[The following is the video and transcript of Shaykh Abdul Nasir's lecture "Happiness in the Home." The transcript includes slight modifications for the sake of readability and clarity.]

One of the most important concepts within our religion (our dīn) is something that the Qurʾān talks about extensively and something that is very, very prominent from the study of the life of the Prophet , the prophetic biography, the sīrah.  Similarly, this is something that is very extensively and emphatically addressed by the Prophet in the sacred traditions, the aḥadīth of the Prophet .   It is something that is a very obvious need of human beings and a part of the human experience, and that is the issue of family.

The issue of family is something that each and every single one of us can experience and deal with in our own ways, shape, and forms.  It is something that is relevant to each and every single human being.  When talking about the issue of family, I feel that it is very important, crucial, and critical for us – and when we look at any issue or situation such as in the āyāt the shaykh recited in the prayer on the concept of the belief in one Allāh and believing in one god and one deity, the concept of tawḥīd and oneness of God.  What is very beautiful and very important to note about how Allāh addresses the issue of tawḥīd within the Qurʾān, Allāh presents the problem.  He talks about the partners you associate with Allāh –  the false gods, false deities, false idols that you have taken other than Allāh.  One very important way in addressing any situation and one very consistent pattern throughout the Qurʾān and teachings of the Prophet that if we are to truly address any issue, any concern, any situation, then we first and foremost must come to terms with the reality of the situation.

When we talk about rehabilitation and solving any problems and resolving any type of issue, the very first step of rehabilitation is accepting that there is a problem, being aware of the problem and being cognizant of the situation and not being ashamed and not being afraid and not shying away from admitting the fact that there is a problem.  That is the first step to solving any situation and problem.

When we talk about the situation of family, something that is very near and dear to our hearts, and I think that anyone who has any level of experience in community leadership, community matters, and community affairs will very readily admit and stand up hear with me and preach about the dire need of addressing family issues, not just in society and not just in community but specifically even within the Muslim community, from our imams and our shuyukh who are on the front lines to even community leaders and community activists.  A basic khaṭīb can tell you the importance.  A Sunday school teacher and a weekend Islamic school teacher can speak to you for hours and hours about the critical need of addressing the family situation.

Coming to Terms with the Reality

What is the reality at hand?  What are our issues? What are our circumstances?  What is going on with us?

1.  One thing that we have to understand in our very unique circumstance and our very unique situation as a Muslim minority living here in America and need to come to terms with is that the problems that we are experiencing in Muslim families are the same that others are experiencing outside of the Muslim community as well.  Meaning there are certain things that are unique about our circumstances and situation, but generally speaking, a lot of what we are experiencing are general problems across the board.

We have to deal with a very specific reality, and that reality is that we live in this same society as every other faith-based community and every other ethnic community:  current, modern-day United States of America.  We are being impacted by those same social elements.  It is very important for us to understand and deal with the reality that we are similar to any other community, meaning we will be impacted by our society and the culture we live in.  The media and the impact that it is having on them is also having the same impact on us.  The effects of the school environment and interacting with other children has the same effects on them as us.

I always tell this story that I have a little bit of a unique experience.  There are many other people who have extensive experience in this regard, but I feel that in terms of a lot of people in our community today, I have a unique experience, which is simply the fact that I was raised during the 80s, which was not too young ago.  I still may be a kid to many of our elders here, but that still is a significant time ago.  I grew up during the 80s and I was a teenager during the 90s.  I grew up in a place where there were very few Muslim families.  The Muslim community is still relatively young.  It was very, very small.  Minuscule back then.

Growing up at a time like that, I got to see the evolution of the Muslim community, the development of the Muslim community until the point where we are today.  At the same time, there was amongst the immigrant Muslim community this notion and idea – and I don't mean to offend anyone – and this delusion that we're all eventually going “back home.”  That was the tone of the immigrant Muslim community in the 80s.  That was their mindset during the 80s and even leading into the 90s – that they are all eventually going back home.

There was a certain amount of denial about dealing with the issues at hand.  I remember very vividly that when people would even address social issues and social evils and family issues that were very, very common at that point in time in general American society, there was this distancing from those issues and concerns by saying, “Those are their problems, not ours.  That happens with them, not us.”

I still remember during the early 90s, one of my main teachers and mentors and senior shuyukh Mufti Naeem (ḥafiẓahullāh) used to visit the United States on an annual basis.  He would travel around and talk to communities.  I was a very young ḥāfiẓ of the Qurʾān at that time.  I was leading ṣalāt'l-tarāwīḥ for a community at a masjid and he came to visit and check on me and see how we were doing.  We had close family relationships as well.  He came to the tarāwīḥ prayers to check on me and see how I was doing, and of course we requested him to address the congregation like I am addressing you now.  He started talking about the family issues.  He was trying to emphasize adhering to the dīn and learning the dīn and the importance of instilling a system of tarbiyah within the homes and within the community so that our children could grow up with the proper Islamic perspective.  Otherwise, the social evils in family issues that we saw “out there” and “amongst them” – notice the specific language that I am using – before we know it, it will be standing at our own doorstep and be inside of our own homes and communities.

I remember being very young and shocked by the reaction.  I remember some community members becoming very angry, shouting at the shaykh and interrupting him saying, “How dare you!”  He was talking about issues like divorce, kids running away from home, children rebelling against their parents, families breaking apart and cutting each other off and disowning each other – things that have become commonplace in our communities today, right?

I still remember very vividly some community members becoming very angry.  “How dare you even talk about this stuff?  Don't even mention the word divorce!  Our children and families are here.  How dare you talk about this stuff!  These aren't our problems.  We're Muslims.  We don't have these problems.  Those are their problems.”  Pardon my use of the word – I don't condone speaking in this manner, but I'm trying to paint the picture for you of what the mentality was – “Those are the kuffār's problems.  Those aren't our problems.  We don't have those issues.”  There was such a complete denial and obliviousness and delusion present in our communities at that time.

Before you knew it, my same teacher visiting year after year, it was literally a number of years before he was opening up and giving a lecture on taqwa or ṣabr or fasting or the importance of Qurʾān and he was specifically being requested to talk about marriage.  He is specifically being requested to talk about divorce and children rebelling against their parents.

This is the reality that we have to come to terms with.  “Their problems” are the same problems we have.  There is a certain common thread between a lot of these issues; therefore, the factors are the same.  Some solutions might also be very, very similar.  We will, of course, have our own take on them because of the guidance of Allāh and the guidance of His Messenger .  Nevertheless, there are some common threads that we have to understand.  We also have to understand that we are not immune, as Muslims, Muslim families and Muslim communities, to the evils, problems, circumstances and situations that may be “out there.”  That is the very first reality.

2.  There is a second reality that I would like to address here before getting to some specifics of the family situation and the condition and situation of families.  It is very important, and we have to understand this.  A lot of times, for us, this is not wrong or incorrect in any way, shape or form, but nevertheless it is a concern and some people are very focused in this regard.

For some people, the bottom line is just spirituality.  Just Islam, īmān.  They translate Islam and īmān as just a connection with Allāh and the spiritual part of it – the spiritual relationships and the spiritual connection to Allāh.

Understand one thing:  family struggles, family difficulties, unrest, trouble, chaos, distress in the home, and unhappiness in the home affect spirituality.  It affects people's relationship with Allāh.  It has a very profound impact on an individual.  When someone is struggling in their marriage, in their relationship with their children, in their home, and the harmony in the home is gone, that will affect a person's spiritual condition.

How often has it been the case that when you are having a fight at home and are in the middle of a very serious situation with your spouse – yes the mind initially goes to making du'ā', but when it goes on and persists and becomes a serious problem and serious issue, how common is it that you forget to pray?  You don't think of the prayer.  You don't feel like getting up and praying.  You become neglectful of even your ṣalāh.  How common is that?

Understand that even unrest within the home and the emotional distress that a human experiences due to concerns in the family and distress in the family affects spirituality.  Make no mistake about that.

Key Dynamics & Relationships of the Family

Having said that, what are some of the key dynamics and key relationships of family where we are struggling, and what are some of the struggles that we are experiencing?  Then, very briefly, we'll talk a little bit about – it is a very short lecture, so obviously we can't solve the problems here and can't even in detail address the issues and solutions, but we can at least raise awareness.  Understand that raising awareness is the first step to solving any problem.  After a person admits that there is a problem, the next step is raising awareness about the issue and about some of the solutions.  We need to at least start talking about this and becoming aware.  That's what we'll do here.

Parent-Child

The very first universal dynamic of family relationships is the parent-child relationship.  Everyone is either a parent or a child.  We'll talk about marriage and some other things, but the very first universal application of family is the parent-child relationship.  Everyone is either a parent or a child.

Something very beautiful about the Qurʾān, the Book of Allāh, the ultimate source of guidance, ultimate reminder and ultimate lesson is Allāh talks about this relationship.  Allāh highlights both the problems and the solutions.  Allāh presents problematic, difficult parent-child relationships to us in the Qurʾān, and He presents to us harmonious, beautiful, happy, functional, beneficial, flourishing parent-child relationships within the Qurʾān as well to both present the problem and the solution.

The Qurʾān is not a storybook.  The Qurʾān is not a history textbook.  The Qurʾān is guidance.  It is a reminder.  It presents and solves problems.  It points out our problems to us and solves those problems for us.  When Allāh chooses to mention something in His Book and in His Speech, it is their for a reason and purpose because it is very important and very relevant.

Allāh in Sūrah Maryam, and other places as well, very extensively presents the difficult and strained relationship of Ibrāhīm with his father.  A father is frustrated with his son, and the son is frustrated with the father.  Both have their own perspectives.  The father is frustrated with the son because the son has abandoned the culture, the religion, the ways of his father, family, community, forefathers.  The son is frustrated with the father because the father is in denial about the truth – believing in one God.  They are going back and forth.  The son is telling the father very respectfully “O abati (O my dear father),” which is like how we would say, “Dad, please.  Abu, come on, please.  Baba, please.”  He is pleading with his father and says “ya abati” four times.  At the beginning of every statement, he says, “Dad, please.”  Ya abati, ya abati.  He is trying to be respectful and not point any blame.  “You are not bad, dad.  Shaytan is bad.”  He is trying to plead with the father, and the father is frustrated with the child.  “So you're trying to tell me my gods aren't good enough for you, Ibrāhīm?”  He doesn't say “my dear son.”  “I'll kill you!”  It literally means in Arabic, “I'll stone you,” which is an expression in Arabic meaning “I'll kill you.  I'll hurt you.  You need to stop know, I'll hurt you.”  “Get out of here, you are dead to me.  You are nothing to me.”  Look how difficult that relationship is.  Allāh presents such a parent-child relationship.

Ya'qūb with the older sons is a strained relationship.  They are jealous:  “He likes Yūsuf better than he likes us.  He chooses Yūsuf over us.  He loves Yūsuf more than he loves us.  Why?”  The father is trying to make the sons understand.  “What is wrong with you guys?  Why would you even say that?  Why would you even think that?”  The father knows that the sons have taken their younger brother and disposed of him.  The father knows they are lying to his face, but what can he do?  This is a difficult relationship.

A parent-child relationship is something that Allāh tells us:  “There are lessons.”  There will be difficulties in the parent-child relationship.  The child will feel like the parents just don't understand them, and the parents will be frustrated with the child.  “I only want good for you.  Why won't you listen to me?”  The child says, “You don't understand me!”  The parent says, “You don't listen to me!”  I think all of us have experienced that.  SubḥānAllāh something that is unique about this relationship, this is not only when the children are young.  This is not only in the teenage years.  Those who are older and have older parents also know the struggles and the challenges.  That is why you know that very famous ayah of the Qurʾān from Sūrat'l-Isrā', “Don't even say uff to your parents.”

Do you know what context it is in?  It is specifically talking about when one or both of your parents have reached senility and have become old and senile.  Now they are angry.  They are frustrated and their body is falling apart.  They are ill and sick.  They can't eat properly, they can't sleep properly, they can't walk properly.  Do you know how difficult that is?  As young, able-bodied people we have no understanding of how frustrating that must be.  Imagine living your life on your own feet and being independent for 50, 60 years and then one day you cannot even get up and go get a glass of water by yourself and can't get a glass of water by yourself.  Imagine what that's like.  They are angry.  They are short-tempered, frustrated.  Even the mind begins to go.  The emotions become frail.  Allāh tells us, “They get returned back to the worst of ages.”

One of my dear, dear friends, one of my best friends, accepted Islam in middle school and we grew up together.  He is a convert and his parents are not Muslim yet.  Make du'ā' for them inshā'Allāh.  May Allāh bless them with guidance, hidāyah.  Both of his parents are old and have health issues, but his mother suffered a very severe stroke recently to the point where she lost a lot of function in half her body.  He told me, “Nasir, you know when life hits you and you wake up to the reality of life, the reality of so many things hit you in the face.  60 miles per hour.”  He is working and working hard.  He travels for work and has to be away from his parents because he is financially supporting them and paying the medical bills for the nurse to be there to take care of his mother.  All of the responsibility is on him.  He said, “I was visiting my parents over the weekend, back home from work and off the road.  I went back to my parents and was with them over the weekend.  I sat there and fed my mother with a spoon.  I spoon-fed my own mom.”

SubḥānAllāh.  That's when I realized.  You know when you sit there and feed your child?  I have a two-year old at home.  When you sit there and feed your child and say, “Come on, come on.  Open up.”

Another one of my dear, dear friends, we studied together.  We grew up together and are like brothers.  His mother also has very difficult health and suffered a stroke and is dealing with a lot.  I visited him and his mother with him.  Having to force her to speak and to talk and to interact and to eat, asking, “Come on, did you eat your food?”  SubḥānAllāh.

Allāh is talking about when parents reach old age.  My grandmother , may Allāh bless her and grant her Jannat'l-Firdaws, developed Alzheimer's before she passed away.  SubḥānAllāh.  I witnessed that and I witnessed my mother, aunt, and uncle experiencing that.  The mind was gone.  Allāh in that context is speaking about our parents becoming old, the difficulty and the frustration with parents.  Teenagers say, “You are making my life difficult.  God, you hate me.  Why do you hate me so much?  You never want to let me do anything.  You want to ruin my life.”  Usually it is about sleeping over at a friend's house on a Friday night.  “But everyone is going to be there.  You are destroying my life.”  The frustration that kids have with parents is not relegated to teenagers.  Anyone who has elderly parents and is an adult now and mature now – “I'm an adult.  I'm mature now.  I don't have drama.  I don't have teenage hormones.  I'm not going through that phase in my life.  I'm not an adolescent” – you still know about the frustration with parents, don't you?  You might be an adult and you might not have drama anymore, but now your parents are old and fragile and senile and demanding.  They don't want your money.  “I've paid their bills, what more do they want?  I send money every month, what more do they want?”  They just want to sit and talk to you.  That's all they want.  They still want to know that they exist and matter to you.  They still want you to ask their opinion about something like you used to.

Allāh is speaking specifically.  Frustration with parents is a universal thing.  Everyone is dealing with it.  Similarly, frustration with the children and disappointment with children is a universal thing.  When they are kids, they don't listen, they don't learn, they don't pay attention.  The world is opening up to my four year-old and she is starting to become more and more independent every single day.  It is already awkward for her now.  I dropped by her school and walked into the classroom and saw her working.  You know, when your children are small, or at any age for that matter, when you look at your children, you are overcome with love.  The love just fills your heart.  I hadn't seen her for three hours – she went to school at 8 in the morning and I'm there at 11 and it already feels like a lifetime.  What did I do?  I walked up to her from behind her and hugged her and kissed her.  She said, “Abuuu, stop!”  When she got home later that day, she tells my wife, “Mommy, Abu hugged me and kissed me in front of everybody.”  I'm like, “What's wrong with that?  Of course I hugged you and kissed you because you are my baby girl!”

It starts there, and they start to become independent.  Anybody who has teenagers, they know.  I was recently talking to a friend and colleague, another imam, and we were all getting together and talking about how much we love our communities and how amazing our lives are, māshā'Allāh.  We are all fairly younger and all have small children and babies except for one of colleagues who has a teenager.  It struck me.  I asked him, “We talk and lecture so much and preach all the time.  How is it having a teenager?”  He says, “Ya, Al-Salām. Make du'ā' for me.”  That's all he could say.

The disappointment and frustration with children is universal, whether they are kids or teenagers and even when your children are all grown up.  You think my parents don't still get frustrated with me?  Of course they do.  Even when they are all grown up and have kids of their own and are responsible individuals and have a job and a home and a family, they is still always going to be frustration because of what I just mentioned.  “You don't have time for me anymore?  You can't come and say 'hi'?  You can't say salām to your mom?”

My mom text messages me, which weirds me out.  There is something that seems unnatural about an older Pakistani woman text messaging.  It's like, why do you even know how to text message?  She text messages me and she expects a text message back.  If I don't respond back in the next couple of minutes because I was lecturing or teaching, then I get a follow-up text message with a question mark.  The next one has two question marks.  The third one has three question marks.  “Where are you?”  It's a universal thing to be frustrated with your children.  All of us experience this.

That's one of the situations and dynamics in which we require some guidance and need some direction.  I'm going to lay out some of the key family relationships and what are their issues, and then we are going to talk about implementation of some of the solutions.

Marriage & Spousal Relationship

The second family dynamic that we struggle with and are experiencing problems in regards to is marital discord, starting all the way from pre-marriage, how to get married.  It is a universal problem and has become a very common problem.  You can ask the shaykh.  How many young people show up at his doorstep?  “I want to get married to so-and-so but this problem or her parents or my parents or this or that…”  It starts from there.  Even problems in the marriage.

Sometimes in a rush of emotions or even in religious overzealousness, “I have to avoid the sin and avoid the fitnah and get married.”  Who, when, why, what, how – “Doesn't matter, brother.  It's the Sunnah.”  I'm pretty sure getting married blindly is not the Sunnah, but that's what happens.  Very, very young people are getting married in religious overzealousness or a rush of emotions.  A couple of years into marriage, they realize they didn't know the person they got married to.

It's becoming so common for young people and newlywed couples to be divorced within a number of months or even a couple of years if not a couple of months.  Lack of responsibility in a marriage.  A husband not taking his responsibility seriously.  A wife not behaving responsibly.  When you have young children, so many couples experience marital issues and problems.  Why?  “He is not being a father to his children.”  “She is not being a good mother.”  Lack of responsibility.

In-law interference. 

This is a term I came up with.  You know pass interference for football fans?  In-law interference (TM).  It is a major issue.  You have a clash of cultures and a clash of worlds and dimensions happening.  Is all interference from in-laws bad?  Absolutely not.  Nevertheless, the dynamics of that interference and how that interference is causing problems.  The in-law problem.

Lack of Maturity

Rushing into decisions and rushing into marriage.  Prioritization.  For some people, work comes before the family.  For some people, the religious cause, the organization, the association, the movement, the spreading of the dīn comes before family.  That is becoming a problem.  Families are being torn apart why?  Honestly, this is an oxymoron.  If somebody's family failed because of their service to the dīn and because of da'wah, it doesn't even make sense and is a contradiction.  It is an oxymoron and impossible.  It obviously means that somebody did not understand the dīn or religion.

Lack of Communication

In prioritization, there is another thing.  Sometimes it can be the religion and sometimes it can be work, money, greed, and that is justified by saying, “But I want to give you guys a nice home to live in.  I want to give you guys the life that I never had.  I want our kids to go to the best school.”  What happens because of that?  We destroy the family that we were using for justification to chase after money.

Sometimes it's my own hobbies and indulgences.  “I'm married but I still have to play Modern Warfare all night long with my friends.”  “I'm married but I still have to go to the basketball tournament.  I work all week and Saturday is the basketball tournament and the wife is waiting, and we're finally going to spend some good quality time together but I have to go ball with the boys.”  My own personal hobbies and my own personal indulgences.  This is football country.  I come from Dallas, another football area, so you guys will understand what I'm talking about.  Saturday is college ball and bowl games, which equals twelve hours of fun in front of the television.  “What the spouse does is their problem. I'm sorry, I'm not going to change me.  I'm not changing for anybody.  You married me and that's what you get.  I heard you say, 'I accept,' so you accepted ASU football as well, as terrible as it is.”  Sunday is football – NFL game day.  I have the NFL package where it is 8 screens on the TV at one time.  In a 12-hour period, I watch 15 games simultaneously.  Congratulations.  Mubarak.  Do you want a cookie?  Or maybe a laddoo?  What do you want?

Prioritization

Prioritization and a lack of sense of what the priorities are.  In this culture we have a challenge.  I was born and raised in Dallas, TX.  From this culture's perspective, I will tell you one huge problem we have with prioritization, something that we put before families that is very unique and specific to this culture.  There is a phrase and expression that guides you.  I can't repeat it here.  It is offensive and inappropriate and this is the masjid and House of Allāh, so it's impossible and I wouldn't because it is inappropriate.  They basically say, “bros before ____.”  Don't say it!  They use a very derogatory word about women.  It is basically putting your friends before women even though that word doesn't even apply to a person's wife, astaghfirullāh.

Nevertheless, that same concept is applied to marriage.  “Uh-uh, my friends come first.  Going to hang with the boys.”  This isn't even specific to the guys.  It is even in regards to the women.  If a woman gets married and is a wife now, how dare she not go out with the friends to dinner?  They get shunned and outcast by their unmarried friends.  They get pushed out by their unmarried friends.  This is a real struggle that people are having.  They literally have to reinvent their friends circle and rediscover friends.  First when they get married, the unmarried friends want no part.  “She has no time for us anymore.  She has to go and spend time with her husband.”  Like that is a ridiculous concept.

The young married friends who don't have children say about the first one to have children, “God, she's so lame to hang out with now.  Everything is about a diaper and milk.”  God forbid she be a good mother, right?  Now she is being again outcast by her friends and she has to go out there and discover other mom friends.  This is a struggle people have.  People crumble underneath that pressure.  “My friends have to be put first.  What am I going to do without my friends?”  The marriage, the children, everything will come second.  The marriage struggles because of a lack of prioritization.

Lack of communication.  That's one of the most universal issues and problems.  Never establishing a line of communication let alone being comfortable communicating concerns, problems or even good things.  Nothing is communicated.   Lines of communication are never established.  Again, this is a culture in which we pride ourselves in individuality and independence.  “I'm independent and my own self and I don't need anybody's help.”  That manifests itself and creates problems even in marriages.

Unwillingness to Compromise

“Why should I change anything about myself?  If you don't like the way things are, then you deal with it.”   Complete total lack of compromise.  Absolutely no motivation and no inclination to sacrifice anything.  “I should not have to sacrifice anything.”  This on both sides of the marriage.  I'm not sitting here giving some old school lecture about women having to sacrifice.  This is on both sides.

I feel that especially some of the very unique dynamics we have, I can speak about my generation and our challenges.  I feel that lack of sacrifice and unwillingness to sacrifice exists actually more amongst the guys than it does amongst the girls.  Just complete and total unwillingness to sacrifice anything.

Sibling Rivalry

Then a third manifestation, which I'll talk about more briefly, of family issues or family problems is sibling rivalry.  It's a little more unique that even marriage, but nevertheless it is a problem and issue, whether it is the parents favoring unknowingly and unintentionally one child over another that harbors and creates resentment amongst the children for each other.

As families and parents, we have to learn to be sensitive to the strengths and weaknesses of each and every child.  Be cognizant of what is each child's needs.  If something works for one child, maybe that is not what will work for the other child.  Be cognizant of their specific needs.

Not creating and not fostering an environment of competition amongst the children where they feel they have to compete for the parents' love and approval.  I hate to bring up personal things, but I'll mention it.  Abdullah, the crazy guy running around and setting up all of the gadgetry here, is my younger brother.  From what you see here, that's exactly what you get.  I'm the one talking on the microphone and he is the one recording, editing, and uploading the videos, doing all the back-end video work, but there's not a sense of competition.  We have to learn to appreciate what everybody brings to the table.  We have to learn to respect everybody and not compete with each other in regards to what we are doing.  We need to not create an environment of competition but one of collaboration.  When we collaborate and come together, how unbelievable of a strong unit we can become as a family and siblings and brothers and sisters.

I know I'm going to date myself with this reference, but does anybody remember Voltron?  It's like Voltron.  For somebody a little younger, Captain Planet.

Solutions

What are some solutions that we can begin to implement to repair this family situation?

1.  Spirituality

I talked about this in the beginning, and I'll bring it up here again.  When we repair our relationship with Allāh – understand that our relationship with Allāh is the basis and foundation of everything in our lives.  This is something we say in the Qurʾān, this is something we say in adhkār, this is something we say in supplications and du'ā's.  That is:  “Allāh is the source of all blessings.  Allāh is the One that grants blessings.”

There are aḥadīth and traditions and narrations to the effect that when we repair our relationship with Allāh, Allāh will repair everything else.  When a person is beloved to Allāh, Allāh has what announcement made in the heavens and on the earth as well?  “Allāh says, 'I love him, so everybody else love him as well.  O Jibrīl, I love him so you love him.'  Jibrīl says, 'Allāh loves him, I love him, so all of the inhabitants of heaven love him.'”  The inhabitants of the heavens, the malā'ikah, come down to the earth and say what?  “Allāh loves him, Jibrīl loves, we love him, so therefore all of you love him or her.”

When we fix things with Allāh, Allāh will but barakah and blessings in everything else in our lives.  This is something that is very obvious.  That's why the Prophet said, “Tell your families to pray, and you be regular and punctual about prayer yourself. You be steadfast about the prayer yourself.  Tie yourself upon the prayer.”

Talking about the parent-child relationship, we have to learn to repair our relationships.  The parents must repair their relationships with Allāh.  That is why we are taught a du'ā':  “Rabbana habb lana min azwājina wa dhurriyyātina qurrata a'yun waj'alna lilmuttaqīna imāma.”  Make our spouses and our children the coolness of our eyes, and make all of us the leaders of the muttaqīn.  We have to repair spirituality – the parents and the children – and do it together as a family.  Pray together as a family.  Make du'ā'.  First fix your relationship with Allāh, and that will put barakah and blessings and start to repair the relationship with the family members.

Marriage:  In āyah 238 of Sūrat'l-Baqarah, Allāh says, “Very carefully, very cautiously, very diligently watch over the prayers.”  Do you know what is very interesting about this ayah?  Allāh mentions this ayah in the middle of a passage which talks about divorce.  In the middle of giving us advice about divorce, Allāh says, “Watch over the prayers.”  Why?  Because maybe you are having problems in your marriage because you are having problems with your relationship with Allāh.  Go back and fix your relationship with Allāh and put barakah and blessings and raḥmah and the Mercy of Allāh back into your marriage.

The houses in which Qurʾān is recited, the inhabitants of the heavens and skies have the stars shine onto the inhabitants of the earth.  Our houses become filled with nūr and barakah and blessing when we recite Qurʾān in them.  The Prophet would pray the farḍ daily prayers in the masjid.  Where would he pray his sunnah and nawāfil prayers?  In the home.  Do you know what that means for the Prophet ?  This is the masjid and that's the home.  Do you see the difference?  He would take four steps and be in his home, but he would still go and make the distinction and establish the fact that he would take those four steps, cross through the curtain, and pray in the home where the wife and family members were.  Bring spirituality back into your life, home, parent-child relationship, and marriage and see how it repairs.

When you have spirituality and a good relationship with Allāh, it makes you secure in yourself.  It gives you confidence and removes the insecurities.  The parents are not insecure about their children.  The children are not so constantly skeptical or paranoid about the parents.  Even sibling rivalry – they become secure in themselves through their relationship with Allāh.

The Prophet of Allāh was told this same point.  In Sūrah Ya Sīn, Allāh says, “Don't doubt yourself, you are most definitely from the messengers.”  It gives you that sense of security.  First spirituality needs to be re-established.  We need to fix the relationship with Allāh.  Family relationships will start to get better.

2.  Establishing Communication

The second basic step is establishing communication. If you don't have it, establish it, as awkward and as difficult as that might be.  Initially when you establish communication, it is like pulling teeth, but establish it.  If you have it, then broaden it and work on it and continue to build on it and maintain it.  Open it further.  Communication is very important.

I told you how Allāh presents certain difficult parent-child relationships in the Qurʾān.  Allāh also presents beautiful parent-child relationships in the Qurʾān.  Luqmān does what to his son?  Does he yell at him?  Does he say, “Hey, you stupid boy, come here”?  He says, “Ya bunaya,” which literally means in Arabic “my small son.”  This is an Arabic expression for saying “my dear son, my beloved son.” Like when you have a nickname for your child, when you speak to your child with love.  He talks to his child.  He is advising him, not lecturing him and not wagging his finger at him.  He is not yelling at him.  He is not scolding him and not constantly telling his son how disappointed he is in him.  He is having a conversation with his son.  “My dear son.”

Yūsuf sees a dream, a life-altering and life-changing dream.  What did he do with that dream?  Go and tell his friends?  Text message his friends?  Updates his Facebook status?  No.  He goes and talks to his father.  He says, “Ya abati (my dear, dear father),…”  He speaks to his father and communicates to his father.

The Prophet , the best husband of all times, did what?  He would communicate with his wives. 'Ā'ishah says, “I never saw anyone do more counsel and shūrah than the Prophet .  Nobody would consult in anything more – not just community affairs or religious affairs but even the affairs of the home.  He would talk to us.  He would communicate to us.”  At Ḥudaybiyyah when the Prophet was frustrated at the ṣaḥābah who were dumbfounded and speechless, he is telling them to shave their heads, sacrifice their animals, and open their iḥrām, and they were not getting up and going because they were dumbfounded and overwhelmed and almost traumatized by what happened that they have to go back without doing 'Umrah, the Prophet did what?  Who does he speak to?  His wife, Umm Salamah.  He speaks to his wife about being a prophet and the affairs of prophethood.  He communicates.  He doesn't go there and throw a fit.  “Where is my food?  Why is this place always dirty?  What is wrong with you?  Why are you looking at me like that?  What is your problem?  Why are the kids always making noise?”  He doesn't take it out on her.  He goes in there and says, “I don't know what to do.  What is wrong?  They are just not moving.”  It's not like they are not listening or not obeying.  Wa na'ūdhu billāh.  These are the ṣaḥābah .  But they are dumbfounded and traumatized.  She gives him advice, and subḥānAllāh that advice works.

The wives of the Prophet felt so comfortable openly speaking to him.  There is a famous story about Umar saying something to his wife, and his wife says, “Uh-uh.  I ain't about to do that.  I don't agree with you.”  From back in the day and old school mentality of Makkah and the Quraysh, he was like, “What?  Did you just speak back to me?”  She says, “Yes.  What's wrong with that? The Prophet doesn't mind.”  “What do you mean the Prophet doesn't mind?”  The daughter of 'Umar , Ḥafṣah, was one of the wives of the Prophet , umm'l-mu'minīn.  “She speaks emotionally and he doesn't mind.”  He says, “What?”  He rushes over there and says, “Girl, have you lost your mind?  You speak back to the Prophet of Allāh ?”  She says, “No, it's communication.  He tells us to speak our minds.  He asks us what we think about things.  He doesn't mind.”  Communication.  It helps in the parent-child relationship as we see in the example of Luqmān and Yūsuf.  It most definitely helps in a marriage.

Establishing communication.  Then paying attention to how you communicate.  In a parent-child relationship, the parent might say, “Yeah, I talk to him everyday.”  But if all you say to your child is “clean up your room,” then yes, you speak to your child everyday.  “Clean up your room.  Did you do your homework?  Why do you fail your tests?  Why are you so stupid?”  If you speak to your child, that is not enough.  How you communicate matters as well.  What do you say?  How do you speak?  Lovingly.  Kindly.

When spouses speak to each other, if everything is a sarcastic jab: “So you didn't make food today, huh?” – that is not a question, by the way.  You know that is not a question.  “Oh, so I guess you are busy today, huh?”  That is not a question.  That's a slap in the face.  Nothing good comes from communication like that.  You have to give the benefit of the doubt and be open and loving and caring and considerate.

Having credibility and understand when you start to communicate, the problem will not fix itself overnight.  One day you try to have a nice conversation:  “What's going on with you?  I hope you are doing well.  Everything is good.”  And for now you have a history of ten or fifteen years of bad communication and have one nice twenty-minute conversation and the other side is not warming up to you yet, don't be like “See, you are obviously wrong.  I tried and I was nice, and it didn't work.  See, it doesn't work.  My way works.  You don't know what you are talking about.”  It doesn't change overnight.

The Prophet of Allāh was ṣādiq'l-amīn and then he presented the message.  You have to have some credibility and establish that credibility.  You have to establish trust, and it won't happen overnight.

3.  Prioritization

Spirituality, communication, and the third area where we can work on to improve these family relationships is like what I mentioned extensively:  prioritization.  We have to put these family relationships in the right priority, and that is making time for family whether that is a parent-child relationship or a spousal relationship, make time for each other.  Even the sibling rivalry can be solved by spending time together and making time for each other.

Just as a clarification for the father who works tirelessly, and that is fine and respected, but understand that you might say, “I spend eight hours a day at home,” but you spend those eight hours a day sleeping on your face.”  That doesn't count as family time.  “You know, I come home, don't I?”  Yeah you come home, use the bathroom, and go to sleep.  That doesn't count as spending time with your spouse.  You have to spend good, quality family time with each other.  You have to make time for each other.  Put each other as a first priority.

Here comes the shocking part.  We have to redefine the boundaries of 'ibādah.  There is no guilt in spending time with family.  Yes, it should not deter you from your basic responsibilities to Allāh .  Ṣalāh is ṣalāh.  Prayer is prayer.  But at the same time we do have to redefine the boundaries of 'ibādah, of nafl (extra worship).  Having a nice, quiet intimate dinner with your spouse and having a candlelit dinner with your wife is 'ibādah.  It is a virtuous deed.  Good deed.  Reward.  Yes!  I'm not crazy.

You know when you wrestle around with your children and play with your kids – my kids are young – and play hide-and-go-seek (where my daughter constantly cheats, all the time, so when it's my turn to hide and her turn to seek, she counts while looking at me.)  Alḥamdulillāh, I've developed a lot of upper body strength.  Do you know how?  Swings.  Non-stop.  These kids never get tired. I think there's a possibility my daughters could grow up to be pilots.  They never get tired of being on a swing.  My younger one is two-years old, and the first thing she does after she wakes up in the morning is go to the backdoor because we have a swing set in the backyard, and she says, “Outside!”  That is code for “let me outside.”  She doesn't waste a lot of time and is very impatient.  If her request is not immediately obliged, then the second time, “Outside!”  And the third time, it is a straight up scream.  “Outside!!!”  Spending quality time with them.  Making time for them.  You know what?  Playing hide-and-go-seek with your kids and pushing them on the swings is an act of worship.  It is an act of 'ibādah.

The Messenger of Allāh told the ṣaḥābah that when spouses (husband and wife) experience intimacy with each other – I'm going to speak in general terms because we have a broad audience.  When a husband and wife experience intimacy with each other, physical intimacy, the Prophet of Allāh said, “It is a virtuous act.”  The ṣaḥābah were shocked just as much as you probably are.  Are you serious?  Is that for real?  The Prophet of Allāh had very simple logic.  If you were to commit the same physical act outside of a marriage, would it be a sin?  Yes.  This is an act of reward and an act of virtue in marriage.  What lesson we learn from that is engaging in the actual relationship and seeking emotional pleasure in the relationship is a virtuous act and an act of reward.

Something that is established through research and something I learned a practical lesson from my own father as a role model for me was:  My dad was very involved at the masjid and one of the founders of the masjid that we all grew up going to, and alḥamdulillāh at retirement age he was able to found another masjid in a new area we moved to.  My uncles and dad were always involved in this frontline, and māshā'Allāh alḥamdulillāh I learned from them.  But you know, one thing though?  Being on the board of the masjid, being a founder of the masjid, being involved in the da'wah activity at the masjid, it never got in the way of the family and was never put before family.  There could be a meeting going on in the masjid and my dad would get a call and he would say, “Excuse me, I'm not going to be able to make it to the meeting at the masjid.  If that gets me kicked off the board, fine then kick me off.”  My dad owned his own business, by the way.  How many people here own their own business?  A businessman knows that the job never ends.  A businessman never clocks out.  A businessman lives, eats, and sleeps his business.  But everyday there was a cut-off time for my dad.  5 o'clock, done.  Doors closed, the phone goes off.  “You'll pay extra if I come right now?  It's okay, I guess I'll just see you tomorrow.  You're going to go to somebody else?  Then I guess you'll go to somebody else.   My rizq is given by Allāh.  I'm not going to sacrifice my family.”  5 o'clock everyday.  Then he came home and sat with us, talked to us, played with us, helped us with our homework.  Then we ate dinner together as a family.  Then when dinner was done, he went for ṣalāt'l-'ishā'at the masjid and I went with him.  But that was every single day.  Nothing would get in the way of that.  Not the business, not the meeting at the masjid, not the da'wah activity, nothing.  Family first.

We have to learn that prioritization and that attitude, redefining these boundaries of 'ibādah and worship and understanding what's important.  It's very, very important that we understand what's important.

The Center for Substance Abuse and Addiction at Columbia University published research and Time magazine ran the story in June 2006.  I recommend you go and look it up and read it.  It talks about how families and homes where they eat one meal together every single day are happier, healthier homes and families because they spend quality time together.

One of the recommendations that I mentioned from the Qurʾān is praying ṣalāh together.  Merge family time and spirituality together.  When you are going to go to the park, pray ẓuhr and then head out to the park.  You are going to go for ice cream?  Pray  'ishā' and then go out for ice cream.  Merge these together and create a positive association.  That is how you can do tarbiyah with your family and children and instill the dīn within your children.  Eating meals together brings the hearts together.

4. Expressing Love & Appreciation

The fourth area that we can work on is expressing love and appreciation for each other.  There is no such thing as showing too much love.  Expectations have its place, rules and boundaries have their place.  I'm not talking about that.  We confuse love with those things.  Have discipline, have boundaries, have limitations, have rules, have consequences.  Have all of that, but express love.  Tell your children how much you love them.  Tell your spouse how much you love them.  Show appreciation.  Don't just have appreciation.  “Oh, but I do appreciate you.  Do I have to show it?  Do I have to buy you flowers?”  Yes, you do!  Do you have to take her out for a nice meal?  Yes.  Do I have to tell you how much I love you, and do I have to hug and kiss you?  Yes!  Very, very, very important!

I understand that this breaks certain cultural taboos.  In certain cultures, its awkward and strange for a father to tell his children “I love you” when they put them to bed at night and when they wake up in the morning and when they salām. “Al-salāmu 'alaykum.  How are you guys doing?  Everything is ok?  I love you guys.”  I know that it seems awkward or taboo in certain cultures, but again, I go back to the very first point that I made, you have to understand where you children are coming from.  You have to understand human expectations and in the parent-child relationship and marital relationship, expressing love and appreciation.

5. Make Du'ā'

The last and final point I'll make here:  make du'ā'.  Never forget to make du'ā'.  Allāh taught us a comprehensive du'ā':  “Rabbana habb lana min azwājina wa dhurriyyātina qurrata a'yun waj'alna lilmuttaqīna imāma.”   Coolness of the eyes.  Do you know what coolness of the eyes means?  It is an ancient Arabic expression.  To understand an expression sometimes, you have to look at them and understand them from the perspective of the people who used that expression.  You have to understand it from their perspective.  The ancient Arabs would say this.  You guys living in Arizona will be able to relate to this.  Imagine the summer time in the middle of the desert.   It is 120 degrees outside, but imagine you don't have these comfortable buildings and structures.  Imagine you don't have air conditioning and fans.  You are out there in the middle of the desert in the scorching heat.  Hot winds are blowing the hot sand into your eyes.  Even now with air conditioning and everything that you have, sometimes in the summer how dry do your eyes get?  How irritated do your eyes become, and how much do they itch?  Imagine being out in the desert without all this luxury and experiencing that.  Your eyes feel like they are on fire.  Your eyes feel like you want to rip them out and scratch them until they are gone.  Then you come across some cool, clean water, and you take that water and splash it into your eyes and on your face.  How refreshing and invigorating and how amazing that would feel.

We are saying, “O Allāh, when I look at my spouse, when I look at my children, make it feel like I just splashed cool, clean water in my eyes and face.  Refresh me.  And make all of us from the muttaqīn imams and leaders of the most pious and righteous.  Make us role models for generations to come.”

In connection with this, these are just like I said initially, some topics and concerns that have been on my mind for a long, long time. As you see from the context of the Qurʾān and sīrah and ḥadīth of the Prophet , this is a very core concept of our religion and faith and this is a basic human need and concern. Alḥamdulillāh, this is just a short conversation that I wanted to share.  This is part of a larger project that I am embarking on through Qalam Institute.  We are going to have a traveling program called Happiness in the Home where we will be traveling around the country to different communities and have a full seminar talking about some of these concerns and implementing more practical solutions so we can better the condition and situation of families throughout our communities, inshā'Allāh.

These are just some thoughts and things that I wanted to share with the community here today.  Again I want to thank you for being patient and listening and being attentive.  I hope and I pray that this was a source of benefit for everyone.  Jazākum Allāh khayran.

May Allāh accept from all of us and give us the ability to practice that which we have heard.  Al-salāmu 'alaykum wa raḥmatullāh.

We are living in an era of information explosion in which data, news and knowledge of all kinds stream into our lives 24/7 via multiple media inlets, so much so that now it has become a challenge to pick and choose that input which we want to receive; which we deem relevant. Pregnancy, childbirth, infant care and parenting topics are no exception.

From detailed pregnancy books to 3D-animated videos; subscriptions that facilitate personalized, week-by-week email pregnancy updates, to extensive online obstetric resources and pediatric websites, an expectant mother nowadays is amply aware of every change that is going on inside her body, as it happens or even beforehand.

The Quran revealed the process of the creation of man long before science gave every part of his anatomy, down to the inner contents of his individual cells, a unique name and pictorial description.

In fact, in the Quran, Allāh described the chronological phases of fetal growth and development 14 centuries ago, long before any ultrasound machine existed:

وَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ مِن سُلَالَةٍ مِّن طِينٍ

ثُمَّ جَعَلْنَاهُ نُطْفَةً فِي قَرَارٍ مَّكِينٍ

ثُمَّ خَلَقْنَا النُّطْفَةَ عَلَقَةً فَخَلَقْنَا الْعَلَقَةَ مُضْغَةً فَخَلَقْنَا الْمُضْغَةَ عِظَامًا فَكَسَوْنَا الْعِظَامَ لَحْمًا ثُمَّ أَنشَأْنَاهُ خَلْقًا آخَرَ فَتَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخَالِقِينَ

“Verily We created man from a product of wet earth; then placed him as a drop (of seed) in a safe lodging; then We fashioned the drop into a clot, then We fashioned the clot into a little lump, then We fashioned the little lump into bones, then clothed the bones with flesh, and then produced it another creation. So blessed be Allāh, the Best of Creators!” [23:12-14]

هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن تُرَابٍ ثُمَّ مِن نُّطْفَةٍ ثُمَّ مِنْ عَلَقَةٍ ثُمَّ يُخْرِجُكُمْ طِفْلًا ثُمَّ لِتَبْلُغُوا أَشُدَّكُمْ ثُمَّ لِتَكُونُوا شُيُوخًا وَمِنكُم مَّن يُتَوَفَّى مِن قَبْلُ وَلِتَبْلُغُوا أَجَلًا مُّسَمًّى وَلَعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ

“It is He Who has created you from dust then from a sperm-drop, then from a leech-like clot; then does he get you out (into the light) as a child: then lets you (grow and) reach your age of full strength; then lets you become old,- though of you there are some who die before;- and lets you reach a term appointed; in order that you may learn wisdom.” [40:67]

According to Tafsir Ibn Kathir, this reference to man's creation from “تُرَابٍ”, or dust, implies the origin of mankind viz. the creation of the first human being, Prophet Adam [عليه السلام], from dust: “["And Allāh did create you from dust, then from Nutfah"], means, He initiated the creation of your father Adam from dust, then He created his offspring from semen of worthless water.”

Modern science has, by now, explained the entire process of the creation of a human being, down to those minute, microscopic intricacies that were invisible to the human eye centuries ago.

Many times in the Quran, Allāh draws our attention to the way we were created. It is interesting to remember though, that at the time when these verses were revealed, human beings had limited knowledge about the process of human birth, unlike now.

Why would Allāh then invite us to ponder on the origin of our creation? The contexts in which He mentions our origins lead to some interesting observations. But first, lets analyze the word most oft-repeated in the Quran when Allāh mentions man's creation:

The “nutfah”

The root of this word is: نَطَفَ يَنطِفُ – natafa yantifu: “To flow gently, trickle, ooze, drop.”

The dictionary meaning of the word “nutfah” is – “Drop of fluid; semen“.

النطفة: الماء الصافي، قَلَّ اَوْ كثرَ – “It is clear liquid, a little or a lot. From this it is used for ماء الرجل maa-ur rajul: The water (semen) of a man.”

ليلةٌ نَطوف is when it rains all night long.

Man is a disputer

Allāh says in the Quran:

خَلَقَ الإِنسَانَ مِن نُّطْفَةٍ فَإِذَا هُوَ خَصِيمٌ مُّبِينٌ

“He (Allāh) has created man from a sperm-drop; and behold this same (man) becomes an open disputer!” [16:4]

أَوَلَمْ يَرَ الْإِنسَانُ أَنَّا خَلَقْنَاهُ مِن نُّطْفَةٍ فَإِذَا هُوَ خَصِيمٌ مُّبِينٌ

“Does not man see that it is We Who created him from a sperm-drop? Yet behold! He (stands forth) as an open disputer!” [36:77]

The word خَصِيمٌ is derived from خَصمَ which means “he contended with in an altercation“, and the word الخِصَام means “the statements that a listener is made to hear, which may cause him to desist or refrain from his assertion, plea or claim“.

In another place in the Quran, Allāh says about man: “وَهُوَ أَلَدُّ الْخِصَامِ” – “And he is the most rigid of opponents” [2:204], where this word الخِصَام is used again to describe man.

Question is, why does Allāh mention the origin of man (the nutfah) along with the fact that man is an open disputer?

Man disputes about Allāh; about religion; about being right. Sometimes, man goes on arguing even if he possesses little knowledge of what he is arguing about, just to prove himself to be right, or to be better, than his “opponent”.

This type of arguing and disputing is, usually, less about establishing the haqq and abolishing falsehood, and more about one-upping the adversary to come out looking better, or on the right path, as the definition of the word الخِصَام implies; also, to attempt to make the adversary clam up and desist from putting forth their claims or opinions.

Allāh mentions how man was created from nothing but a microscopic sperm, which is not even visible, and yet he grows into a creature who argues about the very being that created Him from this miniscule little drop of fluid – he disputes about Allāh, His attributes, or any other aspect of Islam, to avoid submitting to Him – the Creator who not just created him, but also gave him provision since day one to make him grow, acquire a physical form, then be blessed with sight, hearing, and intellect:

إِنَّا خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ مِن نُّطْفَةٍ أَمْشَاجٍ نَّبْتَلِيهِ فَجَعَلْنَاهُ سَمِيعًا بَصِيرًا

“Verily We created Man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try him. So We gave him Hearing and Sight.” [76:2]

Man falls into disbelief and ingratitude

Another context in which Allāh mentions the origin of man as being from the nutfah, is the fact that man falls into kufr, i.e. when he grows up, he starts to deny Allāh's blessings, or to belie His Prophets and their monotheistic message, or reject Allāh's commands, refusing obstinately to obey them. Kufr also constitutes the denial of the establishment of the Hour (الساعة).

In Surah Al-Kahf, a man who owned 2 luscious gardens was conversing with his pious companion and bragging about possessing more wealth and a larger family than him. He went on to say that “I do not think that this (wealth) will perish – ever. And I do not think the Hour will occur. And even if I should be brought back to my Lord, I will surely find better than this as a return.” [18:34-36]

His pious companion, who was a believer, responds by making him recall how Allāh created him, saying:

قَالَ لَهُ صَاحِبُهُ وَهُوَ يُحَاوِرُهُ أَكَفَرْتَ بِالَّذِي خَلَقَكَ مِن تُرَابٍ ثُمَّ مِن نُّطْفَةٍ ثُمَّ سَوَّاكَ رَجُلًا

“His companion said to him, in the course of the argument with him: “Do you deny Him Who created you out of dust, then out of a sperm-drop, then fashioned you into a man?”" [18:37]

In this context, Allāh warns us through these verses of the Quran, not to fall into the same trap – that if we have been blessed with abundant wealth and a large family, we should not be fooled by this superfluous worldly benefits into denying the absolute reality of the imminence of the Hour (الساعة).

Heedlessness about the Akhirah makes one slowly slip down the slope of adherence to the commands of Deen, and disbelief starts to creep into our hearts like rust, chipping away our faith in Allāh and in the Akhirah.

One of the ways suggested, in the above verse of the Quran, to keep ourselves humble before Allāh and firmly grounded in the correct belief (aqeedah), is to remember our origin – our creation. How, once, we were nothing more than a tiny embryo, a single ovum fertilized by a single sperm (مِن نُّطْفَةٍ), from which Allāh fashioned us into a complete, symmetrical, fair-looking human being (سَوَّاكَ) in our mothers' wombs, having a body that contains innumerable anatomical systems (respiratory, nervous, digestive, cardio-, reproductive etc.) functioning together in perfect unison:

مِن نُّطْفَةٍ خَلَقَهُ فَقَدَّرَهُ

“From a sperm-drop He had created him, and then moulds him in due proportions;” [80:19]

وَأَنَّهُ خَلَقَ الزَّوْجَيْنِ الذَّكَرَ وَالْأُنثَى – مِن نُّطْفَةٍ إِذَا تُمْنَى

“That He did create in pairs,- male and female, from a seed when lodged (in its place);” [53:45-46]

The “miracle” of our creation enables us to recognize and remain in total awe of Allāh's limitless powers. That in turn allows us to submit to Him and to His message conveyed to us through His Prophets.

For surely, the Magnificent Creator who fashioned a complete living being out of a mere sperm drop, can resurrect that same human being hundreds of years after his death; after his total decomposition into nothingness.

Because for the One for whom the first, original creation was so easy, the resurrection will be even easier:

كَمَا بَدَأْنَا أَوَّلَ خَلْقٍ نُّعِيدُهُ وَعْدًا عَلَيْنَا إِنَّا كُنَّا فَاعِلِينَ

“…Even as We produced the first creation, so shall We produce a new one; a promise We have undertaken. Truly shall We fulfil it.” [21:104]

The “despicable” water

Another context in which Allāh mentions the creation of man, is how he originates from a “lowly” water viz. human semen. Whilst the first human being was created and fashioned from dust, his progeny continued on earth via this water:

أَلَمْ نَخْلُقكُّم مِّن مَّاء مَّهِينٍ

“Have We not created you from a fluid (held) despicable?” [77:20]

The place in the human anatomy from where this “despicable” water originates is also mentioned by Allāh:

فَلْيَنظُرِ الْإِنسَانُ مِمَّ خُلِقَ – خُلِقَ مِن مَّاء دَافِقٍ – يَخْرُجُ مِن بَيْنِ الصُّلْبِ وَالتَّرَائِبِ

“Now let man but think from what he is created. He is created from a drop emitted. Proceeding from between the backbone and the ribs.” [86:5-7]

Allāh then goes on to exhort how, if He could create a human progeny from such a water that gushes forth from man's own body, He is utterly and completely able to recreate man in the Akhirah, after his death and decomposition in this world/dunya:

إِنَّهُ عَلَى رَجْعِهِ لَقَادِرٌ

“Surely He (Allāh) is able to bring him back (to life)!” [86:8]

Allāh mentions 3 other words in another place in the Quran where He mentions the “despicable” water – “طِين”,”نسل” and “سلالة”:

الَّذِي أَحْسَنَ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ خَلَقَهُ وَبَدَأَ خَلْقَ الْإِنسَانِ مِن طِينٍ – ثُمَّ جَعَلَ نَسْلَهُ مِن سُلَالَةٍ مِّن مَّاء مَّهِينٍ

“Who made all things good which He created, and He began the creation of man from clay; And made his progeny from a quintessence of the nature of a fluid despised.” [32:7-8]

The point that comes across is how Allāh brought every one of us into this world from a mere drop of fluid – a fluid that is considered dirty, lowly and worthy of being washed off and discarded; which emanates from a part of the body that is also kept hidden and considered shameful; a part that excretes the filth (urine) from our bodies.

Furthermore, when a human baby comes into this world, it again does so through the same anatomical part of his mother's body.

Allāh reminds man again and again of his lowly and inferior origins, of his first and subsequent creation, in order to cull his arrogance and reinforce his belief in Allāh's absolute power of creation and resurrection.

Because as long as we keep reminding ourselves of how we were created, how we were born, and how we came into existence from nothing, to ultimately grow bigger and take the shape of a functioning human being from the merger of two tiny cells, we will perhaps be able to stop doubting how Allāh will put us back together in the Akhirah when the Hour is established.

I wanted to dedicate this one session to what I feel is one of the most pressing issues in the lives of Muslim youth and one that I have come to experience myself personally at one point in my life. As I've had the opportunity to travel more recently and interact with many young people across the country, I'm noticing it's not a problem localized to one community or limited to one specific kind of person, but rather it's happening pretty much almost universally. I guess I want to term it a crisis of faith, and a crisis of confidence in the religion.

Alhamdulillah, many of you that are sitting here are Muslims that are eager to learn something more about their religion and they want to advance further. Insha'Allahu ta'ala you guys are the hope for becoming the ambassadors of religion not just to non-Muslims but even to your struggling Muslims friends and family that are Muslim but they're barely holding onto their faith. They're barely holding on to any semblance of Islam in their lives and you are, at this point, the only connection Allāh has provided for them to Islam. So the fact that you are here is already speaking volumes for the kind of commitment you have. You might not think very highly of yourselves, but actually, I do, and perhaps Allāh ('azza wa jall) holds you in very high regard. May Allāh accept this gathering and gatherings like this one, and make us sincere in them.

#1: “Is this from God?”

Now what I wanted to talk about, this crisis of faith. I'll share a couple of stories with you and then I'll talk about it in general. The first story is from a couple of years ago. I gave a khutbah in a city that I don't want to name. At the end of the khutbah, a father came up to me and said, “I'd really like you to have lunch at our house. I want you to talk to my daughter.” I said “Okay, I guess, I have time”. He took me to his house, which was right next door to the masjid, and said, “If you're okay with it, my daughter has some questions about Islam, so if you don't mind, could you help her answer some of them?” His daughter comes out – and by the way, this is a Muslim family, born and raised Muslims, parents are born and raised Muslims, children are raised Muslims – and she has piercings in strange places on her face: on the side of her eye, and like a couple on her forehead. Weird places that you look at and you go “ouch!”. But anyways, she sits down and I'm kind of weirded out at this point, but you know what, let's have her ask her questions.

She had about thirty questions, and I didn't answer any of them. I just said, “So what else?” I kept saying, “What else?” and she kept adding stuff. She had questions like, “Well, you know, I have some friends in high school and they're gay. They're not bad people and they haven't killed anyone, so why do we hate them so much? And why did God make a hell, why did He have to do that, like…what's the point? And if He wanted to make a Hell, then why did He create us to begin with if He knows we're going to go there? Then why'd He do that to us? And what's so bad about having a boyfriend? It's not like murder, you know. I'm not that bad. What's the big deal? Why do we make such a big deal out of everything?”

At this point internally, I've already had three heart attacks, but externally, I'm saying to her, “What else?” And she just keeps going, and going, and going. And mind you, her father is sitting there, so if I'm having seizures…you know, I felt really sad for him, I really did.

And she just kept going and going. At the end of her thirty questions, I said: “Okay. I'm willing to spend time with you and discuss these issues with you, but I'd rather you just answer one of my questions first. If you could do that, then we can probably have a good, well-directed conversation.” There was a copy of Qur'an sitting on the dining table, so I picked it up and said, “Do you really actually believe this is from God through an angel to a man, (salAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam)? And whatever this has is perfect instruction for you and for me to live our lives in the best possible way, and if we live our lives this way, we'll find happiness here and forever, and if we don't, we'll find misery here and forever? Do you actually believe that?” She goes, “No, I'm not so sure.” I said, “Well then, all of those other questions don't matter. None of that stuff matters.”

That's what I would call a crisis of faith. That's the first crisis of faith, and she's not the only one. I've seen this story play itself out. A lot of people have those kinds of questions but they don't ask them, and you know I'm not just picking on girls here. Muslim guys will be raised in a religious family, will know certain things are haraam, and in their head, they'll say, “Why is this haram? Why can't I do that?” Then they'll hear, “Well, Allāh said so.” “You say that for everything!”

“Islam's no fun.”

And then if somebody was to ask them, “So what's Islam?” “Everything's haraam, here's my summary.” [Laughter] You know, Islam equals “'Don't smile, Don't have fun, Don't live life”, because all of that stuff is haraam, it's forbidden. And of course, it's reinforced because when you come to a typical masjid across the country, all you see are people that are frowning. All the time. It's like, “Mam'nu'u at-tabassum”: “it's forbidden to smile here.” It's like if they even see a child running a little bit with a smile: “Hey, Masjid! Don't you see the sign that says, 'Sadness Only'? [Laughter] It's like a depressing thing.

So for a child, even growing up, in a Muslim community, in an Islamic school…I'm not knocking on any Islamic schools here in Maryland since I don't know enough, but generally, it's run by some very angry aunties. [Laughter] Kids that are in class are just seeing angry people all the time, and the more religious they are, the angrier they are. The longer the beard gets, the bigger the frown gets, like it's very hard to smile. So they're in this environment all the time and there are some questions that start popping in their head. “Why am I even Muslim? Everybody around me is so miserable. We can't do anything! Every time I want to do something fun, they say haraam! They say wrong! And all the friends I have in school, they say they're going to hell! What do you want me to do?!”

Internally, a young man, a young girl, a young boy starts getting a little turned off by the religion. And then on top of that, let's be honest, most parents, even if they want to put their children in Islamic schools, can't afford to. It's a tough economy, it's not easy to afford, so most of our kids go to public school. That's a reality and it's not something you should embarrass people about. It's just a reality of Muslims living in this country that they go to public school. So parents feel guilty that they're not themselves able to give a quality religious education – they're certainly not getting one at school – so they put the child in Sunday school. That'll help, right?

It won't. It doesn't. Ask your child if it helped. [Laughter] I love Sunday schools by the way; I think they're a blessing, and that they're an important effort in the effort to educate our children. Nonetheless, ask the average child that is sitting in Sunday school on any given Sunday. You just take one random kid, especially a teenager. Pull them aside and ask them one question, “Do you want to be here?” Just ask them that one question and what is the overwhelming answer you will find? Uh-uh.

They've already served five days in prison at school. Prison for a child is behind a desk. What do parents do? “You need to serve some extra time. Here's a sixth day in prison.” By definition, kids hate class. I used to be a teacher at a school, and one of the ways I would punish students if they were misbehaving is when the bell for recess would ring, I would say “You can't leave yet, you have to finish ten more problems.” And you see all these kids sitting there and as the bell rings, the temperature in their seats rises. It hurts for them to stay inside their seats. And then they look outside the window and they see others entering the gates of Paradise. [Laughter] And they're like, “Aww…can we go? Please, please, please! Just anything but here!” They hate being in class, and you know what we do, we just stick them in another class! Oh well, at least it should be fun, right? No, it's not going to be fun either.

#2: Best Story Ever?

Okay, my second story now.

This actually happened in a Sunday school I used to be a part of. The class next to me was a bunch of preteen younger guys, like 11-13. Teacher walks in and says, “Today, children, I'm going to tell you the best story of all time. The best! Do you know what it is?!” This kid raised his hand. “Yes, tell me what it is.”

“Dragonball!”

This kid next to him goes “No! Yu-yu-Yugi-oh! Yu-Yu-Hakusho!” This other kid goes “Naruto!”, and they start arguing with each other. “No, that's the best story! No, that video game had the best storyline! And the sequel was even better because it went backwards in time!” The other one goes, “No did you see that movie, oh my God it was awesome! Have you seen the third season of this, or that, or the other?”

Oh my goodness, this argument breaks out in class, and the teacher is standing there in shock. His jaw is dropped and he doesn't know what to do. “No! No! No, this is all wrong! I meant the story of Yusuf ('alayhis salaam) in the Qur'an!” Allāh says it Himself, “We are narrating unto you in fact the best of all possible stories.” This  is a claim made by Allāh, and so he was expecting the child who raised his hand to say, “Yes, I know the best of all stories, it's the story of Yusuf ('alayhis salaam).” But nobody said that, it wasn't even a contender! So he says, “No, no, no, children, you're all wrong. The best story is the story of Yusuf ('alayhis salaam).” And the kids go, “Aww, I already know that one. Okay, yeah, sure it's the best. Mhm.”

Do you think they really believe it's the best? Uh-uh. That's a crisis of faith right there. Allāh said something, and our children, sitting in a Sunday school in the House of Allāh, don't believe it no matter how badly you want them to. They're just saying it because you want to hear it. That's a crisis of faith. That's a huge crisis, and we have to understand how to address that crisis.

All of the other problems we have for our youth; [you probably] want to make a list, and have programs about them: “How Facebook is a fitnah”, “How YouTube is a fitnah”, “How the Internet is a fitnah”, “How stepping outside of your house is a fitnah”, “How high school is a fitnah”, “How the mall is a fitnah”, “How your friends are a fitnah”, “How your car is a fitnah”, “How your cell phones is a…”- I mean goodness gracious, oxygen is a fitnah at that point! The list just keeps going.

I'm saying that list is superfluous. I'm arguing that stuff is fluff. We have to look underneath that fluff and look at what the real problem is. The real problem is a crisis of faith. We need to understand the problem, and the problem is that our youth are not confident, not proud, and not in love with Islam. They're not confident in the Qur'an. They're not confident that the Messenger of Allāh (salAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam) is the absolute best role model, that no one deserves to be loved more, no one deserves to be followed more, no one.

#3: Justin Bieber Mania

My third story. It's part of the crisis of faith. I mentioned this story at the ICNA convention too. We're flying to the ICNA convention and I usually take my whole family, all 28 of them. I have 6 children, and I lose count sometimes. [Laughter] But anyways, we're flying together, and since my kids are little, they're short and can't really see over the seats in the plane so they're just sitting there. My wife and I are taller, so we can see the TV screen when it drops. So there's a movie playing. We didn't want to see it, but it was right in our faces. And of course Alhamdulillah we don't have headphones, so it's a silent film at that point.

It was the Justin Bieber documentary. [Laughter] Yeah, imagine that. Well thankfully, it was a silent film, right?

So, for this documentary that is playing, I'm trying to avoid looking at it, but I can't help myself. I can't help myself because they're showing this kid come and start singing his songs, and girls in the audience are crying. You could tell they're just like, “We love you so much, I'll die for you.” Mothers are bringing their daughters to concerts. And then somebody's handed a voucher that says you get to meet him backstage. You should see the family, how they're jumping up and down in joy. And in the course of that video, I was like, “Oh man, these people have nothing to look up to. This is all they have to look up to and they're so happy at this! How sad of a life can it be?” In the next clip, there's a Muslim girl, wearing a hijab, and she's handed a voucher, “You're going to get to meet Justin Bieber!” She goes around a tree, hugging it, and going crazy. And she's not the only Muslim girl that would do that. She's not. Don't say “Astaghfirullah, what kind of Muslim…?” Hah, that's the average Muslim girl. That's normal.

So now, we have a crisis, not just of faith but of some of the fruits of faith. What are some of the fruits of faith? The faith itself is you're convinced Islam is true, but beyond that, a step above that is that you take pride in it. And a consequence of that is that everything that is NOT Islam no longer appeals to you. Everything that contradicts Islam makes you not only not attracted, but makes you feel sad for people who are. You look at it as something beneath you.

Let me tell you what a great thing for Muslims this would be. A point of pride for Muslims would be that instead of a young Muslim man thinking, “I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't do that either, everything is haram, look at my friends, they get to do this, and that, and the other”, instead of a Muslim girl who's going to high school wearing hijab, and everybody makes comments at her, pokes fun at her, and says weird things to her like, “You look so ugly because of that thing on your head…” and it makes her think in her head, “I wish I could be like those other girls who get to do whatever they want. I can't do anything, I can't have any fun in life. The only thing that's keeping me from being happy is Islam.”

[Short interruption: Personally, I think what he's trying to get at here is if those young people were instead sad for those same people who viewed them like that, but he got distracted.]

Proposed Solution #1: Create A Culture Around Strong Friendship

So I didn't want to just mention the crisis of faith. I wanted to also try to mention some of its solutions. It's easy to talk about a problem, but it's hard to talk about its solutions. It's hard, and my disclaimer will be that I don't claim to have absolute answers. I have some ideas, and I'd like to share those ideas with you. These ideas are the results of discussions with scholars, counselors, and youth. I don't want to give you generic kinds of answers, I want to try to give you some kind of practical answers that may not be the absolute solution but insha'Allahu ta'ala with your own discussions amongst yourselves, you'll come up with some better things.

The first part of the solution is that we have to create a culture around strong friendship. Identity itself, and not just Islamic identity, revolves around who you hang out with, who you spend most of your time with, and who you identify with. When you spend most of your time on a computer, you start taking on some of the qualities of the stuff you're reading and the stuff you're watching. It starts invading your thoughts. The kinds of people you spend time with affects you: if they're studying Islam all the time, you'll want to study Islam too. If they're playing basketball all the time, you'll develop a habit for playing basketball also. If they're going to watch movies all the time, you're going to want to go to the movies too. Your environment has an effect on you. The people you surround yourself with has an effect on you. The Muslim community, starting with the Muslim family and then evolving to the community, needs to actually have a campaign to ensure our young children are in the company of good role model older kids, like a Big Brother, Big Sister type thing. So when our girls are 12, 13, 14, when they're coming up in their ages, some of the more leading Muslim girls in our community – that are 17, 18, 19,  going to college, holding on to their religion and learning their deen –  are role models, they don't even know it. And our younger girls need to be spending time with these older girls, it's really important – that they have someone to look up to, who's strong in their deen. And they aspire to want to be like them.  That's really important.

The same goes for the guys at a younger age. It's not like what we do; we keep the little kids by themselves and the older kids by themselves and it doesn't work out. There needs to be a kind of mentorship happening at the community level, so that our younger boys are spending time with some of the older boys, especially the ones that are mature in their religion. And we have, māshā'Allāh, if not a lot of those, we have enough of those. We have enough young people who are mature in their religion, they really want to learn more about it, and they're good role models! You know, they have youth, they have energy, they have good looks. You know they could go any number of ways in their life and they chose to submit themselves to Islam – that in it of itself is huge, and that already makes them a role model. Whether they're ever grabbing a mic and speaking publicly or not doesn't matter; they're STILL role models.

And we need to put them in that position. It does two things. One, it gives young people someone to look up to, and two, it gives older kids a sense of responsibility. It makes them realize that other have their eyes on them, that they have to answer to a higher standard because they set the tone for others. And that kind of mentorship thing needs to start happening when families start doing that, and utilizing the community as a place where that kind of mentorship can happen. That's one, that's one suggestion.

Proposed Solution #2: Create An Open Forum

Another really important suggestion – and this is a long term thing – is that we have to be able to have forums where our young people can talk about the real questions they have without being afraid of reactions from their parents, their imam, their scholar, or their speaker. The speaker should NOT be in a position to say “You are so wrong – what you said is so bad, go make istighfar, go slaughter a goat and then come back.” We shouldn't put them into a position of them feeling intimidated for them to even want to be able to ask a question. We need to create a space, we need to create an environment where they feel comfortable enough to be able to ask certain kinds of questions. And I say this, because of some experience. Muslim community, generally, are very conservative people. We have certain expectations of ourselves, we have expectations of our children and we have expectations of other Muslims. Within even our own family, like if your boy, for the first time, got asked out on a date, or some girl came up to him and said, “You want to go to the prom with me?”, he's thinking about it but he'll never tell his mother. He's thinking about it but he'll never tell his dad. Because you know what's going to happen if he tells his dad, right? Inna lillahi wa inna ilahyi ra'jioon, that's what's going to happen! So he can't talk to his parents about this stuff, even though it's on his mind! He can't talk to her parents, or even the imam, because you know what's going to happen when she asks the imam? Next week the imam will give a khutbah: “You know what this sister came and told me?” They're afraid of being called out. They're afraid.

There needs to be a space where they can ask their questions. There needs to be a space where they can feel comfortable asking their questions. There needs to be training for our du'aat in how to answer those questions in a sensitive way. Realizing these are not just questions on a piece of paper that you can give a black and white answer to, there's a person who's really having problems. There's a human being who's really going through some serious struggles. And to want to spend some time understanding where this problem came from, and the best way to try and help them, this is a training in it of itself. It's not black and white, just telling our youth: “This is wrong you can't do it” isn't enough! You need to understand: “Why are they attracted towards it anyway?”, “What led to that?”, “How did they end up in that position?”

I'll tell you a story about a good friend of mine, AbdelRahman Murphy. He used to be a youth director in Chicago, and when I saw his work in Chicago, I kind of forced him to move to Dallas with me. And Alhamdulillah he's served as youth director in Dallas for sometime. And this is a huge masjid, I mean there's like 1000 people easily on a Friday night. It's insanely big, with 300, 400, 500 people regularly for Maghrib and 'Isha everyday. It's a big, big community with lots and lots of youth. This was the first time the community hired a youth director and his announcement was: “If you've got a problem, come to my office and we can talk about it.” So this kind of offer has never been made to the youth before. “Come to my office, you can talk to me about whatever and it'll stay between us.” First week: “I'm thinking about killing myself”, “I think I'm gay”, “I've committed the ultimate wrong act, what should I do?” All kinds of crazy stuff. And when he first came, about a hundred people just came one after another: “I think I left Islam, I don't think I'm Muslim anymore.” All kinds of stuff! The first week he fell into serious depression. I didn't realize…how bad things are. And it's not that Dallas is crazy, this is average. This is happening everywhere. But our youth don't have someone to talk to.

And I'm saying that I'm not even qualified, and for those of you who are activists, that want to serve Islam in some capacity, think a little outside the box. Yes, we need scholars, yes we need du'aat, yes we need khateebs, yes we need speakers, but man, we need counselors, really badly! We need people properly trained in psychology both in the Western sense and the Islamic sense. We need these people. We need teen counselors and mentors. We need leadership trainers, people that instill a sense of confidence and love in youth. This stuff is important! And to me, these things come first.

Internalization, Then Islamic Knowledge

And when these things are in place, then Islamic education on top of that makes sense. It makes sense because the people that are trying to learn now are already convinced of what they should be learning. Our assumption for a long time has been: “If we give people knowledge, automatically they'll be convinced.” It hasn't worked! Our kids will tell you about the life of the Prophet (salAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam). They are really intelligent children that are really good readers, children that get good grades in social studies, in English, in reading subjects. If you give them an Islamic studies textbook, they're going to read it, they'll be really smart at understanding the text, and they'll get a hundred on the tests.

But that doesn't mean they've internalized any one of those principles. That just means they're good readers, they're good at taking tests, and they're going to get an award at the end of the schoolyear for getting a hundred on that test. That does NOT mean they've internalized anything. Our gauges and measures of instilling Islam into our youth are very shallow. It's not the same as measuring whether your kid is doing well in math. They're two very different things. And then our children are very smart, kids are very adaptive – especially teens – and are very cunning. They'll tell you exactly what you want to hear. “What's the best story of all?” “Yusuf (alahyis salaam)! (Haha got 'em again!)” They'll tell you because they know that's what you want to hear. The scariest thing I've ever seen. Scariest thing: Murphy was doing a youth program, and he asked. “How many people believe that when you make du'a, raise your hands and make du'a to Allāh, that Allāh is actually listening?” Everybody raised their hand. Then he said “Okay, think about it for one whole minute, and then tell me.” Three people raised their hand. Three people, that's the scariest thing. This is the crisis of faith, and this is what we have to address first.

Psychological Crisis Among Older Youth

This is at the younger youth level. I want to talk a little bit about the older youth. The next level of crisis I want to talk to you about is more psychological in nature. But there's one higher up that's more intellectual in nature. A fundamental crisis, again. You know, we're living in a time now where obviously Islam is constantly under attack. When you think of Islam now, you think of criticism before you think of anything else. And there are certain ideas that are associated with the word Islam, with the word Qur'an, with the word Shari'ah, so if you say the word “Shariah” to an average person, what are the things that come in their head immediately, without you adding any adjectives yourself? What are some ideas that immediately pop into their head? Beheading, cutting hands, barbarism, stoning, this kind of stuff. This is popular society. And you cannot imagine and assume that Muslims that live in a society – rather, world- where Islam is constantly being bashed, will not have some residual effects on them also. It will. It has an effect on us. It impacts us.

So our youth already have some contamination in their views of Islam because they have mixed in with what others say about Islam and what they've come to learn about the deen themselves. A lot of times, the real foundation isn't there to begin with. Then they go to college. And when they're there, they already felt bad about looking Muslim, being weird, being different, being the guy that's being criticized all the time, and then they end up in Philosophy 101, and they end up in Anthropology 101, and they end up in Middle Eastern Studies 101. And you know what happens in these college courses, right? This youth, who felt bad about Islam this whole time, who didn't feel confident in the faith to begin with and was almost embarrassed about it, now have some philosophical arguments in his hands that justifies, “Well, yeah, I'm not that interested in Islam anymore, because you know…how do we really know if God exists? I took this course about whether God exists or not, and there's all these arguments!” But the real problem isn't that they have new philosophical arguments. The real problem is, they never had a real love, conviction, and loyalty to Islam to begin with. These courses only made it easy for you to make an excuse, to hide behind the façade of an intellectual excuse. That's all it is. But they're being equipped with those excuses.

Studying Islam in Secular Universities

And then of course you take people who want to study Islam in the west. They want to study Islam at the University of Chicago, or they want to do a Master's in Islamic Studies from George Mason, or wherever else. All over the country there are Islamic Studies programs now: these are ANTI-Islamic studies programs and these are UN-Islamic studies programs. The entire idea behind them is: criticism. The religion you've learned to appreciate, love, and admire your entire life: now you're going to do a Master's degree, and the entire time your teachers will constantly be doing one thing with Islam. What will that be? Criticism, criticism, criticism, criticism, criticism. You don't think that will have an effect on you? You don't think that'll start messing with your head eventually?

I met a friend who's doing a Master's degree in Islamic studies at Harvard. And he told me he was learning Islam in high school, so he got really interested, went to Syria, did some Arabic studies. When he came back, he said, “Man, I should learn more about Islam, so I'm deciding to join the Master's program at Harvard.” So he joined. The first semester was “Introduction to Hadith”. Sounds awesome. You know what the premise of the textbook was? “The more saheeh a hadith is, if it's agreed upon by both Muslim and Bukhari, the more it just means the authors went out of their way to tell people that it's authentic. So the more authentic the Muslims say it is, that's the more fabricated it actually is.” That was the premise of the course “Introduction to Hadith”. You take that for a semester and see what happens to you. Are we even equipped to handle that stuff? No, we're not. And I'm arguing that that's already happening. A good number of youth are in Islamic studies programs, they are developing some very strange understandings of Islam, and they are going to be the movers and shakers in the world. You think that these people that are on CNN, that come out, the Irshad Manjis of the world, are weirdos? There's a whole army of them on the way. There's a whole slew of them on the way. You think that's wacky? You haven't seen anything yet. The real show's about to begin.

Equipping Our Youth to Leave Being Defensive

We haven't equipped our own youth intellectually. Our Islamic schools should not be there to protect children from the “world of kufr”. Our Islamic schools are supposed to be: “This is what you're going to find them saying about Allāh's deen, and this is how we respond.” So when you go out there, you're not there to answer their questions, but you become the people that follow the nation of Ibrahim ('alayhis salam). He was not asked questions, he was the oneasking the questions! He was not shaken about his faith, he was making other people shaken about their false beliefs. It's the other way around. Our entire approach to Islamic education has become entirely defensive: “There's too much fitnah out there”, “We need to save our children and hide them from what's going on outside”, “I fear for them when they go to college.” No! Everybody else should fear when Muslims go to college. It should be the other way around! We should be the carriers of confidence! That's what it should be. It needs an entire rethinking on our part on how Islamic education is conducted. We're constantly on the defense.

This is my last point about building this kind of character and mindset. We're continuously, continuously on the defensive. I'm tired of it, personally. We don't have to constantly explain ourselves. You know, that's a really easy strategy that was employed even at the time of the Prophet (alayhi salaatu wassalam): just keep him busy answering those questions because if he's constantly answering your questions, he'll never get around to asking YOU any questions. So some Jews of Madinah would ask, “So, uh, who brings you revelation? Jibreel? Oh okay, that's interesting.”, “Who are these people of the cave? Oh, okay, you know who they are? All right, okay.”, “What's the ruh? Oh you got an answer for that too? Oh okay.” “How come sometimes a boy is born and sometimes a girl is born?” If he answers that, what are they going to do? Ask another, and then ask another, and then ask another. And you'll be explaining yourself. So Allāh answered a few. And then they moved on to another question. They said, “If we're going to be reduced to decayed bones – nothing- we're going to be created again? Really?”

This time Allāh did not explain. Usually He does, right? When they asked about the People of the Cave, did Allāh explain it in detail? He did. When they asked about Jibril (alayhis salaam), Allāh explained it in detail. This time however, Allāh drew a line: “Tell them: forget bones and decay. Even if you turn into rock, turn into metal, Allāh will bring you back anyway”, which basically means: “Shut up and get lost. I'm done answering your questions. Go ahead, turn into whatever you want, Allāh will bring you back. Whatever your imagination can come up with that's even harder to mold, go ahead.” “They say, “Who's going to bring us back?”: “Tell them the one who got you back the first time. Now get lost”. Straight answer now.

We have to see the fluff for fluff. We have to see through that not just for the sake of others, but for our own youth. We need to build confidence into our youth, as part of our education of them. If we don't do that, we will be paying the price for that in the next ten years. I say that very fearfully as I say this to you: we are not, as the leaders of the Muslim community, doing an adequate enough job thinking about how to instill the confidence of faith, how to fight the crisis of faith among our Muslim youth. When they have philosophical problems, we tell them, “Go make wudu' and make two rak'ah over there. If that doesn't work, come back, and I'll give you a special du'a. Recite that, and your problem will go away.”

If they have a philosophical problem and have doubts already, the spiritual solution is there, but you cannot ignore the intellectual solution. Our deen is intellectual and is not blind faith. Our deen is powerful. We have to believe that and have to instill that belief into our kids, especially at a time when everybody thinks they've got something on Islam. Christians are attacking Islam, do you know how ridiculous that is? Do you understand how absurd that is? I live in the South, or close enough. I live in Texas, and I drive around in the South a lot, and my hobby is listening to Christian talk radios. Most Christian talk radio is about Islam because they have nothing much to talk about anyways. “Oh these Muslims, their Koran thinks that we're doing shirk. Us believers are doing shirk! And we've got a Koran expert here who's going to explain everything to us!” And then they'll have their whole show. And I'm listening to this stuff, and I'm laughing my…It's such good comedy. It's quality comedy, except they're talking about “the contradictions in the Koran, and its grammatical mistakes”. When they talk about that stuff, I'm sitting there laughing…and at that the same time I start crying. Because somewhere, there's a Muslim listening to this, who has no foundation in faith, and he's listening to this and saying, “What?: to himself or herself? “Oh my God, that makes sense. They're on to something. They got us!”

You know, we haven't yet done our job of planting the right seeds. That's my only premise, that's my only point. We have to do that at an early age, and forums and regular programs like Young Muslims (YM), where youth get together and have company of each other, are components of building confidence in your faith because you're around other people who have similar confidence in their faith. Confidence feeds confidence. That's one part of it. But now we have to think even further, and really have to give some serious thought on how to develop these kinds of institutions, how to evolve our current institutions, and make them ready for these real challenges that are coming. We need to see the symptoms as symptoms, and see the actual disease that needs to be attacked. Most of the time we talk about the symptoms, but we don't talk about the disease. May Allāh (azza'wajall) allow us to see the disease, and empower us to be able to find a cure for those diseases through His Book and the Sunnah of His Messenger (sallalAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam).

[The following is the video and transcript of Shaykh Abdul Nasir's lecture "ṣalāh in Focus." The transcript includes slight modifications for the sake of readability and clarity.]

The title of the lecture is ṣalāh in focus – creating some focus in regards to ṣalāh.  Let's go back to a time in the history of our ummah when the focus of ṣalāh was solidified.  The most important period in our history is the life of the Prophet .  To understand the focus ṣalāh has in our dīn (religion) and in the life of the Prophet , we have to go back to the most difficult and tragic time in the life of the Prophet : a period of his life remembered as The Year of Grief and Sorrow.

What happened during this time that makes it The Year of Grief and Sorrow?  What events led to the focus on ṣalāh (prayer)?  Probably the greatest personal tragedy.  There were many difficult events and moments of the life of the Prophet but the greatest personal tragedy of the life of the Prophet was the passing of his beloved wife Khadījah .  One common complaint that I have – and I make this complaint often to my students and my own community – is that too often, I find that particularly in regards to the sīrah, we have either a Wikipedia approach to the life of the Prophet or an entertainment-like approach to the life of the Prophet .

How so?  Let me explain.  When we typically talk about the life and life experiences of the Prophet , it is either a Wikipedia approach, meaning a bunch of random facts and bullet points and you just keep clicking 'Next' and scroll down the page.  You read that in the 11^th year of prophethood, the wife of the Prophet Khadījah died and then move down the list.

Or, it is an entertainment like approach, which means that if last week a another speaker gave a lecture on the passing of Khadījah and I show up this week and say, “Today as your guest speaker I'd like to talk about the death of the beloved wife of the Prophet Khadījah ,” right away somebody will say, “Excuse me, brother, we have already covered that and heard about it last week.”

Why do I call that an entertainment-like approach?  How do we treat entertainment?  If you have seen an episode of a sitcom once and then are flipping through the channels and that same episode that you just saw last week is being shown again, are you going to sit there and watch it?  No, you will change the channel because you've already seen this episode.  Maybe if there was nothing on and you've flipped through all the other channels and there happened to be a pretty good episode of that show, you may watch it for a second time.  When it is on for a third time, you are not going to watch it.  Let's just say it was a really great episode, you might watch it a third time, but at this point in time you can say the lines before they say the lines and can deliver the punch line before they do on the TV show.   When the same episode is coming on for the fourth time, are you going to watch it again?  Absolutely not!

If you have read an issue of a magazine once, you don't read it again.  When you are sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office and pick it up, and it is last month's issue which you have already read completely, you put it down and pick up another magazine.  You don't read yesterday's paper again today.

It is either the grabbing of random information or entertainment.  Unfortunately, our approach learning about the life of the Prophet has become very similar to that.  “We already read that.  We already covered that.  We already talked about that.”

My goal here today, which is something we need to institute as a habit and practice, is that we need to really understand and grasp and put ourselves in those shoes.  We need to fully comprehend, understand, and grasp what the Prophet was going through.

Context of the Revelation of Prayer

In an effort to do that, let me tell you what it means when in the 11^th year of prophethood, the wife of the Prophet Khadījah dies.  At this point in time, the Prophet had been married to Khadījah for more than 25 years.  If you are younger than 25 years old, then the Prophet had been married to Khadījah for longer than you have been alive.  25 years is a lifetime.  Grasp that.

Do you know what happens in 25 years?  It is like you become one.  You know each other completely.  At that point in time, you know what the other person is thinking and what the other person will do before they do it.  You know what they are going to say and can complete their sentences.  You know everything about that person.  You are intimately connected.  Imagine 25 years of your most private, intimate, loving moments of your life with one person.  Think about how deep that connection was and how profound and deep-rooted that love was.  I know this sounds very cliché and to some people uncomfortable, but she was the love of the Prophet's life.  She was his soul mate and partner in life.  How do we know that?  We understand this when we read and hear about the Prophet's reaction to the memory of Khadījah years after she passed away.

During the time of the Battle of Badr, which was about four years after Khadījah had passed away, he had remarried and moved to a different city.  It's like we say, he had picked up the pieces and moved on with his life.  Life had moved on – he lived in a different place and was remarried.  So much had happened since then.

During the Battle of Badr, one of the prisoners of war was his son-in-law, the husband of his eldest daughter Zaynab .  The policy that the Prophet had instituted at that time was that the prisoners would be released if they were literate and taught 10 Muslim children how to read and write or if they couldn't do that, the family could send some amount of money to secure their release, and then they would be released back to their home, family, and people.

The son-in-law of the Prophet was a prisoner.  The daughter of the Prophet sends some jewelry – a necklace – to secure the ransom of her husband.  The Prophet had so much going on, he doesn't realize, and the ṣaḥābah say, “The next prisoner in question is so-and-so.  This necklace has been sent to secure his ransom.”  The moment the Prophet looked at the necklace, tears began to stream from his eyes.  He was overcome by sadness.  The ṣaḥābah asked the Messenger of Allāh, “O Messenger of Allāh , did we bother you?  Did we disturb you?  Is everything ok?”  The Messenger of Allāh said, “Everything is fine.  This necklace used to belong to my wife Khadījah . She gave it to our eldest daughter Zaynab, and Zaynab has sent it today as ransom.  Just looking at the necklace reminds me of the old days with Khadījah.  I can't control myself”  The Prophet was so concerned about Zaynab being able to hold on to this lasting memory of her mother that the Prophet requested permission from the ṣaḥābah: “If you don't mind, can we release my son-in-law to go back to his wife, my daughter, with the necklace?  I don't want my daughter to lose this memory of her mother.”  That's how strong the memory of Khadījah was in the heart of the Prophet .

Years later, the year before the passing of the Prophet when convoy after convoy was coming to Madīnah to accept Islam, one of the convoys that came from Yemen had a beautiful, expensive garment like a shawl, which was sent by the leader as a gift for the Prophet .  When the Prophet received this very exquisite gift, he took the gift and called one of the young ṣaḥābah in the community who would run his errands and said, “Take this garment to the house of that old woman who lives next to so-and-so.”  One of the wives of the Prophet doesn't know this woman and is puzzled.  She says, “Who is this random old woman that you sent such a nice gift to?  I know she is not related to you because I know your family.”  The Prophet responds by saying, “She is one of the old buddies of Khadījah.  Until today, I like to thank and remember and send gifts to Khadījah's friends to thank her for the years of friendship she gave to my late, beloved wife Khadījah.”  That was the memory of Khadījah in the heart of the Prophet .

One of the younger ṣaḥābah who never saw the era of Khadījah and never benefitted from her asked the Prophet , “O Messenger of Allāh, we hear a lot about our mother Khadījah but did not have the pleasure and honor of meeting, seeing, and knowing her.  What was she like?  Describe her to us.”  The narration says, “Innaha kānat…wa kānat (She was…)”  As an expression, what this means is that he is saying, “She was…she just was.  I don't even know where to start.  Where do you want me to begin?  I cannot even put into words how amazing she was.”  That was how strongly the Prophet felt.  He had just lost the love of his life – his wife and she was the mother of his children.  Can you imagine having to look your children in the eye and telling them that their mother is not coming home?  Can you imagine how heartbreaking that would be?

Personal Story

I was telling this story in the khuṭbah a few years ago.  A brother comes up to me afterward.  People generally have some feedback for you after a khuṭbah.  This brother says, “Brother, you know what you talked about today?  It personally really moved me.”  Sometimes somebody comes up to you and says something and they just have that look in their eyes like they have a story to tell.  This brother had that look, so I asked him, “Brother, if you don't mind, can you share with me how the khuṭbah personally relates to you and how it personally hit home for you?”  He sits down with me and tells me, “I know was born and raised Muslim, grew up in a good Muslim family – ṣalāh, masjid, Qur'ān, dhikr.  It was a part of our lives as a family, but today was the first time I have prayed in almost a year.”

SubḥānAllāh, what happened?  He tells me, “About a year ago I was at the point in my life where all of the pieces of the puzzle were coming together.  You know what I'm talking about?  You've been working for some time towards certain goals and you're at the point in time when it seems like the master plan is coming together.  I was about 30 and nearing the end of my medical residency and had a young wife and two little kids.  We lived the life of a student and resident in a small little apartment.  We had one beat-up, old, used car.  Life was tough, but we made it through school and residency.  I was nearing the end of my residency and fielding very lucrative offers from doctors, groups, clinics, and hospitals.  Things were looking up.  We had gone to look at some nice new houses where my kids could run around and have a backyard to play in.  We went minivan shopping at the dealership and were looking at nice schools where we could send our kids.  The whole nine yards.  Everything was looking up.

“One day I came home a little bit earlier than I normally would from the hospital.  I walked in and said salām, and nobody responded.  I realized that it was the time when my wife would usually put the babies down for a nap, and she would take a nap herself, so I decided I won't wake them up.  I went and ate some food and started reading and passed time.  An hour or so went by and I heard the kids from the bedroom.  They had woken up.  I could hear them being fussy in the room and got excited.  I went to the room and opened the door, and the babies were sitting there awake on the bed and crying because they just woke up, but my wife is lying there motionless and not responding.  I went in to take a look at her.  When I checked, I realized that she was dead.  She passed away.

“At that moment, my world just fell apart.  My life unraveled.  The first couple of days were a blur during the janāzah and funeral proceedings.  Once the funeral was done and reality set in that my wife was gone, the mother of my children was gone, for two weeks I did not come out of my bedroom.  I locked myself in my room with the lights off and just laid there.  I barely ate; I barely slept.  During those two weeks, I didn't even hold my own children in my own hands.  I didn't know what to do with myself.  My life didn't make sense.  What had happened?  What am I supposed to do?

“Finally, I started to recover and get my life back on track and went to work and reconnected with my kids and tried to put the pieces back together.  I eventually got back to work and trying to take care of my kids the best that I could.  I had some family I could lean on.  There was one issue that hadn't been solved:  my īmān.  I didn't know what I believed in anymore and felt like my heart had a hole in it.  I had lost my īmān.  I didn't know what I believed in because why did this happen and what am I supposed to do?  My brother who has been supportive had been there and taken care of my kids when I was incapable of taking care of them.  My brother kept encouraging and motivating and telling me, 'You need to pray.  If you pray, things will start to make sense again.  You need to talk to Allāh and reconnect with Allāh.'  I kept resisting and resisting.

“Finally today I woke up in the morning and my brother came to me and said, 'I'm not taking no for an answer.  You are coming with me to the masjid.  You are going to come and listen to the khuṭbah and pray in a large congregation.  Today is the day you get back on the horse.'  He brought me to the jumu'ah, and I wasn't really hopeful of the outcome or result.  From the minbar, when you talked about the Prophet losing his wife and his children losing their mother, I found the answer to my problem.  I realized that my Messenger Muḥammad has gone through what I'm going through.  He understands my pain.  He felt my pain.  I felt connected to him and realized that if he could go on, so can I.”

Sometimes when you try to understand the story and can't really grasp it and really truly can't appreciate what the Prophet went through unless you went through that yourself –  may Allāh protect all of us.  Sometimes Allāh brings someone to you so that you can get a better understanding.  You can look into the eyes of another human being and at least get some idea of what that pain was.

SubḥānAllāh, two years after this conversation with this brother, when the memory starts to fade and the story starts to become old for you in your mind and heart, Allāh sends somebody else.  I was giving this lecture at a community and a brother walks up to me after and said, “Brother, what you talked about, the same thing happened with me five years ago.  I came home.  My sons were 10 and 12 years old.  I said salām and my sons were playing games and doing what boys do.  I go into the bedroom and find my wife collapsed on the ground.  I check her and she had passed away.  Five years later, my boys are now 15 and 17 years old, and I feel that just now we are starting to put our lives back together after losing the most important person in our lives – the glue that held our family together.”

The Prophet lost his wife and the mother of his children.  On top of all of that, he lost his firmest and strongest supporter.  Who was the first person who accepted Islam?  Khadījah .  She was a woman of strength.  When the Prophet came home with this message, he is nervous and she puts his concerns to rest and says, “Allāh will never leave you out to dry.  Allāh will never put you in harm's way because you are such an amazing person.”  He says, “Fine, Khadījah.  I understand that and believe that, but who will accept this message?”  She said, “You are worried about somebody accepting this message?  I bear witness that there is no one worthy of worship but Allāh and I bear witness that you are the Messenger of Allāh.”  She was the rock and strength of the Prophet .  Imagine the pain and anguish of losing the Prophet .

The Ultimate Role Model

Allāh made the Prophet the ultimate role model.  About three to six months after the passing of Khadījah , another tragedy befell the Prophet :  the death of his uncle Abu Ṭālib.  We need the context to understand what this means.  When you hear about the death of an uncle, it is sad and tragic, but does it destroy your life and crush you?  It's someone you saw at the most two or three times a year.  Even if it is a closer uncle, it's not like losing your mom or dad.  This is where it is important for us to understand who was this uncle and what did he really mean to the Prophet ?  This wasn't the type of uncle that he met twice a year at 'Īd.

The father of the Prophet died before he was born, and his mother died when he was 6 years old.  He then went into the care of his grandfather 'Abdul-Muṭṭālib, and when he was 8 years old, his grandfather passed away.  Connect the dots and grasp this.  By the age of 8, this child never knew his father, had lost his mother and his grandfather, and he had no biological siblings.  At the age of 8, this child was basically alone in this world.  He didn't have any immediate family.  At that point in time, his uncle Abu Ṭālib took care of him.

Typically when we hear a story like this, we say he treated him like one of his own.  Abu Ṭālib didn't treat him like one of his own, he treated him better than he treated his own children, as impossible as that sounds.  I have children and know that sounds impossible.  How can you love someone else's child more than your own child?  Abu Ṭālib proved that it is possible.  The books of sīrah and history said that the people of Quraysh testified that they would see the Prophet in the lap of Abu Ṭālib more than they would see his own children.  Abu Ṭālib would never let the Prophet  out of his sight.  He was always worried about the Prophet .  He raised him and was his parent and family.  This was the man who raised him from the age of eight until adulthood.  All of his family was this one man Abu Ṭālib.  He was everything to him growing up.

The Prophet had just lost him.  This is like losing your mom and dad together all at once.  Imagine how painful that must have been six months after his wife had passed away.  Imagine how emotionally difficult this time must have been for the Prophet .

There was another tragedy embedded within the death of Abu Ṭālib.  There is a ḥadīth that paints the entire picture.  Abu Ṭālib was a very old man and had been sick for some time.  When the Prophet received the news that it looked like this was it and that it was time to say goodbye, he rushed to his bedside and fell down by the bed of Abu Ṭālib and held his hand with tears in his eyes.  He is losing this man that he loves so much.

He holds his hand and says, “Uncle, please, you have done so much for me.  Please just one time say the kalīmah.  Just once.”  The narration says that Abu Jahl and other leaders of Quraysh were there at the same timeand didn't want him to accept Islam before he passed away.  The narration says that Abu Jahl yelled and screamed like a wild animal on the top of his lungs, “Abu Ṭālib, don't leave the religion of your forefathers!  Abu Ṭālib, don't leave the religion!”  Over and over he is yelling loudly because he is already an old man and sick and ill and in the pangs of death.  With somebody screaming at the top of their lungs, Abu Ṭālib couldn't even hear what the Prophet was saying.

Abu Jahl didn't even want Abu Ṭālib to hear the Prophet , so he is yelling and screaming as loud as he can over and over again.  Abu Ṭālib looks over at his beloved nephew who he raised as his own and said, “Dear nephew, I can't hear what you are saying.”  The narration describes that the Prophet touched his mouth to the ear of Abu Ṭālib and whispered into his ear so that he could hear him clearly.  He said, “Uncle, please.  Just once whisper those words into my ear.  Those fools don't have to hear it.  Whisper it into my ear.  I'll be your witness on the Day of Judgment.  Abu Ṭālib looked at his nephew with love in his eyes and said, “Beloved nephew, you know how much I love you, but I can't do what you are asking me to do.”  He passed away without accepting Islam.

The ṣaḥābah said that when the Prophet walked out of the room, he was crushed and so saddened.  His grief was unlike anything they had ever seen.  Imagine the anguish of not only losing this man that is your family, but on top of that you are the means of delivering the message, īmān, and guidance to everyone, but the man that raised you and who did so much for you didn't accept Islam.  The narration says that the Prophet was questioning himself and wondering what more he could have said or done.  That's when Allāh   revealed the āyah of the Qur'ān from Sūrat'l-Qaṣaṣ:  “You most definitely cannot guide those whom you have loved.  Rather, Allāh guides whomsoever He wills.”  We always understood this āyah as Allāh rebuking the Prophet .  Absolutely not – when you put it into the context, you understand that this is Allāh consoling the Prophet .  “O beloved, don't doubt yourself.  Don't question yourself.  You can't give guidance to the people that you love.  There was nothing more you could have done because guidance was not yours to give.  You can't give guidance to the people that you love, rather Allāh gives guidance to whom He wills.  This was Allāh's decision.  Don't doubt and question yourself.”

Imagine the pain and anguish of the Prophet .  A lot of us who are sitting here and whose parents are Muslim can't understand that pain.  Talk to somebody who accepted Islam on their own whose parents have not accepted Islam yet and ask them what du'ā' they make every night before sleeping and the first du'ā' they make after waking up.  They will tell you it is “O Allāh, let today be the day.”

I have old friends who accepted Islam whose parents had not accepted Islam yet.  Whenever they are about to go visit their parents or spend the day with their parents, I always get a text message that morning saying, “Bro, please make du'ā' that today is the day.”  Imagine the pain and the anguish of the Prophet .

I told you about that brother who went through one of these tragedies and literally could not get himself to wake up in the morning and could not face the world the next day.  He felt like he couldn't move on with his life.  He didn't know what to do with himself.  Imagine the Prophet went through not just one of these tragedies but two tragedies like this and there were tragedies embedded within these tragedies.

The question is:  how did the Prophet continue?  How did he wake up the next day?  We talk about getting back to work and going back to our jobs.  The Prophet had the biggest job of any human being:  “O Messenger of Allāh, you have been sent to all of humanity.”  He had the most important, pressing, and demanding job of any human being.  How did the Prophet continue and work harder?  What gave him the energy and healed his wounds?  What allowed him to recover?  Where did he draw the energy and emotional fortitude from?

After these two tragedies occurred, Allāh took the Prophet on the miraculous journey that we refer to isrā' wa'l-mi'rāj – the travel by night to Jerusalem and then the ascension to heaven.  At that time, Allāh granted a gift to the Prophet :  the five daily prayers.  This was his strength and allowed him to recover and healed his wounds and allowed him to continue on with his life and pick up the pieces.  When we look at it from this perspective, this is the historical significance of ṣalāh and the purpose and benefit of the prayer.  When you look at it from this perspective, it makes total sense what the Prophet meant when he said, “The coolness of my eyes has been put in the prayer.”

What does 'coolness of the eyes' mean?  It is in the Qur'ān, du'ā's, supplications and aḥadīth.  What does it truly mean?  With any figure of speech, to understand what it means and alludes to, you have to put yourself in the mindset and understand it from the perspective of the people who used it, or it won't make sense.  The ancient Arabs used this phrase qurrata a'yun.  Imagine being in the desert where it is 120+ degrees outside.  There is burning, scorching heat.  The hot winds blow the hot sand into your eyes.  Imagine how dry your eyes get and how much they burn.  There are no sunglasses to wear and no Visine drops.  The eyes burn, itch and scratch to the point that it feels like they are on fire.  While you are walking around and feel like you just want to rip your eyes out, you find some cool, clean water.  When you take that cool, clean water and splash it into your eyes, how cool and refreshing does that feel?  How good and amazing does that feel?  This is what the phrase means.  The Prophet says that when he prays, this is how he feels.

Anything can be going on, and the world could be falling down all around you, but when you stand up and say “Allāhu akbar,” you feel refreshed and healed and a burst of energy.  It takes away your worries, sorrow, grief and pain.  It heals your wounds.  This is the effect of prayer.  This is the effect of prayer we are all looking for and desperately in search of.

This leads to the question:  I pray five times a day and have been for many years, but I have yet to experience what you are talking about.  My prayer doesn't feel like that.  What is missing?  The key missing ingredient to bring about these fruits and benefits of prayer and make the prayer the coolness of your eyes is khushū'.  The Qur'ān and the Messenger of Allāh call it khushū'.

It involves a whole discussion to explain the meaning of khushū'.  I'll summarize the meaning of khushū' in one word:  quality.  You have to have quality in your prayer.  Unless and until we have quality in our prayers, we won't be able to achieve and realize the full benefits of the prayer.

That leads to the million-dollar question, and the question that all of us have asked at one point or another:  How do we get quality in our ṣalāh?  How do we get khushū' within our prayers?  We've heard a thousand lectures about the importance of khushū', but we are here to find out how do we get khushū'?  How do we get that quality in our prayers?

How to Get Quality in Our Prayers

There are lots of things we can do.  Books are written by the scholars which list dozens of things we can do to bring greater quality and implement khushū' in our prayers.  To keep the conversation flowing and brief and concise, I would like to group the things that we can implement into three areas of improvement.

1.  A change of lifestyle.

What that refers to is really very simple.  We can't expect to live our lives however we want (lying, cheating, backbiting, cussing) and then expect that when we stand up to pray and say “Allāhu akbar”, magically we have khushū'.  There is no instant khushū'.  The way I live my life outside of the prayer and the way I conduct myself normally throughout the day will affect and impact the quality of my prayers.  If I want more quality in your ṣalawāt, then I have to lead a better life, a more honest and truthful life.  I have to cut some of the sins out of my life in order to improve the quality of my prayers.

2.  Make ṣalāh an event.

Treat ṣalāh like an important part of your day.  Let me give you an example.

You have to be at work or school at 8 am, and you live about 10 minutes away from work, so you try to leave your house at 7:45 am so that you can drive there, park your car, and be at your desk at 7:59 ready to roll.  If you leave your house at 7:45 am, do you wake up at 7:40 and roll out of bed and get ready?  No – don't do that!  Typically, if you have to leave your home at 7:45 am, how much earlier would you wake up?  The average answer is 45 minutes.  Some people take a little bit less and others a little bit longer.  Why do you wake up 45 minutes before?  You would say it is your job and is important.  You have to wake up and brush, shower, clean and comb, eat something, pack your stuff and dress nicely.  You have to take it seriously.  That is why you invest the time and give it importance and treat it as something important.

How you prepare for it shows the importance.  It is an event and you prepare for it.  Compare this to ṣalāt'l-fajr.  I realize that is the most drastic comparison.  Let me explain to you the proceedings of ṣalāt'l-fajr.  First, before you sleep you have the route from your bed to the sink completely mapped out so that you can get do it with your eyes closed.  Why?  When you wake up for fajr, you don't like to turn on all of the lights because it takes the sleepiness away and you want to pray fajr and go to sleep.  You make it to the sink and have perfected the art of the 15 second wuḍū' – it is like a magic trick.  You make your way back over to your bed, and you pray next to your bed and then engage in a procedure I like to call:  stop, drop and roll over.  You would pray on your bed if possible.

How sad is that?  That is the condition of our prayers.  I'll give another example from sports.  When we watch a game, what is the quality of our prayer?  First of all, it's a blessing if somebody actually prays during the game.  Even if they do pray during the game, what is the quality of that prayer?  We wait for a time-out or a commercial and then hurry.  We leave the volume a little bit on so that we can hear if something big happens during the game.  That is how we pray, unfortunately.

I joke just to keep it light, but we have to realize what a tragedy it is we pray like this, especially compared to how we seriously we take everything else.  The second area of improvement to gain quality in the ṣalāh is to treat ṣalāh as something important.  Make ṣalāh an important part of your day.

What that involves is to prepare and get ready.  Make wuḍū' properly – it is an act of worship that leads you into the prayer and puts you in the right mindset.  Pray when it is the time of the prayer.  Don't keep putting it off.  Dress appropriately.  Don't pray in your pajamas.  Like we have work clothes, the Prophet had clothes for the masjid.  When he would come home, he would take them off and hang them up nicely.  When it was time for the prayer, he would put them on.

There is a chapter in the Sunan of Abu Dāwūd which describes the preparation of the Prophet for prayer:  The Chapter of the Diligence the Prophet in regards to Prayer.  The Prophet was very casual and friendly and loving at home.  It describes how when the time for prayer would come and the adhān would be called, the Prophet would become a stranger to his family.

I'll be honest with you because these types of discussions are meant for that type of honest talk and heart to hearts.  When I first read that, I didn't know how to understand it.  What does it mean that he became a stranger?  It's kind of harsh.  Then you realize when you are responsible for something what that means.  When you have to go to work in the morning at 7:45 am and you have little kids when they aren't old enough to be at the age when they want you to go to work but at the same time are old enough to know you are going to work and don't want you to go.  What do they do when you try to leave?  They start to pick up on the signs – the picking up of the briefcase and the keys rattling – and they cut you off at the door.  What happens when you try to leave?  It's like a scene from an epic movie and the most epic cry of all time.  “No, baba, don't leave!”  They cry and scream like it's the most tragic moment in the history of humanity.  I'm going to ask a very serious question now.  What do you do?  You put them aside and tell your wife to come and get him and then go out the door.  Does that mean you don't love your child?  You are doing this for the benefit of your child.  He doesn't grasp and understand it, but you are doing it for his benefit.

Just like we take work that seriously because we understand the benefit in our jobs and work, the Messenger of Allāh when it was time for the prayers, he became a stranger to his family.  If I don't maintain this, then the same family for whom I would leave that prayer would eventually probably crumble and fall away.  I have to take care of my ṣalāh.  It is for me and my family.  The Prophet   would become a stranger to his family.  Everything else was secondary.  Work has to wait, the phone call has to wait.  He would make wuḍū' properly and put on nice clothes and go to the masjid early.  To bring quality and khushū' into our prayers, we have to treat ṣalāh like an event and important part of our day.  We have to learn to do this.

Ibn Kathīr (raḥimahullāh) says, “Khushū' will be achieved by the person who empties his heart for the prayer.”  One tip and recommendation the scholars that scholars would give and would practice – which is especially important for our times, which is the age of distraction where your one phone has 18 different types of tones to it; a text message alert sounds different from a phone call and an e-mail, Twitter alert, and Facebook update – when you are getting ready to pray ṣalāh, put away all of your distractions.  Turn off the television and turn off your computer screen.  Put your phone on silent and put it away.  Put everything away for 60 seconds or even 30 seconds and sit down and be quiet.  When you do this, you feel like your mind is clear and not as cluttered.  Then say, “Allāhu akbar” and then see the quality of your prayer.  Put everything aside and free up your mind.

The third area of improvement, and this is the most important and most drastic in terms of change and effect is:

3. Understand the basic structure and technicalities of prayer (fiqh), which will give you the outline of the ṣalāh.  The most important thing, which is actually the life and spirit of the prayer is when you understand what you are reading and saying in your ṣalāh.

Ṣalāh is about reflection and pondering.  It is about comprehending and understanding.  It is about feeling what you are saying and then delving into it and being absorbed by the experience of the ṣalāh.  This can only be done when you truly appreciate and understand what you are saying in the ṣalāh.

I'm going to give you an example.  I've been speaking for an hour.  Most of you have been listening and paying attention.  There's a very simple reason why you have been listening and paying attention and why I have been able to continue speaking with so much energy for an hour.  I don't feel tired or exhausted, and you have been listening attentively for an hour.  There's a simple explanation of that:  I am enjoying talking about this because I understand, feel, and believe what I am saying.  It's from my gut and I believe in it.  You are listening to what I am saying for an hour because you understand every single word that is coming out of my mouth.  You grasp it and understand it and know what I'm saying and are able to comprehend and digest it fully.

Imagine if instead of speaking in a language that I understand and you understand, I had been reading something off a piece of paper or reciting something I memorized in a foreign language, let's say Chinese.  Imagine if I had been reciting Chinese poetry to you for an hour, how long before you would stop paying attention?  10, 20, 30, 60 seconds?  Only a generous person would even listen for 60 seconds.  You wouldn't be able to pay attention or focus, let alone conceptualizing and processing it and reflecting on it and pondering it.  You wouldn't even be listening to what I was saying.

If I was the one reading it to you and had spent months memorizing 30 minutes of Chinese poetry, I would start reading it but if I don't understand it, in about 3-4 minutes I would think it's the most pointless thing I've done in my life.

I apologize if I offend anyone for what I am about to say.  This is the part that stings.  As silly and ridiculous and preposterous as that example was, how different is our ṣalāh from that example?  We stand up in ṣalāh day after day and ṣalāh after ṣalāh and read through our prayers not understanding, not appreciating, not reflecting, and not pondering on a single word. How are we supposed to focus in that type of a ṣalāh?  Where is the focus magically going to come from?  It won't.

The most important thing we have to do to grasp some quality in our prayers is to begin to understand what we read and say within our prayers.  I don't just mean read translations but reflect and ponder.  Fully grasp what we are reading, saying, and reciting in our prayers. When we do that, the entire experience of ṣalāh changes.  It's a different game altogether.

Examples of Understanding Statements in Ṣalāh

I'll end here by giving you at least one example of how that changes.

Allāhu akbar

“Allāhu akbar” is typically translated as “Allāh is the Greatest.”  We are going to tweak that just a little bit.  The word 'akbar' is the comparative and not the superlative.  Those are technical grammatical terms.  Let me break it down simpler than that.  For instance if you were to say, “Zayd is faster than Khalid, but Ahmed is the fastest,” 'faster' is comparative and 'fastest' is superlative.  Akbar is the comparative and not the superlative, so “Allāhu akbar” doesn't translate to “Allāh is the greatest,” it translates to “Allāh is Greater.”

To fully understand this example:  If I was to say, “Zayd is faster than…”, you are waiting for me to continue and finish it.  When we say, “Allāhu akbar,” we are saying, “Allāh is greater than ___.”  The purpose of the blank is a rhetorical function and part of the balāghah of classical Arabic.  It is very commonly found in the Qur'ān where there is a statement that demands an object and that object is intentionally not provided and a blank is left for you.  The purpose of that blank is that you are supposed to fill in the blank for yourself with whatever it is that is distracting you from your ṣalāh at that moment.

Allāh is greater than everything and anything, but the reflection and thought process at that time is:  Allāh is Greater and more important than whatever is distracting me from my prayer at this very moment.  If my phone is ringing, Allāh is Greater than that phone call.  If my friend is waiting for me outside in the car, Allāh is Greater and more important than my friend waiting for me in the car.  If the restaurant is about to close in 20 minutes, Allāh is Greater and more important than the food in the restaurant. If the game is on the television, Allāh is Greater and more important than the game on the television.  Anything and everything that could be distracting me from my prayer at that moment, Allāh is Greater and more important than that thing.

If you ask somebody what the reflection on “Allāhu akbar” is, they may say it is how they start their prayer.  We are realizing that even  “Allāhu akbar” has a reflection built into it.  You are even supposed to think about something when you say “Allāhu akbar”. There is a focus and khushū' to “Allāhu akbar.”  The next time you stand up to pray and say “Allāhu akbar” and go through the mental process of thinking that Allāh is Greater andmore important than those things distracting you, then see the quality of saying “Allāhu akbar” and how long it takes you to just say “Allāhu akbar”.  It will change your life.

Because you guys have been so good to me, I'll share one quick little example for you.

Subḥāna Rabbi al-a'la

What position do we say this in?  Sujūd.  How absolutely perfect is my Lord, my Master, who is al-a'la.  Al-a'la is superlative because of the “al” and means “the highest, the most exalted.”  Reflect on this fact.  Typically when we make sujūd, we rush the words.  What does it mean?  How absolutely perfect is my Lord who is the highest and most exalted.

What is the reflection here?  What position do you say this in? Sujūd, when you are putting the most respected part of our body (the face) on the ground where somebody was standing with their feet.  This is the lowest position possible for a human being.  We put ourselves in the lowest position possible and say, “Allāh is the Highest and Most Exalted.”  The next time you make sujūd, reflect on this and see the quality of your sajdah.

This is a small sample of what happens when we appreciate the meaning and understand what we are saying within our prayers.

Closing Note

As a closing note, I want to pose one question to everybody.  The answer to this question will give you the answer on whether or not you have to make some type of an effort to improve the quality and focus of your prayers.  Ask yourself:  When is the last time you experienced the ṣalāh? That when you prayed, you felt like it changed your life and solved your problem and gave you the answer to your question.  When was the last time that happened?  If the answer isn't something that's very good or something that you like, then don't you think it is about time we make some drastic improvement in our prayers?

When the days shorten and the nights lengthen, we know all too well that winter is upon us.  For some people, they experience what is known as “Seasonal Affective Disorder”, more commonly known as the winter blues.  With symptoms ranging from sleeping too much, to having little energy, to feeling depressed, the winter blues seems to have a tendency of affecting people in areas of limited daylight hours such as the Northern USA, Canada, and the United Kingdom.

However, if we were to examine the season of snow from an Islamic perspective, we would quickly realize there is a great blessing in the time of winter.  Al-Ḥasan al-Baṣri is reported to have said, “How good winter is for the believer! Its night is long, so he prays in it; and its day is short, so he observes fasting in it.”

Indeed, some of our pious predecessors would look forward to winter for the purpose of the night prayer.  If you think about it, the last one-third of the night, the extra blessed time to perform the tahajjud prayer, is longer during the winter time.  Our pious predecessors would look forward to having these long nights to pray tahajjud and would cherish having a longer time to spend in their ṣalāh and du'ā'.

How does one make tahajjud?  I have to admit, I am not regular with my tahajjud.  In reality, my consistency is rather deplorable.  However, let me share with you one 'trick' I've started using this year.  I started drinking a lot of water before I go to sleep in the evenings.  Why?  Well, you see, my bladder is strong, alḥamdulillāh, and so when I need to use the bathroom, my bladder will wake me up in the middle of the night forcing me out of my comfortable bed.  So, if you make it to the bathroom, why not just make wuḍū' and then pray two raka'āt of tahajjud then?

Moreover, the time for fajr comes in later during the winter time.  So if you were to wake up in the winter time when you would normally wake up for fajr in the summer (say 5 am), then you would have some prime tahajjud time!  Consistency is the key, so make du'ā' that I too am able to achieve some consistency when it comes to the night prayer, inshā'Allāh.

Furthermore, the short days allow us to be able to keep extra nawāfil fasts without difficulty.  Indeed, when our day ends around 5 pm, we often times don't even notice the thirst from our fasting!  So why not take it upon ourselves to do some extra fasting during these blessed days so we can reap in some of blessings of the winter time!  Why not start fasting the three white days of the lunar month every month?  Indeed, the fasts are easy yet virtuous and rewarding,inshā'Allāh!

Additionally, one can look forward to making wuḍū' with the cold water of winter.  Why you would ask?  Well, it's a great time to reflect upon the blessings of warm water and furthermore we can hope to reap in the extra reward of having to go through the 'hardships' of making wuḍū' with the cold water.  Indeed, if something is difficult for us and we do it solely for Allāh, our reward is with Him, inshā'Allāh!  Furthermore, our delicate care in using cold water for making wuḍū' keeps us closer to the Sunnah of not being extravagant in making wuḍū' and wasting excess water!

In conclusion, there are many beautiful bounties that come with the beginning of the winter season.  Only a few simple blessings have been listed above, but, de facto, many more do exist.  For example, many of the women in the winter time are forced to cover their bodies as compared to the summer time when they are wearing clothes yet many of them are still naked.  Hence, winter times makes it easier for the Muslim man to lower his gaze too, inshā'Allāh.

So, as winter time approaches, let us embrace the cold and benefit ourselves from this beautiful season, inshā'Allāh!

Slate raised the issue of the salaries of religious clergy highlighting salaries of Priests and Rabbis. Data about Imam salaries was (un)surprisingly hard to find.

The topic of imams' salaries is for some reason a touchy one, but it is not a complicated issue if approached objectively. We have previously discussed what to look for when hiring an imam. Communities though, set extremely high expectations of what they want.

If those qualifications and expectations were to be put on someone in any other working environment, I would venture to guess the salary discussion would start somewhere in the neighborhood of $200,000 a year.

If your community wants a Superman imam, then they need to be ready to pay a Superman salary.

Aside from that, an imam should be assessed by any other normal scale. Check a person's qualifications. Someone with a Master's in Islamic Law and 15 years experience leading a community should command a higher pay than a fresh graduate with no experience. Most masjids though, just have a set amount that they throw at whoever fills the position regardless of qualification.

Along with qualification there needs to be a built in growth mechanism (or career advancement). As the imam gains tenure in the community, the salary should be raised accordingly based on their performance [something ideally settled on in the interview process].

The problem that we run into is we want imams who will give 80 hours a week, but be paid based on 20. In our secular fields, if we have a 4 or 6 year degree, we expect a certain minimum salary to be commensurate with our experience and education. For some reason, we feel this does not apply to imams as if studying Islam and serving or leading a community do not really count.

If we need someone to spend 30-40 hours a week in the masjid, provide 10-20 hours a week of counseling, and on top of that be constantly on-call for marriages, funerals, and other emergencies, then a pay structure should be built to reflect that. Regular jobs that have such requirements will either pay high enough that they can make someone salaried and they will deal with the hours, or there are incentives built in (overtime and on-call pay).

Unfortunately, not only are we not there yet, but we don't even offer the most basic of benefits yet such as healthcare and reimbursements for education and development. The fact that Slate could so readily collect salary data from the Jewish and Christian communities, but had no starting point for the Muslim community speaks volumes about how far behind we are.

If we truly want community leaders who lead us in prayer, deliver the khutbah on Fridays, counsel our families, and teach our children then it behooves us to make sure they are so well paid that they never have to worry about money. Buy them a house and pay them a full time salary on top of it. We need to take the benefits of a corporate pay structure and apply it to the masjid – with one huge caveat. We cannot adopt the ruthlessness and attitude that people are dispensable that permeates corporate leadership. These are our community leaders, the people we have entrusted our spiritual education to – make sure they are taken care of.

I personally feel that the imam position should be a 6 figure income (adjusted according to cost of living and so on). Smaller communities should still aim to pay at least 50-60 (if not closer to 80). These are simply rough numbers, but I want to throw them out there and move our communities past the expectation that we get tenured scholars who are on the same paygrade (or less) than most entry level positions.

Many communities are still living in a naive reality where they expect an Imam to take a pay of 30-40k just because they are “working for Islam” without any regard to supporting their family. Then we get upset when they take a second job to make ends meet, insisting instead that they dedicate their time to the community. In our non-Islamic professions we aim to secure the highest salary possible and feel insulted if someone offers less than our worth. Let's stop doing that to our community leaders.

We don't live in a Muslim country where there are endowments and government grants to support our scholars. Our communities have the money. Fund-raising is not the problem. We just need to understand that our investment in human resources should take precedence over our investment in architectural ones.

Epilogue

In the 2 days since posting this article on muslimsi.com, there has been an outpouring of feedback via comments, Facebook shares, and even personal emails. Based on that feedback I felt it important to highlight a few points.

Most obviously, this is an extremely contentious issue in our community, and it is one that must be resolved in a way that allows our communities to grow and move forward.

When it comes to opposing higher pay (or even pay altogether) for Imams, it comes from a few very specific perspectives. First is the view that people who do Islamic work should not be paid at all (a view that I feel is naive and somewhat ignorant). Second is the view that if an Imam is paid, then it means he must be a perfect human being, or at worst, be like one of the Sahabah in all his actions. Third is the view that if a board pays an Imam, then it means they somehow have total ownership of him.

In all these cases, the root of the problem is a lack of respect for the scholars and community leaders of our ummah. They are not perfect, but if they don't guide us, who will? Our responsibility as community members is to help them grow, because the more that they grow, the better equipped they are to lead our communities. Instead, we find masjids that are expecting one of the khulafā' al-rashīdūn to magically come and lead their masjid (and do so for a minimum wage salary at that). Many of our boards have yet to realize that the job description of an Imam in America is vastly different from what an imam does in nearly any other country in the world. The expectations we put on them are herculean to say the least.

This lack of respect comes from not understanding what function the Imam plays in the community. 99% of the people will never see the hours of marital counseling, family counseling, and late night phone calls that imams have to yield. They'll never see the people who randomly walk into the masjid at odd hours dealing with drug abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sometimes worse trying to find help from the imam. They won't see the hours of work that will go into preparing a 45-minute halaqah that is then only attended by 10 people.

Our communities are growing rapidly, and with that growth comes new problems and new situations that we must deal with. If we want to live our lives in a way pleasing to Allāh, then it is imperative we supply our communities with people capable of leading them and helping us deal with those problems. I find instead that many masjids treat their imams even more ruthlessly than the worst of corporations, not realizing the need the community has for spiritual leadership. They nitpick at them in ways that make it appear as if they consider themselves to be angelic.

Aside from the arguments resulting from a lack of respect, the only other issue is money. I do not think money is an issue. In some smaller communities, it will be, and they'll have to work through it. But I cannot fathom how seemingly every other masjid has multi-million dollar blueprints and expansion plans, but they can't afford to invest in quality human resources. This is a joke. Without proper human resources, we will just have empty (but beautiful) structures. Put the money where it's needed most.

One of the most promising developments I have seen is that there is a surge of people who want to serve this deen full time. They want to study Islam, they want to work for the community full time. But they are held back. Their parents will not stand for them taking a career in the service of Islam and instead push them into other professions. Now it may be easy to criticize a parent and say they are being short-sighted or materialistic, but I do not think that is the case at all. I think most parents have seen the way our communities treat Imams – the most telling sign of which is their low salary (as the saying goes, “put your money where your mouth is”) – and they do not want their children to have to face that.

If our masajid do not get their acts together on this issue, then we are planting a destructive seed that will prevent our development of sustainable scholarship in this country.

(Note: Muslim Kids Matter is a monthly feature at Muslim Matters. You're welcome to send in your entries to muslimkidsmatter@muslimmatters.org!)

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I've been working on a project for kids to enjoy learning about the Qur'an and Ahadith.

Last Saturday was the first day of the Learning the Deen Class at the Zakat Foundation Community Center for this January/February session. The students from grades 3-5 (and one second-grader) were very attentive and enthusiastic during the class. I was surprised that they could learn the meaning of the ayahs in Surah Fatiha so quickly.

I told the students that their goal should be to get 100 points so that they could get a prize from the Treasure Box.  By memorizing the meanings of the ayahs, Ahadith, completing worksheets, completing Challenge Projects, and other such activities, they can get points. They also each have their own username and password with which they can go to the online website for the Learning the Deen class and can see their grades and points.

The students found the class more interesting and interactive because they could see their lists of weekly homework assignments there and they had fun taking the online quizzes.  The online quizzes were great learning tools for the students and is aimed to help them  study for their tests easily.

Even kids who don't live in Delaware and can't physically attend the class can still participate.  If you're interested in taking this free class, you can email me at nrkose@gmail.com and I'll send you the information as well as the worksheets you will need to participate in the class.  You may also send me your completed homework assignments and I'll grade them for you.

Learning the Deen Class Website:

www.wix.com/nrkose/learningthedeenl

Here is a sample worksheet from the class:

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Using Lessons from Surah Fatiha in Our Daily Lives

Read the following paragraphs and answer the questions that follow:

“Sparkles!” Hafsa exclaimed when she entered her room.  “What did you do?”

Her pet cat purred and jumped up, paws dancing in the air.

“Bad Kitty!” Hafsa shouted when she saw what Sparkles had done.  “You ruined my favorite doll.  You're the worst cat in the whole world!  I don't want to take care of you anymore.”  With that Hafsa picked Sparkles up and put her in the hallway.  She slammed the door shut and locked it even though she knew there was no way Sparkles could open the door.

1.      What did Hafsa do wrong?

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2.      What do you think she should have done instead?

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3.      What ayah or Hadith would you tell Hafsa to explain to her what she did was wrong?

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“Finally!” Hamza exclaimed.  “Thank you so much!”  He excitedly took the wrapped package from his elder brother and ripped off the wrapping paper.  He had been waiting to get this remote control car for so months and his brother had finally saved up enough money to buy it for him.

“Red?!” Hamza groaned.  “I wanted a blue one!”  He threw the remote control box onto the floor and stormed out of the room.

1.      What did Hamza do wrong?

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2.      What do you think he should have done instead?

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3.      What ayah or Hadith would you quote to him to tell him what he did was wrong?

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Khadijah angrily stormed into her room and slammed the door shut behind her.  Why did she always have to say mean things to her little brother and make him cry?  She hadn't meant to say anything but the words just spilled out.

“I hate you Shaytaan!” she exclaimed.  “You always tell me to do bad things.  Why do you tell me to do bad things?  Why can't you just leave me alone?”  She kicked her foot hard against the side of her bed and threw a pillow across the room.

1.      What did Khadijah do wrong?

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2.      What do you think she should have done instead?

____________________________________________________________________________________________

3.      What ayah or Hadith would you quote to her to tell her what she did was wrong?

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I've been having as much fun as the kids in preparing the worksheets, making the website look fun, and teaching them special things about the Qur'an.  I hope lots of other kids will join too, inshā'Allāh.
- Nur

[The following is the video and transcript of Shaykh Abdul Nasir's lecture "istikhārah: How to and Why?." The transcript includes slight modifications for the sake of readability and clarity.]

Click here to view the embedded video.

The word istikhārah comes from the root word of khayr.  Khayr in the Arabic language in its origins is representative of all that which is good.  Khayr is an umbrella word that represents all that which is good.  Istikhārah means to seek the good and seek that which is good.  This is the meaning of the word istikhārah itself.

Just like the meaning, the prayer ṣalāt'-l-istikhārah, which is from the Sunnah of the Prophet , is an authentically narrated Sunnah of the Prophet and an extremely emphasized practice of the Messenger .  Just like the meaning of the word istikhārah, the purpose of the ṣalāh is similarly to seek that which is good from Allāh .  I want to inshā'Allāh have this session to explain the procedure and the purpose of istikhārah.

I am going to split today's presentation into two parts.  The first part will focus on the ritual itself, meaning the technicalities, procedure, concept and outcome of istikhārah.  The second part of the lecture will focus on the purpose of the istikhārah, which is explaining the meaning and beauty of the supplication of istikhārah itself because that unlocks the purpose and the reason why we even do istikhārah.

Basic Points

To begin with the technicalities, I would like to begin with a few basic points.  The first is the concept of istikhārah to understand istikhārah conceptually and what it is.  I can explain best to you what istikhārah is by explaining to you what istikhārah is not.  As they say in Arabic, sometimes the best way to get to know something is to know the opposite of it.  The best way I can help you understand what istikhārah is conceptually and the role and purpose of istikhārah is by explaining to you what it most definitely is not.

Istikhārah is not a Magic 8 ball.  Did you ever buy that?  You get it at the mall as a gag gift.  You ask the Magic 8 ball, “Should I go to the mall today?” [Shake it]. “Maybe.”  This is the Magic 8 ball.  What I am trying to say by giving you this silly example is what people play around with when playing with the Magic 8 ball is throw out a random question, shake the Magic 8 ball and get a magical answer and go with it.  It is kind of like rolling the dice.  Istikhārah is not that.

Decision Making Process:  3 Steps

Istikhārah is the third of a three-step decision making process.  The first step of a decision making process is to use the God-given intellect, ability, and critical thinking that Allāh has blessed each and every single human being with in different capacities.  Allāh has granted every human being the ability to take factors into consideration and weigh different options and think about, ponder, contemplate, and process.  That is the first step of the decision making process in the life of the believer.  He first uses his 'aql, intelligence and ability to think that Allāh has given him.

There is a reason that Allāh emphasizes the 'aql, uli'l-albāb, and these types of things in the Qur'an because these are from the greatest of Allāh's blessings.  That is the first step of the decision making process: Take your circumstances into consideration, look at the options available to you, and then sit down and think and try to figure out and do some research and try to come to somewhat of a conclusion.  At least try to narrow your options and come to somewhat of a conclusion.  This is number one.

The second step of a decision making process is istishārah.  It is the Arabic word for seeking counsel and seeking advice.  The next step of the process is to then seek some counsel and advice, and it really depends on what type of a decision you are trying to make.  If you want to buy a car, you first do some research online and do some car shopping and test drove and narrow down to about three or four different cars that you are thinking about.  Then what you could do, for instance, is go to a brother from the masjid who is a car mechanic.  Sit down with that brother and say, “Brother, I want to take advice from you because you are experienced and knowledgeable about cars.  What do you recommend?  These are the three or four cars I am looking at.”  He says, “I wouldn't buy that because it has transmission problems.  This car wears out really quickly, etc.”

Now you are seeking counsel and advice.  If it is a more personal issue, something that is a life type decision, then you seek the counsel and advice from somebody who sincerely and honestly cares about you, somebody who is experienced and mature and maybe even spiritually focused so that they have a well-rounded perspective they can provide to you.

That is istishārah and seeking counsel.  This is the second step of the decision-making process.

The third and final step of the decision making process is now istikhārah.  What has occurred up to this point is that you started with no idea of what to do.  You narrowed it down to maybe half a dozen different options and sought some counsel and got some advice from someone and are down to your last couple of options.  At this point in time, you are struggling with this or that and are starting to lean a little more towards one direction.  You are thinking about two cars and are leaning towards buying a convertible, for instance – random example.  You are thinking about buying the Camaro over the mini-van.  No brainer, but nevertheless for some strange reason you are conflicted.  Maybe you have two kids, but it doesn't matter, they can sit in the backseat.

You are starting to lean in one direction, but you are little conflicted and just need a little bit of a push and convincing.  You are looking for that confidence to make your decision that you have come to by critical thinking – apply your intellect and do some research – and you sought some counseling.  You are leaning in a direction but need some confidence and some clarity of heart.  This is where istikhārah comes in.

What I have just explained to you removes many of the issues and questions that people have about istikhārah itself.  A lot of people are confused about istikhārah because they try to use it like the Magic 8 ball.  “I have got to buy a house.  Let me do istikhārah.”  What do you think is going to happen?  Are you magically going to see a house in your dreams and going to go searching for it and find it and buy it?  It doesn't work that way.  You don't decide that you need to buy a car and then pray istikhārah and a Honda Civic is going to fall on you.  It doesn't work that way.

When people try to utilize istikhārah in that way, then they walk away confused and say, “Shaykh, I made istikhārah and I can't figure anything out.  It's not working.”  You don't change the batteries in your istikhārah, right?  What is basically going on is that you are not utilizing it properly.  Anything that is not utilized properly is not going to work right.  You have to utilize it properly and appropriately.  Make sure you turn it into the third of a three-step decision making process.  This is the concept and role of istikhārah.

Prerequisites of Istikhārah

The next thing I would like to explain are the prerequisites of istikhārah.  What is required to do istikhārah?

I am going to give you the actual narration, but for now we are just going to roll with it and speak a little more generally.  What is required for the istikhārah is what is required for any other prayer, which is you need to make sure that you are pure and clean, clothed appropriately, have wuḍū'.  You do not require a bath of purification.  You face towards the qiblah.  That is what is required for istikhārah.

Basically whatever is required to normally pray is what is required for istikhārah.  There are no other extra prerequisites or requirements for istikhārah.  You don't have to pray it immediately before you go to sleep.  You don't have to take a shower and then immediately pray istikhārah.  You need wuḍū' for prayer; you need wuḍū' for istikhārah.  Istikhārah is a prayer just like dhuhr is a prayer and nafl would be a prayer.  You don't need to stop talking to people when you decide to do istikhārah.  You don't need to wake up in the middle of the night and do istikhārah.  You don't have to go stand on top of a mountain on one leg and do istikhārah.  You get my drift at this point – anything extra that you may heard, come across, or assumed that is needed for istikhārah aside from what is needed for prayer.  Wuḍū', dressing appropriately, facing the qiblah, Allāhu akbar – that is istikhārah.

The only thing I will add in here is that according to the opinion of the majority of scholars, there are small difference of opinion – I'm going to tell you what the majority of scholars say.  In ṣalāt'l-istikhārah, there are not major differences of opinion.  There are a few minor opinions here and there that differ from the vast majority.  I'm just going to go ahead and share the majority opinion because it is an overwhelming majority opinion.

The overwhelming majority opinion is that the only thing you have to watch out for is what you watch out for in other prayers.  Make sure you don't pray istikhārah at the times when prayer is forbidden.  Those are three basic times of the day:  while the sun is rising, when the sun is at its peak (which lasts for a minute or so), and the setting of the sun.  Those three times of the day are when we are told not to pray.  It is the same requirements of ṣalāh and for istikhārah.

These are the prerequisites of istikhārah.

Procedure

What is the procedure of istikhārah?  There is a sequence of events or procedure.  Once you fulfill the prerequisites, you will stand up and pray two rakʿahs, two units, of nafl (voluntary, supererogatory) prayer.  Why am I emphasizing and specifying it to be two rakʿahs of a voluntary prayer?  When we read the text of the ḥadīth together inshā'Allāh, at that time you will see it.  It is mentioned explicitly within the text of the ḥadīth by the Messenger of Allāh .  No debate and no question here.

What that means is that you can't pray ṣalāt'l-'ishā' and make the supplication of istikhārah – two for one, all done.  You can't do that.

The Prophet explicitly said that you have to invest two more extra rakʿahs of prayer that are voluntary and optional.  You pray those two rakʿahs of prayer.  There is nothing different about those two units of prayer.  You pray them as you should pray any other ṣalāh.  There's obviously room for improvement in my prayer, and I'm pretty sure everybody feels there is room for improvement within their prayers, so aside from that entire discussion, basically you pray istikhārah like you would pray any other prayer, which is two rakʿahs, qiyām, rukū', sujūd.  You sit at the end, tashahhud, ṣalawāt on the Messenger , supplication, salām, and that's it.  That is the procedure of the istikhārah.

There is no extra special sūrah that should be recited here.  There's nothing that is authentically narrated from the Prophet about reciting this in the first rakʿah and that in the second rakʿah.  There is nothing of that sort.  Just pray two rakʿahs of prayer.

Once you finish these two rakʿahs of prayer, which means the taslīm, you then at that time recite the exact supplication taught to us by the Prophet in the Arabic language.  You read it in Arabic.  Again, here, the vast overwhelming majority of scholars are of the opinion that the supplication of istikhārah is to be done after the prayer.  There are a couple of opinions here and there to do it before the taslīm; however, the vast majority overwhelming majority, and again, if you analyze the text of the ḥadīth, which I'm going to point out to you when we do read the ḥadīth of the Prophet , you will see that the Prophet mentions a word which makes it very clear that the supplication is meant to be said after the prayer is done.

Now at this point we recite the supplication.  Read the supplication in Arabic.  Why am I explicitly saying that?  Again, the ḥadīth very clearly mentions that fact.  A question comes up here:  what if I don't have it memorized?  Read it off of a piece of paper.  Fuqahā' have stated that very clearly if somebody needs to read it off of a piece of paper, that is ok.  Read it out of a book, read it off of a piece of paper, photocopy it, do what you have to do.  Nevertheless, read the actual Arabic of the supplication.  Don't read the summarized English translation.  When we read the text of the ḥadīth, we see the Prophet explicitly said, “Read it as I have taught you.”

The other thing I want to state is – just in case anyone is watching the video or listening to the lecture – what if somebody can't read Arabic?  Use a transliteration or something of that nature to the best of your ability.  Of course if somebody recently took shahādah or somebody recently came into connection with their dīn, there is always an exception to the rule.

We do not give enough consideration to people who have had a major turning point in their life, whether we are talking about people who may have been born in Muslim families but just not raised with the dīn and come to practice the dīn later on in their lives, or if we are talking about reverts and converts, people who took shahādah later in life.  Consideration should always be given to them, and it should be understood that they are doing the best that they can, and they should definitely make an effort to try to learn Arabic as much as possible and as quickly as possible, but until and unless they are able to get to that point, they are completely capable of practicing their dīn to the best of their ability, and it is ok for somebody like that to read it in English or to read the translation of it.  That is a very, very specific situation and consideration should be given to those types of cases.

Nevertheless, going back to the procedure.  We talked about praying two rakʿahs, completing the prayer, reading the supplication in Arabic to the best of your ability.  That is the procedure of istikhārah.  Read the supplication in Arabic, and it is done.  You don't have to make any extra du'ā' after that.  The supplication that you read in Arabic is the supplication and du'ā' itself.  There is no other extra procedure after.  Once you are done reading the supplication, you are done.

Outcome of Istikhārah

The next issue I would like to address is what is the outcome of the istikhārah?  Again, I can start by telling you what is not the outcome of the istikhārah.  You will not wake up in the middle of the night and have a 3D vision of what you should.  I can tell you that is not going to happen.  It is istikhārah and not Avatar.  That is one thing we need to be clear on.  While it might seem like a joke or silly to some people, sometimes people just don't know.  The outcome of the istikhārah is nothing out of this world.

The primary outcome of the istikhārah is the clarity of mind and confidence to make the decision that you need to make that I alluded to earlier.  You feel confident and good about making your decision.  You were already leaning towards one option – option A – and there is another option on the table, but you are a lot more confident about option A or maybe you have come to a decision about option A but you just need that extra little confidence.

You do your istikhārah and naturally start to feel more confident and feel clearer and feel ready to make that decision.  That is the outcome of your istikhārah.  The outcome of the istikhārah is to reflect internally and be a bit introspective and look inside and see if you feel good and confident about making your decision.

How do you know that the outcome of the istikhārah is maybe this isn't the best decision for you?  You will naturally feel down.  You will feel conflicted, doubtful, very scared or anxious or hesitant about making your decision.  Then at that point, this is your response of istikhārah that maybe this isn't the best decision for you.  That is how simple and easy istikhārah is.

The reason why istikhārah has become complicated for us a lot of times is because we are looking for something out of this world and something supernatural and really far out.  We look for something crazy like that, and when we don't find it, we feel unfulfilled.

If we learn to just think of it internally and learn to be a little more reflective and introspective, naturally you will find the response to your istikhārah to be a lot more facilitated for you.  You are thinking internally and feel naturally confident in your decision.  That is the outcome and result of the istikhārah.

What about Dreams?

The question always comes up:  what about dreams?  The issue of dreams is one thing that needs to be understood.  We don't completely dismiss dreams altogether.  Authentic narrations of the Prophet tell us that dreams are something that a believer derives inspiration from.  Even the greatest of scholars like Ibn Sirīn of the tabi'ūn and great scholars of interpretation of dreams, one of the first things they would say or one of the first things they taught their students was that dreams are not a basis of making decisions.  Decisions should not be based on dreams.  These were the first and foremost to tell their students that even though these were the scholars of the interpretation of dreams.  They said at the most it is inspiration, motivation, encouragement.  That is all it is.  It is not something you base a decision on.

I would like to clarify that right here.  If you have a dream and it kind of inspires you or motivates you, alḥamdulillāh.  Don't read too much into it because you are not supposed to.

Two Miscellaneous Issues

That is the outcome of the istikhārah.  There are two miscellaneous issues I would like to explain.  The first issue is related to the outcome.

What if I make istikhārah and I just still don't feel comfortable or confident in my decision?  I still don't feel confident or clear and am still not comfortable making a decision, and I made istikhārah and followed the procedure properly.  What do I do at that time? The course of action at that time is:  do it again.  If it doesn't work again, then do it again.  If you are still not comfortable, then do it again.  Keep doing it until you feel confident and comfortable in making your decision.

There is even a narration from 'Abdullāh b. Zubayr , one of the companions of the Prophet and probably 'Ā'ishah's best and brightest student.  He says, “I made istikhārah with Allāh three times.  Then I was comfortable and confident in making my decision.”  He explicitly mentions while explaining to his students that if you have to make istikhārah multiple times, then you have to make istikhārah multiple times and that's ok.  He said, “I had to pray istikhārah three times one time to make a decision.”  Don't be afraid of repeating the istikhārah multiple times.

A lot of times, it is just a matter of – and this is a tragedy of our times – becoming spiritually numb and we are not very introspective and not very reflective.  Sometimes the superficial nature of the culture we live in or activities make us a little spiritually dull or numb.  We might have to do istikhārah a few times to break through the surface or crack the shell, and that's ok.

The last issue I want to mention here that is associated with istikhārah is that there is one very commonly asked question and issue that comes up quite often.  That is:  can I have somebody else do istikhārah for me?  There is no precedent.  There is no religious verification for having someone else do istikhārah for you.  There is nothing mentioned in the aḥadīth of the Prophet .  There is no precedent from the generation of the ṣaḥābah.  The classical fuqahā' have explicitly stated that istikhārah is meant to be done by the individual himself or herself.  That is a rule.  That's it.  A person has to do the istikhārah himself or herself.

There is a very honest and sincere question and concern that is in the mind's of people who ask this question.  The question or that concern is often:  I am not a very good person, I don't pray five times a day, I have a lot of sins and issues in my life, I feel distant from Allāh, I don't know if I make istikhārah if it will be clear or won't be clear, so I want to ask someone to make istikhārah who is a lot more righteous and pious, and someone who is a lot better person than I am.  That is a concern a lot of people have.

I would like to answer that concern by first saying that maybe part of the reason that you feel that way about your relationship with Allāh is because of the mentality and approach that you have where you don't feel like you are good enough to talk to Allāh.  You feel like you don't have access to Allāh.

The first thing that you have to get over is the simple fact that Allāh is just as available and just as accessible to the sinful person as He is to the most righteous and pious person.  Allāh is available and accessible to everyone.  We can all pray to Allāh.  We can all ask Allāh for whatever we need.  We can all do istikhārah with Allāh.

The second answer to that concern is if you are feeling a bit guilty and self-conscious about the fact that you are distant from Allāh and not praying and maybe that is why you should not be doing istikhārah, then why not fix the problem?  Why not say, “I have a situation.  I need to do istikhārah.  I don't pray five times a day and that's why I don't feel comfortable doing istikhārah.  Well, it's time for ṣalāt'l-maghrib right now or time for ṣalāt'l-'ishā' right now, why don't I go ahead and take that first step?  Why don't I go make wuḍū', stand up and pray ṣalāt'l-'ishā' and then pray two rakaʿāt to do my istikhārah.”  Get it out of the way and get it done.  That is the answer to the question.

There is no validity to having somebody halfway across the world in some village do istikhārah on your behalf and that person doesn't even know who you are and what's going on with you.  By the way, as a side note and a word of advice, if that person is charging you, it's probably a scam.  Just a little note of caution.  If a person is charging you, you need to stay away from that entire situation.

Nevertheless, I did want to address that in a serious issue and serious manner.  There is no validity, there is no precedent, and there is absolutely no authenticity to having somebody do istikhārah on your behalf.  The person him or herself needs to be doing their own istikhārah whatever situation they are dealing with.

Their might be situations where a decision affects multiple people.  Then everybody involved in the situation makes their own istikhārah.  If I will be implicated by this decision, then we all make our own istikhārah.  Nevertheless, it is not like doing a business deal.  If I'm getting into a business deal with a couple of people and we need to come to the decision whether it is good or not, we decide we've looked at the facts, crunched the numbers, and spoken to a couple of people and gotten some consultation, we need to do istikhārah.  Let everybody go and do their own istikhārah.  Even when it is a joint decision, everybody should be doing istikhārah.  Definitely when it is your own personal decision, make your own istikhārah.  Don't put it off on somebody else.  Nobody can do your istikhārah – you do your own.

The concern that is there that “I'm not good enough, I'm not pious enough, I'm not righteous enough,” it doesn't make any sense.  Allāh is Allāh.  He is accessible to you.  All you have to do is go get clean, make wuḍū', face the qiblah, Allāhu akbar, and you are talking to Allāh.  Done deal.

Secondly, if you do feel that you are distant from Allāh, then fix the problem.  Don't create another problem.  Repair the relationship and fix the issue.

It obviously goes without saying that we don't make istikhārah for anything that is impermissible.  There is no istikhārah for: “Should I drink alcohol (na'ūdhu billāh)” – of course that is very bad.  “Should I gamble, what should I put my money on.”  It goes without saying and it is common sense that you don't make istikhārah about the things that are impermissible.

Also, we do not make istikhārah about things that are obligatory.  There is no making istikhārah about “should I pray ṣalāt'l-'ishā' or not.”  That goes without saying that things that are obligatory and things that are a part of the dīn and things that we are supposed to do like fasting Ramaḍān, there is no making istikhārah “should I fast in Ramaḍān or not.”  Similarly, we do not make istikhārah for things that are impermissible.  Of course that is common sense, but I just wanted to mention that.

Supplication of Istikhārah

Now, let's go ahead and discuss the supplication of istikhārah itself.  I'll go ahead and read the ḥadīth to you.  This is a ḥadīth from Ṣaḥīḥ Bukhāri.

Jābir (may Allāh be pleased with him), a very knowledgeable companion of the Prophet of Allāh (peace and blessings be upon him), says, “The Messenger of Allāh would regularly teach us to do istikhārah in all of our affairs and issues just like he would teach us a sūrah from the Qur'an.”  What does that mean?  He is drawing a parallel.  This is the same type of verbage used to talk about the tashahhud in the prayer.  “He would teach us the tashahhud like he would teach us a sūrah from the Quran.”  It is also said about the istikhārah supplication.

That means two things and has two implications.  Implication #1:  he emphasized the importance of memorizing it.  Just like we memorize a sūrah of the Qur'an, similarly he emphasized the importance of memorizing the supplication of istikhārah.  Implication #2:  read it in the Arabic language like we read a sūrah in the Arabic language.  When we read a sūrah from the Qur'an in our prayers, we read it in Arabic.  Again, there is that rare exception that I talked about, nevertheless the general rule is that we read the supplication in Arabic.  The Prophet taught us to read the supplication of istikhārah in Arabic like we read a sūrah in Arabic.

“He would say, 'When any one of you is concerned with an issue or a matter, then he should pray two rakʿahs of optional, voluntary prayer aside from the farḍ obligatory prayer.'”  This is where I was explicitly saying it has to be voluntary optional prayer because the Prophet explicitly in the ḥadīth in the narration says it must be voluntary optional prayer.

Then the Prophet says, “Thumma…”  Thumma in the Arabic language in classical Arabic, the Quranic and prophetic language, is to say “afterwards, after that, then afterwards.”  It states that this occurs after the previous thing has been completed or concluded.  Based on this, the vast overwhelming majority of scholars are of the opinion the supplication of istikhārah is to be read after the prayer has been completed, after the taslīm.

The Prophet reads the supplication for us and teaches us the supplication.  I'm going to explain the meaning of the supplication.

'O Allāh, I seek most definitely that which is good from You by means of Your Knowledge' because O Allāh, You know what is good for me, and I don't know what is good.  The āyah of the Qur'an says, “You may like something initially and it turns out to be bad for you.  You might dislike something initially and it turns out to be something good for you.”  Based on that, Allāh is the only One who knows what is good for me, so that is why I am saying, “O Allāh, I seek that which is good from You by means of Your Knowledge.”

'And I seek the ability to do what I have to do by means of Your Power and Your Ability.'  Meaning:  I am weak and I am incapable, but I seek the ability to make my decision and to do what I need to do by means of Your Ability and Power.

'And I ask You, to grant me from Your great, majestic benevolence and great blessing to bless me.'  I ask You to bless me from Your Blessings and to grant me some from Your Blessings.

This is personally my favorite part of the supplication.  This states the mentality behind istikhārah.

'…because most definitely You are fully capable, and I am completely incapable.'

'And You know everything and I don't know anything.'

'And O Allāh, You are 'Alām. 'Alām is the exaggerated, hyperbolized noun which basically means the Complete Knower of al-ghuyūb.  Ghuyūb is the plural of the word ghayb – all those things that are unseen, all those things that are hidden, all those things that are unknown.  You are the Complete Knower, inside out, of all those things that are unseen, unknown, and hidden.

Now here comes the crux of the supplication:

'O Allāh, You know that this issue, decision, matter – if this is good for me in my religious affairs and my worldly affairs and in the end of my affairs…'  What do you think 'the end of my affairs' is referring to?  The ākhirah.  'If You know, O Allāh, that this decision that I'd like to make and have been struggling with is good for me in my dīn and my religion, in my worldly matters and issues, and if this is good for me in the ākhirah …'

Another narration of this same supplication, the Prophet said,

'In my short term and in the long term…'
What do you think short term refers to?  Dunya, this life.  'Ājilihi, the long term, makes reference to ākhirah, the life of the hereafter.

'O Allāh, You know if this is good for me in the short term and the long term, dunya and ākhirah.'

'Make it possible for me.  Make it happen for me.'

But that's not it.  Now we get to see the real beauty and magnificence of the supplication.

'Don't just make it possible and available to me, make it easy and facilitate it for me.  Make it simple, easy, and accessible for me.'

Thumma means after the fact.  After what fact?  After I have achieved it.  Put blessing in it for me.  We are going for the premium package.  I want the works, all the options.  I want it to be possible for me, O Allāh.  I want it to be easy, simple, accessible, and facilitated for me, O Allāh.  Then after I have it, I want barakah and blessing in it, O Allāh.

What a comprehensive supplication.  What a beautifully comprehensive supplication.  It then goes on:

'O Allāh, You know if this issue, decision, matter is bad for me in my dīn, in my worldly matters and in the end of my affairs in the ākhirah.

Another narration again says:

'in my short term and in the long term' meaning my dunya and my ākhirah.

Here we get to again see the beauty and eloquence of the supplication, the prophetic eloquence on full display.  Let me explain the words to you here.  The word ṣar means to turn something.  There are two entities here:  you and what you are making istikhārah for.  The supplication says, “If this is bad for me in my dunya and ākhirah, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it.”  Do you see the eloquence in the supplication and the visual that it provides?  Imagine you and what you are making istikhārah for.

O Allāh, if this is bad for me in my dunya and my ākhirah, then I want nothing to do with it.  Don't just turn it away from me but turn me away from it.  I want nothing to do  with it.  I got no business with it.  If there is no khayr, then what would I want with it?  This is what the supplication teaches us to say.

That doesn't solve the problem.  There is still an issue left. What is the problem?  Whatever it is you are making istikhārah for – your need, your necessity, your situation, your decision is still not complete.  You made istikhārah and realize that this is not good for you and felt uncomfortable, hesitant, or apprehensive about the decision and backed away, but your need still remains.

The Prophet doesn't leave us hanging.  He completes the supplication.

'And then make possible for me that which is good.'  This particular situation wasn't good for me, so I asked Allāh, “Turn it away from me and turn me away from it.  I want nothing to do with it.  O Allāh, make that which is good possible for me.”  The problem is I don't know where, how, when, or anything about it.  Where do I start?  Ḥaythuka – wherever and however that good may be.  Make that which is good possible for me whenever, wherever, and however it may be.  I leave it to you, O Allāh.  I will still do my due diligence and stay at work trying to find the right option, but O Allāh, lead me to that khayr.  I was saved from sharr, but make something good for me down the road.

This is consolation at the end of the supplication.  This situation didn't work out, which is actually good because it wasn't khayr.  You are asking Allāh for khayr, and Allāh will make khayr possible for you.

The yaqīn, the conviction, needs to be there when you make supplication.  Allāh will make that which is good possible, you just have to keep sticking to what you are doing and keep your hopes high in Allāh .

'So make that which is good possible for me wherever and however it may be.  Then make me pleased and satisfied with it.

In another narration, the Prophet says the words, “Then make me satisfied with it.”  Make me content, satisfied, fulfilled with it.  Make me pleased with it.

Again, it sounds like the same thing.  Even somebody who doesn't have any background in formal Arabic studies can hear the difference.  Thumma arḍini bihi and thumma raḍḍini bihi.  Arḍini and raḍḍini sound a lot alike, but are they completely the same word?  There is a little bit of a difference, which is a difference in verb pattern.  The thing about these verb groups and verb patterns is that they all have their own special implication.  In the classical form of the language, they have their own special implications.

When you have the same root word coming in two verb patterns, the subtle difference between the two is that arḍini means 'make something happen all at once.'  Make me all at once completely satisfied and fulfilled with it.  Raḍḍini has the implication for something to happen continuously, little by little, step by step.

SubḥānAllāh, the Prophet said it with the two different verb forms, and this shows us not only the eloquence of the Prophet but how well he understood people.  There are two types of people when it comes to making a decision.  Some people might take their time and do their due diligence and research and take time to come to a decision.  When they finally come to a conclusion, they are done.  The decision is made, and khalās they are confident and going forward now.

Some people are a little different.  They come to a conclusion and decision and feel good and everything is ok and they are going for it.  Then later at midnight you get a text message from that friend saying, “I'm freaking out.  I don't know what to do.  I'm nervous.”  You say, “Don't worry about it.  It's all ok.  It's midnight, go to sleep.  Everything will be alright inshā'Allāh.”  Then they say, “Ok, I'm good.”  You wake up to pray ṣalāt'l-fajr, and he calls you.  You answer the phone and he says, “Bro, I need to talk to you right now.  I'm not sure about this.”  That's ok – some people are like that and need that constant reassurance.

SubḥānAllāh look at the Messenger of Allāh and how well he knows his people and understands people.  He accommodated both types of people.  “Thumma arḍini bihi” for the type of guy who might take his time to make a decision but once he makes it, he is done.  “Thumma raḍḍini bihi” for the person who “O Allāh don't just make me pleased with it, but keep me pleased with it.”  Constantly reassure me about my decision, O Allāh.

At the end of the supplication in the narration of Bukhāri, the Prophet says, “And then he mentions his need.”  When you go back into the supplication, remember the part that I said was the crux of the supplication?

“O Allāh, You know that this decision, if this is good for me…” that is the moment where the Prophet says the person should mention his or her need.  The scholars explain that there are two options.  Somebody could just simply think of whatever it is that they are making istikhārah about, and that would suffice.  If somebody just visualizes or conceptualizes or thinks of what they are making istikhārah about, that is sufficient.  Otherwise, a person can feel free and should feel free to go ahead and verbalize it.  They don't need to verbalize it in Arabic if that is not their language.  They can say it in their own language.  Allāhumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hatha'l-amra… and then at that time the person says, “Buying this particular car, purchasing this house, marrying so-and-so” that this is good for me.  Then the supplication goes on and continues.

Similarly, there is a second moment when you mention it as well when you mention the other part of it.  “O Allāh, you know that if this decision and issue is bad for me,” then again you can think about it, conceptualize it, or verbalize it.  The Prophet taught us to do that.  It becomes very practical and real.  It is a real experience and you are literally stating your need, and this is something the Prophet taught us to do.

That concludes the discussion on the meaning of the supplication of istikhārah and it gives you an insight as to why we do istikhārah and what the purpose is and the spirit of istikhārah.

One thing I would like to explain here about the supplication of istikhārah is that it is the perfect example of prophetic eloquence of the Prophet and how beautiful the supplications are that he taught us.  There is a lot of good and khayr in learning the prophetic supplications, and we should invest some time and energy in learning these beautiful supplications.

Quotes from Scholars

The last little note I wanted to mention here is a few little basic quotes from some scholars about the blessing of istikhārah and why we do istikhārah.

Ibn Abi Jamra (raḥimahullāh), a great scholar, said, “The wisdom behind putting the ṣalāh before the istikhārah is the istikhārah combines both the good of this world and the next.  Just like in this dunya a person needs to go the one he needs something from and win their favor and then put their need before them, the ṣalāh precedes the supplication is like knocking at the door of the King and presenting yourself before Allāh and making sujūd and humbling yourself and putting your face on the ground before Allāh and then spreading your hands and presenting your need before Allāh .”  This is the beauty of the sequence of events.

Ibn Taymiyyah says, “He who seeks guidance from the Creator and then consults with the creation (people) and then once he comes to a decision that he is confident in and goes forward with, such a person will never regret and have no remorse about the decision that he makes.”

Imam Al-Nawawi says, “After performing the istikhārah, when a person is wholeheartedly inclined and feels good about a decision, then the person should say bismillāh and go ahead with the course of action and the conclusion and decision.”

Istikhārah is like a training in adab with Allāh.  “O Allāh, I will not make a decision without praying to You.  Even though I'm fully confident, I will still do istikhārah.”  It shows adab with Allāh, and part of the adab with Allāh is that when you do come to a conclusion and decision and did make istikhārah and feel confident about your decision, then you go with it.  You remove doubt at that time and don't second guess and don't doubt because that would show disrespect to Allāh and this practice of istikhārah.

Final Note

The last and final note I want to mention here is one other requirement for istikhārah.  I didn't mention this in the prerequisites because I was talking about more in terms of fiqh.  The primary ingredient of the istikhārah is conviction.  Know who you are praying to.  You are praying to Allāh, rabb'l-'alamīn.  You are praying to the One who created each and every single thing.  He watches and controls every single thing.  He sustains and maintains each and every single thing.  He is capable of doing whatever He wills.

Have that level of confidence when you do istikhārah.  I am not just consulting with anyone.  I am talking to Allāh, and Allāh will help me in my situation.  Allāh will give me clarity of mind, and Allāh will bless me with confidence.  When you do make istikhārah and you do feel hesitant, remember what the end of the supplication said.  Don't feel disheartened at that time because at the end of the supplication, you do ask Allāh for khayr, and if you have the level of conviction in Allāh, you will have the conviction that Allāh will provide to you that which is best for you.

Have that conviction.  Have that level of īmān and yaqīn in Allāh and His Ability to take care of you and Allāh will inshā'Allāh take care of us.  As it says in the ḥadīth qudsi, “I deal with My slave according to how he perceives Me.  If he perceives that I can take care of him, I take care of him.”  When he is doubtful, maybe he won't be taken care of.  The onus is on us.  How do we perceive our relationship with Allāh?

May Allāh give us the ability to practice everything that we said and heard.

I will end with this one last ḥadīth mentioned in the Musnad of Imam Aḥmed and narrated by Sa'd b. Abi Waqqās who said that the Messenger of Allāh said, “From the blessing of the son of Ādam is the ability to seek good from Allāh, doing istikhārah with Allāh.  Also from the blessing of the son of Ādam is that they are pleased with whatever Allāh has decreed for them.  From the wretchedness of the children of Ādam is when he leaves doing istikhārah with Allāh.  Also from the wretchedness of the human being is that the human being is displeased with what Allāh has decreed for him.”

May Allāh bless us all to do istikhārah and to be pleased with Allāh's Decree and decision in our affairs and issues.  Jazākum Allāh khayran.  Al-salāmu 'alaykum wa raḥmatullāh.

In the early days of Islam, a few companions of the Prophet were fleeing persecution in Mecca and sought refuge in Abyssinia. The Christian ruler of the land, Ashama, demanded the companions to read aloud from their scripture and, when one of them recited from the sura of Mary, Ashama and his court were moved to tears. When they were told to make known their beliefs about Jesus, they said that Islam considers Jesus to be a messenger of God, the word of God, and the miraculously born son of the Virgin Mary. After hearing this, Ashama is said to have drawn a line in the sand and said that the differences between them were no more than that thin line. He then decreed that Muslims were allowed safe refuge in his kingdom[1].

It would be nice to think that this story could be applicable to modern Christians and Muslims, but take one look at the news and that thought disappears.

The Qur'an contains ninety-three passages in reference to Jesus and, together, they present a clear picture of what Muslims believe. Chronologically, this begins with Mary, the mother of Jesus. The Qur'an tells the story of Mary's birth and describes how God graciously accepted her, making her grow in goodness, and entrusting her to be raised by Zachariah[3][4]. God chose Mary above all other women as the most pure and sent angels to give her news that she was to give birth to a pure son[5] called Jesus, the Messiah[6]. The angels tell her that Jesus “will be held in honor in this world and the next”, he “will be one of those brought near to God”, “he will speak to people in his infancy”, and “he will be one of the righteous” [7]. Mary has an entire sura named after her, one of only eight people to have this honor, and is affirmed to have given a virginal birth and to have afterward remained a virgin[8]. It is believed that Jesus was able to speak as an infant; after Mary gives birth to Jesus and carries him back to her people, she is accosted with accusations and it is then where Jesus speaks his first words and defends her honor[9]. In these first words, Jesus declares himself as a prophet and a servant of God who will be raised up after death and return at the final judgment[10].

Throughout his life, Jesus is believed to have performed several miracles by the permission of God; he transforms a clay bird into a real one, heals the blind and the leper, and brings the dead back to life[11]. He was sent to follow in the footsteps of previous prophets and to confirm the Torah that had been sent before him[12]. The Qur'an also says that God gave Jesus the Gospel with guidance, light, and confirmation as a guide and lesson for the followers of God[13]. Jesus is believed to be a fully human prophet; he is never said to claim divinity but instead attributes all he does to the power of God. When asked by God if he ever said for people to take him as a god, Jesus replies, “I would never say what I had no right to say”[14]. The Qur'an also mentions the disciples of Jesus, although not by name. The disciples are said to follow Jesus and declare themselves as Muslims[15].

Regarding the death of Jesus, the Qur'an denies that Jesus actually died or was ever crucified[16]. Muslims believe that Jesus physically ascended into heaven and that the disbelievers claimed victory only because “it was made to appear like that to them”[17]. The Qur'an states that Jesus will return again at the end of days when everyone will be judged on their adherence to Islam[18].

In addition to the Qur'an, Muslims look to the Hadith as an authority on Jesus. Several Hadith expand upon elements of Jesus described in the Qur'an, particularly about the end of his existence on Earth and what comes after. The Hadith present an “image of Jesus as an end-of-time figure”[19]. In one Hadith, Muhammad says, “the son of Mary will come back down among you very soon as a just judge”[20] and in another he says that he has been shown that Jesus will return to defeat the Antichrist[21]. This supports the general thought that Jesus is currently awaiting the end of time when he will “descend to the earth and fight against the Antichrist, championing the cause of Islam” and “point to the primacy of Muhammad” before dying a natural death[22]. Muslims see Jesus as a precursor to Muhammad and believe that Jesus predicted Muhammad's coming in the canonical Gospel of John.

Many believers of both Islam and Christianity would be shocked at the number of similarities that lie in their sacred texts. Since the Bible was written and compiled before even the birth of Muhammad and therefore can contain no commentary on him or Islam, many Christians would be especially surprised to learn that Muslims regard Jesus as one of Islam's most important prophets. American Christians in particular have a distorted view of Islam imposed by media and therefore can be entirely unaware of what the religion actually entails. The Qur'an actually contains references to over fifty people and events that are also found in the Bible. It also repeatedly affirms the legitimacy of the Torah, the Hebrew bible, or the Old Testament as Christians call it.

Muslims agree with the biblical stories that are also present in the Qur'an but firmly refute those which contrast with their beliefs. For the stories that are present within the Bible that are not found in the Qur'an and also do not conflict with anything in Islam, Muslims are told to neither believe nor disbelieve them. In the Hadith, Muhammad tells his followers, “Don't believe what the Jews and Christians tell you, but don't call them liars either. Say 'We believe in God and in what has been revealed to us…'[23]”[24] Islam teaches that it is most important to just believe in what has been revealed by God.

People on either side often simplistically explain these similarities between the Bible and the Qur'an to affirm the legitimacy of their own religion. Secular scholars suggest that the Qur'an contains these narratives as a result of pre-existing traditions that existed even before the Bible; Christians say that the Qur'an simply borrowed their stories; and Muslims explain them as the truth that was revealed to Muhammad by God. However, when texts outside of the Bible or the Qur'an are brought to light, it leads to a far more complicated picture.

To say that Jesus didn't found Christianity would immediately anger many people. However, upon closer inspection of the phrase, it is difficult to say otherwise. The earliest book that came to be in the New Testament was written decades after Jesus' death and the Christian doctrines and creeds were created centuries later. The reality is that Christianity didn't exist until after Jesus' time and therefore couldn't have been created by him[25]. After Jesus' departure, many people took to writing down what had happened and what it meant. The first problems for Christianity arose when these writings turned out to be very different from each other. In fact, the practices and beliefs of people who called themselves Christians during the first three centuries were so varied that the differences between modern Christian sects pale in comparison[26].

During the second half of the second century, with the growing number of prophetic and perceived heretical movements among Christians, there was great need for a fixed canon[27]. Christian groups such as the Marcionites, the Ebionites, the Gnostics, and the proto-orthodox all insisted that they correctly upheld the teachings of Jesus and were all in competition to become the rightful version that would eventually be adopted by the Roman Empire[28]. The proto-orthodox, named as such because of its eventual victory, was ultimately endorsed by Constantine as the primary religion of the Roman Empire. As the proto-orthodox text “developed into the dominant religious, political, economic, social, and cultural institution of the West”[29], the other defeated texts were labeled heretical and were “rejected, scorned, maligned, attacked, burned, [and] all but forgotten”[30].

Just four gospels came to be included in the New Testament but modern archeology has rediscovered dozens of other gospels that “at one time or another, at one place or another…. were revered as sacred, inspired, [and] scriptural”[31] by different Christian groups in the first few centuries[32]. These gospels tell their own stories about who Jesus was, some in accordance with canonical gospels but many more of them different. When thinking outside the bounds of Christianity, several of these ancient texts overlap curiously with Islam and with what the Qur'an and Hadith teach of Jesus.

One such gospel is known as the Proto-Gospel of James. Other titles for the gospel have been found and include “The Birth of Mary”, “The Story of the Birth of Saint Mary, Mother of God”, and “The Birth of Mary; The Revelation of James”[33]. It is called the Proto-Gospel of James because it deals primarily with events that took place before the birth of Jesus. The author calls himself James and it is usually understood that this is James, the half-brother of Jesus who is mentioned in the New Testament. In this text he is “assumed to be Joseph's son by a previous marriage”[34]. Since this book is proved to have been already known to the church father Origen in the early third century, and most likely also to Clement of Alexandria at the end of the second century, it is believed to “have been in circulation soon after 150 CE” and was “enormously popular in the later centuries”[35]. The text describes in great detail the circumstances of Mary's birth and her upbringing until her eventual pregnancy with Jesus and it very much aligns with passages about Mary in the Qur'an.

Both texts mention the excitement of Mary's mother at discovering she would bear a child and also that she will devote her child to God. In the Qur'an she says, “Lord, I have dedicated what is growing in my womb entirely to You; so accept this from me. You are the One who hears and knows all” and, upon learning the child is female says, “I name her Mary and I commend her and her offspring to Your protection from the rejected Satan”[36]. The Proto-Gospel of James describes her as saying, “As the Lord God lives, whether my child is a boy or a girl, I will offer it as a gift to the Lord my God, and it will minister to him its entire life,” and, upon giving birth and learning the child is a girl says, “My soul is exalted today”[37]. Both texts tell of God's acceptance of Mary with “Her Lord graciously accepted her and made her grow in goodness”[38] in the Qur'an and “the Lord God cast his grace down upon her. She danced on her feet, and the entire house of Israel loved her”[39] in the Proto-Gospel of James. In both texts, Mary is raised in a temple by a man named Zachariah (Qur'an) or Zacharias (Proto-Gospel of James) and she leads a pure and chaste life[40] [41]. Although the Proto-Gospel of James does not mention the infant Jesus speaking, as the Qur'an does[42], it does tell of the infant Jesus performing a miraculous deed as he heals the burning hand of the midwife[43].

The Coptic Apocalypse of Peter is another early Christian text that corresponds to Islamic thought and teaching. Thought to have been written in the third century, it is allegedly written by Simon Peter, the disciple of Jesus[44]. The book's message is one that is stressed in numerous places throughout the Qur'an. In it, Jesus issues “dire warnings against the teaching of heretics who propagate falsehoods” and, strikingly in accordance with Qur'anic thought, it labels the heretics as “the bishops and deacons of the proto-orthodox churches, and their false teaching [that] Jesus was himself the Christ who suffered a literal death on the cross”[45]. The text maintains that the real Jesus is raised up above the cross while the people are crucifying what they think is Jesus, but is actually a substitute[46]. The author mocks the proto-orthodox view that Jesus actually died on the cross, seeing it as “laughable”[47]. The author believes that the true significance of Jesus' apparent death is much deeper than what proto-orthodox leaders believe and that, even though the people believed they crucified the flesh of Jesus, he was actually far removed from the perceived suffering[48]. The author says that those “who beheld the cross with full knowledge” should know that it was not actually Jesus on the cross but merely his outward appearance and he likens this to how “simple-minded Christians are nothing but the outward appearance of the living ones who have been fully enlightened by the spiritual truth” of the risen Jesus[49].

When aligned with Qur'anic verse, this book seems to propagate the same message concerning the false belief Christians hold about Jesus. The author's implication that “simple-minded Christians are nothing but the outward appearance of the living ones who have been fully enlightened by the spiritual truth” can be taken to correspond to Muslims' view that Christians have witnessed the same as Muslims have regarding Jesus but have essentially missed the point in assigning him divinity instead of attributing it to God. The language of this book when regarding those who believe they have killed Jesus is very similar in its mocking tone to verses in the Qur'an, “[they] said, 'We have killed the Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary, the Messenger of God.' They did not kill him, nor did they crucify him, though it was made to appear like that to them; those that disagreed about him are full of doubt, with no knowledge to follow, only supposition: they certainly did not kill him- No! God raised him up Himself. God is almighty and wise.” [50] Like the author of the Coptic Apocalypse of Peter, in this passage the Qur'an takes an attitude of derision toward the “People of the Book,” whom Jesus will be a witness against on the Day of Resurrection[51]. Also, the insistence in the text that only those with “full knowledge”[52] will be spared from eventual suffering correlates with the Qur'anic verse, “For those of them that reject the truth we have prepared agonizing torment. But those of them who are well grounded in knowledge and have faith do believe what has been revealed to you [Muhammad], and in what was revealed before you- those who perform the prayers, pay the prescribed alms, and believe in God and the Last Day- to them We shall give a great reward”[53]. Both texts place a high importance on true knowledge as the way to be saved in the end and escape suffering.

The Infancy Gospel of Thomas is one of the earliest surviving accounts of Jesus as a child[54]. Allegedly written by “Thomas, the Israelite”, it remains unclear who the author intended to be perceived as. Many early Christians recognized him as Judas Thomas, Jesus' brother and therefore a reliable authority[55]. The book tells stories of the young Jesus beginning at age five and relates a number of miraculous incidents in his childhood. These anecdotes portray a mischievous streak[56] in the young Jesus and relate encounters with other children, his teachers, and his father. The first known quotation from the text is by Irenaeus of Lyon, in 185 CE[57], which establishes a latest possible date of composition. The earliest possible date is thought to be around 80 CE because of the author's evident knowledge of twelve-year-old Jesus in the temple from the Gospel of Luke[58]. However, it is generally agreed upon by scholars that the text began to circulate during the first half of the second century[59].

The book begins with the author's explanation that he “[made] this report to all of you, my brothers among the Gentiles, so that you may know the magnificent childhood activities” of Jesus[60]. It contains eighteen anecdotes of varying length, the first being the story of the Jesus and the clay sparrows. It begins with a five-year-old Jesus playing by the ford of a stream, collecting water and making it pure. “He then made some soft mud and fashioned twelve sparrows from it.” Several other children were playing near by and “a certain Jew” ran away to report to Joseph, “Look, your child at the stream has taken mud and formed twelve sparrows. He has profaned the Sabbath!” Joseph came over and cried out, “Why are you doing what is forbidden on the Sabbath?” But Jesus simply “clapped his hands and cried to the sparrows, 'Be gone!' And the sparrows took flight and went off, chirping.” When all of the other Jews saw this, they were amazed and dispersed to go tell their leaders what they had seen Jesus do[61].

This same story can be seen referenced twice in the Qur'an; first in the third sura, The Family of 'Imran. In this sura, Mary is learning about Jesus, the son she will bear, and then Jesus speaks and tells of the miracles he will complete in the future, by the power of God. He begins with a reference to the story in the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, “I have come to you with a sign from your Lord: I will make the shape of a bird for you out of clay, then breathe into it and, with God's permission, it will become a real bird…” [62] The story is referenced again in the fifth sura, The Feast, where God is reminding Jesus of all He has done for him and for Mary. God says, “Jesus, son of Mary! Remember My favor to you and to your mother: how I strengthened you with the holy spirit, so that you spoke to people in your infancy and as a grown man; how I taught you the Scripture and wisdom, the Torah and the Gospel; how, by My leave, you fashioned the shape of a bird out of clay, breathed into it, and it became, by My leave, a bird; how, by My leave, you healed the blind person and the leper; how, by My leave, you brought the dead back to life; how I restrained the children of Israel from harming you when you brought them clear signs, and those of them who disbelieved said, 'This is nothing but sorcery'; and how I inspired the disciples to believe in Me and My messengers- they said, 'We believe and bear witness that we devote ourselves to God.'”[63] In these verses God reminds Jesus of the fact that everything he has been allowed to do has been by the power and will of God.

According to these two suras, the story of the clay birds is significant in Jesus' life as one of the major testaments to the power of God working through Jesus. The story in the Infancy Gospel of Thomas does not specifically attribute the deed to either the power of God or the divinity of Jesus but, in the context of other Christian works, it would be assumed to refer to the latter[64]. The two suras make sure to emphasize that Jesus was only able to accomplish this act with God's permission.

This alludes to the greater issue present between Islam and Christianity. Upon reviewing their fundamentally accepted occurrences having to do with Jesus, it is clear that they should agree for the most part. They both believe that Jesus was born to Mary, a virgin, and performed many miraculous deeds and preached the word of God. They both believe that, although he was thought by the crucifiers to have perished on the cross, he rose into heaven and will come again at the time of judgment. These facts are not so much a point of contention as is the interpretation of them. The difference lies in the focus, the lens through which both religions view these actions of Jesus. Christians focus on these miracles of Jesus as being indicative of his divine nature and hold this central in their faith. For Christians, other prophets such as Moses were able to perform miracles but, like his splitting of the Red Sea, it was all made possible by the power of God[65]. Jesus is the only one whose miracles are attributed to his own divine power. Here is where Muslims explain the discrepancies between the two religions as a result that Christians have missed the point of Jesus. Muslims see Jesus, as the Qur'an says, in a succession of prophets who are fully human and not divine and culminate with Muhammad.[66] Muslims believe that, if Christians accepted this view, all would be explained. Christians on the other hand take the approach that Muslims created a false and unnecessary new religion and believe that any similarities between the sacred texts are a result of Muslims borrowing from the Christian tradition[67].

Attempts have also been made by secular scholars to explain these consistencies between the two religions as the result of pre-existing historical trends even before the time of Jesus. There are many examples of similar narrative structures that have been found in texts dating back hundreds and even thousands of years that are present within the Bible[68]. Western scholars have also seen these trends as related to the rapid expansion of Islam in its early period[69]. They believe that unrest and civil war during the rise of Islam led to the widespread expectations of Muslims that the end of the world was near and, some scholars believe, the Qur'anic descriptions of Jesus as an end of time figure would have been “a reassurance to Muslims that their cause was not in vain” and that they “had recognized the side of righteousness in a confusing world of socio-political currents.”[70]

The Jesus of Islam is arguably the same as the Jesus of Christianity and can clearly be seen within Christian sources of all kinds but these sources are scattered and disputed amongst the Christians. The confusion arises because of the inconsistencies of Christian sources, both canonical and non-canonical, and is largely the result of the early Christians leaders who assembled faulty compilations and allowed for politics or their own agendas to play too much into the construction of the canon[71]. It is an indisputable fact that although the Bible is the Christian sacred text, it contains numerous significant contradictions. Just in the seemingly simple Genesis flood story there are three separate versions with different accounts of fundamental aspects of how the flood occurred[72]. Muhammad and his contemporaries like Abu Bakr had the foresight to record and compile the Qur'an right away so as to ensure purity of content. Just the same as Christianity, there were undoubtedly Muslims or other hopefuls who attempted to author false sacred texts but the manner in which the Qur'an was compiled did not allow for it. Even the Hadith can for the most part trace all its sayings back directly to the prophet.

However, no amount of criticism over the compilation of ancient works will change what happened and both Muslims and Christians are guilty of wasting too much ink over attempts to disprove the other. Scholars of both religions have for centuries tried to point out the opposite sacred text's references to Jesus in a way to affirm their own faith when instead they should be focusing on commonalities and ways to move forward. It is ironic that Muhammad spoke so well of Jesus while Christian writings have always been harshly critical of Muhammad[73]. Andalusia was a perfect example of what can come of harmonious interaction between religions[74]. Spain under Muslim rule was the epitome of intellectual and cultural exchange, with Christians, Muslims, and Jews all coexisting and creating positive outcomes[75]. However, just because such harmony was possible in Andalusia at that time, doesn't mean that is necessarily possible or the answer today.

These “lost” early Christian doctrines are often dismissed today, especially by church leaders, for the sole reason of being non-canonical and, therefore heretical. What many do not stop to consider is the fact that, at one point, all of these books were considered legitimate to a certain group. The significance of the victory of proto-orthodox Christianity is “almost impossible to exaggerate” and it left a number of marks on the history of Western civilization, “none of which has proved more significant than the formation of the New Testament as a canon of scripture”.[76] When faced with the question of why the other Christianities were defeated by Paul's proto-orthodox version, church leaders and other believers will often attribute it to the will of God. Many do not question whether the “right” version won out. Many Christians do not realize that “Christian Scriptures did not descend from heaven a few years after Jesus died” and either do not know or do not want to know that the books that eventually came to be collected into the sacred canon were written by a variety of authors over a period of sixty or seventy years, in different places and for different audiences[77]. This is honest historical fact. When considering this process, it is simply not enough to affirm that “decisions made about the canon, like the books themselves, were divinely inspired” and in order to get a proper understanding, it is necessary to consider the actual history of the process and to “ponder the long, drawn-out arguments over which books to include and which to reject.”[78] The process took centuries, and even then there was not unanimity[79]. The fact that the real process behind these decisions was political allows for entertainment of the thought of what Christianity and our world would be like if another version had won; the early Christian texts that correspond to Islamic teaching might not be heretical but could have been canonical. It is just not right or thorough to dismiss these similarities between the texts without proper consideration.

What all of the overlaps of texts such as the Proto-Gospel of James, the Coptic Apocalypse of Peter, and the Infancy Gospel of Thomas allude to is that there is more to the concordance between Islam and Christianity than is commonly thought. The collections of texts within the two religions hint at the existence of a shared historical narrative waiting to be further revealed. Many of the most influential and important ancient texts have been discovered in the last few generations and, aside from the fact that scholars have not finished understanding them yet, there are undoubtedly more discoveries to follow. All it takes is one text to shake the foundations and create new perspectives; the recent discovery of the Gospel of Judas presented an entirely opposite view of Judas from traditional Christianity[80]. Only just translated in 2006, the Gospel of Judas shows how even in a world where we think we have everything already figured out, there is no assurance that we won't have to revaluate at any time. There is still much work to be done in the study of these ancient texts. The current connections between early Christian books and the Qur'an paint only part of the picture and there is still much more to learn about the real historical narrative of Jesus' life. As for the question of whose books and whose ideas should be considered “correct”, only God can say.

In 2007 an Episcopalian priest was defrocked when, after deep thought, she considered herself both a Muslim and a Christian. People labeled her as idiotic and irrational, because such a thing is surely impossible. Isn't it?

by Hira āmīn

Political

From the political front unrest was found both in the provinces and in the elite Janissaries. The Janissaries, who comprised of young Christian boys being conscripted into the dervishme system, were trained to be officers, governors and soldiers. This method of strict discipline and rigorous training provided the government with skilled workers and was the key tool in early Ottoman success. However, the Janissaries who were once part of the most revered army in the world had become militarily ineffectual by the end of the 18th Century. The Crimean Tartars served as a support for this decay however as mentioned above, in 1774 when Crimea became independent they left the army.

The success in the Janissaries lied in their strict obedience to the Sultan, however; their ability to live on military salaries faded due to the costs of warfare and inflation. The government could no longer pay them a sufficient salary, which led them to violate the Janissary principle of only being a soldier and celibacy. They integrated into the urban class and became butchers, bakers, porters, craftsman; many owned coffee shops.[21]They married and their children were recruited and replaced the peasant boys in the divershime recruitment rounds, the last of these rounds being in 1703.[22] Thus by the early 18th century the Janissary corps were hereditary and urban in origin, so as Hourani says “their exclusive loyalties had broken down”.[23]

Due to their proximity to the Sultan and their elite status this had a catastrophic political impact. They had the power to make and break rulers as seen when they denied Sulayman the Magnificent's son Selim the throne until he paid them extra money.[24] Their integration within the urban classes gave the urban class a voice and power to object. Moreover, as the Janissaries became a hereditary corps – precisely what the prohibition of marriage rule wanted to prevent – this created an elite-popular urban class who had power to overthrow viziers and officials on behalf of the popular classes or due to intra-elite quarrels. It was for this reason in 1826 that Sultan Mahmud II killed and captured them to silence their voices and stabilize the Empire.

Unrest also lay within the province itself. The balance of power shifted from the Sultan to the viziers. At the end of the 17th Century the centre of decisions shifted from the Dome Chamber in the Palace to the Sublime Porte which was the vizier's house.[25]  However; Hourani asserts this could not change the situation, as the vizier's role was weak and could be easily dismissed by the Sultan, thus no radical changes were possible. Throughout the 17th and 18th Century the power shifted further into the local elites, decentralizing the system further.

The local elites always played a crucial role in the government and were loyal to the Sultan in providing taxes and recruits for the army. Quartaret claims this was due to the 1695 tax farming system where the government granted the right to collect taxes for a particular land in exchange for cash payments to the treasury. This ensured the central state maintained some control over the local elites as they could remove this lucrative privilege. However, the rising cost of wars and the inability for the government to pay cash back caused the local elites to keep the taxes for themselves. As we saw, above four fifths of the state revenue failed to reach the central government in 1789.

Quartaret emphasizes the lack of economic contingency for the cause of decentralization, but Lieven and Hourani assert this was largely down to ineffective leaders chosen by a hereditary process.[26] It seems that even though the quality of the leaders had declined, they did not simply sit back and watch the Empire fall apart. The leaders tried to modernize the system to try and salvage what was left. For example after the humiliating defeat and the treaties of Karlowitz (1699) and Passarowitz (1718) the Grand Vizier, Damad Ibrahim Pasha, sent an ambassador in 1719 to Paris with instructions to make a thorough study of the means of civilization and education.[27] In 1731, the Grand Vizier, Topal Osman Pasha hired a French nobleman to reform the Bombardier Corps on European lines. In 1734, a new training centre, the school of geometry was opened. The Janissaries found out and forced its closure, however; it re-opened again in 1773.[28] This and many other attempts of reform, such as the Tanzimat and Ghul Hane decree, show that the leaders were not inactive. However; it was the additional external economic factors and the ideological factors which hindered any of these reforms to have a substantial effect.

Ideological

The Ottomans began with a strong ideology; Islam. Islam was defined against the Christian West; it affirmed its many beliefs, but completed the line of Prophethood hence perfected and cleansed it from its adulteration over time. This view was crystallized with the destruction of the Byzantine Empire and the capture of Constantinople. Therefore the Christian West was inferior from every aspect – militarily, socially and above all religiously. This concept of superiority which at first served well for the empire was by time its ultimate cause of destruction. The sense of pride and fear of adulteration prevented them from taking the Western seeds of discovery and allowing them to flourish in the Muslim lands.

A good example of this was the length of time it took for the printing press to become widespread within the Empire. As Lewis says, “the most important technical innovation from Europe outside the military field was undoubtedly printing”[29] The Turks knew about the printing press since the 14th Century but only adopted it in the 18th Century. The delay was due to religious conservatives skeptical of European inventions and its evil effects in society.

Both the Janissaries in 1826 and the Mamluks in 1805 were massacred by the rulers for this very purpose – to clear the way for reformation. The fact that these brutal massacres had to take place to prevent uprisings against modernization and reform shows the superiority of culture, which was prevalent at that time.

Moreover, loyalty to the Sultan suffered greatly from two movements – Wahhabism and Nationalism. In the 18th Century a more conservative religious strand began in Arabia known as Wahhabism. They believed that the Islam the Sultan protected was not the “true” Islam and thus he was not the “true” leader of the Muslim Ummah. The movement spread with Ibn Saud taking Wahhab's ideology of “true Islam” and he conquered central Arabia, the Persian Gulf, Karbala and Hejaz.[30] They wanted the caliphate to be an Arab as “the Arabs were more worthy of it than the Turks.”[31]

The ideas of the French Revolution infected the Empire – in particular Egypt, which was invaded by Napoleon in 1798. The French left quickly but not before sowing the seeds of nationalism through their propaganda. They spread the message of the Turks ruining Egypt by their greed and the idea that the French will free them. Napoleon said, “It has been said to you that I have only come to this country in order to destroy your religion. This is a clear lie; do not believe it. Say to the slanderers I have come to rescue you from the hands of the oppressors.”[32] The Egyptians were not pleased with non-Muslim rule, however; the hatred towards the Turks developed. Mohammad Ali came into power in 1805 and while he still gave allegiance to the Sultan and supported him in battles, such as the Greek revolt and the Wahhabi revolt, they controlled their own internal affairs and as mentioned above kept their revenues within Egypt.

Conclusion

In conclusion, militarily, economically, politically and ideologically the Ottoman Empire declined from the reign of Sulayman the Magnificent. These factors were of course intertwined, which was why when reforms were made in one aspect the other factors stifled progress. Due to the influx of wealth from the New World they advanced both militarily and economically with the industrial revolution. Even if the Janissaries had not revolted and adopted their advance methods, the industrial revolution and the shift in global trade would have starved the empire from the financial means to survive. The strong ideology which at one point was the impetus to rival and take over the Byzantine Empire became the very reason not to adapt and take from the “inferior” Christian West. Hence the Ottomans were locked in an inextricable knot, thus divide and conquer were inevitable.

Bibliography

Freeman, Edward. The Ottoman Power in Europe.

Smith, Dan. The state of the Middle East.

Hourani, Albert. Arabic Thought in the Liberal Age.

Quartaert, Donald. The Ottoman Empire.

J Shaw, Stanford. History of the Ottoman Empire and Modern Turkey Vol 1.

Mann, Michael. The Sources of Power.

Lewis, Bernard. The Emergence of Modern Turkey.

Lieven, Dominic. Empire.

Marcus, Abraham. The Middle East on the Eve of Modernity: Aleppo in the Eighteenth century.

Barkey, Karen. Bandits and Bureaucrats: Ottoman Route to State Centralization.

[21] Donald Quataert, The Ottoman Empire, page 45

[22] Ibid page 45

[23] Albert Hourani, Arabic Thought in the Liberal Age, page 35

[24] Donald Quataret, The Ottoman Empire, page 45

[25] Albert Hourani, Arabic Thought in the Liberal Age, page 35

[26] Dominic Lieven, Empire, page 146, Albert Hourani, Arabic Thought in the Liberal Age, page 35

[27] Bernard Lewis, The Emergence of Modern Turkey, page 46

[28] Ibid page 48

[29] Ibid page 50

[30] Albert Hourani, Arabic Thought in the Liberal Age, page 37

[31] Ibid page 37

[32] Ibid page 50