Flat Tire Epidemic Part II: Treatment Solutions

By  Sarah S. & Haytham

Just as in the case of a medical epidemic, the root causes must first be explored before a treatment approach can be presented. Once the origin is understood, solutions can be presented.

Flat Tire Epidemic: The apparent cause of this plague upon the Muslim community appears to be marriage, however deeper investigation into this issue has found that there are several key factors that must be considered. Our analysis of this subject can be found in Part I of this series.

The Flat Tire Epidemic can be treated in two ways and a combination of these treatments is more effective than either on its own. One treatment approach is derived from the core – that is, the treatment of each individual suffering from this syndrome. The second is more systemic in that it targets key issues within Islamic organizations.

(Many of these points were inspired by MM reader comments on the previous post so jazakum Allahu khairan to everyone who offered their input and insight!)

Treatment: Individual Perspective

• Why Are You Doing This: Intentions

The first and most important aspect that a volunteer needs to consider is his/her intention. Why are you devoting so much time and energy to this work? If you’re doing it to get married, you’re what we would deem to be at “high risk” to contract the Flat Tire Epidemic. Once you get married, you will have achieved your goal.

If you are volunteering to gain the admiration of people then that won’t last long either. People are not usually easy to please. As we mentioned earlier, in marriage, a spouse may receive instant gratification from his/her spouse but this is not the norm in volunteering. Relationships with people tend to shift, therefore, those who seek rewards and gratification from others may not be the most stable volunteers.

Those who volunteer for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) – to improve the community, to gain reward from Him, to spread da’wah - are those who are most likely to maintain a link to volunteering even after marriage. This directly penetrates the root of this issue; if your reason for volunteering is something constant, then your emotional attachment to this cause will remain regardless of changes in your life circumstance.

• Marrying the Right Person

Young married couples are amongst the most valuable members of volunteer organizations. They have youthful energy yet also have a substantial connection and dedication to the community and its betterment since they realize that what they are doing will directly impact the next generation – their children. Newly married couples tend to gain a new appreciation for responsibility, commitment and the work involved in maintaining a strong relationship with their spouse.

If volunteering is a priority for you while you are single, you should seek a spouse who has similar interests and who will encourage this part of your life. Continue to make this a priority in your new stage of life. When considering someone for marriage, make sure you address your priorities, how you expect to live your life, including your expectations of your own and your spouse’s contribution to the community. Also, maintain open lines of communication with your spouse regarding volunteerism – have an open discussion about any concerns that may be faced during the course of volunteering (e.g. your perception of your spouse’s interaction with the opposite gender). Ensure that you both agree about the type of volunteer activities each of you is comfortable engaging in.

Many view volunteerism as taking away from precious time that newly married couples should be devoting to one another. You work all week, have to see your families and friends on the weekends, plus now you have another person in your life who deserves your attention. So in the midst of all this, how can you find the time to volunteer without detracting from strengthening your relationship with your new spouse? Choose activities that allow you to work together. For example: If you both enjoy working with the youth, work on your halaqat together – you may be in different parts of the masjid while delivering this information but prior preparation and discussion afterwards are a great bonding opportunity. If you prefer to be side-by-side while volunteering, why not help out at a soup kitchen or participate in a neighborhood cleanup activity? This is not only an excellent form of da’wah, but it is also a great way to grow closer to your spouse.

• Embracing Your New Role

Each of you has many roles in life – you are a slave of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), a son/daughter, a brother/sister, a friend, a student, an employee, the list goes on. When you started your current job, did you feel the need to cut out one of your current life roles in order to be a successful employee? Why, then, do so many volunteers, after gaining a new life role as a spouse, tend to give up a part of themselves? Adding a new role does not necessitate dropping another one – you just need to reprioritize, reorganize, and recreate the balance in your life. These roles can all coexist in harmony; some may take precedence over the others, but each one should be given its due right.

Embrace your new role as a spouse to the fullest! Just realize that you don’t need to give up the other aspects of your life in order to embrace your role as a husband or a wife; rather, these roles are what make you who you are and the person your spouse chose to marry so allow them to enrich your married life as they enriched your single life!

Treatment: Organizational Perspective

Just as individual volunteers need to assess their susceptibility to the Flat Tire Epidemic from a personal standpoint, Islamic organizations need to assess themselves as well. We compiled a list of suggestions organizations should consider putting into effect for the sake of the longevity, efficiency, and efficacy of their efforts.

• Grace Period

Islamic organizations should grant volunteers a grace period when they are planning their upcoming nuptials. This would be put into effect beginning a few months before the wedding and continue until several months afterwards. Allowing volunteers the time they need to prepare for and get adjusted to married life is essential. This preemptive step may help to prevent the loss of married volunteers, thereby reducing the impact of the Flat Tire Epidemic.

Volunteers who get overwhelmed with trying to reestablish a balanced life after marriage may feel guilty about being unable to fulfill their duties within the organization. They may end up quitting due to their feelings of guilt; they may learn to associate negative emotions such as feeling overwhelmed with volunteering, thereby resulting in leaving the organization. Rather than allowing this to happen, organizations should take preemptive measures. One suggestion: Initiate shadowing. When a core volunteer is headed towards marriage, recruit a newer volunteer with potential to shadow him/her. This volunteer will be trained thoroughly by the time the newlywed volunteer’s grace period begins. This will alleviate anxiety since the newlywed volunteer will already have enough to think about at that time! Also, ensure that each core volunteer has someone who is actively being trained just in case he/she needs someone to fill in. These suggestions will allow for a smooth and seamless transition, thereby maintaining the structure and efficiency of the organization.

• Role Change

Just as priorities in life and lifestyles change, so too should our roles as volunteers. Although you may be content in one volunteer role for some time, as you evolve, you may want your role to evolve with you. Your role as a volunteer should allow you to express your creativity and should be tailored to your specific skill set.

The natural transition for more experienced volunteers is to bring the knowledge, experience and skills they have gained over the years to their local communities. Halaqat, teaching weekend schools, getting more involved in masjid activities, etc. are all excellent options. After being involved in a certain organization for an extended period of time, volunteers should transition to other activities in order to effect the most change and reinvigorate themselves.

• Family Involvement

Inviting families, rather than strictly individuals, to participate within Islamic organizations is essential if we hope to retain volunteers who have recently become parents, as well as those who are newly married. A volunteer who has recently become a mother or father can assist with arranging for babysitting or a special room designated for mothers and their children (or fathers and their children) at Islamic events and lectures. These volunteers will have a vested interest in ensuring parents can continue to gain knowledge, particularly when they are striving to raise their kids to love our deen.

There is room to strike a balance between giving back to the community and being there for your family. Likewise, engaging in both these roles instead of choosing one or the other, can actually improve you as a parent and as an active member of the Muslim community. If children witness parents contributing to society, the future of the ummah immediately brightens. Children model the behaviors of those around them so if you aspire for your children to become integral parts of our community, you must do this first yourself. Build the foundation for your children and the future generation – the benefits reaped will be seen for years to come (and in the hereafter as well) insha’Allah!

• Volunteer Appreciation

Islamic organizations need to provide a gratifying experience and environment for their volunteers. Being a volunteer can be a high-stress position; a frequent pick-me-up is very beneficial in ensuring the longevity of volunteers and helping them to resist burnout. Although we do this work to gain the pleasure of Allah (subhanhu wa ta’ala), it is very difficult to maintain our stamina if we feel as though our efforts are being belittled or we are unappreciated.

A gesture of gratitude for the hard work of volunteers who have taken time from their busy schedules to ensure that an event runs smoothly goes a long way. Some of our volunteers actually miss out on many opportunities to listen to speakers because they are taking care of the “behind-the-scenes” action. The least that can be done for someone so dedicated is to send him/her a personal email thanking him/her for these efforts. Volunteer dinners or fun excursions should occur on a regular basis – at least twice a year – to show appreciation for all of the hard work being put into the organization. Never underestimate the value of sincerely thanking a person; if volunteers feel appreciated, they will excitedly continue to contribute to the organization.

We pray that this mini-series has spurred some positive thoughts regarding the backbone of our organizations: a sincere intention to strive for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and the volunteers who act upon this everyday. Jazaakum Allahu khairan to all of the volunteers out there! Please continue to contribute to your communities – you are truly appreciated!