Comments on: Sex & the Ummah: Struggle of the Victims of Child Molestation. Part II- A/B http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/ Discourses in the Intellectual Traditions, Political Situation, and Social Ethics of Muslim Life Thu, 24 May 2012 01:29:00 +0000 hourly 1 By: Fathima http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-93601 Fathima Wed, 23 Mar 2011 08:23:03 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-93601 I am married and I have a son. Iam extremely worried when someone even my in- laws, parents come home. Its natural for children to play with their grand parents...Does this mean we should never have our parents also at home. Even I was molested and I know very old people doing this sin. So am just worried for my son and other innocent little children. Its not possible to keep checking on grandparents, uncles etc (in case of joint family) when they r in their rooms with my child playing bcoz these kind of things happen in very short span also. Alhamdu lillah I do educate my son on this topic though he is only 3 yrs old. I have read stories where even babies are molested. Ohh Allah soo much evil is going on here on earth. I am married and I have a son. Iam extremely worried when someone even my in- laws, parents come home. Its natural for children to play with their grand parents…Does this mean we should never have our parents also at home. Even I was molested and I know very old people doing this sin. So am just worried for my son and other innocent little children. Its not possible to keep checking on grandparents, uncles etc (in case of joint family) when they r in their rooms with my child playing bcoz these kind of things happen in very short span also.
Alhamdu lillah I do educate my son on this topic though he is only 3 yrs old. I have read stories where even babies are molested. Ohh Allah soo much evil is going on here on earth.

]]> By: Vikram http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-65585 Vikram Sat, 24 Apr 2010 20:51:27 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-65585 Asima, stop blamimg yourself. You were only 10 years old and an adult man took advantage of you. If that guy is still around children, you shoukd write anonmously to authorities so that other children don't get molested. Asima, stop blamimg yourself. You were only 10 years old and an adult man took advantage of you. If that guy is still around children, you shoukd write anonmously to authorities so that other children don’t get molested.

]]> By: Asima Hameed http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-63077 Asima Hameed Thu, 01 Apr 2010 18:27:20 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-63077 I was molested by a molvi when i was 10 years old. I did not tell anyone as I was confused about what happened and too scared about people coming to know about what happened. He was very sly as he had been done for this before but got away, and he even showed my parents the newspaper article showing that he was 'innocent' and, o make it worse, he even received a high amount of money for being 'wrongly' accused. So i felt that there was no point as he would get away with it again. As the years passed i just kept it hidden inside me, until a good 8 years later when i told my mother about it. I don't know if she believed me. She just said its too late now, you should've told us before. I was kind of okay with that, however, this man is still in contact with my family. He even comes to our house now and then. I feel as though i can't get away from him. I dont know what to do, i really wish i had done something about it, but at that time i was an extremely quiet and shy person. Its been about 15 years now since this happens, but the pain is still stronger than ever.Is there anything I can do about it? Or is it too late? If I can, do i have to give my identity? I don't want my family to find out about it. Also is there anything that i can pray that will give me peace of mind as these thoughts are driving me crazy. Thanks I was molested by a molvi when i was 10 years old. I did not tell anyone as I was confused about what happened and too scared about people coming to know about what happened. He was very sly as he had been done for this before but got away, and he even showed my parents the newspaper article showing that he was ‘innocent’ and, o make it worse, he even received a high amount of money for being ‘wrongly’ accused. So i felt that there was no point as he would get away with it again. As the years passed i just kept it hidden inside me, until a good 8 years later when i told my mother about it. I don’t know if she believed me. She just said its too late now, you should’ve told us before. I was kind of okay with that, however, this man is still in contact with my family. He even comes to our house now and then. I feel as though i can’t get away from him. I dont know what to do, i really wish i had done something about it, but at that time i was an extremely quiet and shy person. Its been about 15 years now since this happens, but the pain is still stronger than ever.Is there anything I can do about it? Or is it too late? If I can, do i have to give my identity? I don’t want my family to find out about it.
Also is there anything that i can pray that will give me peace of mind as these thoughts are driving me crazy.
Thanks

]]> By: Abez http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-62063 Abez Sun, 21 Mar 2010 06:17:00 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-62063 I'm looking forward to reading the solutions, and I do hope they include such preventative measures as: <strong>Don't treat cousins like siblings.</strong> Male or female, they are not mahram to your children, and although out of love for our own brothers and sisters we give them intrinsic trust, the truth of the matter is that trust must be earned, and you would not allow your young children (boys or girls) to spend unsupervised time hanging out or sleeping over with older kids if they were not cousins. If a seventeen year old from your neighborhood suddenly started to spend alot of time with your thirteen year old, you <em>would </em>wonder why. AllahuAalim, in the Pakistani culture, people live so close to their cousins that they sleep in the same rooms at night, and it doesn't matter who is sleeping where as long as it is in the house of a relative. In my own extended family, widespread abuse was finally stopped when an adult caught another in the act. The children's complaints had been hushed up, just like mentioned above, or pushed away to preserve the "honor" of the molesters (as if they deserved honor more than the children deserved protection) and it only came to a head when the mother of one child actually <em>saw </em>the child being inappropriately touched- the molestor had become bold and shameless by the adults' unwillingness to take action. The result was that an entire family was removed from the inner circles of family relations, and it was a rude awakening for all of the aunts and uncles involved. They had raised their children like brothers and sisters, and now they had to undo the glue they had used to stick everyone together in unhealthy and unnatural closeness. There is now a healthy distance, and the understanding (though unpalatable) that cousins are not your brothers, and your brother's children are not as trustworthy as your brother. I’m looking forward to reading the solutions, and I do hope they include such preventative measures as: Don’t treat cousins like siblings. Male or female, they are not mahram to your children, and although out of love for our own brothers and sisters we give them intrinsic trust, the truth of the matter is that trust must be earned, and you would not allow your young children (boys or girls) to spend unsupervised time hanging out or sleeping over with older kids if they were not cousins. If a seventeen year old from your neighborhood suddenly started to spend alot of time with your thirteen year old, you would wonder why.

AllahuAalim, in the Pakistani culture, people live so close to their cousins that they sleep in the same rooms at night, and it doesn’t matter who is sleeping where as long as it is in the house of a relative. In my own extended family, widespread abuse was finally stopped when an adult caught another in the act. The children’s complaints had been hushed up, just like mentioned above, or pushed away to preserve the “honor” of the molesters (as if they deserved honor more than the children deserved protection) and it only came to a head when the mother of one child actually saw the child being inappropriately touched- the molestor had become bold and shameless by the adults’ unwillingness to take action.

The result was that an entire family was removed from the inner circles of family relations, and it was a rude awakening for all of the aunts and uncles involved. They had raised their children like brothers and sisters, and now they had to undo the glue they had used to stick everyone together in unhealthy and unnatural closeness. There is now a healthy distance, and the understanding (though unpalatable) that cousins are not your brothers, and your brother’s children are not as trustworthy as your brother.

]]> By: yousuf http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-62031 yousuf Sat, 20 Mar 2010 20:22:05 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-62031 So what does one do when something like this is kept all wrapped up? Meaning the cycle is broken and the girl is obviously afraid of men because of it. But what about the man? Does one keep silent as to cover his sins and not let it spread through society? So what does one do when something like this is kept all wrapped up? Meaning the cycle is broken and the girl is obviously afraid of men because of it. But what about the man? Does one keep silent as to cover his sins and not let it spread through society?

]]> By: Vikram http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-56603 Vikram Fri, 01 Jan 2010 23:51:39 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-56603 <strong>you need to talk to some one you trust. If some one took advantage of you when you were young it is not your fault.</strong> you need to talk to some one you trust. If some one took advantage of you when you were young it is not your fault.

]]> By: Vikram http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-56602 Vikram Fri, 01 Jan 2010 23:43:44 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-56602 I agree the part of the problem is acceptance of a victim of rape by society and Muslim men. I see in USA a whole lot of Muslim men would marry a White women to stay in USA irrespective of how many men she has slept with. I agree the part of the problem is acceptance of a victim of rape by society and Muslim men. I see in USA a whole lot of Muslim men would marry a White women to stay in USA irrespective of how many men she has slept with.

]]> By: Umm Sufyaan http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-55978 Umm Sufyaan Tue, 22 Dec 2009 08:37:41 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-55978 <blockquote>pedophiles have a preference of small children. there are no scientific facts that why it happens to them but many therapists argue that it is a fairly new phenomenon because of the widespread of nudity and because of how younger girls are portrayed in the media/books/magazines. preferential molesters are much like pedophiles but they have a preference of boys over girls… <strong>maybe i can later post something in detail on this inshaAllah…</strong></blockquote> pls do.

pedophiles have a preference of small children. there are no scientific facts that why it happens to them but many therapists argue that it is a fairly new phenomenon because of the widespread of nudity and because of how younger girls are portrayed in the media/books/magazines.
preferential molesters are much like pedophiles but they have a preference of boys over girls…

maybe i can later post something in detail on this inshaAllah…

pls do.

]]> By: Umm Sufyaan http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-55977 Umm Sufyaan Tue, 22 Dec 2009 08:34:14 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-55977 Assalamu alaykum heart breaking. the worst thing is, is that women/girls are always blamed by their own families and culture which makes it so hard for the victims to tell as well an easy scape-goat for the dhaalim (oppressor). "its our own fault that we get raped." what is this attitude among the ummah? if fathers and brothers just took their daughters, wives and sisters seriously, then i doubt half of these cases wouldn't occur. any man would be too scared to do such a thing knowing that a harsh punishment would await him from her male relatives. i mean seriously, what is a girl meant to do :( all these get ignored and its always our own fault. where is the rahmah, really :( i hope any man who read that really tries to do something. Assalamu alaykum
heart breaking. the worst thing is, is that women/girls are always blamed by their own families and culture which makes it so hard for the victims to tell as well an easy scape-goat for the dhaalim (oppressor). “its our own fault that we get raped.” what is this attitude among the ummah? if fathers and brothers just took their daughters, wives and sisters seriously, then i doubt half of these cases wouldn’t occur. any man would be too scared to do such a thing knowing that a harsh punishment would await him from her male relatives. i mean seriously, what is a girl meant to do :( all these get ignored and its always our own fault. where is the rahmah, really :(

i hope any man who read that really tries to do something.

]]> By: Anonymous http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/17/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-ii-ab/#comment-43721 Anonymous Sun, 24 May 2009 22:53:48 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=3607#comment-43721 When i told my mum she just screamed, I swear by Allah I have never been more scared in my life. I ran up and cried and cried I really thought Allah swt hated me soo much, my mum told my dad. They never discussed it with us, but when I wanted to join an Islamic centre to learn how to read the Quran, my mum didn't want me to go, then she wanted to come along, dad was annoyed that he would have to drive down there and he said "I have to go check it out you might come back and say someone else did something to you down there". God, i hated him for saying that. I never went in the end, I didn't learn how to read the Quran till much later, I still can't read it properly. You can't trust anyone. Sometimes I really wish the Prophet pbuh was alive and we could turn to him and he would speak to us, he wouldn't shout, at least he would understand. I dont understand how people get angry and mock their children. Or make jokes out of it. When i told my mum she just screamed, I swear by Allah I have never been more scared in my life. I ran up and cried and cried I really thought Allah swt hated me soo much, my mum told my dad. They never discussed it with us, but when I wanted to join an Islamic centre to learn how to read the Quran, my mum didn’t want me to go, then she wanted to come along, dad was annoyed that he would have to drive down there and he said “I have to go check it out you might come back and say someone else did something to you down there”. God, i hated him for saying that. I never went in the end, I didn’t learn how to read the Quran till much later, I still can’t read it properly.

You can’t trust anyone. Sometimes I really wish the Prophet pbuh was alive and we could turn to him and he would speak to us, he wouldn’t shout, at least he would understand.

I dont understand how people get angry and mock their children. Or make jokes out of it.

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