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*New feature* | Readers’ Opinions: What Do You Love About Your Spouse?
Readers’ Opinions is a new kind of post on Muslim Matters where an author puts up a topic that’s important to them, or a question that’s on their mind… you get to have your say, whatever comes to mind. The idea is to talk… and to keep talking… it’s totally off-the-record and casual. Come on in and share what you think about today’s question… time to get crackin’!
The Question: What do you love about your spouse?
Nothing’s better to jump-start a discussion than posting up a question about marriage. That’s the reason I put this up… no, really, that’s not why this is up. :) I recently read somewhere (can’t remember where exactly) about ways to cultivate love and warmth in a relationship and one simple way described was to pause and ponder upon what you really love about your spouse. Tough one, eh? But that’s the purpose… rediscover their awesomeness that you’ve forgotten to notice lately… or begun to take for granted. Maybe he takes out the trash without you telling him? Or you love it that she made an effort to learn to make your favorite dish? Anything from the profound to the seemingly mundane… anything that brings a smile to your face and makes you thankful to be married to your spouse!
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If you’re not married yet (and I’m part of this cool club too – lol!), you can still join in the discussion! Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you haven’t given a thought to the good things you’d look for in a potential spouse… right? Exactly, I thought so too. :) If you’re single but engaged and in the in-between period, you must have thought (a great deal, ahem) about what makes your future spouse so great? Care to tell all (of course, you know you want to!)?
The benefits of having a discussion like this cannot be belittled! In an age where divorce rates are going up, tempers are short and life increasingly more challenging, the importance of having a strong, committed, solid (and Halal) relationship cannot be overstressed. In fact, this kind of discussion, I feel, is a vital part of preparing yourself for marriage i.e. pre-marital counselling. And, like a dear friend told me recently, seeking knowledge is always going to be beneficial… for something as special as marriage, it’s a definite need.
Breaking it down for you…
For married couples:
What makes him/her so special in your eyes? Tell us three things about them that continue to inspire you every single day! (Tough, ‘eh? Just kidding!)
For those who’re single:
So you aren’t married yet but what three qualities would you definitely look for when considering a person for marriage?
For those who’re engaged:
Three qualities that make you look forward to married life with your spouse-to-be… what are they?
Note: You may post anonymously if you wish… just be a little creative and come up with a nickname so we can tell you guys apart. ;)
A quick reminder…
When you come across a nice comment made by someone, remember to say:
‘Masha’Allah!’
Yep, we want to kill Shaitan’s attempt to sow seeds of envy or jealousy in the heart. Be good to your fellow Muslim… and may Allah bless you with all that is good for you and what pleases you heart. Ameen.
By the way, this is not what we’re looking for…
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Grapefruit
March 26, 2011 at 12:47 AM
great idea mashaAllah! I’m a single sister so here are my three qualities – outside of deen:
1- Generosity
2- Kind-hearted
3- Truthful/trustworthy
Amad
March 26, 2011 at 3:37 AM
This is a really tough one, esp when there are so many things competing for the top spo
Ps: extra brownie points in the bank
Ameera Khan
March 26, 2011 at 3:40 AM
You can’t get away with that, Br Amad… at least three points! :) You can pick them out of a box if you like. :)
Amreen RehmAn
April 3, 2011 at 8:46 AM
This is an amazing idea!!! It made me realize that sumtimes v forget to realize the value of the person who is the most special to you!! We just take him or her for granted. Allhumdulliah this small activity not only made me realize my spouse’s wonderful qualities but also put me in a difficult situation to just pick up top 3 ones. Well after givin sum thought i hav come up with the following 3 qualities : 1. His small suprises which always bring a smile on my face. He loves to surprise me by doin sumthin different and new! g
2. Help in the household chores. No matter how tired he is, he always wants to help me and never complains a word. 3. His understanding nature. I feel very comfortable sharing my feelings wid
y spouse. He always respects them and goes out of his way to fulfil all my desires and wishes. Allhomdulliah there are many other qualities which ican never list down. I really want to thank Allah SWT for grantin me such an amazing spouse and secondly want to thank my hubby for makin each and everyday of mi life so beautiful :)
Umm Reem
March 26, 2011 at 1:24 PM
soooo…let me get this right….
the reason you said this is because you wanted extra brownie points and not because it is true??!!!
Blessed
March 26, 2011 at 1:27 PM
Hehe :)
Ameera Khan
March 27, 2011 at 1:39 AM
Good point! :D
Siraaj
March 27, 2011 at 1:37 AM
Bro, you should seriously lose points for this response, and judging from the response I saw above from the zawaj, looks like you did =D
Siraaj
Amad
March 27, 2011 at 4:45 AM
Siraaj, bud, no one can compete with u on brownie points. You have that business down and locked!
Ok here r 3 that come to mind without thinking:
-how she deals with her inlaws, my family… Many times better than me
-how she’s consistently looking for ways to please me
-how she invested in the kids
-ok 4th one- how she can multitask better than Microsoft… Or apple (covering both bases)
Mashallah.
Siraaj
March 27, 2011 at 5:39 AM
Multitask better than microsoft? Sounds like a pick up line at a star trek convention bro :D
Siraaj
Amad
March 27, 2011 at 6:20 AM
thats why i added a 4th for good measure
id rather be learning sewing than to be at a star trek convention!
Hena Zuberi
March 26, 2011 at 4:16 AM
MMers get to comment too :)
Off the top of my head-
I love that he doesn’t stop me from volunteering my time at the masjid or at any of my other dawah/charity work
-that he takes care of the bills on time so I don’t have to worry about debt or late payments, creditors Alhamdulillah
– that he says what he means and means what he says- I don’t have to guess or wonder does he mean that or is he just being diplomatic. Alhamdulillah
A.
March 26, 2011 at 4:35 AM
AssalamuAlaykum,
Single sister :)
1. God fearing/ Practising (Underlined and in Bold).
2. Responsible.
3. Gentle and Kind with words and actions.
A.
March 26, 2011 at 4:49 AM
Wait I should have written:
Single sister :( Alhamdulillah
:P
Bella
March 26, 2011 at 5:21 AM
Married :)
1. Helps with the chores
2. Is not stubborn – admits if he’s wrong and will listen to what I have to say openly and honestly
3. Hard working.
Alhamdullilah :)
Waleed
March 26, 2011 at 5:41 AM
Assalamalaikum wa rahmatullahe wa barakatuhu-
Married, successfully, Alhamdulilah for 6+ years.
In no particular order:
1) Islam as the standard of life (read Getting To Yes for context of “standard” in negotiations)
2) The sense of humour compatibility – life is tough, life is amazing – Alhamdulilah. Helps hugely when someone clicks. This is a subset of Perspective On Life, The Universe & Everything.
3) This one is kinda private so best left to me :) But for public purposes, lets throw down her willingness and ability to create Balance Scorecard strategy maps and actions plans (personal +professional) with me.
May Allah (SWT) bless us all with amazing partners, sabr and forgiveness.
Ameen.
alawiyah ahmad
March 26, 2011 at 5:45 AM
Bismillah…
Single sister but on the way to get married…Insya ALLAH!
Those three qualities:
1) 5x prayers at the Masjid (I want to join!).
2) Does not think twice to do charity deeds. ( I want to share the rewards together with him)
3) Strict yet cool to make jokes! (Laughing is the best medicine…, Is it not? Prophet Muhammad s.a.w did that as well, why not?)
May ALLAH make our journey in this life to become closer to HIM easier, Insya ALLAH.
Let us make du’a for all single members out there!
Our turn shall come soon….Insya ALLAH,ameen…ameen…ameen…
Wallahhua’lam
–Kuala Lumpur,MALAYSIA–
A.
March 26, 2011 at 2:34 PM
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh :)
correction: Prophet S.A.W smiled often not laugh..
Abd Allah ibn al Harith ibn Jaz says: I never saw the Prophet laughing, his laughter was not more than a smile. (Kitaab al-Manaaqib)
According to Bukhari:
Jarir (ra) says: Whenever the Prophet saw me, he smiled at me.
Allah knows Best..
Janisly
March 26, 2011 at 7:07 PM
AllahuAllam too much laughter isn’t good
(there’s a limit to everything):
It is narrated with a sound chain of transmission that our Beloved Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said, รขโฌลDo not laugh too much, for verily excessive laughter kills the heart.รขโฌย [Bukhari, Adab al-Mufrad; Sunan Tirmidhi; Sunan Ibn Maja; Musnad Ahmad]
Imam Munawi states that the reason why excessive laughter kills the heart is because the root of excessive laughter is love of this world, which is the cause of every sin; and once the heart is dead, it does not respond to Allah when He calls him [to obedience]. [Fayd al-Qadir Sharh Jamiรขโฌโข al-Saghir]
But in moderation it is good.
The Prophet did have a sense of humor with his wives:
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was once with his two wives, รขโฌหAisha and Sawda, seated between the two. รขโฌหAisha had brought a dish of food that she had cooked, and said to Sawda, รขโฌลEat some.รขโฌย Sawda refused, to which รขโฌหAisha responded, รขโฌลI swear, you will either eat it or Iรขโฌโขll rub your face with it!รขโฌย She still refused, and so รขโฌหAisha put her hand in the food and wiped Sawdaรขโฌโขs face with it. The Prophet touched Sawda with his blessed leg and said, รขโฌลRub her face in return.รขโฌย So Sawda did the same to รขโฌหAisha, and the Prophet started laughing. [Ibn รขโฌหAsakir, Abu Yaรขโฌโขla]
He also made jokes:
An old woman once came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and asked him to pray to Allah to let her enter Paradise, to which he responded, รขโฌลOh Mother of so-and-so, verily old women do not enter Paradise.รขโฌย So she left crying, and then he said to his Companions, รขโฌลTell her that she wonรขโฌโขt enter it as an old woman, for verily Allah states, รขโฌหThen We will make them [the female inhabitants of Paradise] virgins; loving; equal in age [i.e., young!]รขโฌโข (56:36-7)รขโฌย [Shamaรขโฌโขil Tirmidhi]
Again, Allah knows best. But we should follow his example :D
Ameera Khan
March 27, 2011 at 9:40 AM
Great explanation… Jazaakillah khayr! :)
Amatullah
March 27, 2011 at 10:37 AM
ahem ahem… :) http://muslimmatters.org/2009/08/12/the-humor-of-the-messenger-of-allah/
alawiyah ahmad
March 27, 2011 at 12:58 AM
Dear A.,
Masya ALLAH,
Really appreciate!
Would want to practice that, Insya ALLAH.
Jazakumullahhukhair!
A.
March 31, 2011 at 3:25 AM
I’M ‘A.’ :(
A.
March 31, 2011 at 6:17 AM
lol! sorry!! clash of names :p arite ill change it for my next comments :D
Yousuf Tafhim
March 26, 2011 at 6:11 AM
A killer question.
The best thing about my spouse is that she is invisible!
The worst thing about my spouse is that she is invisible!
Yes. I’m trying to solve that paradox :D
3 things that I look for in a single sister!
– Deen (right concept of Islam and struggling to get there)
– Takes life as a reality, not as dreams
– Sincere
Is MM trying to come up with a matrimonial website???!!
Ameera Khan
March 26, 2011 at 10:04 AM
Br Yousuf, this is a random post, not a matrimonial… lol… MM still has a long way to go before we, er… branch out into matrimonials… and this is just me saying, don’t quote it as MM’s statement anywhere! :D
Nabeel
April 6, 2011 at 9:31 AM
I think quicker MM branch into matrimonials better it is…
i’ve heard from my cousins in Pakistan that it’s hard for many young people to meet someone to their liking… without matrimonails a lot of them are limited to proposals among family.
Ameera Khan
March 26, 2011 at 7:06 AM
Okay, so since you guys set the ball rolling, I’ll come out of hiding now and comment! :)
I’m single and engaged (Alhumdulillah) so here are some points I really admire about him, Masha’Allah:
1. Having good manners and knowing how to carry a conversation
2. He really respects and honors his parents like a son should… what makes it really good is, he speaks as respectfully of mine too. :) Masha’Allah!
3. Prays at the masjid when he can, even with a tough work schedule.
4. Sense of humor!
5. Easy-going and flexible!
… say Masha’Allah! ;)
Prospective grooms, please note what women like/respect in their partners… you should be writing this down… really. :)
Maryam
April 13, 2011 at 6:31 PM
aww mashaAllah AJ o AJ mabrook on ur engagement. May Allah ta’ala bless you with all good in both this world and the Hereafter. May your future spouse treat you like a princess <3 ameen.
alright three things i'd look for in a future spouse:
1. That he lives on sandwiches and processed food so that i dont have to cook biryani\ nihari and all that.
2. Is not a Manchester United fan.
3. Builds me bookshelves ;)
Sakina
March 26, 2011 at 7:52 AM
3 ideals
1. He is a true leader
2. He forgives often and overlooks my mistakes
3. He is patient
Khadeejah I.
March 26, 2011 at 8:20 AM
Assalamu alaykum,
Single
Qualities:
1) Practising Muslim man who is closer to the level of faith that I am in so that we can further improve — together insha’Allah. (this point actually sums up a lot of other qualities that I seek in my partner, for example, humility, patience, respect, etc.)
2) He needs to share everything with me. For instance, it would be great if at the end of the day, he could tell me briefly how it went at work, instead of frowning and saying “you won’t understand.” Eating together whenever possible, sharing his future ideas, etc.
3) He should be chivalrous and do very small things which will make me go “awww, masha’Allah, that is so sweet!”
Syma Kashif
March 26, 2011 at 11:30 AM
Alhamdullilah I am married for 8+ successfull years. I am thankful to Allah for being married to him.It is difficult for me to pick any 3 things i like about him. There are so many!
1.Masha’Allah he is a practising muslim and he loves me.
2.He supports me in doing good and respects my feelings.
3.He understands me Alhamdulillah!
I pray to Allah that we remain partners in Jannat-ul-firdaus too! Ameen
Ameera Khan
March 26, 2011 at 2:19 PM
Masha’Allah! When you say he understands you, isn’t that a really major thing? :) Masha’Allah!
Syma Kashif
March 26, 2011 at 4:08 PM
Alhamdullilah it is a blessing i cannot describe.
Aly B - DiscoMaulvi
March 28, 2011 at 2:06 AM
@Ameera/Syma
Masha’Allah I think # 3 is something which if achieved leads to elimination of a lot of things….. a quality unfortunately Umm-e-Ibrahym can not say about me! May Allah help me get to Kashif’s level of an outstanding husband.
-Aly
____________________________________________________________
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Kashif Dilkusha
March 29, 2011 at 5:08 AM
Assalamoalaikum @Ali, for this you need to attend my lecture “Romance in Islam” to get these comments..
DiscoMaulvi
March 29, 2011 at 6:58 AM
Walaikum-Assalam Kashif:
Insha’Allah will attend the next time you give it.
-Aly
Blessed
March 26, 2011 at 12:12 PM
Awesome idea, mashaAllah. So positive! =)
Married, 2.5 years, Alhumdulillah.
1) He’s so so gentle and patient with me
2) Always takes care of me if I’m ill. Never burdens me to do housework.
3) Follows the Sunnah as far as he can, and encourages me to do the same, but is not exceedingly strict.
Very grateful to Allah (SWT) for such a loving and caring husband =)
Ameera Khan
March 26, 2011 at 2:22 PM
Masha’Allah! May Allah bless you in it! Ameen.
husband of blessed
March 30, 2011 at 11:44 PM
1) Supports me in whatever I do.
2) Helps me stay pious.
3) Dresses to Impress (me ;) > I have a beard)
Sabour Al-Kandari
March 26, 2011 at 12:36 PM
Single, and this is my magic quality:
1. Is extremely excited about the idea of a simple BBQ walima after hearing my explanation.
Am I out of my mind? Almost definitely, but there’s just so much hard-to-reach info you get out of that.
Ameera Khan
March 26, 2011 at 2:23 PM
Hahah… good one. :)
Javeria
March 28, 2011 at 1:04 AM
What’s the explanation?
Sami
March 29, 2011 at 5:01 PM
I tried that bro – it got shot down VERY fast…not by the spouse but the parents and in-laws!
My advice is not to add beach volleyball to the description you may get further than I did..
Umm Ibraheem
March 26, 2011 at 1:33 PM
Married 15 years.
We will soon be apart for 9 weeks, the longest separation during our marriage, so this post is very appropriate for me.
1. Forgiving
2. Patient
3. Charismatic
Sara
March 26, 2011 at 3:57 PM
Assalaam Alaikum,
What a wonderful idea, and congratulations on your engagement Ameera! =)
I’m a single sister, but hoping to be married sometime in the near future, Insha’Allah.
The following are 3 ideals/qualities I would look for in my future husband:
1) A practicing Muslim who has thirst for following deen as per the example set by the Prophet (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Someone who will always strive to do better for this life and the akhirah.
2) Patience goes a long way. I believe it’s crucial to remain patient and compassionate with one’s spouse in marriage no matter how difficult a circumstance may be or become.
3) Sense of humor. A guy needs to know how to make a girl smile/laugh!
Ameera Khan
March 27, 2011 at 2:00 PM
Jazaakillah khayr, Sara! :) And thank you so much for sharing your thoughts… Masha’Allah!
Me
March 26, 2011 at 3:57 PM
He is
Very careful with prayer
Helps with chores at times
Pays bills
Ameera Khan
March 26, 2011 at 4:17 PM
Thank you for the great response, everyone! Jazaakumullahu khayr! :)
You know, the whole idea of having posts like these isn’t just to extract comments out of you (although they’re wonderful to read, Masha’Allah! :)) but the point is to get you and I reflecting on the question. I think we, as humans, have incredibly short memories that need constant refreshing and reminders. It’s times like these when we stop and think, ‘Hey, what do I or what would I love in my spouse?’
I see a lot of you mention good humor (I said that too) and patience as qualities in a spouse. Hmmm… really, so no one likes the stern, strict types? Just kidding, lol!
As for patience… I’d certainly back that up! But then, let’s be more specific… patience in dealing with what? Ourselves, as the opposite partners? :D Or with problems in general? I’d like to hear more about this, especially from the married couples who’ve got experience in the bag!
Nauman Abbasi
March 26, 2011 at 5:57 PM
Three things that I love about my spouse:
1) She always makes me wonderful food – be it breakfast, lunch, dinner or even a snack. :)
2) She’s affectionate and loving towards everyone and even moreso with me! :)
3) She takes an interest in my hobbies even when I don’t seem to take as much of an interest in hers.
Umm Saffiyyah
March 26, 2011 at 6:15 PM
Married – almost 16 months alhamdulillah :D
1. He is genuinely the most sincere, selfless and caring person I know.
2. He has unbelievable patience with me and our whole family.
3. He forgives and overlooks my mistakes.
Janisly
March 26, 2011 at 6:50 PM
Three Qualities in my Ideal Husband:
1. Pious – Makes me want to be more pious than him. So we can compete to finish the Quran, we can compete in Tajweed & Memorization, so we can keep competing till we both reach Ihsaan. And as Mohammed Hannini once mentioned at a MIST (Muslim Inter-Scholastic Tournament) Seminar:[somewhere along the lines of] ” Look for a man with deen. Because if he has that, he will never hurt you because he’ll be too scared of Allah to ever hurt you – mentally, emotionally or physically.” Also, if the man in pious, it means he wishes to be like Prophet (s.a.w) and will therefore treat you like Aisha r.a.
2. Childish – Is willing to go on rollercoasters and swings and ride bikes and play tag and watch Disney Movies.
3. Loves Food – will eat at anytime of the day or night and eat as much as we want and be willing to go to great lengths just for Chinese Food for me around 2 AM. & Cook with me all the time!
:D (I’m a little silly, I know) รขโขยฅ
Javeria
March 28, 2011 at 12:51 AM
When I initially read this I thought you were describing your husband and I was shocked, I was like this is so beautiful mashaAllah, its perfection! Then I read it again and its unfortunately your ideal husband, but masha’Allah this is exactly what I would look for. I hope you find someone who is this religious, adventurous, and easy going inshaAllah.
nayma
March 26, 2011 at 8:21 PM
Hmm
1) His sense of Tawakkul. My husband had mentioned over dinner recently that he probably would be going to Egypt and Libya to help with the relief efforts with Zakat Foundation. My son was like: But it’s dangerous there! My husband’s reply: You have to have faith. When it is your time, it doesn’t matter where you are. But you have to always be ready to help others.
2. His sense of peace and lack of worry. In the 15 years of marriage, making big trials(in my eyes) into small trifles that we just had to pass over.
3. Time that he spends with the children just playing with them. He loves playing and spending time with our children.
Alhamdulillah.
Me
March 26, 2011 at 11:31 PM
Happily married to the most amazing man in this world :).
1) Patient with me (something I lack :( )
2) Honest, he tells me the truth even if it hurst and that’s what I love about him.
3) Awesome dad to our beautiful daughter.
4) Good to me.
5) Good to my family.
6) Fears Allah more than anything else.
7) Could careless if I don’t cook for a month LOL, something my desi friends don’t have LOL..
8) Easy going.
9) Let’s me do whatever I want as long as its in the boundaries Allah set for us
The list goes on but alhumdulilah, I can’t thank Allah enough for giving me a wonderful husband and friend.
Say mashaAllah :D.
Muslim Brother
March 27, 2011 at 12:37 AM
Single
1- Close religiously so we can grow together
2- Strives for ihsan… I don’t want someone who is just content with where they are at. I want someone who is going to push themselves for their benefit and for the benefit of those around them
3- Respects her parents and mine, We love our parents and we should love our spouses, so we should love their parents just because of association
Siraaj
March 27, 2011 at 1:48 AM
Great question! It’s difficult to pick a place to start, and on any given day, another trait shines through, so here are a few:
1. Religiosity and Character: Has all the good qualities you want out of someone – not just fanatically religious, but balanced character to go with.
2. Takes great care of the kids, teaching them both secular and religious studies.
3. Always good relationship with my family
4. Emotionally mature
5. Great fun to be around and hang out, knows how to make me laugh.
6. Loves a good cup of coffee! (we’re both social coffee drinkers)
7. Supportive of the work I do, whether on the job, in dawah, or for my health!
8. Loves me despite my many many flaws (big plus!)
And of course, there are many many others, but suffice it to say, I love my wife tremendously much, she makes me happy, and don’t flash me or her the hairy evil eye for saying so (just say masha’Allah!).
Siraaj
Olivia
March 27, 2011 at 3:46 AM
I love how you picked more than 3 =)
But I’m going to stick with 3, so it’ll be my top 3 =)
1. Just. Siraaj is always fair and balanced with everyone. He never plays favorites. He always just does the right thing. I call it his “Galadedrid Complex” because his feedback or action is always so pointedly honest, some people mistake him for being critical. But I know it’s really the uber-ethical part of him telling the truth =) I never have to worry about being treated unfairly.
2 Generosity. Siraaj is the most generous person i know. He never hesitates to spend on his family, just to see it put a smile on their faces (mine too!) and he always goes out of his way to go pick up a treat or get something that someone at home would like and he never once has complained of being inconvenienced (and thats been for 7.5 years!)
3. His Physique: What can I say? Tall, dark, handsome, and big muscles (and that’s not something private, because they’re so big its obvious) (siraaj is loving this ego-stroke….)
Amman AA
March 28, 2011 at 11:32 AM
Masha’allah…
Azhar
April 8, 2011 at 3:30 AM
Single
The top 3 qualities that I look for :
1. Ta’lluq Ma’Allah : A connection with Allah’s kalaam which guides every action that she does in her life. A private leased line with Allah that starts 2 hours before Fajr every day where she can ask for anything and be confident that Allah will give before her hands come down.
2. Khashiyatullah : This is a product of the first quality which makes Allah’s pleasure a touchstone for every decision in her life. Ash’had Hubb of Allah which makes one fear offending Allah.
3. Shukr : Thankful to Allah for every thing. A man asked Hz Umar (RA) as to what he needs to be thankful to Allah for he hand nothing i.e, he was very poor. Hz Umar (RA) asked him if he was able to pass urine with out pain, he replied in positive. Hz Umar said “Be thankful to Allah for that”. That is the level of thankfulness that I look for. I do not like cribbing.
There are many others but I’m willing to compromise on all of them.
AnonyMouse
March 27, 2011 at 4:35 AM
Let’s see… aside from the usual religiosity and good character (alHamdulillaah), these are the top 3 things I love about my husband of 1.5 (almost) years (wow, that feels like eternity :O):
1. FOB Arab accent. I adore his Canadian-Egyptian-Kuwaiti accent. Hilariously enough, it’s one thing he hates about himself, no matter how many times I try to tell him otherwise.
2. Easy-Going. This was one of the things I used to make major du’a for in my pre-marriage days… a husband who would be relaxed and easygoing 99.9% of the time. And that’s what I got, alHamdulillaah!
3. Always compliments my looks (if not my cooking and cleaning :P)… =)
AnonyMouse
March 27, 2011 at 4:44 AM
Oh, and although this isn’t a quality, just something kinda random… how he started quoting Yoda after I introduced him to the Star Wars saga :D
Amad
March 27, 2011 at 4:46 AM
Funny, that is
Neen
March 27, 2011 at 6:07 AM
AoA,
I’m married AH.
These are just three of the numerous good qualities he has MashaAllah :)
1. True and honest.
2. Loves and respects his mother, his family.
3. The fact that I know he will always stay the same IA.
Thanks for letting me be a part of this .. it made me think on this topic and to thank God once again for blessing me with him :)
Farah Moazzam
March 27, 2011 at 6:53 AM
Married.
Alhamdulillah for the points below, & for everything else :)
1. He is not a controlling/dominating man & has allowed me freedom within the hudood to help me grow as a person & let me pursue my interests
2. Respect (mutual)
3. His attitude towards my family & friends is one based on respect & equality
Irfana
March 27, 2011 at 10:56 AM
What I love about my husband:
-has so much patience with everyone especially me
-tells me I’m beautiful and gives other compliments every day
-God fearing and very humble, the first quality that attracted me to him
be
March 27, 2011 at 12:01 PM
Married
1- he is very modest, humble all for the sake of Allah…I have never met someone who could control his nafs/ ego in such manner subhanallah !! After 7 years of living with him I am still awe …. Never did I hear him criticize, backbite or get angry at anyone !
2- He is so generous even with my family!! he has taken care of my younger brother in many ways (financially, emotionally) and always with patient and mercy when I and other member of my family would have just gave up and get angry !
3- He has a brilliant mind! very clever, knowledgeable about Islam but never says he is!
Thanks MM for this little survey it reminded me of how much I love and respect my hubby and how much I am grateful to Allah (Allhuma lakal Hamd Al Kareem, Al rahman, Al raheem) for marrying me to such a man!
Amad
March 27, 2011 at 12:16 PM
We could make a list out of all these wonderful qualities… and the qualities the list could be ordered by weight (repeated qualities at the top)…
Ameera Khan
March 27, 2011 at 1:42 PM
That’s a good idea! :)
Ameera Khan
March 27, 2011 at 1:45 PM
Aww, that’s sweet, Masha’Allah! And yes, the purpose of this post was just to *remind* people about the good aspects of their spouses… too often, we think of the negatives… especially women (I’m not being sexist – I’m a women after all… rather, it’s something from a Hadith about women not being thankful enough to their husbands). Reminders are always beneficial!
be
March 29, 2011 at 1:28 PM
Agree!! and the hadith does highlight the fact that women can be ungrateful and definitely not a good thing to be or have in our balance youm el gyama!
I hate to say that but when I am upset at my husband I can remember stuff that happened years ago (of course getting more bitter and more dramatized in my head) …but it get a looot better with time and special therapy; my husband’s that is. When I used to bring back things from the past he just looks at me with his big eyes and smiles and almost never say anything back to me and then I feel s-t-u-p-i-d … rghgh..
waiting for the “three top things you dislike about your spouse” ……Just kiddddiiiiing !!!!!!!!!! :)
Amad
March 29, 2011 at 2:24 PM
Or positive spin… 3 things u wish u could change in ur spouse… Anonymity recommended :)
SingleBro:D
March 27, 2011 at 12:47 PM
The three things I would want most:
1. Fears Allah. Obeys Allah and his messenger to the best of her ability.
2. Humble, modest.
3. Affectionate
SAA
March 27, 2011 at 1:36 PM
I am single alhamdullilah and would like these qualities in my future wife inshallah
1. Deen – Don’t just be content with where she is…striving to become a better muslim and taking interest in increasing knowledge and studying islam.
2. Have good Akhlaq and treat parents, in laws with good manners.
3. Be a good educator for my future kids.
Fatima A. Khan
March 27, 2011 at 2:32 PM
Assalamu alaykum sis,
MashaAllah, brilliant idea :)
Here’s my share:
1) Love his patience with me, our families, our work, just about everyone he meets mashaAllah
2) the fact that he’s my solution box, each time alhamdu lillah. I know I can get sound advice and a doable solution to matters, even when I’m just looking to wallow in the problems for a while ;)
3) My husband loves to grow and constantly looks at new skills and perspective on things. Never a dull moment alhamdu lillah :)
Just 3? Will give someone else a chance as well and come back for more :)
only 3?
March 29, 2011 at 3:26 PM
married 5 years (almost) alhumdulilah :)
1. his over-abundant supply of patience: i love it, but it also annoys me that he has so much when i could really use some! but of course, i love that he is so patient with me despite my many, many faults.
2. he’s great with the kids: that patience over flows into his interaction with them. he rarely ever gets mad at them or scolds them, plays endlessly with them, they play tag team to annoy me, is beyond goofey (i would have never thought he would be when we were engaged), and is utterly devoted to them
3. hes a great cook: makes a huge mess, but in the end, i get an evening off :)
4. he’s affectionate: i didnt think he would be….not that i really gave it any thought honestly. but it comes so naturally to him that my heart skips a beat every time.
5. he is truly the coolness of my eyes: sometimes i watch him as he cooks or while he sits on the computer and i just smile to myself. he grooms his beard to perfection ;-)
6. how he does the grocery shopping for me and always brings me back something sweet (my fav chocolate, ice cream, whatever).
7. how he always buys me valentine’s candy on Feb. 15th when it goes on sale: we’re not really celebrating, just shopping during a sale ;-)
8. how he has saved every rose i have ever given him: seriously, who taught him that? they sit on his desk at work <3
9. how he takes care of me when im sick, which is alot lately: makes me soup, takes care of the kids, and pampers me.
Like I said, only 3? Alhumdulilah. May Allah keep the love in hearts alive always, and reunite us in Jannah. and may Allah grant all the single folks out there spouses who will be the coolness of their eyes and hearts and fill their lives with bliss in this duniya and the next. Ameen :)
umm fatimah
March 27, 2011 at 2:36 PM
MashaaAllah Tabarak Allah ….Fatabarak Allahhu ahsanul khaliqin…
I feel and know I can never thank Rabbana for creating my mate…I try…
1) Every year he takes the family for umrah in ramadaan.
2) He always there for me.
3) The way he treats his parents/ my parents , our kids and myself….
4) He always remind me of the Companions…by his actions whether he’s joking, playing or serious…
I could list more he’s just amazing…MashaaAllah TabarakAllah…Rabbana lakal hamd for my spouse…
Nazihah Malik
March 27, 2011 at 4:13 PM
salamualaikum,
Observation: I think it’s interesting that those who aren’t married have extremely vague qualities written down, and the ones who are married have, like, a specific task written that they are thankful the other person does LOL.
ok, so nikkahed for 5, married for 4 years alhamdulillah :)
1. Is always concerned about my well-being, making sure I’m taking care of myself.
2. Is honest. He never lies to me, even if he knows I will react in a crazy way. Even when no one is looking, he tries to be honest in all transactions, in all relationships, etc.
3. Love his love of the Quran (his recitation), the deen; I appreciate the high standards he holds in matters of deen. He never backbites, and catches me if i do, if i’m not wearing hijab properly, he reminds me gently. etc.
Amad
March 28, 2011 at 1:15 AM
yeah that is interesting… you can never substitute real-life experience.
Yousuf Tafhim
March 31, 2011 at 7:05 AM
This is useful
Abu_Isa
March 27, 2011 at 4:58 PM
Married 4+ years alhumdulillah
A few things (which I didnt see mentioned above):
– Sincere in intention, and doesn’t make excuse for shortcomings
– Always tries to achieve Ihsan in anything (motherhood, cooking, student, daughter,sister)
– Things gets tough at times, its great how she can move on and not bring it back in the future. .
Interestingly, we as a couple wrote this about each other a few times, and this list has evolved. One of the things that remains on the list is the deen (adherence, striving for improvement/getting closer to Allah swt). No wonder our Prophet (SAWS) recommended us to look for deen when seeking a spouse.. Other things are ephemeral,, deen stays with u…
umm fatimah
March 27, 2011 at 5:37 PM
MashaaAllah TabarakaAllah
My spouse told me something very important at the start of.our marriage InshaaAllah it will be successful if you fear Allah azza wa jal in everything even doing the dishes….
He also has a beautiful policy …ex: if we have a problem we sit and discuss it…then after that we agree to start a new page….(Our marriage is like a book…when you turn the page you don’t ever refer back to it …the mistake page)
Amad
March 28, 2011 at 1:12 AM
very interesting… didn’t know u could hold a wife back from memorizing every previous page in the book and having a mental search engine that exceeds google in capability???
haha
Aly B - DiscoMaulvi
March 28, 2011 at 7:15 AM
ROFL
Abdus Sabur
March 30, 2011 at 8:07 AM
(snickers)……….that’s a good one!
ShAdi Wozeer
March 27, 2011 at 6:47 PM
Salamualeykum,
Engaged and iA getting married:-)
1). Praiseworthy Muslimah
2). Stateswoman
3). Mother of our children(s) iA..:-P. Cannot be another one!
Thank You:-)
Keep up the good work,
ShAdi
Mrs R
March 27, 2011 at 6:50 PM
Married 2.2 years.
1. Forgiving and indulgent towards me. Never holds grudges against anyone. A great believer in Qadr, which makes him very accepting.
2. Hard working and responsible. He never leaves any project unfinished, never takes any more responsibility than he can handle.
3. His word choices, his story telling, his humour. I love falling asleep while hearing his voice.
Mashallah kuwwata illa billah!
halima
March 27, 2011 at 7:07 PM
Single-
1. Religious- in some aspect because men who are religious r the only ones who are mature and who will treat you right (I could go on and on with this)….
2. Sweet-Kind-Caring- he has to be a good person at heart and have an amazing personality
3. Humor- I think funny people are the coolest people and laughing is very key
I want to add tons more but those r most important to me peace!
Anon
March 27, 2011 at 8:05 PM
Assalam alaikum,
I’m sorry this is off-topic, but I didn’t know where I could ask..
How can one make this link function. It doesn’t open up?
Jazakallah
http://muslimmatters.org/2011/03/24/british-bigotry-sayeeda-warsis-speech/
Ameera Khan
March 27, 2011 at 8:43 PM
It’s working for me… trying refreshing or after a short interval… happens sometimes.
Anon
March 28, 2011 at 10:58 AM
Jazakallah khair for replying with that. Inshallah will try it on a computer at work or something; it’s must be a prob. with my computer..
Wassalam
Algebera
March 27, 2011 at 9:49 PM
Aslamu-alaikum:
OOOH i like this article, finally an article where spouses are FOCUSING on the positive MashAllah. I liked reading all the comments MashAllah the comments were authentic, excepts for Amads’s they were funny. Well Amad’s from Gujranwala, so figures…..in a good way. You are like an older brother i never had. Nice idea for an article. I have always respected umm Reem, she is a great wife, i can tell from her writing, ma sha allah
salam
Amad
March 28, 2011 at 1:13 AM
I am not from gujranwala sister… My mom is from gujranwala, dad Lahore. I am from Houston, if I really need to have a hometown pinned on me :)
Algebera
March 27, 2011 at 9:50 PM
I am in moderation again. I wasnt’ in moderation in my sisters’s house………whats going on, you guys have my computer in sync with moderating me……jeeeees
Ameera Khan
March 28, 2011 at 12:16 AM
Don’t worry, it’s related to the IP address… you’ll be fine now on, it’s only the first-time IP address that has to be approved. :)
Umm Zahra
March 27, 2011 at 10:10 PM
I have been married for 12 years. I met him in my study abroad exchange program at a university. He flew to England 5 months later by himself (where I lived) to propose to my parents. He was 19 then. :)
What I adore about him:
1. Frets like a fish out of water when I am upset or depressed. He makes me want to be depressed and sad all over again and again so I can get the affectionate concern from him.
2. Takes over the kids in his care when I need a break from my crying infant or my 8 year Lego maniac son. At times, he forces me to leave the house after looking after the kids whole day (I homeschool)
3. He does not expect me to cook everyday. When I cook, he appreciates as if a stranger came to house and cooked for the family! If I don’t cook that day, he will eat anything (leftovers, weird leftover medleys from the fridge or grab something from the deli)
4. He makes an effort to look nice for me and asks me if his attire is appropriate- which does annoy me at times but he acts as if we are on our “first date”!
5. He finds parking for me when I come home (a Brooklynite). In fact, he takes the car from me in his PJs
6. He acknowledges his weaknesses and apologizes when he errs.
I can go and on. I wish my daughter would find a husband like my husband. I wish my son would take my husband’s traits.
I deserved none of the above but its only by the blessing and mercy of Allah do I have this.
Alhumdullilah
A.
March 28, 2011 at 2:30 AM
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh! :)
Im soooo happy for my married brothers and sisters who are happy and content..MASHALLAH KUWATA ILLABILLAH ,TABARAKALLAH!
May Allah S.w.t keep you all happy in this world and the next and may He S.w.t grant happiness to the ones who are going to get married!
Aly B - DiscoMaulvi
March 28, 2011 at 3:21 AM
Assalamu’Alaikum:
An observation: Most of the comments are by women regards to their husbands. Very few husbands commented regarding their wives. Either the MM readership is very female-skewed or men are not very expressive about their feelings (the third possiblity is that some men have nothing good to say for their wives but we’ll skip that!! :) )
Top 3 Things that I appreciate about Umm-e-Ibrahym:
1) She tolerates even the most weirdest of quirks and flaws that I have… (and I do have a lot!!)
2) She handles Ibrahym extremely well (Masha’Allah he is quite a handful) and accepts that I sometimes am too tired when I come from office to help her with him.
3) She agrees with me that religion has precedence over social customs and norms.
Aly B - DiscoMaulvi
March 28, 2011 at 3:29 AM
Oh! Another extremely important things that I just love about my wife!
4) She is extremely low maintainence in terms of finance!! :D
-Aly
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Aly B - DiscoMaulvi
March 28, 2011 at 3:45 AM
Assalamu’Alaikum:
My 2.5 cents worth for all you single people out there (adjusted to account for inflation):
1) Get married ASAP – Do not wait for the scores of excuses life will put forward
a) I need to finish my studies
b) I need to get a better paying job
c) I need to buy a bigger house
2) Once you do get married, do not expect a page out of Mills & Boons or whatever the equivalent to mushy romance there exists nowadays! Matches made in heaven are still subject to the laws of friction…….
3) While physical appearances matter, and are very important for creating that initial bond of attraction, a few years (and a couple of children for women) down the road, if all you had going for you in your spouse was his/her looks your marriage will be in a lot of trouble.
4) Life will throw you curveballs! The ability of your spouse to literally stick with you “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or health, till death do us apart” is the most important. That quality is very important to see in your potential spouse (other than deen ofcourse).
5) In Marriage your ability to bend and flex for the sake of your spouse is extremely pivotal in maintianing a great relationship.
For more you have to buy my book (whenever I write one!!) :D
-Aly
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AnonyMouse
March 28, 2011 at 9:45 AM
BRILLIANT!
Aly B - DiscoMaulvi
March 28, 2011 at 4:19 PM
Jazak’Allah Khair
Megan Wyatt
March 28, 2011 at 5:10 AM
Masha’Allah, what a lovely post, and masha’Allah I just had to respond! As I am finishing up some work from a long weekend, this is a great opportunity to share something wonderful on one of my favorite subjects!
So here it goes…
1) My husband Zeyad quickly admits whenever he is wrong, or could have done something better. I value this SO much, because there is no ego or false pride in the way. Just pure honesty, taking full accountability for something he didn’t know or see, and this is a strong leadership quality. As a result, I trust him incredibly with his decisions, always feel safe and heard to express my own opinions and views, which increases my respect for him,and I feel we always come around as a “we” when dealing with a challenge.
2) Of COURSE I ask him to help out around the house, and run errands from time to time, and regardless or not if it’s taking out the trash, cleaning up the kitty litter, or running to the store, he never complains, and is positive about doing so. (well, ok, except for the kitty litter…he makes a whole drama out of that one because it’s kinda…gross!) :D
3) His ridiculous sense of humor. You know when you have those moments where you like WANT to be frustrated, and then someone makes you smile or laugh. He is really good at that one, which is a wonderful trait to have, masha’Allah! It works with me, it works with the kids, and in general, it breaks those frustration patterns we can all fall into so easily during a stressful day. He makes me laugh, and some of those jokes tend to float back in my head later on, at the most random times, and I giggle all over again. Alhamdulellah.
You asked for things that happen every day, and I feel these ones are consistent, masha’Allah.
I think this thread is also wonderful, because as many of you know, I work with singles wanting to get married, and many are terrified because they think everyone is miserable in their marriage. Everyone has struggles, fights, and not so grand moments, but the happiness, love, and friendship often gets overlooked or rarely expressed, so for everyone who IS single, take note!! It takes a lot of work, vulnerability, and honesty for us all to create an environment where such blessings consistently are present, but it’s possible, alhamdulellah. :)
But not that I’m about to hit the submit button….other things are coming to mind. Lol… this is great!
You said three though…so we’ll stick to that. I want to share something, though, to inspire everyone, because it’s something he and I work at consistently, and love, and that is to make a consistent effort to express what we appreciate about each other. He does this often enough, and wow, what a difference it makes to hear how you are appreciated, loved, and cared for. This is like a “rule” we have, and if someone forgot to share it on their own, we simply ask for it, and it creates another opportunity to give. Alhamdulellah.
Ameera Khan
March 28, 2011 at 5:55 AM
Awww… all these comments are so wonderful to read, Masha’Allah… may Allah bless your families (and grant the single ones, the spouses best for them)! Ameen.
There’s so much written above that it’s hard to comment on any one angle! Each and every comment has something to teach, and of course, is a learning process for the one commenter themselves. I’m especially thankful to Sr Megan Wyatt (of Practimate) and Sr Fatima Khan (of LifePepper.org) for their comments… because they’re directly involved with pre and post-marital counselling and have great experience. Jazakumullahu khayr! :)
When I initially wrote this post, I felt it was a good idea, yes, but it was only when I read some of your comments that I realized how much it helps to mention a good word or talk positive about someone. And like Sr Megan said, you can’t have that depth in a relationship unless you express what love you really feel (Halal way of course!) and allow yourself to become vulnerable. :)
Zari
March 28, 2011 at 8:04 AM
Assalamualaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barkatuhu,
My 3 cents :)
1. Perfect in character: honest, hard-working, does not indulge in laghw/back-biting/making fun of people etc.
2. Will go out of the way to make his family happy, especially me!
3. Extremely successful yet exceedingly modest…
masha’allah :)
Safwan Abbasi
March 28, 2011 at 8:39 AM
I have tried hard to comment with as little emotion, philosophy and dry humor as possible :p but its quite a touching topic, so please forgive me for taking some liberties :p I presume that is permissible for a cousin, so I am writing twice as much :p
(1) My fiancรยฉe is a true blessing of God…remarkably different from me :p She has a sweet sense of humor and is full of the cute colors of life…Mashallah!
(2) She respects me and my family…has a loving, innocent manner that accepts who I am and what I am not…she also understands the responsibilities I have…Alhamdulillah!
(3) Tries her best to make me realize and learn from the mistakes I have made in life :p This is why I feel a much stronger, growing connection with God, although I have yet to become a practising Muslim…
(4) She has encouraged me at every step and willingly waited for years, as I journey towards my career ambitions :)
(To understand what I mean, one can read Fatima’s words to Santiago in “The Alchemist”:p I have always admired the thoughts that Paulo Coelho stris in the reader’s soul)
(5) She hates arrogant people and hypocrites who taunt and belittle others…those who underestimate and carry ill intentions behind words wrapped in courtesy…like muffins of mischief :p
(6) The distance never mattered when it was a 1000 miles…it doesnt matter even today, when its 7 times as much…we both believe that sincerity is what actually strengthens all bonds in life…the roots of everything else such as love, respect and care emerge, overlap, transform and re-emerge, but sincerity is the soul…
I wish everone loads of happy moments in life…
Safwan Abbasi
Sister
March 28, 2011 at 11:38 AM
single, and its probably going to sound like it lol
1)Caring: has a sweet side, but not overly mushy since I’m not that type of person anyway.
Shows that he cares and not just assumes his family know it because he brings bread to the table.lol.
2) Manly and mature: has a balanced gheerah over his wife and his daughters.
3) A confident and involved father: Has confidence and raises others confidence instead of bringing others down—if he does that with his own family and others, then it shows what kind of father he will be.
AnonyMouse
March 28, 2011 at 11:41 AM
This post inspired me to write the following:
In Defense of Muslim Husbands
Amman AA
March 28, 2011 at 11:48 AM
Qualities to have In A Wife:
1.) Practicing Muslim (not a skeptic,progressive, or a selective muslim)
2.) Understand thats I am the authority in the house. If she does not like what I say then she has to overlook that and submit to it.
3.) Knows that pleasing me after Allah (swt) is her path to heaven or hell. Pleasing me should be her top priority.
Bonus Points (I know this will be hard because of a woman’s emotional nature):
4.) She has to be comprising and welcoming to her co-wives.
5.) Should NOT be driven to work or go outside of the house. Knowing that its her place to stay at home.
6.) Overlooks my flaws and helps me with me my weaknesses.
umm_ismael
March 29, 2011 at 1:19 AM
Aoa wr wb
Dear brother in islam, while it is good to look for a person who is willing to accept us the way we are, shouldn’t the reverse be applicable. It is not wise to keep ones status in mind while engaging in a relationship. This world is not a world of ideals. Parents who keep their huqooq in mind while dealing with children end up losing their connection with them, At the outset,if you decide that pleasing you is a persons path to heaven, it can be a very easy outlet for shaytaan to attack you and cause friction in this fragile relationship. Let the other person feel comfortable with this fact as they progress in the marriage. Although a husbands pleasure is of supreme importance, it is not achieved by setting a rule but by displaying affection and care towards your spouse. I speak sincerely as a married sister. Maybe the brothers on this forum can lend you some advice (that is if you are open to it).
Jazakumullah
Amman AA
March 29, 2011 at 6:35 PM
W’Salaam Sister,
Sister, you’re absolutely right!
Of course sister, the respect should be mutual. I have no right to demand anything. But regardless if I don’t, she still has to submit to the rules Allah has ordained. I emphasized on those qualities because unfortunately so many women are living in some fantasy about marriage. I know muslim women who are disgusted by the way Islam has given certain privileges to the husband. So I would say that these qualities are essential because the muslimah then knows her role in the family. Not to live in some western fantasy that women should be liberated from the shackles of man. Her role in marriage is to love her husband until he transgresses the limits set by Allah.
I find it funny that everyone in there post just mentioned what they want or adore in their spouses, but when I mentioned something then it becomes some “Politically Incorrect” Islam. Regardless of what people might think, this is what Islam has allowed and no Muslim should question it.
Allah Knows Best.
A.
March 29, 2011 at 5:58 AM
Allahul Musta’an!!
While it is true that pleasing one’s husband may lead one to paradise…we have to be careful and know that judgement belongs to Allah S.w.t Alone!!
may Allah S.w.t grant us proper understanding of our beautiful deen and guide us to what is pleasing to Him and protect us from the greed of our nafs!
Amman AA
March 29, 2011 at 6:35 PM
Ameen…
Bushra
March 29, 2011 at 7:34 AM
SubhanAllah brother. Whilst your qualities in a wife are within the boundaries of Islam, I think that your attitude is selfish. Why? Because it’s all ‘me me me’. You are not looking at how to help your wife attain Jannah by doing good in the community, towards herself, her family, etc.
You are not willing to listen to your wife when she speaks sense. In fact, you think women speak NO sense whatsoever judging by point 2.
Point 6 doesn’t make any sense to me. It is contradictory. On one hand, you want your wife to overlook your flaws, and on the other, help you with your weaknesses…how do you expect an overlooking wife to help you with your weaknesses when she’s not looking for them in the first place?? Err, I think you’re the one with no sense here.
Either that…or this is a trolling comment.
Amman AA
March 29, 2011 at 6:55 PM
Sister,
Like I mentioned to umm_ismael, I just mentioned what I was looking a spouse. I did the same thing that everyone else did in their posts.
Again sister,where did I say that my wife had no sense? Again if you would like to mention it, the Prophet (S) said that women are intellectually deficient. Yes, people are saying that the hadith means something different. But many scholars of attested to its literal meaning because they avoid semantics. Anyway, I didn’t say anything like that in my post until now. She should fear Allah in disobeying her husband because I am the authority. If you have a problem with that then please read passage 4.34 in the Qur’an.
Where did I say she has to avoid my mistakes? I didn’t say that anywhere. Again sister, you’ve jumped to conclusions.
Allah Knows Best…
umm fatimah
March 29, 2011 at 8:20 AM
why is it that most of the brothers always have point # 4 (she has to be comprising and welcoming to her co-wives)
Maybe they do not realize the responsibilities that plural marriage entails..
Most of my female married friends(american) complains their husband wants to be like his friends/ muslim brothers and marry more than one…yet they can’t afford it and let their wife apply to the gov’t for help to take care of their kids.
My other friend just got divorced because her husband has 4 wives and saw a beautiful young woman/ muslim sister so he decided that the wife he had the longest had to go in order to marry the muslim sister…so he divorced one of the wife and married the sister he saw…
It’s not only the brothers, sisters would come up to brothers not even caring this is not islamic or that his wife is with him and ask if he doesn’t want another wife…
InshaaAllah Rabbana protects and guard us and our spouses from any fitnah.
InshaaAllah Rabbana give us all knowledge and wisdom guide and keep us on the path… Ameen
Don’t mean to offend anyone…Please forgive me if I did.
Me
March 29, 2011 at 8:56 AM
This just makes me soooo upset, not your comment but what these men are doing to their wives… When they say they want another wife but they can’t afford they’re not thinking with their heads… In the Somali community it’s soo common to marry more than 1 wife and almost every case I’ve seen the wives are on government housing and on welfare. Sickening.
And in my opinion women that go straight to the man have low self esteem.. A sister should never ask a man that’s married to marry them. There are plenty of single brothers out there.
SingleBro:D
March 29, 2011 at 2:03 PM
Sisters,
What you need to realize is that the reason so many brothers say this or allude to this “she has to be open to co-wives” is because deep down, the majority of us know that it will probably never happen. Our generation and our society is much different, having four wives in the west is possible but highly improbable. They know it, they are just denying it.
Next time you see comments like that, trust me its not worth getting frustrated over as these brothers are just daydreaming about something the know will probably never happen.
Take it from a brother who has no reason to lie…..to himself. ;)
May Allah bless you all
:D
Amman AA
March 29, 2011 at 7:14 PM
Brother,
The same goes to you. You shouldn’t lie to yourself.
A muslim man can marry upto four regardless of what his family or his wife thinks or what his circumstances are.
You’re the one whose day dreaming on thinking that it’s not possible. Go to the Saudi Arabia and go to Pakistan and you’ll be surpirsed.
Yes living in the west its obviously hard, but I know men who have done Nikah Misyar, and they are balancing it out perfectly fine.
And brother why are people getting frustrated with my comments especially about polygyny? It’s allowed and that’s final. Allah has allowed it.
We need to stop sugar coating our religion…
Allah Knows Best.
Amad
March 29, 2011 at 2:22 PM
Okay please this is not the post for polygamy comments :)
It’s been pleasant so far… Let’s ignore comments that we don’t like and focus on what we do like…
Me
March 29, 2011 at 2:37 PM
I agree.
Sidiq
March 30, 2011 at 10:40 AM
With all due respect, I think it’s the Muslim ladies led the nice thread into unjust criticism. I do sometimes feel concerned when Muslim females on here show a type of disdain for the shariah. I don’t understand why a person cannot come on here and say that he wants to be treated like the ameer of his house lol, expecially since shaykh Ismail Kamdar himself stated it without a backlash. I don’t agree with Amman’s initial post but the way the females are trying to enforce their bigoted views is quite surprising. The people who diverted the discussions are the ladies, everyone can see that.
Amman AA
March 29, 2011 at 7:03 PM
Sister,
You didn’t offend me, don’t worry.
Sister, I am well aware of what It takes to look after a wife. Maybe in theory but in practice I’ll try to live up to it Insha’allah…
I feel for your friend, but sister I ask you did that brother do anything unislamic? He was well within his rights to divorce any one his wives to get another one for someone more attractive. So again, from an Islamic point of view he didn’t do anything wrong.
For the sister approaching brothers to marry them, that shows they are in a state of shamelessness. A muslimah should not even approach a muslim brother directly especially with a marriage proposal. Again, if women stayed at home like Allah has commanded then the women wouldn’t have the freedom to approach men in this manner.
Allah Knows Best…
Me
March 29, 2011 at 9:26 PM
I feel soo bad for your wife. What a selfish husband she has. Abandoning your wife to marry younger one that’s good looking. Thank God me and my hubby had a deal before we got married when it comes to another wife and he agreed to it.
Amatullah
March 29, 2011 at 9:33 PM
Please don’t acknowledge his comments. We don’t need to ruin this beautiful thread.
Amman AA
March 30, 2011 at 12:54 AM
Me:
Again, I didn’t say that I would do it. But I think its wrong to stigmitize anything that Allah has clearly allowed. From an islamic legal point of view, a man can easily do that. So if its islamically allowed then I feel we shouldn’t judge any man who does it.
Amatullah:
Again, not acknowleding it does not change the facts.
Allah Knows Best…
Amatullah
March 30, 2011 at 1:27 AM
Dear brother, my comment about not acknowledging has nothing to do with the hukm or permissibility of polygyny. Rather, you are diverting the discussion of this thread. Please stick to the topic and keep your comments on that discussion for another time inshaAllah. Jazak Allahu khayran.
Ameera Khan
March 29, 2011 at 11:10 PM
I’m seconding Amatullah on this! Time to break off this discussion… you’ll have to wait for a Readers’ Opinion topic on polygamy to share your views on it.
AmericanMuslimah
March 30, 2011 at 11:20 AM
What is permitted by Allah SWT and Quran one must not agrue about. You might not want your husband to practice polygamy BUT must refrain from disagreeing / challenging.
My input: It is permitted by Allah SWT and there must be a reason, however it is not recommended if one cannot practice equality, since we all are human i doubt any man can committ to 100% equal treatment.
Wa’Allah Alam.
Me
March 30, 2011 at 11:26 AM
No one is disagreeing with polygamy here, we’re disagreeing with the comment that says one can abandon his wife because of old age and being ugly to marry another.. I can also say a woman has every right to do the same… Allah did not make men superior. Men get old and unattractive as well…
AmericanMuslimah
March 30, 2011 at 12:56 PM
Hard to accept but …men are superior in some ways …. research why Allah SWT only selected men for prophethood…you will find your answer.. our Creator knows the flaws of His creation.. however by no means I am saying women are any inferior…
As for this specific couple.. and old age and ugly, there has to be another side to this story… after spending years with his wife and spending his youth w/ this so called ugly wife he realizes this at his old age??? maybe he couldn’t take her attitude anymore? we don’t know .. anyhow wa’Allah alam.. we women jump to conclusion in seconds…
I shall not comment anymore or else Ameerah will kick me out of this dicusison :P) kiddin’
sallam n duas,
Ameera Khan
March 30, 2011 at 12:17 PM
Exactly, that’s the accepted view… :)
In fact, this would be a good idea for a future open discussion… for this post, we’re trying not to diverge from the topic. :)
Ameera Khan
March 30, 2011 at 1:46 PM
@AmericanMuslimah I’m not kicking you off, lol! :) You’re right… actually, that’s what *most* Muslim women know and say too… it’s only when tempers flare on both sides of the gender divide (due to misunderstanding each other, and sometimes saying things at unwise moments) that troubles occur.
I don’t think any woman should or can dispute with the rulings of our Deen… at least most of Muslim Matters’ Muslimah readers, whom, I always think, know the basics of their Deen at least… Allahu a’lam… and may Allah guide us all. Ameen.
umm_ismael
March 28, 2011 at 12:22 PM
Asslam u alaikum wr wb
MashaALLAH what a wonderful idea. May ALLAH Bless you for bringing this reminder to all of us (specially us nagging wives)
hmm consistently (married 4 + years) :
1) I love the way he plays with our kids ( I have 2 sons). He would listen to every silly thing they say and actually try to do it for them ( like going up and down an elevator 3 / 4 times with one of them when he was 2). He will come home 12 at night, yet still play and smile at the younger one awake at that time. I always admire that quality about him.
2) He is the one filling the water bottles and putting them in the fridge ( and that is a blessing if you have experienced a summer in lahore), cutting fruit for me, getting me milk at night and doing all those little things that i just keep forgetting over and over again.
3) How he never makes me feel complexed about my physical self (even though i have put on a lot).
4) Finds me a place to pray anywhere (and that means literally anywhere since he has one day off from work, we have to manage everything that day. Grocery shopping, doctor’s visits etc etc). I shudder to think what would have happened if I had a partner who would not aid me in this respect.
Alhamdulillah! So many more but these are the ones that came to mind immediately.
umm_ismael
March 28, 2011 at 12:26 PM
suggestion: maybe the images at the top could be umm edited a bit in line with a muslim blog
SabrunJameel
March 28, 2011 at 12:58 PM
Assalaamu alaikum,
MashAllah, if I must say, it’s sooooo adorable to see husbands and wives post the positives of their spouse! :)
The top 3 qualities I would say I’m looking forward to in a spouse inshAllah ;
1- DEEN – Not just the 5 prayer man, but inshAllah one that really embodies the purpose of life and makes me a better person, just as I hope to do the same.
2- CREATIVITY AND INTELLECT- I really admire those who express themselves in creative ways, whether it be through writtig novels, poetry or else. Somehow this can prove that the person reflects on whats going on arround them, which to me is an important feature. It also shows that theres some fun in the person, whatever happened to that word!?
3- HUMBLENESS – The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear Husnul Akhlaaq, is humbleness and humility. ”Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less” (C.S. Lewis)
UmmIbraheem
March 28, 2011 at 5:33 PM
Top 3 things I love about my husband:
1. Deen – he’s so focused on achieving Jannah and doesn’t let anything get in the way of it. He knows Jannah is expensive and therefore wishes for us BOTH to spend towards it not just himself, therefore he’s not selfish about it, which brings me onto…
2. Generous – this is not just limited to his wealth, but his time, and ESPECIALLY with his patience and kindness. Instead of blowing up, he’d rather discuss the topic at hand.
3. It’s so hard to think of the third one with so many qualities competing for the decider – his good looks. Yeh, I know it sounds superficial, but it’s part of the marriage!! He’s so modest about it, but doesn’t realise how much I love his smile, the way his eyes crinkle and his beard.
I think I’ll add more…whatever.
4. His ability to admit to his mistakes – he’s never afraid to say sorry or admit when he’s wrong. And he always knows how to appease me…which then takes me onto…
5. Knows me well – ever had that feeling of being on the same wavelength as someone else? Or ending each other’s sentences? Alhamdulillah, he is the yin to my yang (so to speak!)…he knows what I’m thinking and will say things at the same time as me. He’ll work out when I’m feeling upset and what’s wrong with me the moment he looks at me.
6. Balance – he works hard to balance between me, him, his family and us time. He’ll make the effort for me by taking over cooking or other housework to allow me to get other things done. He was supportive when I had to look after my dad for a week when my mum was away or when my mum was ill with fever.
Bushra
March 29, 2011 at 7:38 AM
I forgot to add here…
7. He has helped me to focus on my strengths and talents so much that my weaknesses have lessened as a result of it. He doesn’t point out my weaknesses at all; he counters their effect by helping me find and focus on my abilities.
Abdus Sabur
March 30, 2011 at 8:30 AM
Masha’Allah, that is beautiful. I’m going to try to incorporate this quality into my own life. :)
Haleh
March 28, 2011 at 5:46 PM
Masha’Allah what a creative and fun post! Great job Ameera!
Alhamdulillah I have been married to my husband for the past 15 years ( that may be a record for this post)
As I reflect on my husband’s positive traits I get a flashback on all the emotional deposits we made to one another. I feel that marriage is like a fragile seed that is planted which needs to be nurtured and protected in order to grow to become a strong tree which will have roots that penetrate so deep that no wind could pull it apart.
Now for my hubby’s traits:
1. Masha’Allah he has such a kind & loving heart filled with love of Allah.
2. He is my therapist – he listens, analyzes and helps me overcome my obstacles – that is very comforting for me as a therapist
3. He always encourages me to excel, reach new heights & always supports me for all forms of dawa – he even gives up a part of his Friday (which is our weekend here) every week so I can give a sisters halaqa at our home during juma
4. Masha’Allah he is filled with self-confidence and intelligence
5. Excellent sense of humor – he loves all my jokes!
6. Amazing daddy – alhamdulillah he really puts time and effort in raising them, backs me up and is so FUN
7. Adventurous – we just learned to skii together this past winter
8. One of the most generous people I know – he has really taught me to give on a different level
I got carried away…I feel its encouraging for the young, unmarried brothers and sisters to read positive comments from us married folks.
Haleh
Amad
March 29, 2011 at 1:35 AM
Sr Haleh, I can vouch for ur husband too, not as a husband of course :) but as really cool bro and mashallah awesome person. I have seen how he interacts with you and there are few men who can emulate that mashalah. May Allah preserve both of u.
Haleh
March 29, 2011 at 12:25 PM
JazakAllah Khair Br. Amad & Ameeen!
Masha’Allah we both admire you and Saba so much for your community service, dawa & commitment to learn. You guys are the Dynamic Daee Duo! May Allah shower you and your
family with all His blessings and keep you guys going strong always!
Haleh
Ameera Khan
March 29, 2011 at 11:20 PM
Masha’Allah!!! :) Yes, it is so encouraging… and it reminds us to be a good spouse too, to have that kind of marriage Insha’Allah. Jazaakillah khayr!! :)
Amatullah
March 28, 2011 at 5:52 PM
I must say, I absolutely love these comments mashaAllah :) Very nice to read heart warming comments here, instead of our “usual” ones we get at MM!
Teresa
March 29, 2011 at 1:06 AM
My husband Tawfiq who I knew for 2 months and have now been married to for 7 years. Alhamdulillah
1). He is so protective of me whether it be my piety or safety
2). He and I laugh sooo much
3). He knows how to handle my mood swings
My love grows stronger for him every day
Masha Allah
Amad
March 29, 2011 at 1:37 AM
mashallah, didn’t know such a man existed :)
Bushra
March 29, 2011 at 7:38 AM
They’re a rare breed but they exist!!
Ismail Kamdar
March 29, 2011 at 1:20 AM
Alhamdulillah, we have a very happy family and my wife deserves most of the credit for that.
Some of her qualities that stand out: (sisters, start taking notes)
1. Treats me as the Amir (leader) of the household
2. Completely dedicated to the Deen
3. Patient and respectful in her dealings with everyone
4. Her sacrifice and dedication to raising our kids
5. Knows how to keep my bad temper in check
6. Thinks good of and tries to find the good in everybody.
There are many more besides this, Alhamdulillah :)
Aly B - DiscoMaulvi
March 29, 2011 at 1:45 AM
Assalamu’Alaikum:
Having gone through this exercise has made me realize a couple of things:
1) How little time I spend focusing on the positives of my wife – in fact when I was writing things I had to think rather than just listing things.
2) The comments about the real and the theoretical spouses that the sisters list should be noted and used as personal goals in the area of marriage.
Jazak’Allah Khairin Ameera for this great exercise.
Was-Salamu’Alaikum:
-Aly
Ameera Khan
March 29, 2011 at 11:17 PM
Wa-iyyaki! :) It was just an idea… the comments here made it successful Masha’Allah!!! I’m really happy, reading all this is so educational and inspiring!
Kashif Dilkusha
March 29, 2011 at 5:13 AM
Assalamoalaikum
Married for over 8 years Masha ALLAH.
I am writing this from Madinah where i have come during my umrah visit.
1. She is very loving
2. She manages all the technical issues of my home like electric issues, plumbing issues.
2. She has great stamina as she deals all the day with my 4 kids and me also.
4. She makes great coffee.
and and and and…………
SabrunJameel
March 29, 2011 at 10:56 AM
2. She manages all the technical issues of my home like electric issues, plumbing issues
MashAllah Tabarakallah….thumbs up!
:)
AmericanMuslimah
March 29, 2011 at 10:30 AM
Married (alhumuLillah )!! I can list 30,000 qualities … M’A m’A
but one will sum it all “God (Allah) Fearing” .. those who fear Allah SWT and attempt to abide by shariyat and sunnah are ideal and alhumduLillah i m fortuate to be married to such a man!
-God Fearing
-Patient
-Respectful
-Responsible
-Caring
-Considerate
-Hardworking
…………..
PS Ameerah you are one lucky girl m’A may Allah SWT reward you w/good Qismat.. and i’A i gurantee you … he will meet your expectations =) trust me ;-)
Sallam,
Ameera Khan
March 29, 2011 at 11:16 PM
Masha’Allah!! @ 30,000+ qualities. :)
Jazaakillah for the dua’s… umm… do I know you in real life? :) I’m so curious!!
AmericanMuslimah
March 30, 2011 at 9:53 AM
you might =) but u will i’A soon =)
Ameera Khan
March 30, 2011 at 12:19 PM
=O
Sidiq
March 29, 2011 at 11:04 AM
What makes him/her so special in your eyes? Tell us three things about them that continue to inspire you every single day!
Three things about each of my spouses or just one?
Sidiq
March 29, 2011 at 11:09 AM
Tis a joke btw
Abeer Khan
March 29, 2011 at 11:06 AM
I’m just going to enjoy being single for now! Alhamdollillah! :D And I’d rather go into the arena of marriage with no expectations at all so that if I emerge with a knight in shining armor by my side… his armor doesn’t seem dull under the spotlight of my expectations :) Better to have low expectations though! We are all humans. Everyone has a few rough edges, a few creases here and there!
Sidiq
March 29, 2011 at 11:09 AM
Iรขโฌโขm just going to enjoy being single for now! Alhamdollillah!
lol same
Ameera Khan
March 29, 2011 at 11:15 PM
Ahan, girl, you better be ready in a year or two… hhahaha… I know you.
only 3?
March 29, 2011 at 3:42 PM
married 5 years (almost) alhumdulilah :)
1. his over-abundant supply of patience: i love it, but it also annoys me that he has so much when i could really use some! but of course, i love that he is so patient with me despite my many, many faults.
2. heรขโฌโขs great with the kids: that patience over flows into his interaction with them. he rarely ever gets mad at them or scolds them, plays endlessly with them, they play tag team to annoy me, is beyond goofey (i would have never thought he would be when we were engaged), and is utterly devoted to them
3. hes a great cook: makes a huge mess, but in the end, i get an evening off :)
4. heรขโฌโขs affectionate: i didnt think he would beรขโฌยฆ.not that i really gave it any thought honestly. but it comes so naturally to him that my heart skips a beat every time.
5. he is truly the coolness of my eyes: sometimes i watch him as he cooks or while he sits on the computer and i just smile to myself. he grooms his beard to perfection ;-)
6. how he does the grocery shopping for me and always brings me back something sweet (my fav chocolate, ice cream, whatever).
7. how he always buys me valentineรขโฌโขs candy on Feb. 15th when it goes on sale: weรขโฌโขre not really celebrating, just shopping during a sale ;-)
8. how he has saved every rose i have ever given him: seriously, who taught him that? they sit on his desk at work <3
9. how he takes care of me when im sick, which is alot lately: makes me soup, takes care of the kids, and pampers me.
Like I said, only 3? Alhumdulilah. May Allah keep the love in hearts alive always, and reunite us in Jannah. and may Allah grant all the single folks out there spouses who will be the coolness of their eyes and hearts and fill their lives with bliss in this duniya and the next. Ameen :)
me
March 29, 2011 at 4:28 PM
There are many many qualities, but these are just 3 of those
1. Easy going
2. Responsible
3. Romantic
Shortcoming Husband
March 29, 2011 at 5:15 PM
This post is outstanding. I was speaking to a good friend who thinks all marriages are matches made in hell and this post really proves otherwise.
Brother, Married (~2 years):
1- Relationship with in-laws: She has taken care of my sick mother from the day we got married and has never complained about it (and she is still a young college student who has her whole life ahead of her). I can’t express how appreciative to Allah I am for her making this sacrifice. By doing this she allows me to work as well as continue my da’awah responsibilities – even though I would gladly give them up to take care of my family.
2- Consistently striving to improve herself – She cries late at night complaining to Allah about the state of her heart and Iman. I get jealous just watching her devotion.
3- And finally, I don’t know if anyone mentioned it but I am only including this to show that it is an important part of marriage for the singles. I don’t believe this is the MOST important thing I like about her, but I’ll include it anyways – she is incredibly intimate :)
Rafa
March 29, 2011 at 7:25 PM
Assalamu Alaikum,
Single sister myself, but I do have a set of parents (married almost 19 years, Masha Allah) who couldn’t have been more perfect for each other. Being an observant sort of person, I’ve noticed the ways in which my parents’ relationship works:
– With my Dad, he knows exactly when to be light hearted. My Mom’s the serious, straightforward type, so he’s able to loosen her up and make her laugh when she needs it. His humour works wonders in this household! He’s also incredibly patient, and is able to take a step back and listen to my Mom whenever she’s, er, got a lot to say (which is often). :)
– With my Mom, she’s very open. Much love and respect for my dad, but he really can’t take a hint sometimes, and so the fact that she is able to say what is on her mind, whenever, is a real plus. A lot of sisters (myself included), like to keep things to themselves — which isn’t a bad thing, but when it comes relationships its really important to be able to open up and be free about one’s own thoughts and feelings.
And, of course, having a high regard for Deen and being practising Muslims helps to solidify the relationship.
That said, its important to note that its not always flowers and rainbows all the time, either. There are definitely rough patches. But from what I understand, remembering each other’s strong points and good qualities is enough to outweigh the harder times.
As a daughter, I can’t tell you how heartwarming it is to see one’s parents joke and laugh and just be happy together. It really is enough to light up the entire family, Subhanallah.
Ameera Khan
March 29, 2011 at 11:12 PM
That is beautiful Masha’Allah! Your description of your parents sounds so much like it is in many households… the couple complements each others’ qualities and natures. Masha’Allah. :)
DiscoMaulvi
March 30, 2011 at 7:07 AM
Talking about parents… I remembered something my dad says…
“In our house my wife and I have a pact: she takes care of the little decisions, I take care of the big ones.
So far in 35 years there have been no big decisions!” :D
umm z
March 30, 2011 at 2:37 AM
am going through a divorce but i would say the following three things that will lead to a happy marriage insha’Allah:
1. HONESTY
2. Adherence to the deen
3. Love and compassion
Umm M
March 30, 2011 at 10:59 AM
Married almost 4 years, alhamdulilah.
1: Qur’an… he had me at the basmalah ;) – his love for the Qur’an, whether it be teaching kids on the weekend or just reciting Qur’an around the house, his beautiful voice and even better tajweed do me in all the time. How can you stay mad at someone who recites Allah’s words so beautifully? Kinda hard! lol.
2: Kindness – not just to our family, but to complete strangers. He’s friendly and doesn’t bat an eye at helping out somebody in need, whether it be changing someone’s tire in freezing weather or holding out the door a little too long (despite my nagging ‘they’re too far away, let’s go!’ lol).
3: Helpful – despite being raised in a kind of ‘old school’ environment, I love that he doesn’t think cleaning or child care is the ‘woman’s job,’ he has no qualms over strapping on a pair of rubber gloves and getting on his hands and knees. Now if only I could get him on diaper duty ;) that one might take a while lol..
alhamdulilah
Anon
March 30, 2011 at 12:14 PM
@Amatullah
You said you love our comments, but never said what your own would be!
:)
Let’s hear it!
Hala
March 30, 2011 at 1:33 PM
x2 :P
Amatullah
March 30, 2011 at 10:18 PM
wow, I just got called out….
well…… :)
Umm Maymouna
March 30, 2011 at 8:56 PM
Just 3?
1) I love that we struggle together.
2) His immense immense amount of sabr. He’s been through hell and back subhanAllah but will never pause his dawah or his responsibilities for it.
3) When I tell him something’s wrong, he has this worried face, and that face will be on til the very moment he’s solved all of my problems.
4) He’s a man’s man but is also very affectionate.
5) He will always support me, no matter what. And that support gives me alot of strength and confidence.
6) He will never stop me from doing what I want as long as it is halal.
7) Never makes me feel self-conscious about the way I look,even though I am very self-conscious. In fact, I feel more comfortable with him than anyone else.
8) He spends as much money as he can on me, without ever making me feel like I’m spending too much. I actually only realised this a month ago, when I read a guy in a magazine say ‘girls, we will pretend we’re the richest man in the world infront of you when we’re probably even struggling to pay rent’.
9) He is very knowledgable; like an encyclopaedia.
10) Speaks to my family with the highest respect.
MashaAllah la hawla wa la quwatta illa billah. Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen, I do not deserve a husband this amazing. May Allah let him be pleased with me too and unite us, with our babies, in Jannah.
S
March 31, 2011 at 12:33 AM
Here’s my list gleaned from personal experiences of family & friends, from watching Pakistani dramas (I kid you not ;) ) and from reading a few MuslimMatters articles. Apart from the usual things a Muslim would want in their spouse I would also want someone who is:
*Responsible/Balanced
I want my husband to realize that I am his responsibility and not his parents, or my parents or anyone else’s for that matter.I can’t stand men who think its perfectly normal to disappear for months at end on business trips or da’wa sessions while literally abandoning their family.The wife has to learn to financially and socially support herself or learn to heavily depend on her inlaws or her parents.The kids often grow up devoid of a father figure.
*Confident
I want him to have his own set of opinions and values which even though different from mine are still within the boundaries set out by Islam.I would like us to be able to compromise on issues we differ on but I don’t want someone who says “yes” to each and everything I say.I don’t want us completely changing our identities to suit each others whims.
*Forgives & forgets
Pretty hard quality to come by but in a marriage I think its absolutely essential.After all I don’t want a husband who 10 years down the row still didn’t forgive me for what I said to his sister even though I sincerely regretted saying it and had apologized.
ummmanar
March 31, 2011 at 10:55 AM
Mashallah this is beautifulpost and an opportunity to say something good about our spouses.Alhamdulliah I have been married for 24 years and have four beautiful childern,if it was not for my wanderful husband been patient I would have been single mom long time ago.My husband is very caring,loving and patient.He a wanderful father who takes care of our children 24/7 .I have never heared him said no to any thing that I asked him to doand he will go out of his way to make me happy .It is amazing how he takes care of my family my own mom loves him and preferes him over her kids good listener,patient,and attentive.I can go on and on sometimes I wonder if I really deserve him.I am so grateful for this blessing and more alhamdulillah.
Anony 1
April 2, 2011 at 10:38 AM
Married male:
1. She doesn’t spend my money on really expensive gold (unlike most paks)!
2. She doesn’t leak any family info and very careful about what she discusses with others.
3. She spends lots of time teaching the kids quran.
Javeria
April 3, 2011 at 2:00 AM
Salaam,
So many people have given such beautiful responses mashaAllah, to the people who are happily married, what do you think you’ve done on your part to maintain such strong marriages? Any specific habit you have, the way you respond to certain situations?
Thanks :D
Amreen Rehman
April 3, 2011 at 11:02 AM
This is an amazing activity to realize the value of the person who is most special to you. We often start takin him or her for granted which makes us forget the wonderful qualities they possess. Allhumdulliah this activity made me realize the beautiful qualities my husband possesses and has made fallen in love wid him all over again. However i could not limit myself to only 3 qualities so here are the following few qualities:
1. His patience to deal with my nonsense.
2. His sense of humour. 3.His surpises which always bring a smileonmy face. 4. His help in the household chores no matter how tired he is he is always fresh for me. 5. His understanding nature. He goes out of his own way to grant me what i want. I can commuincate my feelings with out thinking twice. 6. His personality In ALways APOlogizing first to end the argument. Allhomdulliah im very thankful to Allah to grant me a such an amazing spouse and secondly to My HUbby FOr making mi life so beautiful. Amreen REhman
SoulSeek
April 3, 2011 at 12:45 PM
I dropped a blog entry on this a while back. Picking 3 is a toughie. But I’ll paint a simple picture…
Waking up to her smile. The long days are worth it.
She can take a diss/joke and throw it back. She makes me laugh.
A girl that is competitive with the right kind of attitude. She wants to outpace me on the beach and beat me.
The kind, that when it’s snowing, she would be up for going for a walk and have a snow fight. Even kick my ass.
The type that appreciates and acknowledges that I understand how much she’s done for me. I want her to go and relax whilst I prepare dinner. Boy has she got an appetite. I like a girl that knows her food.
When the going gets tough, she knows that regardless of how different our views are, we’ll succeed. Understands her position and responsibility as a woman and mine as a man. Respect.
Someone that can just sit and chill anywhere without complaining. You know, like your best mates. Companionship. Homie.
After a long day at work, she’s the one thing you look forward to the most. My girl.
My wife.
As a single guy who’s been on the market for a while you think, simple right? Haha :) Khair Insha’Allah.
Umm Zahra
April 4, 2011 at 1:47 PM
To SoulSeek:
An utopian dream of an utopian wife. You never know, if Allah wills, it may happen. Then, you have cute little kids and then everything comes to a screeching halt. A very rude awakening.
Nice entry though.
SoulSeek
April 4, 2011 at 3:14 PM
You think?
Ironically plenty of non-practising girls fit the bill perfectly. It’s something the majority of sociable people posses. A reality.
I think your definition of utopia got muddled up somewhere.
:)
J
April 4, 2011 at 5:24 PM
Erm, I’m sorry are you the same Umm Zahra that made the earlier entry about being blissfully married for 12 years? The earlier post was beautiful and optimistic, and this one would nullify it.
nyla
April 3, 2011 at 1:45 PM
Asslamualaikum all!
Wow, we’ve got a great discussion going on here, mashaAllah. It’s really good to see that all of you are focusing on the positives in their spouses. As I’m a happily single sister at the moment, I’d like that my spouse have these three winning qualities, inshaAllah :-)
– Honest (no matter what).
– Funny, fun loving and positive, always up for something fun (halal fun ofcourse!) and believes that doing things together as a couple adds to the fun and brings spouses closer to each other.
– Great with the family (both his and mine) and treats mine as his own (ofcourse his family will be mine too, inshaAllah).
Oh and:
– Forgiving and patient (I expect this from myself and him as these traits go a long way)
– Understanding and considerate.
– Affectionate and thoughtful
– Someone who would bring out the best in me as I would for him.
p.s: The above aren’t it any particular order. All carry equal brownie points :D
sakina
April 4, 2011 at 4:37 PM
Wallahi we really need to get all these comments published in a book. It would be so good, a cross between a halal romance novel and advice for Muslim singles. Seriously. Jazakumullahu khayr
Shaan R.
April 4, 2011 at 7:20 PM
Salaam ‘alaykum all,
Here are the things I love most about my wife:
1) That she takes her duties as a Muslim woman and a wife seriously. She knows the fiqh (one of her strong-suits :) and tries to follow it in a sincere and God-fearing way. Alhamdulilah.
2) That she always tries to please me and keep me happy. It can be difficult at times because of my pickiness and high standards but she always tries her best, and I’m happy with that :)
3) That she shares many of the same interests in life as me (Islam, gaining knowledge, reading, writing, traveling, exploring the world, meeting people,…). And thanks to her, I have some new interests in life as well (e.g. eating out at nice restaurants – not easy on the wallet, but it’s worth it given the quality of wife I have :)
From Toronto!
April 4, 2011 at 8:03 PM
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
From a single bro:
1) Bold, confident, empowered and modest, yet not arrogant (Like A’isha RA)
2) Possesses good sense of humour
3) Athletic :) so she can jog on saturday mornings with me…
Peace out, salaam.
Zainab
April 5, 2011 at 12:53 PM
I love that he
1) Does his best to keep me happy (with both major things and small everyday things)
2) Makes me smile even when Iรขโฌโขm sad/upset :)
3) Is very pious, intellectual, and good natured
4) Strives to gain knowledge and apply it
5) Is my best friend, someone I can trust and talk to, and someone who I know will do his best to solve/ help me with the issue.
Muslima
April 5, 2011 at 4:41 PM
Married for 16 years.. Alhamdulilah!
1.Excellent father…masha Allah! Plays with the kids, guides them when needed, controls them if they go beyond and disciplines them when they misbehave
2.Raised by an excellent father so he inherited some excellent qualities masha Allah! Coming from a home where the men ask for everything while sitting in the table/couch my husband is just opposite. He would love to help me in the kitchen as long as I am there to give him company.
3.He cannot enjoy anything without his family whether its for short term or long term.If given a break and a chance I would love to travel or go on a trip by myself with “my” friends or with “my” family(without my husband or kids). But my hubby cant do that. His happy and cherishable moments are only when his wife and kids are around him.
Alhamdulilah!
Nabeel
April 6, 2011 at 9:23 AM
Assalam Alai kum,
“pause and ponder upon what you really love about your spouse”
Hmm, I think most Muslim girls in Chicago forgot this concept.
Single, 3 qualities I’d prefer.
1)Religious (needs to have both: knowledge of deen and its application in daily life)
2)Intelligent
3)Intelligent
Reason I put intelligence twice is because in my experience I notice good heart without intelligence is just as useless as intelligent mind without good heart. Either one by itself will harm you similarly. I haven’t met many evil people but have definitely encountered many good hearted foolish people.
Btw, in a hadith, Prophet (PBUH) said exchanging gifts increases love between people, compliment and smile are considered as gift. So this concept doesn’t just apply to husband/wife but can be extended to family members and friends. So guys feel free to tell your mom she has the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen in women above 40; and you can tell your wife she also has the most beautiful eyes in women younger than 40.
Lastly definitely give your wife a compliment while she’s getting upset at you, this will make them forget half the stuff they were going to say to you.
Inshallah may Allah bless all your marriages and may we single ones also find a wife who will pause more often rather than expecting us to pause all the time.
Ameen
hamid
April 8, 2011 at 1:39 AM
Salamunalaikum!
I wish to have these three Qualities in my future fairy.
1) Manners of Wise.
2)Humility of poor.
3) Contentment of ascetics.
Gibran
October 5, 2012 at 7:27 PM
Assalamualaikukm wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
I’m a Muslim, single, not looking for marriage right now.
But this thread is AWESOME. Whoever isn’t grateful to people isn’t grateful to Allah. So I decided to bump it.
Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi
October 6, 2012 at 5:41 AM
Gibran
JazakAllahu Khairin for your appreciation of the article.
May Allah grant you a spouse who helps you increase your Imaan and Taqwa, is a coolness for your eyes, and a source of many offspring. Aameen.