Are you sure the reference to Abu Jahm refers to beating his wives? I read another narrative which stated:

““As for Mu`awiyah, he is a poor person and has no wealth (to support you), and as for Abu Jahm, he is a perpetual traveler; so marry Usamah instead!”

I can’t find the source and it wasn’t given where I read it but wanted to make sure this isn’t in fact the same narration and not putting down his stick may imply Abu Jahm travels non stop.

Hopepfully someone more knowledgable can clarify.

Another question I had was in terms of its permisablity, is a person obligated to or even allowed to voluntarily divulge details of a perspective spouses family members? Do we have any authentic narrations regarding this? i.e. don’t marry so and so, his father is a liar or don’t marry so and so, her father is a drunk.

Any help here is appreciated.

Thanks for your replies. There is a narrow line between backbiting and stating somebody’s bad characteristics. But the like is not invisible
I will definitely be more careful when speaking about others. The article has helped me strengthen my resolve.

JazakAllah and keep up the good work!

So from this we see that yes we can tell people who ask about someone in regards to marriage about their character. But look at how the Prophet sal Allahu �alayhi wa sallam responded. He didn�t go on a long historical narrative of all the deficiencies of the person and exploit every detail. He simply said Mu�awiyah is poor (meaning he won�t be able to provide for you) and Abu Jaham doesn�t put down his stick (meaning he beats his wives). Even though this is an �exception�, look at how the Prophet still was careful about sticking to the general rule of backbiting, sal Allahu �alayhi wa sallam.

Similarly, if we find ourselves warning someone about a prospective in marriage, we just say what needs to be said and don�t get into the details. Like you said, just the facts, not opinions. And Allah knows best.

If a girl is getting married in an arranged set up and I for example know that the guy/groom is not a good person and will make her life miserable. Lets say I know this cuz the guy works in my company. Would warning the innocent victim about the groom be backbiting? Arent I saving a muslim from a miserable life?

Also I think stating FACTS is ok but if you season them with ur OPINIONS then thats back biting. Stating facts is like reading news…….. like wht the news channels do. they r not backbiting… innit?

mabrook ‘alykum

esp in pakistan where the political and religious scene has become so tense everyone is calling everyone names on national tv..

one of the best ways of avoiding back biting is to stay away from discussions which have no agenda.. u know like freinds just sitting until late hours of the night or women just hanging out. all our majlis should have a reason and we should greatly observe the dua’s in the beggining and at the end… there are some very short ones.. bismillah and audhubillah will also be good.

a wise men once said that three things are essential for gaining knowledge and attaining taqwa.

1. moderate eating
2. moderate sleeping
3. avoiding too many meetings with ppl

ws