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Do You Understand Yourself? Psychology in the Light of Quran and Sunnah

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MuslimMatters is excited to welcome Haleh Banani on board, a trained and experienced psychologist and practicing Muslim sister. She has a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology from the University of Houston, and over 10 years experience in diagnosing mental and emotional disorders and administrating programs of treatment.  She has given inspiring lectures in the U.S., Dubai, Jordan and Egypt. Read more of her biography here. Haleh will be helping MM take the next great leap in helping our communities and families by providing information that will help the healing process where psychological disorders or social problems are taking a toll. We are formulating a column where Haleh will answer selected reader questions on a periodic basis. If you have suggestions of what you would like to see, feel free to add them here.

Join us in welcoming Sr. Haleh!

Do You Understand Yourself? Psychology in the Light of Quran and Sunnah

If you are breathing and interacting with others you need psychology!  You may think that psychology is just common sense and not really a necessity.  But I beg to differ.  Limiting beliefs and cultural taboos of “shrinks” may be hindering you from seeing the value of what this field has to offer.  Now, I’m not suggesting for all of you to run out and make an appointment with the nearest therapist, but what I am asking from you is to have an open heart and an open mind while reading my articles.  If your cup is full or turned upside down you will not be able to receive any benefit.  Knowledge of psychology can either simply enhance your life or completely transform it. In my practice, I have worked with many suicidal clients that had lost their will to live.  Using psychology in the light of Quran and Sunnah, they not only choose to live, but they are living with purpose celebrating life, Alhamdulillah.  Psychology can help you to understand yourself, which will affect every aspect of your life.  By understanding yourself you will be much more capable of relating to others.  That means having a better relationship with your spouse, raising your kids with ease and deliberateness, learning to be a better friend, and achieving success at school or work.

Learning psychology can help you to understand yourself on a whole new level.  It’s absolutely fascinating to learn how your psyche works – what makes you tick, what motivates you, how to overcome fears and phobias.  Once you know how your mind works, you can start programming yourself for success. You no longer have to stumble upon  success  – you can aspire, plan and achieve while putting your complete trust in Allah. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust in Him (Surah Al-Imran 3:160). You will no longer be at the  mercy of other peoples’ approval or validation because you can learn to accept yourself and in accepting yourself you can accept others.  In learning about behavior modification, you can learn how to motivate yourself and others to make that oh so necessary change; like shedding 20 pounds, giving up bad habits, forgiving others, controlling your anger and getting organized.  Allah will never change the state of the people until they change themselves (Surah Al-Anfal 8:53).

If it’s not motivation you are lacking, you can learn to cope better with all of life’s challenges. Learning coping skills can be a matter of life or death. Thousands of people die due to heart attacks and strokes because they never learned to cope with the daily stresses. Your outlook on life can become optimistic by becoming aware of your internal conversation which is called self-talk and you can even reinvent yourself by vigilantly avoiding negative thoughts the way you would avoid a poisonous snake. The pursuit of happiness has to begin within.  If you don’t like yourself, you can’t expect others to make you happy.  Once you like yourself, you will be able to embrace the people around you and focus on giving to them on a deep, emotional level.  Each one of these concepts I have mentioned requires an article to explain; however this is an introduction to the psychological material I will be covering insha’Allah.  Consider this article as a preview of coming attractions!

When you start becoming happier with yourself, the first people who will notice the change will be your friends and family.  Your relationships with them will improve significantly because you will no longer be consumed with your inadequacies.  Learning to accept yourself with all your shortcomings and imperfections will make you less judgmental of others.  You will be able to be more tolerant and respectful of people even if they are not your ideological clones.  Many times we classify differences in others as flaws and we quickly dismiss them.  This way of critically judging everyone prevents us from achieving a higher level of empathy and insight.  Many times in hearing different perspectives, we broaden our understanding and become more compassionate.  This compassion is essential within families. Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than Sadaqah (charity) (Surah 2 Al-Baqarah:263). Genuine acceptance, sympathy and forgiveness creates an environment conducive to effective communication and conflict resolution.  Learning the fine art of expressing your needs and resolving problems could drastically improve the quality of your family life.

As you nurture yourself  and improve your family life, you will become more at peace, exuding  happiness and confidence which will make you  more appealing. But all the appeal in the world cannot compensate for a lack of interpersonal skills with your spouse.  Having the skills to nurture this vital relationship and the diplomacy to resolve conflicts will transform your married life.  He grants wisdom to whom He pleases; and whoever is granted wisdom is indeed given a great wealth (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:269). When you acquire the necessary tools  and wisdom to nourish your relationship, serenity will descend and difficulties will become more manageable.

Having a strong and stable relationship with your spouse should be a prerequisite to having children because of the impact it has on their personalities and their lives.  Not only do people lack the skills or role models in having an efficacious relationship, they also believe they can just improvise on parenting without any prior training or knowledge.  Ask people of knowledge if you do not know (Surah Nahl 16:43). It’s disheartening  to know that a person is required to take courses and seek training from experts in order to drive or hunt, but when it comes to becoming a parent and raising the future generation there are absolutely no criteria.  Seeking knowledge within psychology regarding effective parenting and applying the beautiful example of our beloved Prophet (peace and salam upon him) will enable us to have a map which will guide us in the rugged and unpredictable terrains of parenting.

Empowered with the knowledge of psychology within the Islamic framework will have you parenting with ease and deliberateness, while reaping the rewards of gratifying relationships. You will introspect and understand your emotions, which will enable you to be more accepting of yourself and others.  Aspirations will be achieved with simple guidelines when accompanied with perseverance and trust in Allah.  It is my hope that this article has wet your appetite for learning more about psychology in the light of the Quran and Sunnah, insha’Allah.

Haleh Banani has a Master degree in Clinical Psychology with 20 years of experience working with couples and individuals. She was a featured expert on Al-Jazeera international, Huda TV, Islamic Open University, Mercy Mission and Bayinnah TV. Haleh is an instructor for Ilmflix and Qalam Institute. She is an international speaker and writer.

96 Comments

96 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Arif Kabir

    May 24, 2010 at 12:39 AM

    JazaakAllahu Khayran for this – can’t wait to read your articles explaining the topics mentioned above in more depth! Mabrook on joining the MM Staff!

    On a side note, it says on your biography, “psychoanalyzing everyone”. It sounds lighthearted, but is this part of what you do as a psychologist? I didn’t know psychoanalysis was a method used by Muslim psychologists (a lot of Freud’s theories practices seemed unusual to me) so I was just curious.

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      May 25, 2010 at 3:48 PM

      Thanks – I was just joking about psychoanalyzing – should of just said analyzing.
      I’m a cognitive-behavior therapist that does solution- based, short term therapy
      so I don’t delve much into psychoanalysis.

      • Avatar

        DR.NISAR AHMAD WANI

        May 29, 2016 at 11:27 AM

        Assalamualikum there is the need of scholars who will high light n relate the psychology with holy quran and hadith

      • Avatar

        irshal

        August 25, 2016 at 4:01 AM

        i got birth in religious family but i am facing lots of problems .all time bad sexual thoughts are coming to my mind.if there any solution in the light of quran if anybody can please.and i am not able to do the namaz properly.i am also a dippression patient.

  2. Avatar

    Sayf

    May 24, 2010 at 12:49 AM

    Welcome to the family Sr. Haleh! I’m very excited to read insightful pieces from the world of clinical psychology. A really awesome addition to the already stacked author lineup. Excellent work MM!
    May Allah accept the strife in his cause and shower us in blessings! Ameen.

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      May 25, 2010 at 3:49 PM

      Thank you for the warm welcome!

      • Avatar

        Omer

        November 2, 2014 at 12:56 PM

        Asalam o Alaikum, Sister did you also get religious education in order to co relate Islam with secular psychology.

  3. Avatar

    abu Abdullah

    May 24, 2010 at 2:00 AM

    jazak Allah Khayr. barak Allaah feek. salamualaikum.

  4. Avatar

    Zeba Khan

    May 24, 2010 at 2:31 AM

    I am really looking forward to some articles that address mental health issues from an Islamic perspective. I’ve always thought that ‘Don’t be Sad,’ and ‘There is no such thing as depression in Islam’ are two very flawed statements that prevent Muslims from seeking spiritual and psychological help by outright denying the problem.

    So sister, any advice for young mothers out there struggling with post-partum depression? I know a few myself, and would love to refer there to Muslim Matters rather than a secular or un-Islamic source that may not have relevant solutions.

    JazakAllahuKheiran!

  5. Avatar

    Muslim

    May 24, 2010 at 2:33 AM

    Mashallah a great idea to add to this already awesome website! Can’t wait to read those articles sister. Welcome to MM

  6. Avatar

    Sister

    May 24, 2010 at 3:11 AM

    Masha’Allah how exciting! I am a sister who plans to be a psychologist one day InshaAllah in order to please Allah and then serve the community (and yes, our community has a lot of issues! subhanAllah walhamdulillah!). It’s SO encouraging to see a sister writer here who I can look up and hopefully be in touch with about my future ambitions. Good work for bringing Sr. Haleh on board, MM!

    Is there any way I can personally reach sr. Haleh?

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      May 25, 2010 at 3:51 PM

      Thanks for your enthusiasm! I’m glad that there is such an interest in my topic. I get excited when Muslims enter the field of psychology. It is so needed! Insha’Allah you will be successful. You can contact me at: psychology@muslimmatters.org

  7. Amad

    Amad

    May 24, 2010 at 3:36 AM

    I think the addition of Sr. Haleh is an incredibly important step for MM, and we are so glad and thankful that she chose to join our team.

    • Avatar

      Haleh

      May 24, 2010 at 3:59 PM

      Thanks everyone for your support. It’s wonderful to be a part of this team! Insha’Allah that it will be empowering!

      • Avatar

        zahid arif

        October 16, 2015 at 2:24 AM

        wow….very learning article about psychology and islam

      • Avatar

        Abdul Qaadir

        August 24, 2016 at 1:03 AM

        Salaam Alaikum, I have a strong passion for psychology & cognitive research, Alhamdililah , Subhana Allah Wa Ta alaa for his BARAAK & allowing me to be Muslim. Islam & Psychology. Is very much needed for not just the Ummah but for humanity as a whole so much Fitnah around us. Shukran for your long hours & dedication in your field it isn’t easy but Allah Azza Wa Jalla gave you a gift & your using it well BARAAK Allah u Feek. Salaam Alaikum.

  8. Avatar

    Sally

    May 24, 2010 at 4:05 AM

    Welcome! I am excited to read your writing. I’ve always felt that psychology and Islam complement each other so well. So many ayat and ahadeeth talk about the “nafs” and the “heart” and really directly address the psychological components of our human experiences. Take, for example, the morning and evening athkar. All those beautiful duaas are like daily affirmations of the abundance in our lives, and the protection of Allah for us while we work, and our satisfaction with Allah (swt) and prophet Muhammad (pbuh) as our prophet. It’s very powerful and simple way to appreciate the blessings of Allah. The Quran and Sunnah explain in clear terms how to think and act to be successful human beings (aka psych of how to be exemplary role models for humanity) and so much benefit can be reaped from this “divine counseling” =)

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      May 25, 2010 at 3:44 PM

      Your so right! I always say that there is so much psychology embeded in the Quran and
      everything in the sunnah guides us to being more mindful. I like what you said about the
      the athkar being a daily affirmation and the divine counseiling – so true :)

      • Avatar

        Iqra

        August 31, 2015 at 4:59 AM

        Assalam o alaikum.. I want some more info about self respect in islam with Islamic verses and hadith. can u please help me.??

  9. Avatar

    sister

    May 24, 2010 at 4:50 AM

    assalamualkum sister,

    welcome .Jazakumallahu khairaan for sharing.

  10. Avatar

    Ahmed

    May 24, 2010 at 5:07 AM

    Salam,

    Very nice article, I have been trying to find books on this subject. Especialy related to the the way the Prophet taught people and its psychological explanation. The few books I found in Arabic were disapointing they were too technical, rather than providing fine exposition of psychological explanations of the Quran or Prophetic way of teaching. The books I have come across so far are:

    Al-Quran wa Uloom Al-Insaan,
    Quran Kareem Aur Ilmul Nafs , Usman Najati
    Marifatu Nafs Al-Insaaniy Fi Al-Quran wa Al-Sunna , Sameeh Atif Zain

    If you know of any good resources on this subject it would be appreciated !

  11. Avatar

    Farooq

    May 24, 2010 at 7:16 AM

    Raising children, dealing with misbehaving teens, how to attract your enemies, how to create and understanding between parties that refuse to compromise or budge are things that I would like addressed.

    Congradulatins to Heleh Banani and MM. This is a lacking department amongst Muslim communities.

  12. Avatar

    Um Nuh

    May 24, 2010 at 7:18 AM

    Asalamu alaikum,

    This is a topic of great interest to me, Alhamdulilah. I have personally experinced mental health issues within my family. Would be interested to know if you will be covering any particular illnesses such as depression, Bi Polar etc.

  13. Avatar

    Amatullah

    May 24, 2010 at 8:43 AM

    Welcome to MM sister Haleh, looking forward to your column! may Allah increase you in beneficial knowledge and deeds.

  14. Avatar

    A Single Mom

    May 24, 2010 at 8:55 AM

    Ma sha Allaah, Psychology in the Light of Qur’an and Sunnah starts to put teeth to Sister Zainab’s article The Lost Boys (and Girls): Bringing Back Young Muslim Teens. Like Brother Farooq, look forward to future articles on dealing with misbehaving teens. In particular, I would like guidelines on: 1) how much we can impose; and, 2) how much bandwidth do we give teenagers in the hope and prayer that they will eventually find As-Sirrata Al Mustaqeem for themselves.

  15. Avatar

    Ify Okoye

    May 24, 2010 at 9:16 AM

    Welcome to MM, I’ve been thinking about going into clinical psych, I’d love to hear more from a fellow Muslimah on issues pertaining to psychology. It’s not unusual to find myself the only one in class disagreeing with a statement from one of my psych professors, arguing instead from an Islamic framework or belief.

  16. Avatar

    FearAllah

    May 24, 2010 at 9:28 AM

    Awesome, would love reading more on this topic inshaAllah!

  17. Avatar

    Yasir Qadhi

    May 24, 2010 at 9:34 AM

    Salam Alaikum

    Mabruk Sr. Haleh, I’m really happy that you’ve joined our team, and look forward to reading your articles!

    Yasir

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      May 25, 2010 at 3:55 PM

      Shokran Sheikh Yasir, masha’Allah you always inspire us all to do more for the deen!

  18. Avatar

    Muhammad

    May 24, 2010 at 10:08 AM

    Jazakillah. I’m taking Psychology 101 this year and I really really like it. Like you said, I can know myself better. Alhamdulillah.

  19. Avatar

    Sayf

    May 24, 2010 at 11:44 AM

    And we were just talking about better role models for the youth….hehe.

  20. Avatar

    Umm Reem

    May 24, 2010 at 12:44 PM

    welcome aboard…looking forward to working with you once again :)

  21. Avatar

    faisal siddiqi

    May 24, 2010 at 1:20 PM

    Salaam, welcome Sr. Haleh! Mubarak on joining the team! As someone who has been in therapy with psychiatrists and psychotherapists, I’m really looking forward to your articles and your insight on psychology from an islamic perspective Insha’Allah!

  22. Avatar

    Mar

    May 24, 2010 at 2:48 PM

    Asalaamu Alaykum,

    I just want to say that I’m REALLY excited about this topic and very much looking forward on reading more about it! :) Insha’Allah

    Barak Allahu Feek.

  23. Avatar

    Sadaf Farooqi

    May 24, 2010 at 9:15 PM

    Your outlook on life can become optimistic by becoming aware of your internal conversation which is called self-talk and you can even reinvent yourself by vigilantly avoiding negative thoughts the way you would avoid a poisonous snake.

    My sentiments exactly!

    Welcome abroad Haleh. Psychology is one of my interests, particularly as Allah has alluded to human psychology so often in the Quran.

    I really look forward to reading your articles, insha’Allah!

  24. Avatar

    disturbed muslim

    May 25, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Assalamu’alikum

    Recently in a fit of anger, I hit my mum quite badly. The other week I said the most disgusting thing to her. I am known amongst the circles as someone ‘practising’ doing hifdh wa dawah – I just don’t understand why I did it and it is killing me. I fear Allah is going to debase me in this life and as I type my tears are flowing knowing that I have done bad. Just a warning to you all that shaytan can get you to do some evil things. Hows does someone make sense of this?

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      May 26, 2010 at 2:44 PM

      Wa alaikomos salam,
      When there is a lack of congruency between what we believe and our actions we will feel a great amount of pain, confusion and remorse. You obviously know what’s right and wrong or else you would not feel so down. Focus on creating congruency between your image and your authentic self by not altering your behavior when your at home. It may require you to imagine a respected person being next you – this will deter you from doing shameful acts. In order to overcome your feeling of guilt you have to do 2 things: Ask Allah to forgive you and kiss your mother’s hands and feet beg her to forgive you – for she is your way to heaven. It is through forgiveness that you will ease your heart. You obviously have anger issues that you need to address. Get help before you do more things that you will regret. Join an anger management class – seek a Muslim therapist. This problem will not just go away – you need to take massive action to make a change. You definitely have repressed issues with your mother – regardless of your past there is no justification for what you have done. The sooner you understand your issues with your mother – whether there are feelings of anger, resentment, abandonment or rejection you need to come to terms with it, understand it, correct it and move on.

      May Allah help you to overcome these issues & gain congruency in your life.

      Haleh

    • Avatar

      Ikhlas

      May 26, 2010 at 3:07 PM

      This might help you in softening your heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CYyfiEMNBk

  25. Avatar

    Fozia

    May 25, 2010 at 4:01 PM

    Excellent article, this part stood out:

    Once you know how your mind works, you can start programming yourself for success. You no longer have to stumble upon success – you can aspire, plan and achieve while putting your complete trust in Allah. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust in Him (Surah Al-Imran 3:160). You will no longer be at the mercy of other peoples’ approval or validation because you can learn to accept yourself and in accepting yourself you can accept others.

    For too long in my life, I have been too stubborn to give in to what is expected of me. But not strong enough to make a solid decision – almost always because I have sought acceptance from my mother and family. I have come to a stage in my life where I have realised that if I don’t try to change my mind set myself, I will waste the rest of my life in seeking acceptance.

    All I want to know is that Allah(swt) will not be displeased with me and that will give me strength the go forth inshaAllah.

    JazakhAllah Sr Haleh, may Allah reward you for inspiring words. Do keep me in your duas.

  26. Avatar

    elham

    May 25, 2010 at 4:13 PM

    I don’t think there is anyone who doesn’t want to know themselves better. Psychology interests everyone!.

    BarakAllahu feeki Sr Haleh, may Allah increase you and us in knowledge that will bring us closer to Him.

  27. Avatar

    Muslim

    May 26, 2010 at 1:51 AM

    Mashaa Allah, Rabena yebarek Sr Haleh. Looking fw to read your articles. Is there a possibility to include ones speaking to the teens because they really need it.

  28. Avatar

    Mona

    May 26, 2010 at 2:41 AM

    Salam Alykum Haleh
    I am thankful to Allah for this blessing. I am looking forward to all the insights you will shed a light on. Whoever is reading this, get ready for an enlightened discourse. This makes up a bit for what we miss Haleh.!!!
    May Allah light your way and guide your steps in this wonderful endevour.

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      May 26, 2010 at 2:04 PM

      Wa alaikomos salam Mona,
      Thank you for the beautiful dua – may Allah light ALL our paths!
      Your very generous in your compliment – I’m looking forward to
      getting your feedback :)

  29. Avatar

    Farweez

    May 26, 2010 at 9:51 AM

    MashaAllah. this was one article I wished there was more to read. please keep writing. Jazakumullah Khair

  30. Avatar

    africana

    May 27, 2010 at 7:59 PM

    we should not discount the possibilty that we may be afflicted by jinn disturbances or even partial or full body posession sometimes, as a result of black magic, either. this is well documented in the quran and hadith.

  31. Avatar

    ivoryTower

    May 27, 2010 at 10:03 PM

    It is my hope that this article has wet your appetite

    This should be:

    It is my hope that this article has whetted your appetite

    Could the admins or someone proof reading the articles please correct these types of errors before publishing? It detracts from an otherwise fine article.

    Jazakallahukhair

    • Avatar

      ramin

      November 4, 2015 at 8:29 AM

      “has wet” is correct
      wet has two forms of past participle: wet & wetted

  32. Avatar

    Mumin

    May 27, 2010 at 10:16 PM

    Alright then sister, let me throw this question in the ring, and see if you can answer it:

    What is the proper balance for Muslims, when it comes to being serious, and when it comes to being more relaxed, and warm to other people?

    Because we all know, when you are deep in concentration, (like planning your life to die as the most obedient slave to Allah you can be) you are not in a very playful mood and must utilize every brain cell of the body to support this thought. It’s like immersion.

    So, is it permissible to not be so friendly in these times?

    • Avatar

      Eddie

      January 15, 2016 at 2:01 PM

      Always smile for it is a (sadaqqah) charity. Our Prophet Muhammad(S.A.W.) was the friendliest creation in this world.If you are not perseveringly and moderately friendly to humans and creations, you are not following one of the Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad(S.A.W.)…What is the reward of following the Sunnah? Say, [O Muhammad], “If you should love Allah , then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” 3:31

  33. Avatar

    Najat

    May 29, 2010 at 4:21 AM

    Dear Haleh,

    Thank you for posting this article. All the points you highlighted about accepting oneself and thus being less judgmental of others and being compassionate, nurturing oneself and improving family life, the importance of having a strong and stable relationship with your spouse as prerequisite for becoming a good parent are all matters we strived with throughout our lives. However the part you where you mentioned “The pursuit of happiness has to begin within”, hit a cord. It is so true as I experienced it first hand when I was struggling with my grief. Looking forward to the rest of your articles.

    Jazaki Allah kheir my friend.

    Truly informative and inspiring just like yourself.

  34. Sarah

    Sarah

    June 1, 2010 at 6:49 AM

    Masha’Allah! Jazaaki Allahu khairan for this excellent article! :)

    I am beginning to delve into a career in the field of psychology so your input and insight based on your experiences are most appreciated! May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) reward you for your contributions to the Muslim community as well as Muslim Matters and allow these efforts to weigh heavily on your scales on the Day of Judgment. Ameen!

  35. Avatar

    Kaltham

    June 1, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    Masha Allah tabaraka Allah… I loved reading this article and definitely am looking forward to more insha Allah. This is very similar to the path I want to take my career to so I’m inspired in many ways. May Allah bless your efforts, guide you and guide others by you ukhtah!

    The topics you addressed in the article have been things I’ve been wondering about and realizing lately. Specifically speaking about loving yourself and forgiving yourself and others. Sometimes we don’t realize that the problems we might have with others is not coming from them, rather coming from within ourselves and that we actually have the power to eliminate them if we are willing to stand up to ourselves and correct ourselves. It takes a lot of courage to do this. It takes a lot of honesty with ourselves. We must be willing to analyze ourselves and reflect on our feelings and emotions. And when we open our hearts and minds to the book of Allah and the sunnah of His beloved messenger salla Allahu alayhi wassalam, we find an abundance of cure to that which we struggle with at a deeper level. The beautiful part of all of this is when you actually recognize your inner weakness, it becomes a struggle to get better… and this is what rasoolu Allahi salla Allahu alayhi wassalam called alJihad alAkbar: Jihad Annafs! May Allah increase us all in beneficial knowledge… I’m so happy this started on MM!

    Fi Amaani’Laah

    P.S. Someone mentioned the morning and evening adhkar… subhanna Allah, they are like a shot of spiritual, emotional and physical energy twice a day! I honestly feel the difference in how I feel when I miss them… May Allah grant us all consistency in our worship.

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      June 2, 2010 at 5:10 PM

      Thank you! I’m glad that you enjoyed it. The characteristics that bother us in others are usually our own shadows-the side of ourselves we dislike and try our best to suppress. When we realize this we are less harsh on others and more forgiving.

      Your right that it does take a lot of honesty and courage to conquer our shortcomings. Beautifully said. May Allah strengthen us all to overcome our weaknesses and to be empowered as an ummah!

  36. Avatar

    Abdullah

    June 2, 2010 at 5:32 AM

    Asalaam alaikum warahmatulah wabarakatuh sister Haleh Banani.

    I’m thinking of studying Psychology in university in the UK.

    Can you tell me what Clinical Psychology consists of? How did you find it as a course and as a job? Does it consist of memorizing studies (i hate that)? Or is it more about implementing psychological skills acquired?

    What does your job consist of?

    I just want to know more about your study in University, and then your job role as it evolved from beginner stages to more advanced. And how much benefit it could have in poorer countries?

    Jazakillah khayr. I hope you can answer my questions.

    • Avatar

      Haleh Banani

      June 2, 2010 at 4:53 PM

      Wa alaikomos salam wa rahmatulahe wa barakatu,

      Clinical psychology consisted of 60 hrs. credit in the masters program – I chose it because it was the most challenging and it required double the amount of credit hrs. Educational psychology and family therapy only require 30-32 hrs. Some of my fondest memories are from grad school – I found
      it very stimulating and insightful. There is of course some level of memorization, but the majority of the classes are hands on. The final year in Grad school there is a 6months -1 year internship where you can choose from various places to practice being a therapist. I did my studies in the states so it may differ in the UK.

      My job varies from helping people live to their highest potential to preventing them from taking their own lives. There are times I help couples overcome their difficulties and other times I help individuals cope with their fear, anger and stress. It is always mentally stimulating and no two cases are ever the same.

      The information I have learned as a therapist has helped me to be a much better mother and spouse alhamdulillah. It has given me insight into others which I find to be invaluable. I think that knowledge of psychology is helpful
      in all circumstances. In poorer countries, you can use your skills as a therapist to help individuals cope with their hardships and traumas.

      Insha’Allah that you will be successful!
      Haleh

      • Avatar

        Brother

        June 10, 2010 at 2:32 PM

        Assalaamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraakathu,
        What about operational psych? I want to do something in between applied and clinical psych. Please Advise

  37. Avatar

    abbasi

    June 8, 2010 at 10:08 AM

    thank you so much for such a nice publication it proved helpful to me as am student of psychology

  38. Avatar

    abbasi

    June 8, 2010 at 10:12 AM

    interesting to know hat so many students of psychology are are replying to this info……….nice so many

  39. Avatar

    zarnaz

    June 9, 2010 at 12:21 PM

    aasalam u alekum
    im a house wife…mother of two…..im suffering from anxiety and panic attacks i dont want to got to a shrink as i feel that if we have faith in A llah we can work our way and that is the reason why im still have a not so normal life but i really wanted to talk to someone who has a religious background can u help me plzzzzzzzzzzzz

  40. Avatar

    Haleh Banani

    June 11, 2010 at 2:53 PM

    Wa alaikomos salam,
    Anxiety and panic attacks are very disturbing and they can make you feel as if you are going to die.
    Why don’t you send me an email so I can find out more details from you.
    Psychology@muslimmatters.org

  41. Avatar

    Ain

    July 5, 2010 at 11:28 AM

    i’m now studying in international islamic university malaysia majoring in psychology
    u should collaborate with my lecturer, Alizi Alias….
    he’s a psychology lecturer….he always talks about psychology from islamic perspective

  42. Avatar

    ANSHAD SALEEM

    January 16, 2011 at 3:48 AM

    Assalamu Alaikum Mr.Haleh Banani,

    Am a new one in this website.Actually am a paranoid and i was searching hot to avoid my delusionsor unwanted thoughts by islamic way.Then i saw your article its helping me to referesh myself..but still am not cured 100%..but i have changed myself a lot…i have done a lot of sins and now am totally aware of my sins..so if you can help me to cure from paranoid you can sendme in my e-mail…Insha allah may it will help me a lot…

    Thanks & Best Regards

  43. Avatar

    Monica

    January 27, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    i was so excited to read ur article, thinking, subhanna Allah, i have found help! Also reading what you had written……” It is my hope that this article has wet your appetite for learning more about psychology in the light of the Quran and Sunnah, insha’Allah.” and ” Consider this article as a preview of coming attractions!”

    Now i am saddened, once again, now that i have learned you haven”t posted any of the follow up articles to your introduction article. You wrote the teaser in May 24,2010 and it is now Jan 27, 2011.

    InshaAllah please assist me if i am incorrect, and somewhere within this site are the follow-upatricles to this one, where elaboration on each of you key concepts mentioned is available.

    I desperatley need help, and your article was as if it were written for me. I bought it, hook, line, and sinker….but now that i am in agreement and believing in this approach to psychology with Islamic approach, i am left dangleing here.

    Thanks, Monica

  44. Avatar

    Ahmad

    March 14, 2011 at 4:55 AM

    I have been suffering from lack of confidence, self-respect, and deep pessimism for a very long time. Most of it is a direct result of a medical condition I have which gives me very foul bad breath. I know I should go out. I know I should get an education. I know I should work. It’s these ‘internal conversations’ or self-talk that you have mentioned in your article which keeps me down and prevents me from accomplishing my goals and ambitions in life. Reading articles like this inspires me. Looking forward to reading more from you, insha-Allah. Jazakallahu Khairun.

    I found the following very comforting:

    Once you know how your mind works, you can start programming yourself for success.

    Your outlook on life can become optimistic by becoming aware of your internal conversation which is called self-talk and you can even reinvent yourself by vigilantly avoiding negative thoughts the way you would avoid a poisonous snake.

    Aspirations will be achieved with simple guidelines when accompanied with perseverance and trust in Allah.

    • Avatar

      Haleh

      May 1, 2011 at 4:02 PM

      I have a few suggestions to help with your bad breath:
      Make sure you floss after each meal
      Use a tongue scraper to rid your mouth of all the bacteria
      Gargle with 3% hydrogen peroxide (kills all the bacteria)
      Try to freshen your breath with cardimon- just pop a few in your mouth and bite down

      Hope that helps!

      Haleh

  45. Avatar

    Haleh

    March 14, 2011 at 7:05 AM

    Having a medical condition which causes you to have a foul breath can make you feel very self conscious. It’s more challenging to socialize and it’s always on your mind. First, I wonder if here is anything you can do medically to improve or illiminate your issue?

    If there is no cure you need to accept this test and make the best out of your life. Even though it can be troubling, you need to look at people who have much harder tests. There is a girl that I know who can’t move any part of her body except her fingers and face and yet she is an active part of society – she goes to neighborhoods that are drug infested in her wheelchair to encourage them to stop taking drugs!

    It all has to do with your attitude, your willingness to accept your test and your ability to reframe and do great things with your life despite this challenge.

    Focus on saying only positive things to yourself and stop beating yourself up. Capitilize on your strengths and talents.

    Haleh

  46. Avatar

    Iram

    March 14, 2011 at 2:03 PM

    Wooww this article is amazing mashaAllah!!

    Im studying psychology at university and have never seen it in this light, the way the article discribes.
    Jazakallah Khairun for this, it was really motivated me to carry on with my study and see it linking with Quran and Sunnah. Cant wait to read the other articles.

    ws

  47. Avatar

    Hazem

    April 29, 2011 at 4:54 AM

    Assalamu Aleikom, Sister Haleh.

    Thanks you for your all beneficial articles and May Allah the Almighty reward you on that.

    Recently I’ve been suffering from a psychological uncertainty , and so I would like to show you my case to overcome this Issue.

    Looking forward to hearing from you.

    Hazem
    Gaza

    • Avatar

      Haleh

      May 1, 2011 at 4:06 PM

      Wa alaikomos salam,

      Thank you for your comments. Send me a brief email describing your situation and we can discuss the different options.

      Haleh

  48. Avatar

    Meraj Shaikh

    February 10, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    JazakAllah Khayr, could you please suggest some books for a beginner on human psychology.

  49. Avatar

    JT

    April 23, 2012 at 1:51 PM

    Thank you for your posts – though I know this was an older post I hope you may still have time to respond. I am currently confronted with a student who desires to speak to a mental health specialist but her parents regard mental disorders or mental illness as nothing but fiction and the work of the devil. The parents are devout Muslims and I believe all they need is to see how Islam is compatible with Psychology. Do you have any other posts or publications that attempts to answer this dilemma? Thank you for your wisdom!

  50. Avatar

    Sauda

    August 27, 2012 at 11:06 PM

    alhamdulillah.

    i was so happy. its very interisting,mashallah:)

  51. Avatar

    Sauda

    August 27, 2012 at 11:09 PM

    i need ur advise because i have personality disorder… im always negative thingking and some disorders,so i need your help

  52. Avatar

    fatima

    December 10, 2012 at 4:05 AM

    i m a research scholar doing research in psychology. want to know about the strategies to reduce stress and mental health problem in the light of quran and hadith.

  53. Avatar

    Zahirah

    December 22, 2012 at 8:09 AM

    Wow MashaAllah! this article is just superb! I really love psychology..I have emotional disorders and at times I can’t even understand what I want. I really have problem communicating my needs with my family and now its even more difficult,I’m getting married soon but at times I feel I can’t communicate my needs to my husband to be also. I really want to read all your articles.
    May Allah help you and grant you courage to continue with your great work..

  54. Avatar

    ashraf

    July 31, 2013 at 1:55 AM

    very attractive and useful

  55. Avatar

    Dr.Kadar ali S H

    November 30, 2013 at 5:54 AM

    Sr.Haleh, Assalamualaikum,May Allah give you more Psy.knowledge to serve the human on the earth.InshaAllah.

  56. Avatar

    Sumiyah

    February 7, 2014 at 6:53 AM

    AA Sr.Haleh and a warm welcome to MM. I am very interested in learning about Quranic Psychology are there any books/resources that you can recommend?

  57. Avatar

    nazish

    February 27, 2014 at 7:31 AM

    I am a counsellor and Psychologist by profession.Beside that I am running an Islaimc supplementary school called Al jannah Academy based in UK. I am researching impact of Islamic believes on human psychology and finding very little resource and previous research. Only the related video I found on you tube was
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBfD9rawLd4
    Recently I am conducting workshops and seminars. I will Insha Allah upload them on youtube and will send you the link.

  58. Avatar

    muaz

    March 1, 2014 at 12:21 PM

    i also want to be a social psychologist… pls i need ur advice

  59. Avatar

    Nabia

    January 14, 2015 at 4:55 AM

    Heleh banani please help me out i badly need you or i will die :( Im in deep depression

  60. Avatar

    Huda

    March 26, 2015 at 8:16 PM

    Salam Sister!

    Alhamdulillah for this opportunity to ask a senior Muslim sister with regards to Psychology and Islam. im currently an undergrad taking Psych as major!

    I would like to ask, what is, or what do you think are islam’s views on mental disorders and health? I’ve heard so much from muslim brothers and sisters that depressed people are probably those who are distant from Allah and/or from Islam. But in Psychology it is treated as a medical illness.

    Also, this might be a little far fetched, but, do you think there could be any relations between delusions/hallucinations (symptoms common in certain disorders) and being able to see otherwordly beings (i.e. Jinn)? Ive always been wondering that!

    JazakilLah Khair!

  61. Avatar

    Salami

    April 10, 2015 at 12:54 AM

    I really like to Muslims in the field of psychology. Am presently doing my phd in clinical psychology in Malaysia. My research centres on integrating the Islamic concept of hope and sense of gratitude into CBT in treating depressed patients. I will like to see more of this postings and also wish to be part of this team…MM

  62. Avatar

    Salami

    April 10, 2015 at 12:55 AM

    I really like to see Muslims in the field of psychology. Am presently doing my phd in clinical psychology in Malaysia. My research centres on integrating the Islamic concept of hope and sense of gratitude into CBT in treating depressed patients. I will like to see more of this postings and also wish to be part of this team…MM

  63. Avatar

    Ali

    May 29, 2015 at 4:18 AM

    Allahuakbar l thank Allah 4 the wisdom you are sharing with humanity

  64. Pingback: Understand Yourself Pscyhology in the light of Quran and Sunnah

  65. Avatar

    aliyu ahmad

    September 3, 2015 at 1:33 PM

    ALLAH BLESS YOU

  66. Pingback: Do You Understand Yourself? Psychology in the Light of Quran and Sunnah | Haleh Banani

  67. Pingback: Do You Understand Yourself? | Haleh Banani

  68. Avatar

    mohamed shafi

    August 17, 2016 at 10:14 AM

    any surah related to be yourself?

  69. Avatar

    MohamedPP

    October 11, 2016 at 1:48 PM

    Please give valuable suggestions:
    I am PhD in Arabic and had 35 years of experience in teaching and Ednl Administration. Recently I completed MSc in Applied Psychology
    I would like to get more acquainted with Counselling in IslAmic Perspective What course ,training, workshops should I undergo for being a good counsellor.
    Pls advise me in the

  70. Avatar

    ABDULLAHI MOHAMED MUSA

    October 17, 2016 at 9:05 AM

    ASSALAAM ALEEYKUM WARAHMATULLAHI WABARAKATUHU.

    I have been studying psychology on my own on a mental framework of Islam as I plan to write on PSYCHOLOGY A TESTIMONY TO ISLAM.
    Your article is very beneficial and I request you to ponder on the below on cognitive aspects;
    In any psychology book, learning, cognitive aspects, epistemic curiosity and the likes usually make the first chapter. Here are the traditions of our beloved prophet Muhammad[PBUH]

    1 Learn knowledge from the cradle to the tomb.

    2 Be among the four but NOT the fifth, be learned or student or someone who listens to knowledge or helper[in knowledge] but NOT ignorant ie kun aliman au mutaaliman au mustamiul ilm au mainan wa LA ta kun Jahilan.

    3 The ink of a scholar is holier than the blood of a matyrer.

    4 The similitude of the learned against the illiterate is like the moon against the stars[on light]

    5 Seek knowledge even if it is going to China[which was the furthest known by then].

    6 The legs which went for knowledge are the legs which went for Paradise.

    These are some of the sayings of our beloved prophet who was without any formal education in the desert of Arabia which was previously undistinguished in human annals. To add to the above I have not yet mentioned the Quran but the first word to be revealed was IQRA and the first thing to be created was the PEN. THANK YOU. I use dowlo@15 on my 3 emails hotmail gmail and yahoo

  71. Avatar

    Ritz

    October 20, 2016 at 2:15 AM

    As salaamu wa alaikum brothers and sisters. I must say that I am stunned by the sheer intrest paid in the field of psychology by Muslims since the quran has all the answers what makes a Muslim take interest in psychology that has been put together by disbelieving people. Read the quran with understanding and with the right intention and full your obligations to your lord.

  72. Avatar

    Ritz

    October 20, 2016 at 2:23 AM

    I don’t take knowledge from the one’s who don’t know the true purpose of their own existence and nor recognise the creator.

  73. Avatar

    Abdullahi M. Musa

    October 25, 2016 at 7:53 AM

    Please download and read this book which is very useful in this field of psychology in the Islamic context.

    Jami al saadat The collector of felicities. Author Muhammad Mahdi ibn abi Dharr al Naraqi. Download in pdf from Google.

    SHUKRAN

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#Life

Bipolar Exiled: Oscillating between the Mind’s Terrain and Physical Boundaries

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By Farzande Jehan

 

“And what is the matter with you sister, you are not well either?”

She is speaking to me in Urdu. We are both Pathan. And now I am thinking of one universal ailment that I can supply this lady with and leave it at that. I say that I have depression. She looks at me puzzled, looks at the lady sitting next to her, searching her face for a clue but to no avail. Can I explain ‘depression’ to her? This is going to be difficult. Why don’t I..

“I have a mood disorder.”

Pakistanis use the word ‘mood’ and ‘moody’ all the time; she should know. As I wait for a response, the same blank expression on her face. No comprendo. Rescue her furzy, she is losing you.

“Okay, so sometimes I am very happy, bohth khush,” I raise my hand as high as possible, “And sometimes I am very sad, bohth khafa.” I bring my hand down low.

Ahhh!”

The thing’s been expressed in the right words.

To elaborate I say: “What I come here for…” -and there is newfound confidence in my voice too- “…is to make sure that it is leveled.”

This I demonstrate by slicing through the room with my theatrical hand. I resettle in my chair. I have successfully regained my right to be here. I am quiet not because I am rude, but because I need composure.


2009

I was 23, visibly Muslim, living in NYC, and just about ready to enter an adulthood promised to many of the youth of my time. I was a graduate student the year I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and had all but completed two of the courses that led to my degree. I owed many of life’s successes and some failures too -but more of the good- to my ex-commuter status. My family preferred that I live at home, so I’d take the D from Brooklyn and transfer to the 1 somewhere in Midtown (God help you on the weekends when maintenance reroutes).

The summer of my onset, two white passengers in an underground train whispered about the news of Michael Jackson’s death. The couple scheduled to get help from martinis to cope with their pain.

The isolation I experienced and the spiritual inclination I harbored from a young age worked as seamless elements in the pursuit of removing me from my reality… your reality. I lived in a place that was in extreme contrast to the ideals I cherished. New York did successfully provide the tools that accurately identified the whatnots so that the whats that mattered remained.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. How do you reconcile a reverence for a Deity that felt too far? My jugular vein reminded me of vessels and of things that hold quantity. Water indeed is life and Muslims agree that God is everywhere, so where do we draw the line? If I labored just enough, the distance that separated me from my Creator would shorten, I believed. The city that never sleeps left me sleepless.


A dirty curtain separated the men from the women. We were in the fourth season of the year and I start counting mine from Spring. My family returned to the go-back-to-your-country type of country in 2014, before Trump came to office and after Obama dropped drones on my ancestors’ homeland. A heater was supplied for the menfolk. The woman who was interviewing me earlier tended to her sick child, laid stretched out on the seat because her daughter had difficulty sitting up. Mental distress carries the marker of a plague struck in nations like the one where I live. Poverty exposes what little cover there is.

The office we were in was Dr. Rehman’s. His portrait was grinning at us. It seemed to be saying, “Give me your money you lunatic, you need help!”

An ayat from the Holy Quran about shifa, remedy, that it is ultimately in the hands of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), hung on the opposite wall, punching the arrogant grin in the face. In life we seek balance. The verse reassured me: “Don’t worry so.” It seemed to say: “Answer the man’s questions and go home happy – all is well.”

I breathed in as I looked down at my feet. I know that in Spirituality, things have specific destinies too and not just mortals. The thought that visits me from time to time: maybe it’s the shoes I am wearing that are carrying me to places where I don’t belong, belong.

A woman placed a prayer mat in front of me that day for herself. She was facing the qibla for the fourth time. I patiently waited for my number to be called. “Twelve!” I heard. Covering my face -because now I will be passing through rows of men- I got up to leave the patients’ patience testing room.


1997

I was twelve-years old in the year we immigrated to America, eleven when I first landed on the brave soil. We were arriving in two hours and mother wanted everything in order. The first thing she saw was the sight of her younger daughter’s head. My head! It needed attention. It required attention. I almost wanted to cry when she was brushing my hair, and not because she was pulling at the strands. I had tears in my eyes because I had tasted Tropicana orange juice with no pulp for the first time in my short life.

My best friend from high school had paid me a visit on my second hospital stay, I had been in treatment for four months and in denial of my initial diagnosis. The proceeding to dump all medicine and carrying on with life until trouble lurked once more -the serpent raising its head drama played itself out. It’s a common prelude that way too many people experience in the initial processing of a newfound knowledge about the self.

Brooklyn was hit by a storm so severe that my family walked several of the miles on the day I was getting discharged. There were no taxis in sight for hours and the MTA was not functioning. My friend was expecting her first baby and had rushed to see me. She had a bag full of oranges to give to me. The setting and the process of checking in to visit your loved ones -and not to mention the presence of other patients who are sometimes in worse condition than you are- has the potential to throw your visitors off. I did not want to shock her but I was too helpless in offering an alternative view.

People go to zoos to see animals in cages. Seeing me in a gown, though I had my head covered, a scarf -in that was the familiar-, had I seemed weak to her? Was I the sight people conjure when they think ‘mentally ill’? This was my friend, and I wonder how much of the stereotype I filled in for her and to what degree, if at all? Had she had pity on me or was being sympathetic her character trait? Shouldn’t unborn children be kept away from sick persons like me at that time?

Shattering The Stigma of Mental Illness

For those of us in societies where there is  chaos within and a violence outside, was I mentally ill if my brain is part of my body? I was bodily ill, wasn’t I? Organ-ly ill. My mind had not stopped working. I was not pagal*, No! (*refers to somebody who is insane and is mainly a pejorative in South Asian communities) My brain had gone into overdrive and my thoughts were shooting at each other. This I know because I lost control. How did I allow myself to become so wild that I needed to be tamed? What was this force? Was it even my fault and does every event have a cause? I must have looked like a prisoner yet I have tasted freedom. Out of my own free will, I carried a transaction to deposit the ‘me’ in me in the hands of the One who made me. Whereas qismt (destiny) is sometimes cruel, God we know is always Merciful.

It requires strength to hold an image of a person you care for, far removed from a space that you once shared and to meet them at that threshold. An image like that is etched in memories for long times. Sadaf knew of my liking of oranges. Her gesture meant more than any flowers ever could represent her love for me. My employer was her ex-employer, otherwise knowledge of my hospitalization(s) was usually limited to family. After getting discharged and being somewhat stable at this point, I visited her at her house. Ibraheem assumed that the beauty mark on my chin was nothing but a button! That if he pressed on it, I would turn into a walking/talking toy. I let him play for as long as he wanted since I loved seeing the smiles on his face and the way he would giggle. I’d behave like a robot and only stop the awkwardness when he’d press the button again.


The disorder that I have and the control that it has over me is somewhat like little Ibraheem’s curiosity. It presses a button and I turn into a person other than me. I please it. I entertain it to the extent where it starts to get bored or needs a diaper change not when I lose the strength to continue. The only downside in playing this game is that the thing habitually forgets to turn the button off. It leaves me running into walls and breaking things and getting hurt in return. We need a team of rescuers, a hospitalization, and strange medicine with stranger names to bring me back.

I was shocked when I first read in our Islamic literature that the Creator laughs.

Abu Razeen reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) laughs at the despair of his servant, for he will soon relieve him.” I said, “O Messenger of Allah, does the Lord laugh?” The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “Yes.” I said, “We will never be deprived of goodness by a Lord who laughs!” [Sunan Ibn Mājah 181]

I understand a thing like that somewhat differently from how others read it.

After spending my twenties toiling in making sense of it all, my recovery has a lot to do with a change of terrain. It is the distance I needed to sort things out. I studied Orientalism in New York but read Edward Said speak of his love for an aunt who helped Palestinian refugees find shelter in his Out of Place: A Memoir here in Pakistan. The human component of scholarship, something that was missing previously, became vital at closing the gaps of humanity I was made deprived of. Healing begun.

By sharing my story, I’d like for people who are diagnosed with illnesses like bipolar to keep steadfast. No matter your creed or the place where you are from, know that you are not alone. And for family and friends who bear witness to the turmoil that infects a loved one to stand strong. Your strength or lack thereof has a direct impact on our wellness.

In the Quran it says that we will be tested with sons and wealth [Surah Al-Anfal;28]. Having a mental illness is a kind of test that has no beginning, nor a definite end. Take care of your health before sickness visits you is a famous saying of Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him). There will be days when you feel frustrated and question the just ruling of a Just God. Reach out and feel blessed, for being a Muslim carries the weight of family keeping bonds.

Ideally, the Ummah is one that conducts checks and balances so that the affairs of our Muslim brethren are running smooth. Unlocking and internalizing the goodness and the kheir that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has placed in the world for our taking requires humility, an admittance of our own neediness followed by the realization of and acknowledging our smallness in a universe that is run not by us. Believing in God and trusting in Him are not the same.

The meaning of the word Islam is peace. Muslims exchanging the greeting of peace with other Muslims is an experience. Transferring that practice and truly living that peace needs patience. The challenge of living with and sometimes outliving a mental illness requires a tailored kind of submission. The hush of stability hums low in the beginning when loud is the announcement of a calamity. Faith after all is belief in the existence of hope alongside the tragedy that is life. What is more, our bodies are rented to us. The obligation of living inside them is not a punishment. It is a privilege. The challenge is to be at peace with our predicaments and that can be easily achieved since I believe that all of us are capable of nourishing our minds and feeding our souls, perhaps not at the same pace but the possibility of recovery is guaranteed once we take that initial step. It is realizing the potential of and exercising resilience itself that saved me. To transfer that hope in the mode of words is the least I can offer. May Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) accept, ameen.

Show, Don’t (Just) Tell – The Right Way to Tackling Mental Health

 

The writer is currently a doctoral student in American Studies at Area Study Centre 
of Quaid-e-Azam University, Islamabad. Previously, she holds a Masters in Liberal Studies from Columbia University. You may reach the editorial team of Muslim Matters if you wish to contact her.

 

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#Life

How To Be Positive In Hard Times

Amina Malik, Guest Contributor

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How to be Positive

We all know that we should be grateful. And we definitely know that we should be certain that whatever happens is good for us as believers. However, when we are tested -as we inevitably are-, many of us crumble. Why is that? Why are we not able to ‘pass’ these tests, so to speak? Many of us after a tragedy become hapless, sad, depressed, angry, or bitter.

The essence lies in knowledge that is beneficial, and the best form of knowledge is that which an individual can apply to their day-to-day life on their own. Here are a few tips to increase your patience in hard times. Like building muscle at the gym, it takes time to exercise this habit, but becomes easier over time:

Manage Stress:

Unfortunately, stressful events are abundant in our lives. People under stress can find themselves falling into thinking errors. These thinking errors include -but are not limited to-: black and white thinking, mind-reading, self-criticism, negative filtering and catastrophizing. Together this can affect how we perceive reality. Next time you are tempted to make a catastrophe out of a situation, stop and ask your self two questions:

  • Is this really a big deal in the larger scheme of things?
  • Are there any positives in this situation?

Have a Realistic Perspective of Qadr:

Although it is part of our creed to believe in divine destiny, personal responsibility is still of importance and we cannot simply resign ourselves to fate; especially if we have some sort of influence over a situation.

Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in the Quran:

لَهُ مُعَقِّبَاتٌ مِّن بَيْنِ يَدَيْهِ وَمِنْ خَلْفِهِ يَحْفَظُونَهُ مِنْ أَمْرِ اللَّهِ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ ۗ وَإِذَا أَرَادَ اللَّهُ بِقَوْمٍ سُوءًا فَلَا مَرَدَّ لَهُ ۚ وَمَا لَهُم مِّن دُونِهِ مِن وَالٍ 

For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah. Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron. [Surah Ar-Ra’d;11]

This puts the responsibility on us to change ourselves. Notice the word, themselves. We are not responsible for events beyond our control. These events include the behavior of our spouses, the affinity of our children to the religion, the love in the hearts of people, the weather, the gender of our child (or how many we have), or even the amount of money we will earn in a lifetime -to name a few. Often we become stuck and focus on our conditions, rather than focusing on our own behavior.

Nourish Positive Thinking:

How to Be PositiveIn order to be able to have a wise and calculated response to life’s events, we must learn to interpret these events in a way that assign positive meaning to all. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is after all, how we perceive Him to be. Shaytan interferes with this process through waswaas (interjecting thoughts that are based on negativity and falsehood). His goal is for the Muslim to despair in Allah’s subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) mercy. The goal is not to be happy all the time; this is unrealistic. The goal is to think well of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) as consistently as possible.

  • Create a list of what you are grateful to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) for daily.
  • Remind yourself everyday of the positive aspects of situations when your mind falls to default negative thinking. Self-criticism will will only encourage you to take full responsibility for negative life events and become depressed, or at the opposite end take no responsibility whatsoever; either mind-set does not help us improve our self.

Remind yourself as well as others of the benefits of Positivity:

  •  On an individual level, once we begin to think positive about ourselves and our life, we become optimistic. This positivity will then also effect our perception of others. We become more forgiving, over-looking, and patient with others when we can see the positives in any situation.
  • Increased rizk and feelings of well-being
  • Reduced likelihood of reacting in a negative way to life’s events; increased patience.
  • Increased likelihood of finding good opportunities in work, relationships and lifestyle.
  • Higher energy levels and motivation to take on acts of khayr and benefit.

10 Steps to Happiness!

Practice self-care as a daily routine:

Our bodies have rights on us. Our souls have rights on us. Our family has rights on us. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has rights on us. Often, when there is an imbalance in one area, our whole being can sense it. This creates anger and resentment towards those around us and life in general.

  • Take care of your body, feed it well and in moderation and exercise in a way that makes you feel relaxed.
  • Pray your prayers, read the Quran, maintain the rights Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and your own soul have on you.
  • Take care of your tongue by avoiding back-biting and complaining.
  • Take regular showers, comb your hair, brush your teeth, and wear clean clothes; even if you are at home.
  • Take care of your mind by doing dhikr as much as possible and letting go consciously of ruminating on situations.

A Powerful Dua for Happiness

Do not over-rely on your emotions:

Our emotions are a product of our thoughts. Our thoughts can be affected by slight changes in the environment such as the weather, or even whether or not we have eaten or slept well.

 

كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرْهٌ لَّكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَن تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ 

“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” [Surah Al-Baqarah;216]

How To be PositiveUltimately, our perception can be manipulated by our thoughts, shaytan, and other factors. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is not limited in His perceptions due to stress, emotions, or circumstances and moods. Therefore, we should be humble to defer our judgements to Allah’s subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) ever-lasting judgement. Far from naval gazing, the more we are aware of our internal perceptions, emotions, and motives, the more able we are to practice Islam in its full essence. Our forefathers understood this deeply, and would regularly engage in self-assessment which gives you a sense of understanding and control of your own thoughts, emotions and actions.

The Art of Overcoming Negativity

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On Prophetic Wisdom and Speaking to Children in Times of Distress

Rania Awaad, M.D.

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By Rania Awaad, M.D.

A remarkable trademark of the Prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon him, was that he spoke to children at their age-appropriate levels. To draw inspiration from the Prophetic wisdom on how to speak to young people, particularly in times of distress, one need only reference the Prophet’s gentle interaction with his young companion, Abu ‘Umayr, upon recognizing the child’s grief about the death of his pet. Perhaps the most striking lessons we learn from this interaction was that the Prophet, peace be upon him, recognized the child’s distress, inquired about it, then approached the child with gentleness, validation and in a non-blaming manner that both recognized and healed the emotions the child was experiencing.

It is imperative that we engage our children and teens in their moments of distress and avoid shying away from discussing difficult topics. When a disaster strikes our families and communities, it is very likely the young ears in our homes have heard snippets of our conversations and picked up on our own distress and that of other adults around them. While it may not be age-appropriate to give children the full details, hushed conversations coupled with little reassurance is a definite recipe for more fear and confusion. Here is a set of tips that we as parents can implement to help quell the fears and anxieties of our children and teens related to distressing news:

  1. It starts with us: Unplugging from social media, centering ourselves, processing our own emotions, debriefing with those whom we trust, being conscious of what we say and how. The way we react will have an impact on our children- our reactions cue them in on how they should react too. It is okay for our children to see us in a controlled state of frustration or sorrow as long as we are able to help them feel secure. It is also okay for us to delay the conversation with our children in order to give us time to process our own emotions- so long as we are able to get back to reassuring them.
  1. Prepare: How we talk to a 5-year-old will be different than how we talk to a 15-year-old. Simple language can be used with younger children while a more detailed discussion may be needed for older children. Educating ourselves about various angles of a tragedy helps us gain a sense of control and enables us to convey a balanced perspective to our children. In the Islamic tradition, we believe that good can emerge from any tragedy. Before talking to our children, it would be best to consider the key messages and values we want to express ahead of time.
  1. Inquire: Even young children may have heard about a horrific tragedy. If we have children in different developmental stages, we might consider talking to the entire family first at the youngest child’s level and then individually with each child.
    1. Ages 3-6: Avoid sharing horrific news with children in this age group if they are unaware of it. Only if we suspect they know something (like mentioning it to an older sibling or while playing, for example), should we ask children 3-6 if they’ve heard about anything that upset them.
    2. Ages 7-12: Wait and see if they ask us. There is no need to discuss horrific news with this age group unless we suspect or know they will be exposed to it. Signs of distress like regression or not wanting to go to the school or the masjid after news of a shooting, for example, are signs to invite them to talk.
    3. Teens: Assume they know- but don’t assume their knowledge is complete. We will need to fill in the blanks and correct flawed or misleading information they received from friends or through social media.
    4. Children with developmental delays or disabilities: Gear questions to the child’s developmental level or abilities, rather than their physical age. If the child is aware of the events, provide details or information in the clearest and appropriate manner possible.
  1. Listen: It is important that we first understand what is going through our children’s mind so that we can understand what they might actually worried be about. Many parents jump right to troubleshooting and problem-solving mode. Yet in doing so we may increase our child’s anxiety by projecting onto them our own adult-level fears. Listening with more than our ears helps keep us tune into our children’s non-verbal communication. Listening also means removing distractions like phones, computers and the like. It’s important to note that children may need to talk about what they are hearing and feeling for a number of days in order to process the implications.
  1. Validate: Open up the conversation by asking a simple question like, “What things are you concerned or upset about?” Once the child responds, validate their concerns even if they don’t match our own or make sense immediately. For example, “It sounds like you are feeling (name the emotion). I can understand that.” In trying our best not to minimize their fears, we allow our children to properly express their emotions. Children and teens often need help naming what they are feeling- labeling emotions (upset, angry, scared, disgusted, disappointed, etc.) helps bring them back to a balanced state.
  1. Simplify and Correct: Abstract ideas can complicate matters and scare young children. Using familiar terms and not over-explaining are both helpful for young children. For a mass shooting one may say, “A very confused and angry person took a gun and shot people. The police are working to making sure people are safe again.” Tweens and teens are more likely to hear news from unreliable sources, so they need the truth to come from us. They are more likely to respond better to us if we accept their sources but give them the tools to view the information critically. When we teach them to ask questions about what they saw or heard, it helps them think beyond a clickbait headline or meme.
  1. Model Hope and Faith: As parents, we need to model hope and strength in our identity as Muslims. Conveying pride in our Muslim identity and seeking solace in our faith is crucial to our children’s development. This is an opportune time to remind ourselves and our children that Allah is in control of everything and is the best of planners. Putting trust in Allah and channeling feelings of hopelessness into meaningful contributions to the world around them is one of the most important forms of healing. When children and teens feel that they can make a positive impact, it restores the soul and boosts the resiliency they will need their whole lives.

Most Common Mistakes:

  1. Minimizing: Suppressing the conversation or minimizing children’s reactions or fears can manifest itself in physical symptoms. Some signs to look for that they are having difficulty adjusting include:
  • Physical: Children may complain of feeling tired, having a headache, stomachache, or generally feeling unwell.
  • Emotional: Children may experience sadness, depression, anxiety, or fears.
  • Behavioral: Look for signs of social regression, acting more immature, or becoming less patient and more demanding. Children who once separated easily from their parents may become clingy. Teens may seek assistance to their distress from substance use.
  • Sleep: Watch for trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, difficulty waking up or nightmares.

Sometimes it can be hard to tell if a child is reacting in a typical manner to an unusual event or whether they are having real problems coping, and thus in need of extra support. If you are concerned, talk to your child’s pediatrician or mental health professional. If you prefer that your child speaks with a Muslim mental health professional, you can find ones in your locale here. Some Muslim counseling centers such as the Khalil Center offer both in-person and online therapy options. In all cases, do not wait for the signs. Start the discussion early, and keep the dialogue going. 

  1. Over-exposure: One of the most common mistakes is talking about horrific events in front of children and assuming they do not understand or will not be affected. The other major source of over-exposure is via media coverage of violent tragedies. Children age eight and younger have difficulty telling if what they hear and see on screens is fantasy or reality, and this ability develops gradually with age. This is why experts recommend against allowing children under age eight to view media containing any type of violence. Even after the age of eight, graphic or repetitive exposure to violence can cause children to virtually relive the event over and over. This can lead to children developing long-term anxiety, depression, anger, and even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
  1. Feigned Indifference: It is possible that despite our attempts to use the seven steps above to engage your children, they might not want to talk to us about their concerns. That is okay, but we must offer them alternatives such as other trusted adults who can help them. Also consider teen help lines such as Khalil Center, Stones to BridgesAmala Hopeline, or Naseeha. At the very least, let them know that help exists.

Keep marching ahead:

Tragic events stay in our collective memory and may cause very real fear and anxiety. However, they are also teachable and character-building moments to reinforce our values within ourselves and our children. As parents, it is important for us to practice self-care. Overstimulation from constantly checking our news-feeds will likely raise our anxiety levels which our children will likely pick up on.  As families, it is imperative that we connect with communities that provide spaces for encouragement, support, and understanding and serve a healing purpose for each member of the family.

Finally, a parting reminder that we are created to worship Allah, Most High, recognizing that He is in full control and is the best of planners. We must hold fast to our principles and values, and be a forward-looking people who constantly work on improving ourselves and the communities around us.

Helpful Resources:

1. The family and Youth Institute: After a Tragic Event.
2- The Muslim Wellness Foundation: Coping with Community Trauma.
3- The Khalil Center Confidential Helpline: click here.
4- The Khalil Center: Faith and Community Leader Training: Mental Health First Response Certification Training

Rania Awaad, M.D. is a Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the Stanford University School of Medicine where she is the Director of the Muslim Mental Health Lab and Wellness Program and Co-Director of the Diversity Clinic. She pursued her psychiatric residency training at Stanford where she also completed a postdoctoral clinical research fellowship with the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Her research and clinical work are focused on the mental health needs of Muslims. Her courses at Stanford range from instructing medical students and residents on implicit bias and integrating culture and religion into medical care to teaching undergraduate and graduate students the psychology of xenophobia. Her most recent academic publications include works on Islamic Psychology, Islamophobia, and the historical roots of mental health from the Islamic Golden Era.

Through her outreach work at Stanford University, she is also the Clinical Director of the San Francisco Bay Area branches of the Khalil Center, a spiritual wellness center pioneering the application of traditional Islamic spiritual healing methods to modern clinical psychology. She has been the recipient of several awards and grants for her work.

Prior to studying medicine, she pursued classical Islamic studies in Damascus, Syria and holds certifications (ijaza) in Qur’an, Islamic Law and other branches of the Islamic Sciences. Dr. Awaad is also a Professor of Islamic Law at Zaytuna College, a Muslim Liberal Arts College in Berkeley, CA where she teaches courses on Shafi’i Fiqh and Women’s Fiqh. In addition, she serves as the Director of The Rahmah Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to educating Muslim women and girls. At Rahmah, she oversees the Murbiyyah spiritual mentoring program for girls. Dr. Awaad is a nationally recognized speaker, award-winning teacher, researcher and author in both the Islamic and medical sciences.

You can follow her on twitter @AwaadRania and on Instagram @dr.raniaawaad.

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