I was in my final year of high school at that time and I clearly remember the buzz surrounding the show. Some expressed opposition to the name, which for them violated the sanctity of the classic, Little House on the Prairie. Most were excited to see a fresh, new and unique comedy about Canadian Muslims. An audience of 2.1 million people tuned in for the first episode; a record breaking and unheard of rating in Canada. The ratings declined over the years, but they were good enough to sustain it for six seasons.

It was a proud moment for me to see a show about Muslims air on national television. Along with the regular post-episode discussions on House and The O.C., I could now joke with my friends about Ammar's latest debacle or Babar's classic rants. At a time when Muslim youth were increasingly insecure about their identities, a show like Little Mosque helped boost self-esteem and self-worth for many.

But Little Mosque never set out to accomplish any of the things I've mentioned. It wasn't a show that was aimed at educating people about Islam or solving problems faced by Muslim youth. It was a sitcom that was meant to be funny; it just happened to be about a small Muslim community. It was Islam's Cosby Show. In the post 9/11 times where any normative depiction of Muslims in media was deemed to be too controversial, the CBC made the bold move of creating a whole show about Muslims. Not only were the central characters Muslim, the show revolved around the mosque which played a key role in the community's life. The CBC and Zarqa Nawaz, the show's creator should be recognized by the Muslim community for this historic feat.

The criticism and the lack of support at times from the Muslim community were disheartening for me. Sure, if you don't like the show, don't watch it. I agree that it wasn't a laugh-out loud comedy, and the writing was hokey and uncreative at times. But dismissing the show on grounds that the characters weren't observant enough, or that Zarqa Nawaz had some secret liberal agenda, was disappointing. Are you seriously hoping for a sitcom where the women dare not speak to a non-Mahram? Where the community isolates itself from the kuffar? Where the Imam goes around warning people of the evils of Western civilization?

Little Mosque had its shortcomings when it came to accurately depicting the orthodox Muslim community. Yes, the Imam didn't have a beard, had an awfully nonchalant attitude towards apostasy and might have shaken hands with the opposite sex in a few episodes. Zarqa Nawaz once explained that some slips happen because almost everyone on staff, from the director to cameraman, is non-Muslim. She alone couldn't possibly monitor every minutiae of the filming. Some aspects of the story, such as the Ammar's liberalism, are obviously intentional. You might not like it, but it's just a sitcom at the end of the day.

These shortcomings are miniscule compared to the number of things Little Mosque got right. The sitcom was the most accurate depiction of Muslims to date and succeeded in bringing the mainstream Muslim community to the television screen, especially at a time when secular and 'progressive' Muslims get preferential treatment. It represented all the characters we find in our mosques; the uncles, the converts, the feminists and the rebellious teenagers. It captured the conflicts between the young and the old, the tension between the liberals and conservatives.

It showcased, with great sensitivity, the first Muslim courtship on television; a social phenomenon which is still under development amongst Western Muslims. Peer-pressure faced by Muslim youth at high schools was also brought to light, as was their conflicts with immigrant parents. I would argue it even addressed issues which the Muslim community faces; I think organizing an 'Islamapalooza' is a great idea and partial hockey boards offer a reasonable solution to the prayer barrier controversy. Because of Little Mosque, people now know that Muslim women take the hijab off at home or that it is possible to be Muslim without having to wear one.

Little Mosque on the Prairie's idealistic worldview represents hope for our community in many ways— excluding its fiqhi failures of course. Our mosques today have closed doors and an unwelcoming atmosphere; not only to people of other faiths but to segments of the Muslim community as well. Women continue to be marginalized, and converts still grapple to find acceptance. I don't see our Imam playing checkers with the Reverend down the street, nor do I see bona fide bonds of friendship like the one between Babar and Thorne.

Mercy Mosque's setting was similar to the mosques of Muslim Spain, where the Christians and Muslims at times shared a common building for their place of worship. The series ended with the Muslims welcoming the Christians into their newly built mosque after their church was burned down. The new mosque was constructed in the image of Al-Rashid Mosque. This was Canada's first mosque and was built by donations from Jews and Christians, as the Muslim population in 1938 was minuscule.

Like Al-Rashid Mosque, Little Mosque reminds us that the vision of a pluralistic community co-existing is neither new nor impossible. Its message was simple: Set aside your prejudice, give up your spiritual pride and be a good neighbor.

Dr. O blogs at Muslim Medicine, a site that strives to serve only the freshest grade-A certified ẓabiḥah ḥalāl comedy. Contact your local ḥalāl butcher for more details.

Ahhh, Public High School. Despite graduating from there a little more than 5 years ago, I still remember my senior year like it was just yesterday. Probably because that was one of the most embarrassingly awkward years of my life due to my fobby mustache growing out of control. Back then, it was all about following ridiculous but popular trends, trading Pokemon cards (because no one ever really knew how to play with them), spending weekends studying for the SATs and the ACTs, Greg's pants falling down in the middle of the hallway, David getting dumped by Candice in the middle of the cafeteria, and of course, who could forget Katherine getting OWNED by a bumpy bus ride:

LOL!! HAHAHA!! I mean, astaghfirullah. I should be lowering my gaze.

Ahhhhhhh… …good times, good times.

But amongst all of the wonderful things that most High School Seniors look forward to, there's one event that every faithful Muslim brother and sister utterly dreads. Yes, my friends. I'm talking about the annual demonic festival of hormonally-repressed acne-faced youth who nefariously gather to revel in a night of fiendish debauchery in order to expend their youthful vigor in a druidic cabal of self-aggrandizement that irreversibly corrupts the faith of our community and decays the very moral fiber of our society.

I'm talking about PROM NIGHT.

Hold on, I know what you're thinking- based upon the sheer number of pretentious SAT words in that previous paragraph, you probably think that I was a huge nerd back in high school and that I'm only hating on Prom out of angry bitterness over never being asked out to it. You're right about the nerd part- but surprisingly, I actually was asked out to Prom by a girl in my AP Biology class, and boy oh boy was it an AWKWARD pretense for starting a da'wah conversation.

But anyways, my awkwardness aside, why is prom bad, you ask? Well, I hope you haven't been to one to know first-hand why it's not exactly an ideal spot for a very young and highly impressionable Muslim boy or girl, but just trust me when I say that for all of the temptations and nonsense that you have to resist in those High School hallways every day, Prom Night pretty much cranks the haram-o-meter up to level 10, and the after-prom parties crank up the haraminess rating to obscenely fitna-tastic levels. It 'aint a pretty sight my friends, and for some of the girls it doesn't get much prettier the morning after, so its best to avoid that cesspool of hormones altogether and do something more spiritually productive with your fellow Muslim friends like growing beard hairs (not recommended for girls) or putting cute henna designs on your hands (not recommended for guys).

This is what your nafs looks like on prom night…

…but this is what your īmān looks like

As this fiesta of foulness rapidly approaches at this time of the year and looms eerily over the susceptible heads of our young Muslim high school seniors, it's best to equip yourself with the very best of da'wah-proven techniques and certified ẓabiḥah ḥalāl abilities to ward off the temptations of Prom, and to come up with the perfect escape responses to safely dodge Prom questions and reject prom advances. Fortunately for you, I have just the guide to save your Senior year from ending in a blaze of regret!

PROM DATE REJECTION GUIDE FOR BROTHERS

Yeah, I know that awkward feeling, brothers. Every other guy in the school is hooking up with girls for the Prom and you're the sole dude in the class who isn't part of the search team nor even remotely interested in anything going on. Been there, done that. But sooner or later they're going to notice, and then it'll be your moment of truth- will you stand your ground and do your part for da'wah and defend your chastity and honor as a Muslim man? Or will you try to sneakily find ways of coming up with compelling excuses and dodging their judgmental eyes with well-timed defense mechanisms?

If the da'wah method doesn't work, then don't worry- I have a solution for you guys. Take it from someone who actually got asked out to the Prom in his senior year- I've got a whole swath of sure-fire techniques for you to dodge Prom, and reject date proposals from girls like a professional!

1 STOP GROOMING YOUR FACIAL HAIR

The epic sunnah-style beard is a universal symbol of masculinity and manhood- and to an unsuspecting girl, a nicely styled and combed beard with well-trimmed edges that behaves due to its mesmerizing bounce and volume as a result of your fancy L'Oreal shampoo and conditioner is a shining beacon of attractiveness that will no doubt entice her to ask you out to Prom. She probably wants to show off your beard to all her friends at Prom Night to make them feel jealous of your epic facial hair. But here's how to protect your beard from unwanted advances- just stop grooming it. Don't cut it, shape it, wash it, or even touch it for 3 months, and watch as your face becomes a powerful Prom repellent!

Nope. There isn't a single girl out there who would even think twice about asking YOU out to the prom once you look like that! Unless she's just as hairy as you are, in which case that hairy face will probably attract her even more.

2 STOP WEARING DEODORANT

This is by far the most effective technique of warding off girls from asking you out to the prom, so take special note of this highly-refined and deeply-complex technique, passed down from master and pupil for centuries. The technique requires a level of intense focus and preparation to perform, but I know that if you pull this off, you'll make your great escape from awkward Prom date requests. Take your deodorant sprays and/or bars, and carefully toss them in the trash. Then, every day before school starts, go jogging for about an hour around the neighborhood, and work up a good sweat. Then head straight to school without changing clothes or showering.

Trust us on this, NO ONE in that entire school will bother you about Prom again for weeks. Your body odor will kick like Bruce Lee, and your stench will be more offensive than a Danish Cartoon. Problem solved!

3 WEAR A FAKE WEDDING RING AND PRETEND TO BE MARRIED

This is without a doubt every single teenage brother's fantasy come true- finally, a chance to have a legitimate reason to wear a fake wedding ring and pretend to be married in public! YESSS!!! We know you've always wanted to do this ever since you were 13, so we're giving you an actual appropriate means of pretending to be married! Is it sad and pathetic? Sure. But does anyone else know that? Nope! And that's the beauty of this anti-Prom date technique.

Girls will instantly be repelled by your fake married-status, and if they're actually brave enough to ask you who you're married to, just tell them she's much prettier than they are, and they'll get offended and walk off (when guys ask you the same question, tell them that she's prettier than they are, too). Your fake imaginary wife will be so flattered you said that about her!

WARNING: depending on how well you convince others (and yourself) of your own marital status, this technique may very well stop you from actually getting married to a real sister later on in life. If this happens to you, I hope you've got a great imagination, because you'll probably stay married in your own mind for a long, long time.

PROM DATE REJECTION GUIDE FOR SISTERS

Yeah, I know that awkward feeling, sisters. Okay well to be honest… I don't, since I'm a guy and all, but I'll just assume I know what it's like for you. All the girls around you chattering incessantly about who they've got crushes on, and who they want to ask out to prom, and of course the hilarious stories of how the popular girls offer crushing rejections to the geeks over at the Chess and Math Olympics clubs. LOL, those poor geeks.

It's great to laugh at, sure- but when the girls start figuring out you're not going to Prom, and you're not expressing any interest in prom dates or prom dresses, you're gonna start to feel the pressure when they begin to cast their judgmental and condescending glares at you. That's when it's time to slam your foot down, straighten your ḥijāb, and tell them like it is!

…and if that doesn't work out, don't worry-I understand that High School is a much tougher place for sisters than it is for guys, and Prom time makes things even tougher. So here's 3 sure-fire techniques to repel guys from asking you out to Prom and to keep the other girls from harassing you!

1 WEAR A CONVINCING FAKE BEARD

Hahaha! Okay, I'm totally kidding with this first one. Well, I'm kidding with all of these absurd suggestions, but this one's pretty funny. Can you imagine how ridiculous you'd look wearing a ḥijāb and having a huge tuft of hair covering your lower face like a hairy niqāb? That's hilarious (and nasty)- but honestly, this would probably be the most POWERFUL guy-repellent in the history of mankind.

Maybe a sister who actually has one of these would be a suitable match for the Wolfman-brother shown above…

2 PUT ON A SCARY NIQAB

Wearing niqāb already makes sisters look like awesome shuriken-wielding ninjas- but putting on the right niqāb style can transform even the most shy and tame ḥijābi sister into a scary horror-movie slasher that no high school guy in his right mind would have the courage to ask out to the Prom. How exactly is this done, you ask? Its simple. Just take a look below:

See? 1,2,3 and presto! You've got yourself a sister protected from all sorts of temptations! And that costume makes for great da'wah conversation starters, too. Just don't head to any airports wearing that…

3 BRING YOUR DAD TO SCHOOL

There's only one thing that strikes more pure terror in the hearts of men than seeing a sister dressed up as a costumed horror-movie slasher- dealing with her angry dad. Want high school guys to leave you alone, or better yet, ANY guy to leave you alone? Bring your dad to school with you before Prom and watch in giddy glee as he scowls furiously with utter disgust and disdain at all of the poor, unsuspecting guys in your high school.

There isn't a single guy alive who would have the guts to even approach you within a 5 mile radius when you've got an angry dad standing behind you, lest they risk the paternal punishment of getting pulverized by a mountain of over-protective might. Angry-looking dads are one of the most effective anti-fitna tools that sisters have at their disposal to ward off unwanted advances.

WARNING: Do not allow an angry dad to come into contact with a sweet-talking pre-med Muslim student from a great family aspiring to be a doctor, who also happens to have all the same interests as your dad. The angry dad technique may completely backfire, and you might end up having an even more nerve-wracking situation to deal with than Prom itself.

—–

All in all, whether its a High School Prom, a Friday-night college party, or Happy Hour at your office, as respectable Muslim men and women, you need to avoid events and parties that you know for sure are going to be questionable environments that will tempt you towards that which is contrary to your faith and character. As the Holy Qur'an so beautifully puts it:

The one who does a bad deed shall be recompensed to the extent of the bad deed done; and the one who is a believer and does good deeds, whether man or woman, shall enter Paradise and therein receive sustenance without measure. [Surah Al-Mu'min, Verse 40]

There's a wondrous party filled with boundless things beyond your wildest imagination waiting up above in His Eternal Gardens. So if you had to choose between a single-night party at your local high school and a never-ending party in Jannah- which would you prefer to go to?

Times were much simpler a couple of decades ago, weren't they? Back when you'd collect hundreds of those free AOL trial CDs and pop them in, listen to the ear-grating internet dial tone for half an hour, and then wait eons for a simple website to load while making sincere du'ā' that your family members don't pick up the phone. Back then the internet was something new and exciting- Muslims had yet to discover its near endless virtual pastures, and as such, we actually had a lot more time to ourselves.

What kids nowadays think Muslim life was like before the internet existed.

Yes kids, its true! Life for Muslims somehow miraculously existed before Al Gore “invented” the internet. We had to painstakingly look stuff up in things called “books” and get our daily news from archaic scriptures known as “newspapers.” Oh and the debate over whether music was permissible or not? Trust me, you'd declare music a crime against the Ummah too if you ever saw someone walking around wearing this laughable ancient device:

If you actually know what this is, then you're old.

With the advent of the internet, you and I can now summon thousands of links and resources to a near bottomless trove of sites in a matter of seconds, and then share that information with hundreds of others in just a few minutes. Communication between us is lightning fast, and people can reach one another in ways that we didn't even think was possible a decade ago.

But the age-old rule still stands true- that wherever there are Muslims hanging around, there are bound to be Muslims arguing over ridiculous things. Not surprisingly, the internet is now the boxing ring for our new generation of Shaykh Googles and Mufti Wikipedias to profess their scholarly expertise and argue with one another with far more advanced tools of divisiveness, or as they say nowadays according to modern cyber tajwīd: “trolling.”

You don't have to look far to find young internet scholars debating over beard lengths, or berating “less practicing” or “less educated” brothers and sisters over eating nacho cheese Doritos or watching TV shows, or even finding Muslims spending hours viciously arguing back and forth over trivial things.

It's a shame that such incredible tools of spreading knowledge and building enlightening discussions such as Islamic Forums, Message Boards, group E-mail threads, Twitter feeds, and YouTube comment threads instead descend into embarrassing hotbeds of heated fights and countless hours of wasted time. And of all these online mediums, the biggest culprit of all is Facebook.

So how does it all go down, you ask? Surprisingly, it's quite predictable: 

You know you've seen that. And you know it doesn't end well. But boy, is it entertaining to watch.

Most Facebook arguments usually begin over something innocuous, like posting up a status about your favorite food and having the conversation continue until someone unknowingly posts something about eating pop-tarts, and out comes a fiery Muslim with a quick mouse-click trigger prowling the internet looking for a good opportunity to stroke the mighty beard of morality.

But who are the characters behind these arguments? Haha, that's a great question, and I'm glad I asked it of myself. Take out a pen and notepad, my friends, and keep a sharp eye out for these tell-tale signs of a good old Muslim verbal tussle:

THE INSTIGATOR

THE JUNIOR INTERNET SCHOLAR

THE DRAMA QUEEN GOSSIPER

THE CYNICAL CRITICIZER

THAT ONE JUDGMENTAL GUY

Spotting trouble online early on and avoiding it, diffusing it, or negating it is only part of the solution, but it doesn't completely solve the disease we have as judgmental, gossipy, and argumentative folk. Espousing proper Islamic manners of disagreement, etiquette of mutual respect and understanding, and patience with those we don't see eye to eye with is a prophetic legacy that applies even to our online lives, just as much as it does to our dealings in person.

“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a house in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.” [Prophet Muhammad  - reported by Imam Abu Dawud]

The internet may have completely revolutionized the way we interact with one another, but it certainly didn't change the way we're taught to conduct ourselves as Muslims. And above all else, it's always best to ask yourself if the hours you spend arguing with other people online is truly worth giving up your house in the wondrous Eternal Gardens of our Lord.

Dr. O blogs at Muslim Medicine, a site that strives to serve only the freshest grade-A certified ẓabiḥah ḥalāl comedy. Contact your local ḥalāl butcher for more details..

Back in the olden days, it was a much simpler time.

Every Friday morning would be a bright and wondrous journey to the local masjid for Muslims, all of whom would strap on their worn-out footwear and proudly travel by foot – and with every step they'd take, such a profound blessing would be levied upon them.

As communities grew and expanded outward, Muslims found themselves too far from the masjid to simply walk there, and out of necessity they began to develop cutting-edge technological advancements in transportation.

Due to perpetual stereotyping, Muslims began researching alternate forms of transportation, and began to utilize actual machines instead of animal-based modes of transport. Their dear love for animals, however, was still incorporated into their usual travel habits:

But then history took an unexpected turn, and suddenly… Muslims discovered the car. An oil-powered motorized carriage that soon became a dream come true for everyone, especially lazy Muslims who lived miles away.

But shortly after this discovery, the widespread use of the car had untold implications on the historic and iconic journey to the masjid for Jumu'ah, and a vicious disease known as Masjid Parking Syndrome began to spread through the entire ummah faster than acute-onset Bieber Fever spreading through hormonally-repressed pre-teen girls.

Masjid Parking Syndrome (MPS): a long-term chronic disease of the Muslim body whereupon automobile driving and parking skills rapidly deteriorate when attempting to travel to and park near an Islamic facility.

A classic example of the disease presentation is shown below:

Masjid Parking Syndrome is an extremely widespread disease, found to be contagious amongst entire Muslim communities who reside in areas of the world where cars are the primary mode of transportation.

The disease is mainly found in suburban masājid with small parking lots, but is compounded to horrific levels in inner-city masājid, where every Friday afternoon the very city streets fall prey to a swarm of parking space-hungry Muslims hunting for a spot to show off their cringe-worthy “gracefulness” at parallel parking:

Now, we know what you're thinking – “how do I know if I'm at risk for developing this disease?!” Well, if you're already driving your car with the same level of coordination as a blind-folded giraffe wearing roller-skates, then being at risk for parking ridiculously at the masjid is probably the least of your worries.

But if you consider yourself a decent driver, then MuslimMatters has compiled a few risk factor charts that may come in handy for you.

As you can see, the bigger the attendance level, the fewer the parking spot availabilities, and the more desperate Muslim drivers get. And if you think that's bad? One of the biggest risk factors is tardiness. Muslims are almost always perpetually late to pretty much everything, and Jumu'ah is no exception:

The actual symptoms of Masjid Parking Disorder are fairly easy to catch. You simply show up for Jumu'ah or 'Īd ṣalāh and you should almost naturally be welcomed by horrific scenes of the worst parking jobs imaginable. As we noted clearly above, the later you arrive to the masjid, the more extreme the parking symptoms become:

While the disease is not fatal to the patient, it is extremely harmful to surrounding bystanders, damaging to other vehicles, and profoundly irritating to all other masjid attendees who are tortured by constant interruptions from the masjid board members:

How do you even treat a disease this deeply rooted in our community? Unfortunately… no complete cure currently exists for Masjid Parking Syndrome. Some Muslim physicians have suggested prevention as the best form of halting the spread of this syndrome, and have gone so far as to even start patients on more natural treatment regiments that return us to our roots, such as riding camels to Jumu'ah:

The treatment seemed to go well at first, but the reaction of the camels, however, was rather unexpected:

Prevention is always the best means of treatment, and for this rather unfortunate affliction in our community, a reminder of the sheer brilliance of the blessings showered upon those who arrive early to Jumu'ah is brought to mind:

Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever does ghusl on Friday like ghusl for janābah, then goes to the prayer (in the first hour, i.e., early), it is as if he sacrificed a camel. Whoever goes in the second hour, it is as if he sacrificed a cow; whoever goes in the third hour, it is as if he sacrificed a horned ram; whoever goes in the fourth hour, it is as if he sacrificed a hen; and whoever goes in the fifth hour it is as if he offered an egg. When the imam comes out, the angels come to listen to the khuṭbah.” Al-Bukhāri (814) and Muslim (850)

Jumu'ah isn't an event that suddenly pops out of nowhere for us, so it's best to prepare for it in advance every week to take full advantage of its blessings, and avoid the usual rush of Muslims arriving late for it and resorting to parking violations just to attend. Also, it's pretty obvious that the Jumu'ah rush takes a huge toll on the patience of the neighbors surrounding the masjid, and proper adab for a Muslim community is to follow the example of the Rasūl and respect the property and space of neighbors to the House of Allāh .

Parking may seem like something trivial to most Muslims, but Islam places such a big emphasis on the manner and timing of our arrival to Jumu'ah, so we should pay the same respect to that too. Follow in the footsteps of our great ṣaḥābah and our Prophet , and park a little farther from the masjid to reap the rewards of every step taken towards His House.

When I was in college, some of my Southern friends would occasionally comment on how crazy the drivers in New York City are (me included, I assumed). “Silly country boys with your 'hospitality' and dirt roads,” I would think to myself, “learn to drive in a real city!” It wasn’t long after moving to Egypt that my urban arrogance came back to bite me.

“Did he just do that?!?”

Driving in Egypt is not “safe.”  The modus operandi on the road, so far as I can tell, is to try and out-crazy the drivers on either side of you. It’s as if the whole nation learned how to drive from New York cabbies (I know what you’re thinking, and shame on you – stop perpetuating the stereotype, people).

As dangerous as the regular drivers are, there’s a special level of obscenity reserved for the taxis and dollar cabs (minibuses) here. Since each of these vehicles is seemingly equipped to run on only two speeds – fast and ridiculous – you can imagine the maneuvers that take place…oohhh the maneuvers.

It’s not uncommon to see my man in the far right lane cutting across three cars to make a left turn. Nor is it surprising when el hajj going the wrong way down a one-way street makes a u-turn to go the wrong way up the other side. 3aadi ya3ni.

Were that these indiscretions left only the drivers at risk.

Look both ways (and make tawba) before crossing the street

Walking in Egypt is not “safe.” The perils of Egyptian driving, unfortunately, touch pedestrians as well – often, literally. Between the tight roadways and virtually non-existent walkways (sidewalks are for sissy Americans), it’s best to, as my high school football coach advised, always keep your head on a swivel. You never know when a car, minibus, big bus, linebacker, or donkey is going to blindside you.

As much as possible, too, one should just pick a side of the street and stay on it. It’s either that or engage in a high stakes game of live action Frogger. Here, the notion of pedestrian “right of way” is replaced with “(get) right (the heck out) of (my) way (you #&@!%).”

Despite all these hazards, Egyptians seem to manage just fine. For you non-Egyptians planning to visit Masr, however, here are a few more things to keep in mind for the sake of your safety (and sanity):

If you have to ask, you’re not from around here

“Why do Egyptians honk the horn when there's no one in front of them? And why don’t they stay in their lane?!? And for that matter, why do two-lane roadways fit three cars across?!?!?”

These are some of the perplexing questions I often pose to my Egyptian friends and family. To which they shrug and reply, “Because this is Egypt.”

“Silly American with your 'regulations' and efficient highway system,” I imagine they think to themselves when I bring up these grievances, “learn to drive in a real city!”

Fair enough. For my part though, I wonder whether everyone wouldn’t be better off if we just gave in to the stereotype and reverted to camel-based transportation. I do hear they get great mileage.

***

For some more tips on how to get around Egypt (that are a bit less tongue-in-cheek), check out this brief guide.

Safe travels!

Nevertheless, we all know the reward of being a parent and the struggles we have to go through, may Allah purify our intentions and accept it from all of us.

Enjoy while you have this job!

PARENT- Job Description

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this!   You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT   —  EVER!!!

Source: An Ann Landers column “Parenthood is not a job for the weak at heart”

But now, I am forced to make such a confession. I have given the matter great thought, and have realized there is no way forward unless I break clean of my past. And if I do so, I am not the first, nor shall I be the last, to make such a claim. Many great scholars in our tradition have gone through phases of their life, realizing later on that they followed an incorrect system in an earlier stage.

It is an open secret that there are two great traditions in our times competing with one another. Each of these two systems claims to be better and more perfect. Each one claims to be older, or more 'orthodox'. Each one claims to have large numbers of followers. Each one presents an entire methodology – a holistic framework from which all other programs of one's life should spring forth. Each one is eager for converts, critiquing the other tradition with utmost contempt (sometimes with very cheap and underhand tactics – as bloggers know all too well).

It is obvious that both of these systems cannot simultaneously be true in all that they say. One of the two MUST be the more correct and better.

For many years of my life, (in fact for ALL of the years that I have been of age), I had been an ardent follower of what I thought was the only system. As a young teenager, I never even knew that people followed other methodologies, and the first time I was exposed to the other system I truly found it incomprehensible. It seemed too difficult to follow, too 'strange' and exotic. As I grew older, and learnt more about both systems, initially my faith in my own tradition grew stronger and stronger. It is actually ironic that I wrote many works, books and treatises in its framework. In many public and private gatherings, I had defended my own preferred methodology and mocked the other.

It is true that many people tried to convert me, and initially I rebuffed them quite easily. But as these efforts increased in earnestness, and I found close friends of mine, people whom I truly looked up to, convert one by one, I felt the seeds of doubt grow within me. Perhaps my system was not the best? Perhaps the framework that I had initially been led to believe was the truest and most perfect was not actually so?

One by one, those whom I admired began to drop their 'old school' affiliations and change boat. I was truly shocked – my very foundations shaken. Eventually, not a single friend of mine who specialized in the field still  remained with me in the old camp. When the final person in my circle of friends converted, it was the last straw.

So I decided to take time out of my other projects, and do some research. After all, this was not a trivial matter, it was an entire methodology of operation. Taking a deep breath putting aside all my previous prejudices, with a pure and unbiased heart, I began to read. And read, read and read. History, works of methodology, testimonies from converts, and even biographies of the founders of these schools. And that was when I realized that I had been wrong all along.

Reading the material that I read, it dawned upon me that the more orthodox of  the two methodologies was NOT, in fact, my current one. Rather, it was quite clear that the other system was older, and that mine was but a cheap attempt at imitation. It was also clear to me that my own system, unlike the other one, was full of mistakes – mistakes that I had tried to ignore or brush aside, but existed nonetheless. The other system attracted all the high-profile converts; surely there was a reason for this?

In the end of the day, the evidence spoke for itself. I decided to cast aside my old prejudices, and at least try the new methodology for a while. Until one experiences certain 'realities', book knowledge alone will never be sufficient. So, gathering whatever courage I could, I went ahead and took the plunge. For a full week, I immersed myself in a new and fascinating world. I discovered matters that cannot even be expressed in words. The simplicity, elegance and profundity of it all truly blew me away. It was, in all senses of the term, a truly mystical experience compared to my previous ones.

That week is over now, and I cannot remain quite any longer. I too have converted, and this conversion must be made public. This is the truth, and it shall set me free.

I hereby renounce any affiliations I previously had with the PC, and am now a die-hard Mac fan.

THE CURRENT ECONOMIC CRISIS EXPLAINED

Pajja is the proprietor of a Siri-Paya and Nehari Shop (a beef stew dish) in Lahore. Sales are low and, in order to increase them, he comes up with a plan to allow his customers to eat now and pay later. He keeps track of the meals consumed on a ledger.

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flock to Pajja's shop. Pajja's suppliers are delighted and are very willing to sell more and more raw materials for the meals he prepares. Pajja shows them his ledger of receivables and they extend him credit.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and gives Pajja a credit line and then increases Pajja's borrowing limit.

Taking advantage of his customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Pajja jacks up the prices of his Nehari and Siri-Paye. Customers don't mind as they are not required to pay on the spot. Sales volume increases massively; Banks and suppliers lend more; Pajja opens more outlets. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the customers as collateral.

These securities are then listed on the Stock Exchange and traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what the names mean and how the securities are guaranteed but, nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a credit risk manager of the bank decides that the time has come to demand payment of one of the debts incurred by Pajja. Pajja in turn asks his clients to pay up. One by one they refuse; the clients cannot pay back the debts. Pajja refuses to serve them any more. The clients stop coming.

Pajja is really in deep trouble now. He cannot fulfill his loan obligations and therefore claims bankruptcy. All Bonds drop in price by between 80 to 95%.

The suppliers of Pajja, having granted generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with similar problems. The meat supplier defaults on payment to the sheep and cattle supplier and claims bankruptcy. The atta (flour) supplier is taken over by a competitor; Pajja lays off the cook and staff. Bankruptcies soar, unemployment mushrooms.

The bank that lent the money in the first place is set to collapse. It is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties with Pajja commuting back and forth in his Executive jet and Mercedes 500SEL, brokering the deal.

The funds required to save the economic collapse are obtained by a tax levied on the citizens, most of whom do not eat Nehari or Siri-paye.

That's the reason……………………