Comments on: Sex & the Ummah: Child Molestation in the Muslim World- Myth or Reality? Part I http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/ Discourses in the Intellectual Traditions, Political Situation, and Social Ethics of Muslim Life Thu, 24 May 2012 01:29:00 +0000 hourly 1 By: burqa barbie http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-110221 burqa barbie Tue, 15 May 2012 16:32:00 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-110221 The west is secular. It makes Muslims come across as fundamentalist to not accept secularism. The only others who push religious law and seperate laws under united countries are extremist Christians like the John Birch Society. Perhaps you should contemplate on the value of secularism before riding your big stallion in and pushing religious law on everyone. Perhaps it is for a good reason and you should respect that. Were not stoning people, though in some states they do have the death sentence for death/assault of children. The west is secular. It makes Muslims come across as fundamentalist to not accept secularism. The only others who push religious law and seperate laws under united countries are extremist Christians like the John Birch Society. Perhaps you should contemplate on the value of secularism before riding your big stallion in and pushing religious law on everyone. Perhaps it is for a good reason and you should respect that. Were not stoning people, though in some states they do have the death sentence for death/assault of children.

]]> By: anon http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-110217 anon Tue, 15 May 2012 08:57:00 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-110217 salaams. my daughter was abused by a relative when my family moved to Pakistan about 11 years ago. The abuser was a nephew of my husbands whose mother was always making excuses to stay away from her marital home and live with my family and my mother in law for months at a time. My daughter was about 7 or 8 when she was first abused. Many times i felt uncomfortable about the time she spent in his company but felt reassured that my son was also with her. My husband had no time for me or his children, he was overly devoted to his mother and then his sisters. This predator took full advantage of the long absences i had from my children while i was in the kitchen preparing food for several hours a day and my husband was chatting to his mother endlessly. for the next 8 years he made her do countless things.things reached such a peak that he threatened her that if she told me or her father he  easily convince us that she had initiated sex and seduced him and she was bad. the final straw was when he convinced his mother to bring a proposal of marriage at age fourteen for her, and just convinced her father and not cared about how i felt or what my daughter felt about it. I left Pakistan and came to London with my children and it was then that my daughter finally told me and i have been devastated ever since. she is still very troubled about her past and more so because her father doesnt believe her and thinks she is a wicked girl who is desperate for sex. How can i expose this person? what is the future for my daughter now? who will accept her? these questions haunt me. My daughter used to slash her arms,to get away from this pain and i fear for her mental health, as she needs to be believed that she was innocent and the filthy animal is still there pretending he is an honest and honourable "shareef" person. salaams.
my daughter was abused by a relative when my family moved to Pakistan about 11 years ago.
The abuser was a nephew of my husbands whose mother was always making excuses to stay away from her marital home and live with my family and my mother in law for months at a time. My daughter was about 7 or 8 when she was first abused. Many times i felt uncomfortable about the time she spent in his company but felt reassured that my son was also with her.
My husband had no time for me or his children, he was overly devoted to his mother and then his sisters. This predator took full advantage of the long absences i had from my children while i was in the kitchen preparing food for several hours a day and my husband was chatting to his mother endlessly.
for the next 8 years he made her do countless things.things reached such a peak that he threatened her that if she told me or her father he  easily convince us that she had initiated sex and seduced him and she was bad.
the final straw was when he convinced his mother to bring a proposal of marriage at age fourteen for her, and just convinced her father and not cared about how i felt or what my daughter felt about it.
I left Pakistan and came to London with my children and it was then that my daughter finally told me and i have been devastated ever since.
she is still very troubled about her past and more so because her father doesnt believe her and thinks she is a wicked girl who is desperate for sex.
How can i expose this person? what is the future for my daughter now? who will accept her? these questions haunt me.
My daughter used to slash her arms,to get away from this pain and i fear for her mental health, as she needs to be believed that she was innocent and the filthy animal is still there pretending he is an honest and honourable “shareef” person.

]]> By: Angel http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-109928 Angel Wed, 02 May 2012 18:02:00 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-109928 Hi I would encourage you to tell her mother as who knows. He may be molesting her younger sister and just like her she may be scared to tell anyone. If it can happen once it can happen again. Hi
I would encourage you to tell her mother as who knows. He may be molesting her younger sister and just like her she may be scared to tell anyone. If it can happen once it can happen again.

]]> By: Angel http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-109762 Angel Wed, 25 Apr 2012 20:15:00 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-109762 It's disgusting what these animals do to young cildren. I am a teen from UK and I hav been through a very similar stiuation to all the people here. At the age of 12 my grandma in Pakistan fell ill and both of my parents went to pakistan to help and see her. I stayed wih my aunty and her family for 4 weeks durng this time. One day I went to another aunties house of mine to pick up a few things with one of my cousin (my dad's nephew). Once I had got what I needed he said to me lets sit down. When I sad lets go we can sit down in the car, he pulled me into the lounge and made me sit in his lap. I felt very uncomfortable and scared. I moved off and said I want to go. As I was leaving he pulled me towards him and and started to kiss me all over my face. I was shaking and was terrified. I cried for him to let me go but he picked me up and trid to kiss me again. Slowly he figured that I am not going to keep still and keep on screaming, so he threw me on the sofa and lied ontop of me. I don' t think it would be proper for me to say what he did to me next but am sure you can guess. I was so shaken up and I was terrified to tell anyone. This has been happening for 4 years to me. I told my mum last year and she said no one would dare to do that in her house to me. She's wrong. It’s disgusting what these animals do to young cildren.

I am a teen from UK and I hav been through a very similar stiuation to all the people here.

At the age of 12 my grandma in Pakistan fell ill and both of my parents went to pakistan to help and see her. I stayed wih my aunty and her family for 4 weeks durng this time. One day I went to another aunties house of mine to pick up a few things with one of my cousin (my dad’s nephew). Once I had got what I needed he said to me lets sit down. When I sad lets go we can sit down in the car, he pulled me into the lounge and made me sit in his lap. I felt very uncomfortable and scared. I moved off and said I want to go. As I was leaving he pulled me towards him and and started to kiss me all over my face. I was shaking and was terrified. I cried for him to let me go but he picked me up and trid to kiss me again. Slowly he figured that I am not going to keep still and keep on screaming, so he threw me on the sofa and lied ontop of me. I don’ t think it would be proper for me to say what he did to me next but am sure you can guess. I was so shaken up and I was terrified to tell anyone. This has been happening for 4 years to me. I told my mum last year and she said no one would dare to do that in her house to me. She’s wrong.

]]> By: Ladykhan http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-108224 Ladykhan Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:55:00 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-108224 Salaam. I need advice. I have just found out that my neice at the age of 11 was once  molested by her uncle (mothers younger brother) who has been living with them for about three years. She is now 13 going on 14 and has told nobody else. She has begged me not to tell anyone as it only happened once, although she has never been in good terms with him. She told me that she feels guilt that she let it happen. I dont know what to do, to keep her trust or to do the right thing. He lives in the same house! and her mother (my sister inn law) is completely unaware that it even happened. My neice claims that she doesn't think about it, and is afraid that if it comes out it will destroy things and bring shame to her mothers family. Her father (my brother) died nearly 5 years ago, which makes it even more my responcibility to be fully aware of her safety. If her uncle stays in their house and I say nothing, what gaurantee do I have that he will never do anything, that he hasn't changed? She also has a 6 year old sister......please tell me what to do!!?? Salaam. I need advice. I have just found out that my neice at the age of 11 was once  molested by her uncle (mothers younger brother) who has been living with them for about three years. She is now 13 going on 14 and has told nobody else. She has begged me not to tell anyone as it only happened once, although she has never been in good terms with him. She told me that she feels guilt that she let it happen. I dont know what to do, to keep her trust or to do the right thing. He lives in the same house! and her mother (my sister inn law) is completely unaware that it even happened. My neice claims that she doesn’t think about it, and is afraid that if it comes out it will destroy things and bring shame to her mothers family. Her father (my brother) died nearly 5 years ago, which makes it even more my responcibility to be fully aware of her safety. If her uncle stays in their house and I say nothing, what gaurantee do I have that he will never do anything, that he hasn’t changed? She also has a 6 year old sister……please tell me what to do!!??

]]> By: Imo http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-102449 Imo Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:50:22 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-102449 What to say of a mother who's son molested her daughter (i.e. brother molested sister) and mother did nothing but make the daughter feel responsible? How do you reconcile that as a child? Should the daughter make peace with her mother? What to say of a mother who’s son molested her daughter (i.e. brother molested sister) and mother did nothing but make the daughter feel responsible? How do you reconcile that as a child? Should the daughter make peace with her mother?

]]> By: Samina http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-100766 Samina Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:33:28 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-100766 Salams....I have also experienced molestation at 2 points in my life...once when i was extremely young...5 yrs old....then again when i was around 9 years old...both from 2 different first male cousins :(((((((((( its devastating and still affects my relationship with family today...I told my mother about 1 of the cousins...she believed me but never allowed me to discuss the topic. i feel as though i did wrong by opening up to her as it took me alot to be able to tell her..also as i dont really get on very well with her. Thank you for discussing this topic. :) shukran .x Salams….I have also experienced molestation at 2 points in my life…once when i was extremely young…5 yrs old….then again when i was around 9 years old…both from 2 different first male cousins :(((((((((( its devastating and still affects my relationship with family today…I told my mother about 1 of the cousins…she believed me but never allowed me to discuss the topic. i feel as though i did wrong by opening up to her as it took me alot to be able to tell her..also as i dont really get on very well with her. Thank you for discussing this topic. :) shukran .x

]]> By: Saudi Arabia http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-100647 Saudi Arabia Fri, 17 Jun 2011 07:01:01 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-100647 Quick question, how did you come to know that this 10 year old liked this man a lot as a fact? Another thing is that there is evidently bias in your statements, because you know the "perpetrator extremely well". I'm not rushing to judgement eitherway, but this seems to be the pattern of family members who take the side of perpetrators and shove blame to children, especially if the child is a girl, due to some garbage excuse like 'honor'. Quick question, how did you come to know that this 10 year old liked this man a lot as a fact? Another thing is that there is evidently bias in your statements, because you know the “perpetrator extremely well”. I’m not rushing to judgement eitherway, but this seems to be the pattern of family members who take the side of perpetrators and shove blame to children, especially if the child is a girl, due to some garbage excuse like ‘honor’.

]]> By: Saudi Arabia http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-100646 Saudi Arabia Fri, 17 Jun 2011 06:53:35 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-100646 May Allah Bless the originators of this discussion and site. I have never spoke about my incidents, but I hope they will be helpful to others. When I was 4-6, my family used to goto this mosque in the Kingdom. There was a muadhin there (a Pakistani man, though I caution anyone to draw conclusions from his ethnicity as I think this discussion cuts across ethnic boundries, but I'm including it for the sake of completing my story). The muadhins and imams there at that time (in the 1980s) lived next to the mosque. So this muadhin invited me over to his place. This seemed normal because he was very close to my father (red flag there), and kids in those days were left to play and wander. From what I remember, he offered me food or candy. Then I remember him have me strip and lie on my stomach. He used baby oil (a smell that I still associate to this day) to ease his disgusting private part into me. This happened numerous times and my father had no idea. I knew it was something that I couldn't face my father to tell, not because I was afraid of my father, but because it just seemed so shameful. My father by the way is completely innocent from this and I have no regrets against him. He's a noble man who doesn't miss tahajjud, and I regularly keep my parents in my prayers. After that I remember the Saudi boys had sodomized me on numerous occasions when my family moved to another city. This is when I was 8-11. I had even asked them, where do they learn how to do this. One of them said that their family "yatadarrabu" which means some practice this within their familes. How disgusting. The molestation was normal among Saudis. Allah is my Witness, and so is the Prophet, Peace and Blessings Upon him. And I say, the Prophet, because when I was about 11, my father took us to do Umrah and visit Madinah. When we were doing Salam, a man was pulling my thawb and rubbing his privates from behind...RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR PROPHET! Again, Allah and our Prophet, Peace and Blessings Upon him, his family, and companions, is a witness to this. These people took away the most precious moments from me. I find it very difficult to forgive these people, I know it could be my ticket to Paradise if I forgive with sincerity and thereafter live a sincere life, but it's easier said than done. From then on, these incidents have haunted me. Once there was a turning point in my life when I was in high school, where I hit my sister in the face during an argument (something which I had never done before or after and may Allah forgive me). She kept telling me how I had everything easy and was complaining about my behaviour, and what's when I told her that I was raped as a child. After that revelation, she took me to a psychologist almost immediately, and the psychologist concluded that I'm living a normal life and coped with this past very well, only with thanks to Allah and His Grace. Fast forward many years, and now I have children. I have been ever so cautious with them and I am trying to protect their innocence as much as I can. My wife is aware of my past, which has made dealing with this much easier. Everyday activities such as going to the gym or swimming pool, I always make sure to use family locker rooms even if it's just myself and my son. I will never even imagine leaving my children alone at a madrasa or in a place where there can be privacy. It's not that I dislike madrasas, it's that you never know the people that run them, many of them are not sincere. There is something about people's faces that I can tell, probably a gift from Allah, that I can sense that someone has a hidden intention, usually by the way they look at me or my children, how they interact, etc. After going thru what I went thru, I almost have a 6th sense. It's hard to explain. I have much more to share, but I pray that this helps shed some light on the severity and seriousness of this issue. I don't know what has happened to humanity, especially people who call themselves Muslims, and especially, those who claim to be doing God's work. I pray that all victims find solace, comfort, and find a true and balanced life. May Allah be enough for the perpetrators. May Allah Bless the originators of this discussion and site. I have never spoke about my incidents, but I hope they will be helpful to others.

When I was 4-6, my family used to goto this mosque in the Kingdom. There was a muadhin there (a Pakistani man, though I caution anyone to draw conclusions from his ethnicity as I think this discussion cuts across ethnic boundries, but I’m including it for the sake of completing my story). The muadhins and imams there at that time (in the 1980s) lived next to the mosque. So this muadhin invited me over to his place. This seemed normal because he was very close to my father (red flag there), and kids in those days were left to play and wander. From what I remember, he offered me food or candy. Then I remember him have me strip and lie on my stomach. He used baby oil (a smell that I still associate to this day) to ease his disgusting private part into me. This happened numerous times and my father had no idea. I knew it was something that I couldn’t face my father to tell, not because I was afraid of my father, but because it just seemed so shameful.

My father by the way is completely innocent from this and I have no regrets against him. He’s a noble man who doesn’t miss tahajjud, and I regularly keep my parents in my prayers.

After that I remember the Saudi boys had sodomized me on numerous occasions when my family moved to another city. This is when I was 8-11. I had even asked them, where do they learn how to do this. One of them said that their family “yatadarrabu” which means some practice this within their familes. How disgusting.

The molestation was normal among Saudis. Allah is my Witness, and so is the Prophet, Peace and Blessings Upon him. And I say, the Prophet, because when I was about 11, my father took us to do Umrah and visit Madinah. When we were doing Salam, a man was pulling my thawb and rubbing his privates from behind…RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR PROPHET! Again, Allah and our Prophet, Peace and Blessings Upon him, his family, and companions, is a witness to this.

These people took away the most precious moments from me. I find it very difficult to forgive these people, I know it could be my ticket to Paradise if I forgive with sincerity and thereafter live a sincere life, but it’s easier said than done.

From then on, these incidents have haunted me. Once there was a turning point in my life when I was in high school, where I hit my sister in the face during an argument (something which I had never done before or after and may Allah forgive me). She kept telling me how I had everything easy and was complaining about my behaviour, and what’s when I told her that I was raped as a child. After that revelation, she took me to a psychologist almost immediately, and the psychologist concluded that I’m living a normal life and coped with this past very well, only with thanks to Allah and His Grace.

Fast forward many years, and now I have children. I have been ever so cautious with them and I am trying to protect their innocence as much as I can. My wife is aware of my past, which has made dealing with this much easier. Everyday activities such as going to the gym or swimming pool, I always make sure to use family locker rooms even if it’s just myself and my son. I will never even imagine leaving my children alone at a madrasa or in a place where there can be privacy. It’s not that I dislike madrasas, it’s that you never know the people that run them, many of them are not sincere.

There is something about people’s faces that I can tell, probably a gift from Allah, that I can sense that someone has a hidden intention, usually by the way they look at me or my children, how they interact, etc. After going thru what I went thru, I almost have a 6th sense. It’s hard to explain.

I have much more to share, but I pray that this helps shed some light on the severity and seriousness of this issue. I don’t know what has happened to humanity, especially people who call themselves Muslims, and especially, those who claim to be doing God’s work.

I pray that all victims find solace, comfort, and find a true and balanced life. May Allah be enough for the perpetrators.

]]> By: Why Sex-Ed Should Be Given at Home and not in Public Schools | MuslimMatters.org http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-99623 Why Sex-Ed Should Be Given at Home and not in Public Schools | MuslimMatters.org Tue, 07 Jun 2011 15:28:24 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-99623 [...] sand regarding sex. I have been consistent about this position in my articles, from discussion of sexual molestation of Muslim children, to my series on parenting. Part of not keeping heads in the sand is for Muslim parents to also [...] [...] sand regarding sex. I have been consistent about this position in my articles, from discussion of sexual molestation of Muslim children, to my series on parenting. Part of not keeping heads in the sand is for Muslim parents to also [...]

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