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My Journey to Islam: Nazeeha bint Renard
Guest author Nazeeha bint Renard shares with us the beautiful story of her journey to Islam.
You can ask me what I had for dinner yesterday, and I will stop and think. But ask me at any time, on any day, when I reverted to Islam… and the answer comes quickly to the surface of my mind.
Before I tell you “when,” I will answer the question of “why?” I was waiting to die. No, there was no illness of the body. My heart and soul were dead. My body felt like it existed without purpose.
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It was not a morbid feeling; I just didn’t connect spiritually, in my mind, to any faith. My family (who will remain private) and I were raised under the religion of Catholicism. (Smile) I was that girl in the plaid school girl uniform for 12 long years! I was finally free when I attended college.
Believing in God and knowing God, I believe, are very separate concepts. I attended church on the obligatory holidays. I would drop my coins in the faded gold box that was firmly welded to the candle offerings table. Kneeling down, I closed my eyes and prayed to any and all saints to help me.
College life, married life and divorce – all were basically lived without a firm grasp on faith. I was always spiritual (or so I thought), but did not claim any one religion as my own. It was only after having my son that I contemplated something more, a desire to be better and to find something greater in this world.
I was a stay-at-home mom doing my best to raise a “good person.” To give my son unconditional love, and provide him the opportunity to give back to this world. The strange thing for me was I could teach my son how to pray, however, I was unable to teach him about faith.
One day while I was doing my routine housework, I started watching a documentary about the fastest growing religions in the world. Catholicism, Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism were the featured religions. When the history of Islam was featured, I thought, “This is it!” My heart literally changed its rhythm. I can’t explain it… it can only be experienced. My eyes cried over the sound of the Athan (the call for prayer) until I could barely see the screen. I remember going to the PC and searching frantically for this “music” I had heard. It was not music, but a call to worship Allah.
The year was 2007 and I said my Shahada and became a Muslim. I have a faith that is more important to me than anyone and anything in my life! Life for me revolves around Islam, not the other way around. I have lost some friendships, but I will not compromise my beliefs for anyone.
My family is very small, and is not what I would call practicing Catholics. My announcement that I was a Muslim came over dinner and was greeted with complete silence. I mean, crickets chirping… But as time passed and my mother and son (who is 21) saw that I was very serious, they still said nothing. My son is accepting and my mother feels I am “sad and unhappy” or going through a phase. You have got to love her. Well, at least I have to love her.
That is all I will say about them for now. I love them deeply and will always make supplication for my mom and son to accept Islam, Insha’Allah. Each day, I love more, and learn more. Does Islam assure me happiness? No, but it does give me the freedom to be a stronger woman.
I started wearing the hijab in stages. Six months after taking my Shahada, I felt the desire to cover yet, I was still nervous of public reaction. The wearing of a bandanna became my introduction to my new life as a Muslim. The first time I went outside a sense of calm overwhelmed me… even though my neck was still visible a transformation of spirit was occurring.
Within two months I was wearing the hijab full time! I still tear up thinking about seeing myself for the first time in the mirror. No longer was I seeing myself. Subhan’Allah, the reflection looking back at me was of a woman who was grateful. For the very first time I saw an outward appearance, that matched my feelings inside. I saw a Muslimah at peace with herself.
I wear my hijab only to please Allah. There are no Muslims in my family, and I am not married. So the answer to if I am being forced to cover is a happy and sincere “No.”
My beauty and femininity are not displayed for the public, or defined by what the fashion magazines say is beautiful. In fact, my makeup routine consists of a clean moisturized face and vanilla scented lip balm.
My hijab is not worn as a political symbol. The way I tie it, or the pins which may adorn it are not the issue. More recently increasing government pressure is mounting to ban the wearing of the hijab and veil. It is beyond comprehension how a group of non-Muslim elected government officials can speak for the choices made by Muslim women!
They say “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Maybe someone should tell these government leaders and their supporters… “Don’t judge the Muslimah for her cover!”
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LinguisticMiracle
August 21, 2010 at 8:57 AM
Asalaam alaikum warahmatulah wabarakatuh
Wow, really nice story masha’ Allah! I think that bandanna idea is good as a gradual approach for the hijab. May Allah have mercy on you, and keep you strong. ameen.
Hafsa
August 21, 2010 at 12:26 PM
SubhanAllah! Wonderful story!
Manna
August 21, 2010 at 1:08 PM
“Don’t judge the Muslimah for her cover!â€
… i like it!
Truth Muslimah
August 21, 2010 at 1:47 PM
SubhanAllah and MashAllah my dear sister. Welcome to Islam.
Some parts of your story truly display the amount of pain, hardship and rejection you have faced along your journey to Islam. However, the amount of content and hapiness you’ve found at the end truly resonates to us readers.
Personal satisfaction in life is the most important thing, and since Islam has given you that, the hardships will be worth the rewards.
May Allah secure a place in Jannah for you, and may He guide your family to discover the beauty of Islam, as He has done for you.
InshAllah !
Truth Muslimah
August 21, 2010 at 1:48 PM
MashAllah
Hassan Adnan
August 21, 2010 at 6:49 PM
Awesome. May Allah increase our Iman. Praise be to the Lord of the Worlds.
Waris
August 21, 2010 at 8:20 PM
@ When the history of Islam was featured, I thought, “This is it!†My heart literally changed its rhythm. I can’t explain it… it can only be experienced. My eyes cried over the sound of the Athan (the call for prayer) until I could barely see the screen.
Tafseer of the last part of AYAT Noor. The way the oil catches fire without coming into contact with fire or a spark.
Amazing !!! May Allah keep her firm on the path.
Siraaj
August 21, 2010 at 10:25 PM
Salaam alaykum sister Nazeeha,
May your good example and patience with your family be the example that provides a bridge for them to become Muslim :) Jazakallah khayr for sharing your story, it was iman-raising to read it.
Siraaj
Sara
August 22, 2010 at 2:37 AM
Assalaam Alaikum sis Nazeeha,
What a beautiful story, MashaAllah! Even though I have been Muslim all my life, Alhumdulillah, reading of the peace you felt in turning to Islam and love for the deen really resonated with me.
May Allah (SWT) continue to increase your iman, Ameen. JazakAllah for sharing. =)
Shukri
August 23, 2010 at 1:49 AM
MashaAllah sis, May Allah swt. increase your Iman and give you a beneficial knowledge and give you the best of this world and the best of the hereafter, ameen. Jazakallahu kheyr for sharing your story with us. And may He swt. guide your family to the truth as well, ameen .
Hannah
August 23, 2010 at 10:31 AM
niceeee niceee. i almost feel sorry for the brothers cus they dont require any scarf and that liberating feeling that goes along with it.
Mansoor Ansari
August 23, 2010 at 11:57 AM
Men have beards :)
Nazeeha
September 17, 2010 at 4:55 PM
As’salamu Alaykum wa Rahmat’Allahi wa Barakatuh
Even though it has been a few weeks since this has posted, I wanted to give a personal thank you to everyone who took the time to read and reply to my post.
I am just returning to the internet after some time away for Ramadan and other matters. My dua’s are for each of you, and I thank Allah swt for your kind words of support an encouragement.
May we all continue to grow in our iman and be the best of examples of the Muslim Ummah.
Jazak Allah Khairum
Your sister in Islam, Nazeeha
Mohammad Aamir
September 29, 2010 at 6:35 AM
Assalam alaikum wr wb
SubhanAllah
its very nice story. Its i can’t cry in office. but its increase my decision to keep my beard. i m trying from 1 months to keep my beard. May Allah guide yr family and make more strong u of islamic way.