AMMI: Abdullah, you’re right. We should all do something to make a difference. I mean, I make Youtube videos teaching women how to apply makeup. But what good am I really doing in the world? I make money from it but I sometimes feel like it’s pointless.

JABER: You’re a good mom.

JOEY: And your makeup looks good.

AMMI: Thanks.

HAJAR: Imam Salahuddin says that we Muslims either fear and condemn new technologies, or we right away want to use them to enrich ourselves.

AMMI: Ouch. That hits close to home.

An uncomfortable silence follows.

Scene 5 – We Don’t Lie

Shouting is heard offstage (from stage left) between Abba and the eldest son, Ali. Abba returns to the kitchen from stage left, dragging Ali by the arm. He pushes Ali down into a chair at the table, and tosses a vaping pipe onto the table.

ABBA: It’s true! Your son is smoking. He’s been lying to us for months. I should have known. He has no appetite, his room always smells strange, he stays out late… (To Ali): We don’t lie in this house, young man. We don’t deceive each other. Wa tawasaw bil-haq, remember? Surat Al-Asr. We recite it every day. Strive together for truth.

ALI: It’s only vaping. E-cigarettes. It’s nothing.

HAJAR: Vapes contain high levels of nicotine, which means they are as addictive as cigarettes. They also contain some of the same chemicals found in cigarette smoke, and metal particles too. Lung damage is common among vapers.

ALI (leaps to his feet, shouting): Who asked you? You don’t always have to know everything, Hajar! I didn’t ask you!!!

ABBA (loudly): Sit down and stop yelling at your sister!

Hajar bursts into tears and runs from the room, exiting stage left. Ammi goes to Ali, pats him on the back, speaks gently:

AMMI: Beta, your sister cares about you.

ALI: She’s a robot.

AMMI: She is how Allah made her. She loves you.

ALI (miserably):  I know.

AMMI: Go apologize to her and bring her back.

Ali leaves the room, exiting stage left. Abba stands with arms crossed.

Scene 6 – I Live Alone

ABBA (speaking to his wife angrily): So we’re not going to talk to him about the smoking?

AMMI: Of course we are. I’m furious. But all in due time. The food’s on the table.

ABBA: Joey, does your family know you’re here?

JOEY: I don’t have family.

ABBA: What do you mean?

JOEY: My mom died when I was a baby. My dad works offshore for British Petroleum. He pays the bills but mostly I live alone.

ABBA: You can’t live alone. You’re, what, fifteen? It’s illegal.

JOEY: I’m emancipated.

ABDULLAH: What is that?

Ali and Hajar return from stage left, standing side by side. She sniffles and wipes away tears.

HAJAR: Emancipation is a legal process by which a probate court judge declares a minor to be legally independent.

ABDULLAH: How strange. In my country you would live with a relative. You would not need to be “emancipated.” Even adults live with their parents. Sometimes four generations live under one roof. Not because of poverty, but because that is what a family is.

JOEY: (shrugs) – So? I don’t give a –

ABBA: Hey! Watch it. We don’t allow bad language in this house.

AMMI: Everyone sit.

Scene 7 – Mealtime Dua’

AMMI: Ali, say the mealtime dua’.

ALI: Let Jaber do it.

AMMI: I asked you.

Ali raises his hands in dua’, as does everyone else.

ALI: بِسْمِ اللهِ… اللَّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لَنَا فِيمَا رَزَقْتَنَا وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ
Bismillah. O Allah! Bless us in what You have provided us with and protect us from the punishment of the Fire. O Allah, bless our family and our visitors, and have mercy on the suffering Muslims of the world.

EVERYONE EXCEPT JOEY: Ameen.

Everyone begins to eat. Joey pauses, looks around.

JOEY: Hey. Can I tell you guys something?

AMMI: Sure, Joey.

JOEY: Most people kick me out by now.

HAJAR: What do you mean?

JOEY: I visited a couple of my friends’ families. They made me leave.

AMMI: We won’t kick you out.

JOEY (sadly): I think you will, eventually.

HAJAR: We won’t kick him out, will we Abba?

Everyone looks to Abba.

ABBA (chuckles and shakes his head): No. We won’t kick him out.

Jaber and Joey grin and do their complicated handshake.

* * *

Next: Breakfast With The Khans, Act Two

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Wael Abdelgawad’s novels – including Pieces of a Dream, The Repeaters and Zaid Karim Private Investigator – are available in ebook and print form on his author page at Amazon.com.