Buried deep in the archives of America's intelligence services are a series of memos, written during the last years of President George W. Bush's administration, that describe how Israeli Mossad officers recruited operatives belonging to the terrorist group Jundallah by passing themselves off as American agents. According to two U.S. intelligence officials, the Israelis, flush with American dollars and toting U.S. passports, posed as CIA officers in recruiting Jundallah operatives — what is commonly referred to as a “false flag” operation.

The memos, as described by the sources, one of whom has read them and another who is intimately familiar with the case, investigated and debunked reports from 2007 and 2008 accusing the CIA, at the direction of the White House, of covertly supporting Jundallah — a Pakistan-based Sunni extremist organization. Jundallah, according to the U.S. government and published reports, is responsible for assassinating Iranian government officials and killing Iranian women and children.

But while the memos show that the United States had barred even the most incidental contact with Jundallah, according to both intelligence officers, the same was not true for Israel's Mossad. The memos also detail CIA field reports saying that Israel's recruiting activities occurred under the nose of U.S. intelligence officers, most notably in London, the capital of one of Israel's ostensible allies, where Mossad officers posing as CIA operatives met with Jundallah officials.

The officials did not know whether the Israeli program to recruit and use Jundallah is ongoing. Nevertheless, they were stunned by the brazenness of the Mossad's efforts.

“It's amazing what the Israelis thought they could get away with,” the intelligence officer said. “Their recruitment activities were nearly in the open. They apparently didn't give a damn what we thought.”
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JERUSALEM — In the three months since the Israeli Health Ministry awarded a prize to a pediatrics professor for her book on hereditary diseases common to Jews, her experience at the awards ceremony has become a rallying cr

The professor, Channa Maayan, knew that the acting health minister, who is ultra-Orthodox, and other religious people would be in attendance.  So she wore a long-sleeve top and a long skirt. Butthat was hardly enough.

Not only did Dr. Maayan and her husband have to sit separately, as men and women were segregated at the event, but she was instructed that a male colleague would have to accept the award for her because women were not permitted on stage.

Though shocked that this was happening at a government ceremony, Dr. Maayan bit her tongue. But others have not, and her story is entering the pantheon of secular anger building as a battle rages in Israel for control of the public space between the strictly religious and everyone else.

At a time when there is no progress on the Palestinian dispute, Israelis are turning inward and discovering that an issue they had neglected — the place of the ultra-Orthodox Jews — has erupted into a crisis.

And it is centered on women.

“Just as secular nationalism and socialism posed challenges to the religious establishment a century ago, today the issue is feminism,” said Moshe Halbertal, a professor of Jewish philosophy at Hebrew University. “This is an immense ideological and moral challenge that touches at the core of life, and just as it is affecting the Islamic world, it is the main issue that the rabbis are losing sleep over.”

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Who is Babar Ahmad?

Babar Ahmad is a British Citizen who has been detained in the UK for 7 years without trial fighting extradition to the USA under the controversial no-evidence-required Extradition Act 2003.

He was arrested on unfounded terrorism charges and subsequently released with no evidence to support the claims at all. He was then re-arrested on extradition orders from the USA.

In June 2011, the Houses of Parliament, Joint Committee on Human Rights urged the UK government to change the law so that Babar Ahmad's perpetual threat of extradition is ended without further delay. Since all of the allegations against Babar Ahmad are said to have taken place in the UK, we call upon the British Government to put him on trial in the UK and support British Justice for British Citizens.

A time line chronicling his case can be found here.

Why should I sign it?

This is an official government e-petition (read more about them here): we need 100,000 signatures and the petition will debated in British Parliament. It's not one those flaky e-petitions we've been asked to sign a million times before for countless causes… this one can make a difference, inshā'Allāh, so please do not ignore it!

Further, your signature will not be publicised on search engines – so your boss will never find out (but why that should worry you is another matter entirely).

But I can't help everyone…

…but it will only take two minutes to go online, sign the petition with your email address and click on the confirmation link sent to your email in-box.

What happens if I don't sign it?

If he is extradited to America, Babar will be detained in solitary confinement in a supermax prison…for life.

Secondly, this is our brother in Islam and it is our duty as an Ummah to help him in whatever way we can. This is a very small act which could have a huge impact on his life and on his family.

In a hadith narrated by ibn Umar (radiAllahu 'anha), the Prophet (salallahu 'alayhi wasallam) said “A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim”.

Babar is our brother. If it was your dad, your brother or your son, you would want people to sign the petition for a fair trial…so why not for Babar?

For the non-Brits, unfortunately, only UK citizens can sign, but your prayers are needed, and I am sure you have some British friends and relatives knocking about that you can encourage.

PLEASE SIGN AND SHARE THE PETITION: http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/885

You can learn more about Babar Ahmad here.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The following are the top 11 issues that can help brothers avoid having a sister becoming uninterested and discontinuing communication. In no way is this an exhaustive list; in fact, it was difficult to trim the list down. This list is a collaborative effort on the part of many MuslimMatters Associates – a big jazakum Allahu khayran to all of them.

11. Dress to Impress

Generally, when meeting with a suitor, sisters put a lot of effort into presenting themselves respectfully and in a composed manner. A brother who is going to visit his potential wife should reciprocate in like. Remember – first impression, lasting impression. During the first meetings, it is important for the brother to dress decently. Nothing fancy or bling-blingy, just make sure you dress with a purpose – you are presenting yourself to the person you may end up making this big commitment to. Avoid wearing a t-shirt, sweats, or dirty socks – trust us, sisters notice.  And be well groomed. Don’t walk in looking like a ruffian with your beard all over the place.

Although its important to dress well during this courtship period, a brother shouldn't pretend to dress differently than he normally does. For example, thobes can turn parents off sometimes.  If guys prefer wearing thobes, then they should make that known to the sister when they talk to her; otherwise, she's gonna get scared and so will her family. Know your taste, but survey the landscape before taking a dive.

10. Kitchen Politics

Some girls do not like being directly asked, “What dishes can you cook?”, or when a trolley is rolled out during a visit, “What did she make from these items?” Cooking is something anyone can easily learn after marriage, and most do, so please do not ask this question directly.

9. Information Highway

Don’t spread information about a sister that you’re talking to. At this delicate stage in a relationship, a brother should be very discreet and guard the privacy of the sister he is communicating with – even if the relationship doesn’t end up in marriage.

If you’re a single brother, most likely your friends are also single and looking. If you tell other brothers that you were courting sister so-and-so, this may make them acquire the mentality that “he talked to her, so I can’t”. Don’t inadvertently ruin a sisters chances by being overly chatty about your courting escapades.

8. Call Back

If they are not interested in a sister or something comes up, some brothers just never contact her or her family again. Call back. It's as simple as that.  It won't break her heart if you do so…but not calling and making her family wait for days upon days until they give up hope in the proposal… that's worse. It's just one call – make it so that everyone can move on.

7. Sharing is Caring

Be sure to show that you’ve put some thought into the meeting you’re going to have with the sister. This can easily be done by bringing a cake, some flowers, or other items with you to the visit. Brothers not bringing something to the house or for family when they first come may be a turn off for some sisters, but this could just be a cultural thing. Find out ahead of time so you can check off this symbolic but sweet gesture from your to-do list.

6. Pathways to Citizenship

Please do not marry a girl just because she has a foreign passport or is a citizen of the U.S./U.K./Canada if all else is not compatible with her. It is an insult to choose a girl just for her nationality and then coerce her to change herself to suit your other requirements.

5. Don’t be a jokester

Seriously, if you want to impress the lady, you have to come off as a serious man. If you're funny, that's a great quality, but not when the girl is sizing you up as a future bread-winner plus role model for kids plus protector (i.e. men are “Qawwaam” over women). To a sister, one significant sign of readiness is when a brother is financially prepared. Have savings (not just a job) if feasible, and communicate to her that you are financially responsible.

4. Avoid oversharing

Some brothers actually mention to the sister the number of girls they’ve seen for marriage (not for information purposes, but for boasting purposes). Never, ever joke about or carelessly mention other girls you may have been involved with for marriage in the past or other girls you're interested in at present. Be in the moment, and know that a sister is sensitive to comparisons. What wins a sister’s heart is making her feel chosen – understandably, everyone has a past, but avoid overly showcasing your past experiences with other sisters.

3. To See or Not to See

Before meeting a sister in person, some brothers prefer to see a picture of the sister. Approach the whole picture/seeing her thing gently. It's really easy for a brother to come off rude if he doesn't ask or approach this properly. Some tips for approaching the picture topic graciously: volunteer your picture first, treat the photo like an amanah - look at it once and give it back. Please do NOT take pictures of her on your mobile phone when you are introduced to her. It is disgusting, intrusive, mean, rude… in short, don't do it! Do not ask for a photo at all if you know that the girl wears niqab. And most importantly, don’t get offended if the girl's family refuses to hand over a picture of her to you at the first request.

2. Put All the Major Cards on the Table.

You want to live with your parents? How many kids do you want?  Do you want sister to observe hijab before other male relatives? Do you want sister to wear niqab or not? Will you prevent the sister from working after marriage?  Make sure you marry someone who wants the same things that you do, it's best to disagree and move on now than it is to emotionally invest in someone who is pulling in a different direction on issues that you don't feel like you can budge on.  It's not about being confrontational but rather about being honest and upfront about how you see yourself living and whether the potential can see themselves in that same situation happily too.

Major expectations should be out in the open immediately, but if problems existed in the past (i.e. past psychological issues), this is very sensitive and I imagine it would be very difficult for a prospective suitor to discuss them within the first couple of meetings.  Also, people tend to keep things like this under wraps so the family may only discuss them once a solid relationship has developed.  While this is understandable, this also causes huge issues and can result in a great deal of heartbreak since an attachment may have already developed by this point.

1. Be honest.

At all times. It's very easy to find a lot of information about a guy online, so if he says one thing, yet his Facebook or Twitter profile shows an entirely other side, that’s a major red flag for a sister during the initial stages. Honesty is the best policy.

I still vividly remember the first night I spent by myself in the hospital after delivering my eldest son Shaan.  The guests were gone for the day, the hallway lights were dimmed, the nurses were speaking outside my room in muted tones.

“Knock, knock!” came a cheerful voice from the doorway.  “Someone's hungry and wants his mommy!”

The nurse wheeled in the crib that held my newborn, only a few hours old at the time.  She cooed over him as I struggled to sit up, then efficiently handed him into my waiting arms, bustling out of the room after giving me a few words of encouragement.

I pulled the blanket away from his cheek and smiled in awe at this fragile, little creature who was being left alone with me for the first time ever.  I felt privileged to be trusted with his care, overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility.  No one was watching over my shoulder; he was all mine and I could do whatever I wanted.

I felt it was an appropriate time to take care of something that no one had thought of arranging so far — introductions.

“Assalaamu alaikum,” I whispered to the warm bundle nestled against my chest, “I'm your mommy.”  I stroked his face and then asked the rhetorical question that every mother has asked since time immemorial.  “Now… how am I going to raise you?”

It's a question that I have continued to ask since that first magical night in the maternity ward.

I've asked it of grandparents, parents, sons, and daughters.  I've asked it of Pakistanis, Indians, Afghans, Arabs, Americans, Asians, and Africans.  I've sat people down at parties, emailed friends' parents, called up aunties on the telephone, and stopped uncles on their way out the door.  Any family whose practice of Islam has impressed me, any child whose manners have stunned me, any teenager whose conduct with his or her sibling has given me reason for pause, any adult whose balance of deen (religion) and dunya (world) has wowed me, I have accosted and asked,

“What exactly did your parents do with you?!”

“How did you raise your children?!”

“I beg you, tell me the secret of bringing up Mu'mineen like the ones I see in your home!”

What I have found in my years of “field research” is that nearly all of these families have stumbled upon the same basic secrets to success.  While many of them don't necessarily know one another, time and time again they have given me the same advice, the same tips, the same rules.  I would catalogue their stories in my head, thinking I could easily remember them later.  So when I was recently approached with the request for an article on Muslim parenting tips, I jumped at the chance to put it all down in writing and thus preserve the valuable insights I have gathered over the course of the past twelve years or so.

Here then, for my benefit and yours, are the tips from the “experts”, the tried-and-true heroes who have worked hard at (and, inshā'Allāh, succeeded at) securing their children's minds, hearts, and souls.  These words come from those parents — like you — whose primary purpose in life has been to direct their sons and daughters onto the Path they believe will earn them the Pleasure of their Creator and the respect of their fellow human beings.  Some of the advice may seem “common sense”, the type you could hear on any daytime talk show or read in any self-help book.  Other tips genuinely surprised me at how specific and unyielding they were in their insistence that “This is the only way”.  While there has been a whole variety of advice given to me, I have noticed a pattern emerging where the same ten “Rules of the Game” seem to keep reappearing in different shapes and forms; those dominant tips are the ones that I have chosen to focus on for the purpose of my article.

I have seen with my own eyes children under the age of ten who willingly set their own alarms to get up for Tahajjud prayer.  I have hosted a young soccer marvel in my home who begins his day before mine by reciting Quran at Fajr.  I know of an Ivy League university student who insisted on turning the car around because she realized she had left home without giving her mother salaams (farewell wishes).  I have been acquainted with doctors who make more money in a single month than most people make in a single year yet choose to live in small homes with no mortgages so that their salaries can be spent supporting scholars of Islam.  My husband and I work with a young man who once flew with his mother from California to Jordan, then turned around and returned on the next flight home — all of this so that his single mother didn't have to travel across the world alone.  I have witnessed fourth graders who were able to sit quietly with impeccable etiquette in front of Muslim scholars while the adults around them stretched, yawned, and sighed.  I have heard children silence their young friends with urgent reminders, “Don't say that about him!  It's backbiting!”

A sign of someone whom Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) loves is that when you see him/her, you remember Allāh.  The examples I have listed here are all people who have caused me to wonder about my own station with Allāh in relation to theirs; they have motivated me to at least try to change, to improve.  I'm sure readers will agree that, although Allāh alone knows the hidden reality of hearts, these people at least seem to have triumphed both in their embodiment of the true spirit of Islam and in their practical participation in the dunya.  I pray that Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) will continue to send examples like them into our lives so that we may continue to learn and implement that which draws us closer to Him.  āmīn.

1.)   Dua, Dua, Dua

“None of this is from us,” insists one mother of three UC Berkeley graduates who have never voluntarily missed a single prayer.  “Everything begins and ends with dua.  It is only by His generosity that we have been blessed with believing children; we had nothing to do with it.  Now that we have it, we try to hold onto it by showing gratitude and not taking it for granted.”

Every single family I have “interviewed” about raising children in this day and age inevitably began by reminding me about the power of supplication.  “Every success I have seen in my family's life, I can remember having prayed for it first,” admits one grandmother of three huffadh (memorizers of Quran).   “If my dua doesn't come true in this world, I have faith that it will in the next one, so I have patience.”

Another mother of four tells me, “I recited Surah Maryam every single day of my pregnancy.  I want pious children above all else — it's all that matters.”

A convert friend of mine suggests that couples who are about to embark on the path of parenthood should ask themselves, “Why do we even want children?”  She believes in renewing one's intentions on a daily basis.  “Who are we doing this for?”  When she gets embarrassed by something her children say or do, she questions herself, “Why am I upset?  Is it because I'm afraid that they're doing something displeasing to Allāh?  Or is it because I'm afraid that they're displeasing people?”

Her unwavering dua is that her children live their lives seeking only His pleasure.

Many families shared with me their reliance on ṣalāh-ul-Istikhaara (Prayer for Guidance) before making any major life-altering decisions and ṣalāh-ul-Haajah (Prayer for Need) when desiring something they felt was crucial for their children's well-being.  Whenever a blessing appeared in their lives, they were quick to pray ṣalāh-ul-Shukr (Prayer of Gratitude) as well.

“All that I have is due to my mother's duas,” believes one mother of five children.  “She was the one who was always praying for us, even when we forgot to.”

2.)   Suhba (companionship) will make you or break you.

“There were times we sacrificed our own friendships in order to do what was best for our children,” a married couple of sixteen years tells me.  When pressed for reasons why one would end a relationship, they explain, “Before we had children, we had friends who 'drank socially', who played poker, who hosted dance parties.  Once our kids were born, we avoided those types of atmospheres.  Our social gatherings are now the type where both the respected elders and the innocent children feel welcome and comfortable.”

“It doesn't necessarily need to be that it's the 'drinking, gambling, partying crowd' that is holding you back,” muses a mother of elementary school children upon hearing the couple's history.  “I have one set of 'dinner party friends' who believe in a 'children should be seen and not heard' philosophy.  They plant the kids around TV sets and video games while the parents socialize in other rooms.  Then I have another group of friends who engage their children in the adult conversations, who don't keep the younger ones 'out of sight, out of mind'.  It might surprise you to learn that my own kids actually prefer to be around the adults who actually care enough to get to know them.”

“Sometimes I look around at the people I hang with and I think 'What happened?'” laughs a mother who has chosen to homeschool her three kids.  “None of these folks are the type I would have chosen as friends when I was younger, but I admire the way they live their lives and crave the peace and tranquility they trail behind them everywhere they go.  They have a sense of purpose and an awareness of Allāh in everything they do.  I want to pass those qualities on to my own kids, so here we are.”

“Suhba is of the utmost importance.  If you sleep with the dogs, don't be surprised if you rise with the fleas,” a respected scholar advises.  The words that struck me the hardest with their wisdom?  “When you sit with people of the dunya, you become a drop in their ocean, but when you sit with people of the akhira, the dunya becomes a drop in your ocean.”

“A person is known by who their friends are,” my mother always reminded us.  “Don't ever assume that you are better than your friends.  No!  You are who your friends are.”

“I had a girlfriend whose company I really enjoyed,” remembers one mother wistfully.  “She was the best person to share a cup of tea with, to go shopping with.”  So what happened?  “She and her husband decided that they weren't going to raise their children as Muslims.  Even though we liked each other a lot, we just didn't see eye to eye on what was appropriate for kids.  There were certain behaviors in her home that were complete anathema to us.  I decided that I couldn't have an independent friendship with the mom; at some point her kids were going to start influencing my kids, and we needed to part ways… so we did.”

One father confesses with a sheepish laugh, “I don't know if our children are so God-conscious because of anything we necessarily did.  My nieces are very spiritual young women, and my own daughters were always drawn to them.  I think we got lucky that our children wanted to follow in their older cousins' footsteps.”

“On the Day of Judgment, you'll be standing with the ones you loved most in the dunya,” reminds another well-loved scholar, “so choose your friends wisely.”

More than one parent has gushed about the power a charismatic aunt or uncle, imam, halaqa (study circle) leader, or Sunday school teacher has had over their young ones.  Many of the adults gave up a good portion of their weekends, driving long distances to take their children to gatherings and events where they hoped their children would benefit from being around like-minded people.  “I firmly believe that no friends are better than bad friends,” states a father of five children, “but I did go the extra mile to make sure that my kids did have friends with whom they connected.”

“Sometimes kids start to tune out what the parents say because it's all been said before,” a mother of a middle schooler smiles.  “My own parents told me to pray all my life, but it wasn't until I connected with an articulate teacher who explained how prayer was for our benefit that I finally got the message…and it was my friends who led me to that teacher.”

3.)   The Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) was a living, breathing reality in our lives.

“What better suhba is there than one who reminds another of the deen?  Can there be a better 'companion' than the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam)?” asks a UCLA graduate married to a doctor who also does interfaith work for Islam.

When a learned scholar was recently asked, “What should we teach our children?”, his response was swift and unequivocal — “The seerah (biography of the Prophet) and nasheeds (devotional songs of praise).  If your kids love the Prophet, they will automatically love Allāh.”

“The best way to call people to Islam is to have them fall in love with the Prophet,” insists another scholar.  “Children should fear and love Allāh, but teach them about the love first.  They can learn about the fear when they're older.  And who loved Allāh more than the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam)?”

An eight-year-old recently burst into tears when he realized that his mother had neglected to wake him up for the Fajr prayer.  The adults who were present exchanged glances, wondering what kind of terror the parents must have driven into this young one's heart.  Was he afraid that Allāh was going to punish him?  Did he think he was going to burn in hell?  Upon inquiry, the child revealed that the real cause of his distress was the knowledge that he had neglected something the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) took very seriously, something he had exhorted the believers about on his death bed.  Needless to say, the mother has been vigilant about waking her son on time for prayer ever since.

Many of the parents made it a regular part of the daily routine to recite the sunnah duas — the duas for beginning and ending meals, the duas for entering and leaving the home, the duas for waking and sleeping — until they became automatic.  It isn't a surprise for guests in their homes to see children as young as three reciting the dua for traveling as they get strapped into their car seats.  “We didn't minimize any sunnah in our home,” one Pakistani-American father tells me.  “Once you start to think, 'Oh, that sunnah isn't a big deal; we can ignore it', you've entered dangerous territiory.  What comes next?”

In order to help his children learn the daily duas, this father neatly prints the supplications on index cards and posts them up all over the house until the kids have learned them by heart.  I decided to follow his lead and taped up the dua for “looking at one's reflection” on my sons' bedroom mirror, completely forgetting to put a card on my own bathroom mirror.  The result?  My eleven-year-old now knows exactly what prayer to recite while brushing his hair for school, whereas I struggle to remember the Arabic words when getting ready in the morning.

“A co-worker recently asked me to name one thing that makes Islam different from other faiths,” my brother-in-law once shared with me.  “Among other things, I told him that with Islam I got a prophetic example for how to live my day-to-day life.  No other prophet's life is so carefully recorded as our Prophet's (salallaahu alaihi wasallam).”

With toddlers and pre-schoolers, I noticed that a lot of the parents mentioned the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) as if he were a relevant person in their lives.  They talked about him the way one would talk about any respected elder whom the child adored.  It wasn't unusual to hear parents telling their little ones, “The Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) loved green, so let's wear our green clothes for Friday Prayer!” or “Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) taught us that we should sit down when we get angry, so let's sit down since you're feeling so frustrated.”

While visiting my sister in Southern California one weekend, I noticed that an English translation of Imam Tirmidhi's “Shama'il” (Characteristics) sat on my six-year-old nephew's beside table.  She explained that it was part of their son's bedtime ritual for her husband to share one hadith from that famous ninth century text with him.  “Learning intimate details, like the fact the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) enjoyed eating dates with cucumbers, makes our son feel like he actually personally knows the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam).”

“Today's generation is so fortunate, māshā'Allāh,” says one grandmother.  “When our children were younger, there were hardly any quality Islamic literature or media out there.  Today's kids have so many choices!  My grandchildren go through a different seerah book every year.  They are constantly humming new songs about the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam).  I pray that they always find joy in learning about (and then following) their Prophet, inshā'Allāh.”

4.)   Having fun wasn't “haraam” in our home, but we kept the home environment as pure as possible.

It would be extremely remiss of me if I failed to mention that every single family I interviewed emphasized the need to severely limit exposure to entertainment media — television in particular, but internet and video games included.  There were some families who didn't have a television set in the house at all, while there were others who allowed their children to watch an hour of pre-screened Saturday morning cartoons or an occasional family night movie.  Computers were always stationed in a public area of the house where email exchanges and internet research were conducted on a set schedule under the watchful eyes of involved parents.

“If Shaytan (Satan) were to ring our doorbell and ask if he could come in and babysit our children, we would throw him out,” one scholar says, “yet we allow the television set to do exactly that…we literally invite Shaytan in when we turn the TV on!”

“Preserving my children's fitra (primordial state) is of the highest priority to us,” one mother of two pre-schoolers tells me.  “Right now, the difference between right and wrong is so clear in their eyes; they really get it when we explain what's what to them.  The entertainment industry's depiction of what's 'normal' manages to confuse adults, so just imagine what it does to children!”

“We're Indian, but we never watched Bollywood films in our home,” a friend admits matter-of-factly.  “We didn't have bhangra dance parties; we didn't wear revealing clothing like skimpy saris and sleeveless blouses; we weren't allowed to be overly chummy with our guy cousins.”

Basically, what she's letting me know is that what is often excused as “culture” was not allowed to contradict the Islamic shariah her parents taught her to respect.

“But don't think we were bored or deprived!” she is quick to reassure me.  “My parents inculcated in us a love of Urdu poetry.  We read classic English literature aloud to one another in the evenings and went on father-daughter hikes in the mornings.  My mother showed us how to garden, my father taught us how to fish.  My brother had a paper route; the younger ones were Girl Scouts.  We had a home life full of energy and activity.”

“It's important to replace every haraam you stop your child from with at least two halaals they can enjoy,” advises a popular Muslim family counselor.  “You don't want your children to grow up thinking that Islam is just a bunch of no's — 'no, you can't do this; no, you can't do that.'”  She laughs heartily, “Make it about 'yes, we can!'”

I have a Yemeni friend who has taken that philosophy to heart with gusto.  She and her husband may not throw birthday or New Year's Eve parties, but you should see the festivities they do arrange.  When her twins memorized the thirtieth juz (chapter of the Quran), the picnic in the park was enjoyed with two separate gourmet cakes and party favors for all.  When this same brother-sister team went on to memorize the twenty-ninth juz, they came home from school to discover their bedrooms decorated with streamers and presents.  My five-year-old son Raahim and his preschool buddies recently memorized twelve surahs under this auntie's guidance, and she was quick to organize a party complete with a pinata, awards, balloons, and treats.  With memories like these, Muslim adults are bound to look back on their childhoods as a time filled with celebrations, inshā'Allāh.

“There is so much fitna (tribulation) out there in the world.  We can't protect our kids from everything bad,” warns a devout grandfather of ten children.  “But it is for that very reason that the home must be an oasis where Allāh is remembered and obeyed, where children can relax and feel cherished, where they can practice their religion without feeling apologetic or alien.  The home environment should be as halaal as possible.  Our litmus test was always 'Would we be ashamed if the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) were to walk into our house right now?  Is there anything we would want to hide?'.”

The result of this family's “test” was a tidy, simply furnished home where the television set was absent and books lined the shelves.  Flowers bloomed outside every window, intricate Islamic calligraphy adorned the walls, and healthful food was served with generosity and enthusiasm to all who entered.  The sense of serenity in the air was something tangible.

I'll never forget what one daughter of a highly respected elder in the community told me when I asked her how her siblings remained so close to their parents despite being raised in a small town with only a handful of Muslims.  Didn't they ever rebel?  How did they resist the siren song of the un-Islamic peer culture around them?  “If you feel love in your home, you don't look for it anywhere else.”

5.)   Our parents didn't just “talk the talk”, they “walked the walk”.

In other words, they practiced what they preached.

“I don't get it when I hear mothers telling their kids 'Don't tell lies' and then in the next breath smoothly tell phone callers, 'Oh, he's not home right now' when the husband is sitting right there in front of them,” says a medical school resident who is spending time learning Hanafi fiqh as well.  “Or how about when parents teach their kids 'It's wrong to backbite' and then complain about the in-laws to anyone who will listen?  It's just beyond me!”

When pressed for examples of not succumbing to hypocrisy in his own family life, he says that his parents taught him and his siblings the importance of prayer and then never allowed them to miss any, even if it meant praying in the middle of Disneyland.  “Our dad taught us that while there might be a time for fun and play, it never comes at the expense of giving up our duties to Allāh.  And since he was always the first to stand up for prayer, we just naturally followed.”

Another experienced mother gave me this age-old advice, “You can teach your kids the rules of prayer all you want, but if you're not going to pray, they're not going to pray.  Children learn from what their parents do, not just what they say.”

“But it's not enough to just teach your children to pray,” interjects another mother who was raised a secular Jew but is now Muslim.  “What about how you pray?  Do you have presence in your prayer?  Are you sad if you ever miss a prayer?  Those lessons are all just as important as learning to pray.”

I was once working with an African-American convert friend when the time for Maghrib prayer came in. I had been busy taking care of some tasks, but I stopped and said, “Well, I guess I better go get my prayer out of the way.”

Startled, she looked up and then chuckled.  “In our house, we say we're going to get prayer 'in the way'.”

SubḥānAllāh, what a difference one word makes!  What a difference in attitude!

“I was sitting in my room reciting my morning dhikr while the kids were completing an art project in the family room,” an Egyptian friend shared with me the other day.  “It suddenly struck me that I always recite my litanies in private, so I got up and joined them in their area of the house.  They continued to paint while I continued with my prayers.  They need to see me doing this…and they need to see me doing this happily.”

The other day one of my sons became frustrated while searching for an elusive pencil in the writing desk.  He shoved papers aside and slammed the drawer shut when no pencil materialized, grumbling the entire time.  I began to lecture him about the merits of patience when I realized that I had behaved in the exact same manner while looking for my keys a few days earlier.  Children really are like sponges; they soak in everything around them.  “Garbage in, garbage out,” cautions one teacher.

“Children need to see that Islam 'worked' in our home,” says another scholar.  “Islam isn't just about praying and fasting and charity.  Islam is an attitude that must be infused in the mundane day-to-day dealings with life.  Do parents treat each other with respect?  How do they react to the ups and downs of life?  Do they have a sense of civic responsibility?  Children are constantly learning from their parents, even when the parents don't think they have anything to teach.”

6.)   I wasn't afraid to be the Bad Guy, but I never behaved badly.

I know more than one mother who doesn't feel comfortable telling her child to pray or maybe to dress more modestly, thinking that her kid will be “mad” at her if she starts holding him/her to higher standards.  I know of a couple of fathers who have turned a blind eye to certain immoral behaviors witnessed in their teenagers, never once speaking out, telling their exasperated wives, “I don't want to judge our kids.  It's a tough age and they have to fit in.”

The adults I've asked for parenting advice had no qualms about upsetting their children from time to time.

“There were times when I knew that I shouldn't go to this place or go out with that person, but I would ask Ammi anyway, wanting her to be the one to put her foot down…and she always did,” remembers my brother.  “Kids want their parents to set limits and be authority figures, even if they won't admit it.”

“I enjoy my children's company; we laugh together, we read the same books, we even share each other's clothes,” chuckles one mother of two teenage daughters who race to give up their seats for her.  “But at the end of the day, they know that I am their Mother.  I am friendly with them, but they cannot treat me like a girlfriend.”

“Weakness in those who are supposed to be in a position of authority only invites contempt,” contends a mother of two.  “It's important to know who's boss.”

One father of four and former high school valedictorian looks back on his youth and laughs appreciatively, “My mother didn't worry about not 'rocking the boat' when we were in high school.  She was willing to capsize the boat if she found us doing something that wasn't okay with her!”

Other parents impressed upon me the importance of having high expectations of their children.  “We have to gently push kids out of their comfort zones,” an Afghan father says.  “If you expect more, your kids will often pleasantly surprise you, but it's important to communicate those expectations.”

One mother always assumed that her children would eventually begin praying simply because they saw that prayer was a priority for her.  When a friend asked her why her ten-year-old daughter didn't join the other girls for prayer, this mom realized that she had never communicated her hopes to her own daughter.  “It was only a matter of discussing it!” she exclaims with genuine surprise.  “I sat her down for a serious 'grown-up' talk.  I said, 'Honey, you're older now and prayer needs to be a regular part of your routine.'  She listened so attentively!  When ‘aṣr came in, she ran to get her prayer rug and misbaha (prayer beads) and joined me for ṣalāh.  She's the one who wakes me for Fajr now.  It's almost as if she was just waiting for me to tell her, 'This is what I expect of you'.”

While these parents were quick to lay down the law with their children, there was one “old world law” that nearly all of them shied away from — corporal punishment.  “We did not hit our children,” most of them say adamantly.

“Well, there might be a place for a good old-fashioned spanking every now and then,” argues a mother of four college students.  “When my daughter was four years old, she ran out in public without her underwear on for the umpteenth time.  In my opinion, it was too dangerous to let her keep getting away with that kind of behavior, so I finally let her have it.  She got the message and never forgot it…and I never had to spank her again.”

Physically beating your children for the simplest infractions seemed to be an acceptable mode of discipline a generation or so ago.  The parents I spoke with are loath to raise their hands on their kids.  “Every time you hit your kids, you have to keep upping the levels,” a financial analyst tells me.  “I knew of a parent who used to twist her kids' ears.  After a while, that had no effect, so she started smacking them on their hands.  When the desired behaviors were no longer obtained using that method, she resorted to swatting them on their bottoms and shaking them in frustration.  I mean, where does it end?”

I spent a good portion of the afternoon just yesterday baking banana crumb muffins from scratch.  I offered one to a son of mine and sent him out on the back deck to enjoy his snack.  As I watched in horror from the kitchen window, I saw him breaking off big chunks of the fresh muffin and forcefully slamming them down on to the floorboards outside.  I rushed out the door and surveyed the crumbs all over the deck, the same deck I had washed just that morning.  “What are you doing?!” I screeched.

He looked up in surprise.  “Oh.”

“WHAT are you doing?!”

“I'm trying to kill a spider that's bothering me.”

I clenched my hands at my side and whispered through gritted teeth,  “Son, please walk away from me right now.  I'm very upset and I am sure that I will spank you if you are near me and this mess.  I need time to cool off, so you better run.”

His eyes grew wide and he scampered off.

I'm so grateful that Allāh Subhana wa Ta'ala allowed me to restrain myself in that moment of anger.  The crumbs were easily swept up, there were still plenty of muffins left, my son learned his lesson about not wasting food (and not killing innocent spiders in their natural habitat), and I was eventually able to laugh at his logic for dealing with arachnids…but only after an hour had passed.  Letting out my frustration on him by hitting him might have felt good in that moment, but the resulting misery would have lasted much longer…for the both of us.

7.)   I always kept them close by.

I wasn't surprised to see that nearly all of the families I spoke with had the mother at home caring for the children, but I was shocked by how many of the families shared the same steadfast rule — “No sleepovers.”

“Every night I know which bed my kid is sleeping in,” says a homeschooling mom of two and wife of a university professor.  “And that bed is one I can check on whenever I want.”

“Friends were always welcome to come to our home for sleepovers,” reminisces a young woman who grew up with a twin brother.  “My mom went all out — popcorn during midnight games of Monopoly, pancakes for breakfast, privacy for chatting and giggling late into the night.  But we could never sleep in anyone else's home unless our parents were there with us.”

“I saw too many weird things in other friends' homes when I was younger…and that was just during the daytime,” remembers an attorney and father of three.  “The first time my best friend saw a dirty magazine was when he spent the night at his neighbor's house.  I might have resented their strictness a bit when I was younger, but in my heart I knew that my parents were right to keep us in our clean, safe, and cozy home.”

“I never let them go far from me when they were little,” explains a mother of two when asked by me how to raise a dutiful son like hers.  “My kids could have gone on camping trips and overnight field trips with other parents as chaperones, but unless my husband or I were there, they didn't go.  My husband was once willing to consider a prestigious boarding school for one of our 'gifted' children, but I said, 'No way.'  I just couldn't let my family be split in different directions; the time we had with them was already short enough.”

“No nannies or day-cares for our family,” says a grandmother of five.  “And don't think that I wasn't tempted!  I raised three babies on my own without any help; I didn't have parents or in-laws nearby.  A one-income-family meant that we only took local vacations and drove second-hand cars.  We lived in a small home.  I went back to work only after the kids were in school, but I was always at home in time to greet them with a smile, a hug, and an after-school snack.  Even now, my grown children tell me that the smell of peanut butter and jelly gives them a feeling of security.”

Another mother of four, who is able to afford live-in help, made an agreement with her husband long ago that while the maid would be available to help with laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping, all of the actual food preparation and childcare would be done exclusively by the parents.  “My husband thinks dinner comes together by 'magic',” laughs this stay-at-home mom with a master's degree in business administration.  “But, māshā'Allāh, he is very helpful with the children, so I get my fair share of 'breaks'.  When we need a night out for ourselves, we rely on the grandparents or my sister…but never strangers.”

8.)   We didn't spoil our kids nor did we praise them too much.

“It's important to me that my kids don't grow up ingrained in this Sibling Society,” a college professor and father of three tells me.

When asked the definition of a “sibling society”, he explains that it's the environment where grown adults behave and are treated like children.  “We've extended adolescence where we excuse bad behavior by saying, 'Oh, he's just going through that rebellious phase.  He's only sixteen; he'll outgrow it.'  Outgrow it when?  Throughout history, puberty has been considered the onset of adulthood; nowadays we have university graduates who behave like babies — tantrums, irresponsible behavior, no sense of accountability.”

This father celebrates his children's birthdays every year by giving them a new toy…and a new duty.  “When my son turns seven, he'll get that monster truck he's been craving, but he'll also get a new responsibility for the year — he has to make sure that all the doors in the house are locked before going to bed.”

He and his wife believe that having responsibilities, even small ones, inculcates in children a sense of contribution and chivalry.

I was recently given cause to reflect when a friend of mine politely refused an invitation for her daughter to recite her award-winning poem at a masjid event.  “māshā'Allāh, she has received a lot attention and praise this past week for that poem,” she sighed.  “The other day she just happened to be interviewed for a local science program on television too.  I just don't think it's beneficial for her nafs (ego) to be in the spotlight too much, so I'm going to have to say 'no'.”

This mother believes that praise becomes “cheap” when it is given for that which children have no control over; she feels that kids should have to “earn” the praise that comes their way.  “What's the point in telling a child who always gets A's, 'You're so smart'?  Or telling a pretty child, 'You're so beautiful'?  Telling a child who's struggled through an assignment, 'I'm proud of how hard you worked on that difficult worksheet' is so much more meaningful.”

One mother who is often asked the secret behind her kids' contentment with life has this theory to offer:  “It's actually something I've discovered by accident.  We have never been motivated to buy the latest gadgets and gizmos for our kids.  To compensate for the things that we won't buy, we give them something that's free yet still very valuable — our time.  I bake with them, their dad wrestles.  We snuggle on the couch and read together.  I think they're rarely dissatisfied with material goods because they are just so grateful for what little they do get.  They don't have a sense of entitlement.  And since whining has never worked anyway, they just don't bother.”

The father adds, “Well, to be honest, we are spoiling them, except that we're spoiling them with something that's lasting, not fleeting — our love.”

9.)    Talk to your kids…with love.

I was once singing “Rain, rain, go away; Come again another day; Shaan and āmīn want to play” with my kids when my brother interrupted us.

“Don't teach them that!  Rain is a blessing!  You don't want them rejecting blessings just because they want 'fun',” he rebuked me.

After experimenting with the lyrics, we ended up singing, “Rain, rain, pour, pour, pour; You're a mercy from our Lord; Rain, rain, fall on me; I turn to Allāh gratefully.”  To this day, whenever dark clouds dampen a day that they had hoped to spend outside, my kids console one another by saying, “It's okay.  California needs the rain.  Allāh is being Kind to us.”

This suggestion by my brother is a reminder of another piece of advice that families have repeatedly given me — “Never miss out on a teaching moment.”

“When your kids are younger, you should take advantage of every opportunity to guide them, remind them, advise them,” instructs an Iraqi father of two girls.  “Of course, there's a fine line between nagging and teaching, between being judgmental and being perceptive.  Nevertheless, I encourage my children to look at everything through 'the eye of discernment'.  What does everything around us mean?  Why is that billboard saying that their brand of soda will guarantee a successful party?  What was the real reason that car driver honked his horn like that?  Why does this movie make parents look like bumbling fools?  Is having to wait in a long line ever a reason to lose your temper with a bank teller?  Talk, talk, talk to your kids!  Even if they don't say anything, believe me, they're listening!”

“I want to get my 'voice' into my kids' heads while they're young,” says one mom.  “There are so many forces competing for our kids' minds; I want to get in while I can.  There will come a time when we all have to let go, but I'm hopeful that my children will always remember their root values once they're out on their own, inshā'Allāh.”

The families I've admired have all made a point of being “present” with their children, answering their questions patiently and respectfully, not getting annoyed with their seemingly random thoughts, laughing appreciatively at their jokes, and maintaining eye contact when the children wanted to chat.  The kids feel that they can ask any question and discuss any subject without any judgment on the part of the parents.

“You know that cliche 'There's no such thing as a dumb question'?” asks a Persian friend who is also a Fulbright scholar.  “Well, that was always true in our family.  I could ask my mom anything, and I was always confident that I would get an honest answer.  There were times when I was told that I would have to wait a bit before she was ready to teach me certain truths, but I was able to be patient because I knew that the truth was eventually coming.”

Another respected family counselor cautions parents to beware the trap of “over-talking and over-respecting” your sons and daughters.  “Children are little people with little hearts and they need to be treated with dignity and respect so that their feelings aren't hurt,” she admits.  “But there's no need to explain and justify every little thing to your child — 'Honey, please, you need to let me do this so that then I can do that.  And once I do that, I'll be able to take care of this.  And once I do this, then I can read to you.  Is that all right?'…No!  Sometimes you just need to make it clear to the child: 'Because I said so'…And they need to be okay with that too.”

An Arab girlfriend once described how her mother would react when she and her siblings misbehaved as children.  “May Allāh guide you!” she would yell in anger.  “May Allāh have mercy on all of us!”  The inevitable result was that her daughter grew up to be a mother of twins who now prays for her children instead of cursing them when she is at the height of her own frustration.

Just today Shaan told me about how his younger cousin reacted after he watched āmīn splatter a mud ball against a wooden fence.  “Mama, he yelled, 'subḥānAllāh!  Allahu Akbar!'” my son related with amusement.  “He's just like his dad; he says the same things Khaloo (Uncle) does.”

10.)  They had a pious father who engaged them.

Yes, there are pious mothers who have raised wonderful Muslim kids despite having husbands who not only didn't support them, but even disapproved of their attempts to teach their kids the basics about the deen.  And there are single moms who are doing an incredible service to the Ummah by sacrificing, striving, and successfully raising the next generation of believers.  We all are more than aware that the mother is the first madrassa (school).  And there are examples after examples of mothers who spend the night on the prayer mat weeping in prostration for the future of their families; their secrets are known only to Allāh.

But over and over I have seen lackadaisical mothers with pious husbands…and the kids have turned towards their fathers like flowers to the sun.  How many of us know of young adults who roll their eyes at their mothers' religiosity while holding their “fun-loving”, worldly, secular fathers up as paragons of rationalism and intelligence?  There is a power that fathers have over their offspring, the depth of which we can never fully comprehend; the truth manifests itself when we witness which parent the kid most often chooses to emulate.

A majority of the families I spoke with extolled the virtues of the Amir of the House: the man who led his children in congregational prayer, the father who gently but firmly encouraged both his son's and his daughter's sense of modesty, the husband who fulfilled his wife's rights without demanding his own, the responsible breadwinner, the dad who put a stop to gossip the moment it started, the patriarch who was eager to hasten to the masjid to join the jama'ah (congregation), the Muslim who held fast to his principles (whether it was a father who refused to allow his co-workers to shorten his name from “Mohammad” to “Mo” or the dad who wouldn't travel on Fridays so that his Jumah prayer wouldn't be jeopardized).  The grown children remember their father's integrity and quiet examples long after they have entered parenthood on their own, voluntarily choosing to mold their own lives in honor of a man who didn't force his way of life down their throats when they were younger.

“My mother lectured and taught and scolded and reminded us the entire time we were growing up,” one mother of three sons remembers with amusement.  “My father told me maybe only five things related to the deen my whole life…and yet I remember every single one; I've never forgotten.  I only wish he had shared his thoughts with me more often.”

Back in junior high school, I remember repeating the words of an older cousin as I was studying for an exam at the kitchen table.  “If only Allāh allows me to get an A on this final, I'll pray a hundred rakaats to Him in gratitude,” I sighed as I turned yet another page.

My father looked up from his newspaper.  “Allāh doesn't need your prayers,” he gently chided.  “If you want to get an A, study hard and pray for His help at the same time.  You don't need to bribe Allāh.”

Years later, I sat in the class of a learned shaykh and took down these notes of instruction:  “Don't be mercantile in your religion.  Lose the attitude of 'Pay me and I'll worship You.'”

The truth resonated with me because I had already heard it from the lips of my beloved father twenty-five years earlier.

IN CONCLUSION

While I have always been a fan of “how to” and “top ten” lists, I have never allowed myself to be deluded into believing that there are any guarantees for raising righteous children.  It hasn't been lost on me that the greatest man in humanity, the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam), was intially raised by a single mom…and that too after being sent away to live amongst the bedouins in the desert while still an infant.  Many of the “rules” here didn't apply to his blessed life.  His was a singular circumstance, having been raised by Allāh Subhana wa Ta'ala Himself.  All we can do is try to lay out a safe framework in hopes of trying to reach what he (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) reached through Allāh's largesse.

If we want to be successful at something, it behooves us to look at those who have succeeded before us.  Each of us has something we can learn from the experiences of another.

There may be some who will read through the list of tips I have collected and think, “We didn't do any of those things, yet our kids turned out just fine!”

To them, I say, “Alhamdulillah!”  It's true that there are many kids who didn't have a single one of these “rules” applied to their lives, and, by the Grace and Mercy of Allāh, have developed into exemplary Muslims.

And without going into unnecessary details, I will say that I have also seen the most pious, practicing, loving parents be disappointed by their children at every turn.  These parents are in the company of prophets like Prophet Adam and Prophet Nuh (upon whom be peace) who had sons who rejected their teachings — yet these were fathers who were from among the best of humanity, parents who were in a constant state of supplication and prayer, who received guidance from Above.  We can only pray that Allāh Subhana wa Ta'ala will not test us through our children the way He tested these great men and their wives.  It's interesting to note that many of the men and women in my article have confessed that there were times they felt that they had failed in their duties as parents but took heart knowing that with Allāh's Help all obstacles could be overcome.  Eventually, they all came to the conclusion that there was only “so much” they could do; they needed to submit to Allāh's will.

There is great comfort in knowing that parents will be rewarded not for how our children “turn out” but for the intentions we had while raising them, for the steps we took to facilitate their deeni success.  All we can do is take the means; the end is up to Allāh.  “Even if one's kids go astray,” advises a scholar, “one should always leave a 'door' open for them and pray that they will one day 'come back'.  We should never cut off relations; we should never despair of Allāh's Mercy and Guidance.”

“Parenting and living in this dunya is such a struggle,” reflects one friend.  “We have aspirations of who we want to be as parents and we strive to achieve them, and then are saddened by seeing our failures.  I guess it's really about the courage to continue to renew one's intentions and to pray for tawfiq (success).”

None of the parents I interviewed felt “safe” or believed that they had won and were now done with their work.  They continued to pray for daily tawfiq long after everyone had started lauding them for the fine job they had done raising their children.  “It doesn't matter how wonderfully we live our lives,” says one local scholar and father of two girls.  “What really matters is how we end our lives (husn al-khatima)…we're not safe until we die with imaan (faith) in our hearts.”

It is with that knowledge that we pray that Allāh Subhana wa Ta'ala grants us the dua for “a pure progeny” that He granted Prophet Ibrahim, Prophet Zakariya, and the mother of Maryam (upon them all be peace) in the Holy Quran.  We pray that we are able to be worthy teachers for our children who will carry this noble religion on, a precious trust to be handed from one generation to the next.  May we not be “the weak link”.  āmīn.

“O my Lord!  Make me one who establishes regular Prayer, and also (raise such) among my offspring.

O our Lord!  And accept Thou my Prayer.

O our Lord!  Cover (us) with Thy Forgiveness — me, my parents, and (all) Believers,

On the Day that the Reckoning will be established!”

~ The Holy Quran (14:40)

MISCELLANEOUS RECOMMENDATIONS

As far as seerah literature for the young is concerned, I have found that Leila Azzam's “Life of the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam)” adequately fits all of my family's needs.  A summary of Martin Ling's excellent adult version of the Prophet's biography, this book is often used to teach university students, so one can rest assured that it is written with an eye for proper grammar and punctuation, something sadly missing in many of our children's Islamic textbooks today.  Parents of younger kids need not worry that the material might be too sophisticated for their little ones; my friend was able to use this same book to teach my preschool-aged son and his friends about the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam).  One can only imagine my delight when my five-year-old repeatedly turned to me in the middle of my adult Seerah class at the mosque to excitedly tug on my arm and whisper, “Hey, I know about Bilal (may Allāh be pleased with him) saying 'Ahad, ahad'!…Mama, I learned about Buraq in my class!…Guess what?  Auntie just taught us about Ghar-e-Thawr today!”

On the topic of Islamic media, it is my pleasure to introduce readers to a relatively new nasheed artist on the scene known as “Talib al-Habib”.  His beautiful nasheed, “Songs of Innocence”, never fails to bring tears to my eyes.  The lyrics of that one song contain all of the advice any parent would want to pass on to his/her child, speaking to the hearts of mothers and fathers everywhere, a beautiful summation of all of our hopes and desires for our children.  Time and time again, I have found continuous benefit in his music set only to a daff (hand drum).  I was recently reviewing some of the basic points of aqueedah (Islamic creed) with my children, encouraging them to memorize a list of points, when they suddenly began singing the words to Talib al-Habib's “Iman: Articles of Faith”.  I realized then that I didn't need to teach them anything on that subject; they had already unwittingly memorized the articles of faith set to a sweetly melodic tune.  I know I speak on behalf of all parents when I emphasize how rewarding it is to discover so-called “entertainment” which ends up being an instrument for instruction as well.

COPYRIGHT HINA KHAN-MUKHTAR 2009.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

NATO Changes Story: House Full of Afghan Civilians Deliberately Hit

by Jason Ditz, February 16, 2010

Usually when militaries change their official story about killing civilians it is designed to explain away innocent deaths as an accident. Today, however, NATO took the exact opposite approach with Sunday’s Marjah killings, revising their story to insist the killings were not an equipment error, but were part of a deliberate US targeting of a house full of civilians.

The initial story on Sunday was that the US troops tried to fire the rockets at suspected militants resisting the US-led invasion of the town. NATO claimed the rocket malfunctioned and veered 300 meters off course, destroying a house full of women and children.

The claims led to NATO announcing that the High Mobility Artillery Rocket System (HiMARS) responsible for firing the missiles would be suspended from use pending further review.

The review didn’t take long, however, as NATO announced today that the HiMARS did not malfunction, and the missile hit the house deliberately. Officials are now suggesting that there may have been militants in or near the house, though there appears to be no evidence of that and only civilians were killed in the house’s destruction.

NATO has promised to curb the number of air strikes against houses in Marjah in an attempt to reduce the number of civilians it kills in the invasion. Readers will recall that NATO urged civilians not to flee before the invasion. Three more civilians were reported killed today around Marjah, however, suggesting that as the offensive drags on civilians will continue to face danger.

Source: Antiwar.com

Agency that monitors religious freedom abroad accused of bias

By Michelle Boorstein
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Allegations of religious bias are being leveled against a notable federal body: the one responsible for monitoring international religious freedom. Some past commissioners, staff and former staff of the U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom say the agency charged with advising the president and Congress is rife, behind-the-scenes, with ideology and tribalism, with commissioners focusing on pet projects that are often based on their own religious background. In particular, they say an anti-Muslim bias runs through the commission's work– a charge denied by its chairman, Leonard Leo.

“I don't know of any other organization who defends as many Muslims in the world as we do,” said Leo, who was appointed to the commission by President George W. Bush in 2007. Nevertheless, the commission was hit this fall with an Equal Employment Opportunity Commission complaint filed by a former policy analyst, Safiya Ghori-Ahmad, who alleges that her contract was canceled because of her Muslim faith and her affiliation with a Muslim advocacy group.

The commission's six researchers signed a letter unsuccessfully urging their bosses to keep Ghori-Ahmad because of what they described as her strong résumé and the need for an analyst to cover the key region of South Asia. One researcher, Bridget Kustin, quit in protest, saying in her resignation letter that she would not “remain part of an organization that would be willing to engage in such discrimination.”

Rumors about infighting and ineffectiveness have swirled for years around the commission, which was created by Congress in 1998 as part of the International Religious Freedom Act.
The legislation, which was signed into law by President Bill Clinton, was championed primarily by Christian groups, along with people of Jewish, Bahai and other faiths, to get the government to pay more attention to religious persecution overseas and be an advocate for religious freedom in its foreign policy.

The commission's nine members, who are appointed by the president and congressional leaders of both parties, include two Catholics, two evangelical Protestants, one Southern Baptist, one Orthodox Christian, one Jew and one Muslim, with one vacancy. Their $4.3 million budget is used to research religious discrimination abroad, take fact-finding trips, hold public hearings, write an annual report, make policy recommendations and put out news releases.

Focus on Christians

From the start, critics say, the commission has disproportionately focused its efforts on the persecution of Christians, while too often ignoring other religious communities and downplaying their claims of persecution.

“It was predetermined who the bad guys are and who the good guys are,” said Khaled Abou El Fadl, a Muslim who served as a commissioner from 2003 to 2007 and teaches human rights at UCLA. “There is a very pronounced view of the world, and it is that victims of religious discrimination are invariably Christian. It was rather suffocating.”

But current commissioners — including an imam — and some longtime religious-freedom activists denied the allegations of bias, pointing to actions the commission has taken on behalf of Muslims, particularly those from minority communities such as the Uighurs in China and the Ahmadis in Pakistan.”I've not experienced any small act of discrimination towards me,” said  Imam Talal 'Īd, a longtime mosque leader in Massachusetts who was appointed to the commission in 2007 by Bush. Nina Shea, a Catholic appointed by then-House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) in 1999, said the commission's work has saved thousands of lives. The commission doesn't put more emphasis on places like Western Europe and Israel — which are among the places where critics have alleged a bias — because the alleged persecution isn't as extreme as in places like Saudi Arabia or Pakistan, Shea says.

Others who work or used to work for the commission said advocacy for Muslims and the balance typically evident in the commission's public statements are due to the professional staff.

“When anti-Muslim violence is mentioned, it's usually because staff forces it,” said Kustin, 26, a South Asia researcher for the commission until she resigned in July to protest commissioners withdrawing Ghori-Ahmad's contract. “The staff compensates for the biases of the commissioners.”

Asked about views Ghori-Ahmad declined to comment for this story. When she was hired by the commission last spring, she was government-affairs director for the Muslim Public Affairs Council, a Muslim-advocacy group that works with federal justice agencies but has sometimes been accused of being too soft on Islamic extremism. EEOC complaints are private, and neither Ghori-Ahmad nor her lawyers would detail her allegations. But people who are familiar with the complaint said that she was asked about the Middle East — not her expertise — allegedly to gauge her sentiment on controversial Muslim issues in the region, including Israel. Once the commissioners found out more about her, her contract was revoked, her complaint alleges. After a staff outcry, the commissioners offered her a 90-day contract, which she took and completed from July to October. She was forbidden during that time, the sources said, to work on Pakistan — one of her main areas of expertise. Ghori-Ahmad filed the EEOC complaint toward the end of her stint, alleging that she was not hired because of her religion and affiliation with the Muslim Public Affairs Council.

Commissioners and their attorney declined to comment on the pending case. But in a July e-mail to commissioners, Leo says Ghori-Ahmad was let go because the executive director who hired her had just left and his replacement would want to make such hires himself or herself. However, Kustin and others close to the commission say that other people hired by the same man did not have their jobs revoked and that at least two more staff hires were made by the current, temporary executive director.As with other congressionally created bodies, the commission is not subject to the Freedom of Information Act, so meetings and internal communications are private.

With commissioners allowed to focus on any issue, their work is vulnerable to charges of arbitrariness. Was the commission's extensive work condemning textbooks used by a Saudi-run private Islamic school in Northern Virginia a legitimate international issue or an example of anti-Muslim bias? Is the commission's decision not to speak out for two years against efforts in Switzerland to ban minarets evidence of bias or of its desire to focus on harsher oppression elsewhere? Was hand-delivering a New Testament Bible to a Catholic priest in a Vietnamese prison the moral thing for a commissioner to do or a public-relations blunder for a country already seen by some as on a Christian crusade?

Not enough of an impact

“You could make an argument for or against almost any issue. This criticism that any one tradition dominates is a red herring,” said Thomas Farr, who teaches religion and foreign policy at Georgetown University and writes extensively on international religious freedom.Farr has a different criticism of the commission, one shared by others: that it hasn't made enough of an impact and is ignored by U.S. policymakers.

One of its congressional champions, U.S. Rep. Frank R. Wolf (R-Va.), said he wishes the commission had been given more authority by Congress–such as to levy sanctions–and calls it “a canary in a coal mine.”

Other lawmakers are more skeptical of the commission. Last spring, Rep. Trent Franks (R-Ariz.) made a failed attempt to cut the commission's budget by half. Rep. Howard Berman (D-Calif.), who chairs the House Foreign Affairs Committee, unsuccessfully sought more oversight of the commission — an issue that may come up again next year when Congress considers whether to extend its life beyond its sunset date in 2011.

Source: Washington Post

Just found this video interesting:

Click here to view the embedded video.

“Of the People of the Book (Jews and Christians) are a portion that stand for the right; they rehearse the signs of God all night long and then prostrate themselves in adoration. They believe in God and the Last Day; they enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong; and they hasten to do good works; they are in the ranks of the righteous.” (Quran, 3:113-114)

Discuss.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Guest-post by Nahyan Chowdhury

Part one can be found here.

You probably remember how a few weeks before Ramadan EVERYBODY is talking about it. You got juma khutbahs, lecture events, emails, FaceBook talk, and I think it was one of the top words on Twitter too. Everybody was pumped up.

It’s kinda different afterward…almost dead silent.

Like I mentioned in Part one, there’s momentum with the on-ramp and off-ramp. But the key behind utilizing those is…

PREPARATION ON PURPOSE

Professional athletes practice in preparation for a upcoming game; then they review the game to prepare for the next. Likewise we have to review, and then train ourselves after Ramadan to build habits for long-term results.

Here’s a simple discussion between a man and his mentor:

Mentor: “How are you doing? With your life, finances, and health”

Man: “Hmm…not too well”

Mentor: “Well, I suggest you not do that any more…”

The point is: are you where you want to be right now?

Life, imaan level, health etc.

Here are three things you can do right now to get from where you are to where you want to be:

1 – Student of Life

——–

Note: I’m not sure how these articles came across so far, like if they’re guilty-feeling type or they get you excited. My goal is to keep it on the happy side.

——–

Take a new interest in life, even for the not-so-good stuff. Like when somebody is rude or mocks you because of your hijab or something, wouldn’t it be great to be amazed at them rather than respond with an equal blow.

(Thought bubble) “Wow. Isn’t it amazing, that they think _____ about me when they don’t even know me? Hmm…I wanna make sure to never do something like that.”

Be that person who wants to get from the day instead of the person who wants to just get through the day. Tomorrow doesn’t look so great when you’re hating today.

Just find new ways to love life.

2 – How it ticks

If you want to take it one step further, think of this distinction:

– Interested people like to know that a clock ticks.

– Fascinated people want to know how it ticks.

Taking it back to Ramadan, the fascinated people will make the best of the month that passed by analyzing how and why they were able to make such a dramatic improvement from regular life (or why they weren’t). Then gather the fruits of it before the season is gone (ie. continue the momentum and build habits).

Regardless of how the Ramadan AfterMath has been for you, this should make a brighter and more exciting picture.

3 – Take it ez

Be patient with yourself. It’ll take time for your current/external reality to match your inner reality and aspirations.

Accept that you’re not expected to carry the same level of enthusiasm and religious activity like in Ramadan. Just take the most valuable changes and do your best to solidify them.

You probably know that most changes don’t happen overnight. But if you’re serious about becoming the “real” you that you envision, then hold that picture in front of you and enjoy as you see life unfold. Find those new insights you make (even now as you read this) and flow with them.

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To summarize, whether you’re looking to make a drastic change somewhere in your life or just looking for a tweak, take even 1 of the points and try it out for the weekend or next week.

The 3 points were:

-         Be a student of life: take a new interest in your life.

-         Be fascinated by Ramadan and how you made the improvements that you made.

-         Be patient with yourself, then you’ll reap the rewards as you watch the “real” you unfold.

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Share what you benefited from this insha-Allāh.

I’m looking forward to all your successes,

Br. Nahyan