Assalmualaikum !! I have been married 23 years, have one son 21 years and a daughter 20 years. My husband embraced Islam in 1990 and married me. We run a business [together] since 1995. He has been cheating on m[e] for 20 years now.
In September 2012, he secretly married another Muslim woman. She broke her family to get my husband. I applied [for] a divorce and he refused and promised my Qazi that he applied [for] a divorce for the 2nd marriage and want to live with me. The 3rd hearing for the divorce of the 2nd marriage is [in] Feb 2014.
But still he is cheating with other women. Please help me to stop his bad habit. I pray so much and ask du‘ā’. I am fed up with his lies. Apart from this he does not take liquor, he is a good person and helpful.
Thank you. I await your reply,
Cheated on for 20 years
Bismillah ir-Rahman-ir Raheem
Infidelity is a major issue in marriages these days. It sounds like this is something you have dealt with for many years in your marriage. One thing that is very important in order for marriages to last after one spouse has cheated, is that the cheating spouse has to feel remorse and that they have truly done something wrong and immoral. Based on your knowledge, he has engaged in this evil act for many years, and it does not appear that he has this belief or this remorse for his wrong actions.
Even with his 2nd marriage, it doesn't seem that he takes the sacred nature of marriage seriously since he seemed so quick to agree to divorce her. The marital bond is based on trust, compassion, love, and faith. When a spouse cheats, that trust is broken so deeply that it takes a lot of time, effort, patience and work to make the marriage successful again. Rebuilding trust is a long and difficult process. It can be done, but it is harder to do with each extramarital affair. The Qurʾān is very clear in Surah Al-Isra, āyah 32 that we are not to even go near zina, let alone engage in it. In Allāh's infinite wisdom, He tells us to stay away from this sin knowing there are such damaging consequences when this becomes an issue in marriage.
Statistics show that it is very difficult for a cheater to not cheat again. Unless your husband is able to take accountability for his past sinful behavior and show you ways he will re-commit to your marriage, it will be very difficult for your marriage to be successful without any infidelity. Allāh knows best.
May Allāh guide you to what's best for you and your children. Āmīn.
If you have a question for our counselors you can ask here.