Comments on: Sex & the Ummah: Child Molestation in the Muslim World- Myth or Reality? Part I http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/ Discourses in the Intellectual Traditions, Political Situation, and Social Ethics of Muslim Life Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:30:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Ladykhan http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-108224 Ladykhan Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:55:00 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-108224 Salaam. I need advice. I have just found out that my neice at the age of 11 was once  molested by her uncle (mothers younger brother) who has been living with them for about three years. She is now 13 going on 14 and has told nobody else. She has begged me not to tell anyone as it only happened once, although she has never been in good terms with him. She told me that she feels guilt that she let it happen. I dont know what to do, to keep her trust or to do the right thing. He lives in the same house! and her mother (my sister inn law) is completely unaware that it even happened. My neice claims that she doesn't think about it, and is afraid that if it comes out it will destroy things and bring shame to her mothers family. Her father (my brother) died nearly 5 years ago, which makes it even more my responcibility to be fully aware of her safety. If her uncle stays in their house and I say nothing, what gaurantee do I have that he will never do anything, that he hasn't changed? She also has a 6 year old sister......please tell me what to do!!?? Salaam. I need advice. I have just found out that my neice at the age of 11 was once  molested by her uncle (mothers younger brother) who has been living with them for about three years. She is now 13 going on 14 and has told nobody else. She has begged me not to tell anyone as it only happened once, although she has never been in good terms with him. She told me that she feels guilt that she let it happen. I dont know what to do, to keep her trust or to do the right thing. He lives in the same house! and her mother (my sister inn law) is completely unaware that it even happened. My neice claims that she doesn’t think about it, and is afraid that if it comes out it will destroy things and bring shame to her mothers family. Her father (my brother) died nearly 5 years ago, which makes it even more my responcibility to be fully aware of her safety. If her uncle stays in their house and I say nothing, what gaurantee do I have that he will never do anything, that he hasn’t changed? She also has a 6 year old sister……please tell me what to do!!??

]]> By: Imo http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-102449 Imo Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:50:22 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-102449 What to say of a mother who's son molested her daughter (i.e. brother molested sister) and mother did nothing but make the daughter feel responsible? How do you reconcile that as a child? Should the daughter make peace with her mother? What to say of a mother who’s son molested her daughter (i.e. brother molested sister) and mother did nothing but make the daughter feel responsible? How do you reconcile that as a child? Should the daughter make peace with her mother?

]]> By: Samina http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-100766 Samina Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:33:28 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-100766 Salams....I have also experienced molestation at 2 points in my life...once when i was extremely young...5 yrs old....then again when i was around 9 years old...both from 2 different first male cousins :(((((((((( its devastating and still affects my relationship with family today...I told my mother about 1 of the cousins...she believed me but never allowed me to discuss the topic. i feel as though i did wrong by opening up to her as it took me alot to be able to tell her..also as i dont really get on very well with her. Thank you for discussing this topic. :) shukran .x Salams….I have also experienced molestation at 2 points in my life…once when i was extremely young…5 yrs old….then again when i was around 9 years old…both from 2 different first male cousins :(((((((((( its devastating and still affects my relationship with family today…I told my mother about 1 of the cousins…she believed me but never allowed me to discuss the topic. i feel as though i did wrong by opening up to her as it took me alot to be able to tell her..also as i dont really get on very well with her. Thank you for discussing this topic. :) shukran .x

]]> By: Saudi Arabia http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-100647 Saudi Arabia Fri, 17 Jun 2011 07:01:01 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-100647 Quick question, how did you come to know that this 10 year old liked this man a lot as a fact? Another thing is that there is evidently bias in your statements, because you know the "perpetrator extremely well". I'm not rushing to judgement eitherway, but this seems to be the pattern of family members who take the side of perpetrators and shove blame to children, especially if the child is a girl, due to some garbage excuse like 'honor'. Quick question, how did you come to know that this 10 year old liked this man a lot as a fact? Another thing is that there is evidently bias in your statements, because you know the “perpetrator extremely well”. I’m not rushing to judgement eitherway, but this seems to be the pattern of family members who take the side of perpetrators and shove blame to children, especially if the child is a girl, due to some garbage excuse like ‘honor’.

]]> By: Saudi Arabia http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-100646 Saudi Arabia Fri, 17 Jun 2011 06:53:35 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-100646 May Allah Bless the originators of this discussion and site. I have never spoke about my incidents, but I hope they will be helpful to others. When I was 4-6, my family used to goto this mosque in the Kingdom. There was a muadhin there (a Pakistani man, though I caution anyone to draw conclusions from his ethnicity as I think this discussion cuts across ethnic boundries, but I'm including it for the sake of completing my story). The muadhins and imams there at that time (in the 1980s) lived next to the mosque. So this muadhin invited me over to his place. This seemed normal because he was very close to my father (red flag there), and kids in those days were left to play and wander. From what I remember, he offered me food or candy. Then I remember him have me strip and lie on my stomach. He used baby oil (a smell that I still associate to this day) to ease his disgusting private part into me. This happened numerous times and my father had no idea. I knew it was something that I couldn't face my father to tell, not because I was afraid of my father, but because it just seemed so shameful. My father by the way is completely innocent from this and I have no regrets against him. He's a noble man who doesn't miss tahajjud, and I regularly keep my parents in my prayers. After that I remember the Saudi boys had sodomized me on numerous occasions when my family moved to another city. This is when I was 8-11. I had even asked them, where do they learn how to do this. One of them said that their family "yatadarrabu" which means some practice this within their familes. How disgusting. The molestation was normal among Saudis. Allah is my Witness, and so is the Prophet, Peace and Blessings Upon him. And I say, the Prophet, because when I was about 11, my father took us to do Umrah and visit Madinah. When we were doing Salam, a man was pulling my thawb and rubbing his privates from behind...RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR PROPHET! Again, Allah and our Prophet, Peace and Blessings Upon him, his family, and companions, is a witness to this. These people took away the most precious moments from me. I find it very difficult to forgive these people, I know it could be my ticket to Paradise if I forgive with sincerity and thereafter live a sincere life, but it's easier said than done. From then on, these incidents have haunted me. Once there was a turning point in my life when I was in high school, where I hit my sister in the face during an argument (something which I had never done before or after and may Allah forgive me). She kept telling me how I had everything easy and was complaining about my behaviour, and what's when I told her that I was raped as a child. After that revelation, she took me to a psychologist almost immediately, and the psychologist concluded that I'm living a normal life and coped with this past very well, only with thanks to Allah and His Grace. Fast forward many years, and now I have children. I have been ever so cautious with them and I am trying to protect their innocence as much as I can. My wife is aware of my past, which has made dealing with this much easier. Everyday activities such as going to the gym or swimming pool, I always make sure to use family locker rooms even if it's just myself and my son. I will never even imagine leaving my children alone at a madrasa or in a place where there can be privacy. It's not that I dislike madrasas, it's that you never know the people that run them, many of them are not sincere. There is something about people's faces that I can tell, probably a gift from Allah, that I can sense that someone has a hidden intention, usually by the way they look at me or my children, how they interact, etc. After going thru what I went thru, I almost have a 6th sense. It's hard to explain. I have much more to share, but I pray that this helps shed some light on the severity and seriousness of this issue. I don't know what has happened to humanity, especially people who call themselves Muslims, and especially, those who claim to be doing God's work. I pray that all victims find solace, comfort, and find a true and balanced life. May Allah be enough for the perpetrators. May Allah Bless the originators of this discussion and site. I have never spoke about my incidents, but I hope they will be helpful to others.

When I was 4-6, my family used to goto this mosque in the Kingdom. There was a muadhin there (a Pakistani man, though I caution anyone to draw conclusions from his ethnicity as I think this discussion cuts across ethnic boundries, but I’m including it for the sake of completing my story). The muadhins and imams there at that time (in the 1980s) lived next to the mosque. So this muadhin invited me over to his place. This seemed normal because he was very close to my father (red flag there), and kids in those days were left to play and wander. From what I remember, he offered me food or candy. Then I remember him have me strip and lie on my stomach. He used baby oil (a smell that I still associate to this day) to ease his disgusting private part into me. This happened numerous times and my father had no idea. I knew it was something that I couldn’t face my father to tell, not because I was afraid of my father, but because it just seemed so shameful.

My father by the way is completely innocent from this and I have no regrets against him. He’s a noble man who doesn’t miss tahajjud, and I regularly keep my parents in my prayers.

After that I remember the Saudi boys had sodomized me on numerous occasions when my family moved to another city. This is when I was 8-11. I had even asked them, where do they learn how to do this. One of them said that their family “yatadarrabu” which means some practice this within their familes. How disgusting.

The molestation was normal among Saudis. Allah is my Witness, and so is the Prophet, Peace and Blessings Upon him. And I say, the Prophet, because when I was about 11, my father took us to do Umrah and visit Madinah. When we were doing Salam, a man was pulling my thawb and rubbing his privates from behind…RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR PROPHET! Again, Allah and our Prophet, Peace and Blessings Upon him, his family, and companions, is a witness to this.

These people took away the most precious moments from me. I find it very difficult to forgive these people, I know it could be my ticket to Paradise if I forgive with sincerity and thereafter live a sincere life, but it’s easier said than done.

From then on, these incidents have haunted me. Once there was a turning point in my life when I was in high school, where I hit my sister in the face during an argument (something which I had never done before or after and may Allah forgive me). She kept telling me how I had everything easy and was complaining about my behaviour, and what’s when I told her that I was raped as a child. After that revelation, she took me to a psychologist almost immediately, and the psychologist concluded that I’m living a normal life and coped with this past very well, only with thanks to Allah and His Grace.

Fast forward many years, and now I have children. I have been ever so cautious with them and I am trying to protect their innocence as much as I can. My wife is aware of my past, which has made dealing with this much easier. Everyday activities such as going to the gym or swimming pool, I always make sure to use family locker rooms even if it’s just myself and my son. I will never even imagine leaving my children alone at a madrasa or in a place where there can be privacy. It’s not that I dislike madrasas, it’s that you never know the people that run them, many of them are not sincere.

There is something about people’s faces that I can tell, probably a gift from Allah, that I can sense that someone has a hidden intention, usually by the way they look at me or my children, how they interact, etc. After going thru what I went thru, I almost have a 6th sense. It’s hard to explain.

I have much more to share, but I pray that this helps shed some light on the severity and seriousness of this issue. I don’t know what has happened to humanity, especially people who call themselves Muslims, and especially, those who claim to be doing God’s work.

I pray that all victims find solace, comfort, and find a true and balanced life. May Allah be enough for the perpetrators.

]]> By: Why Sex-Ed Should Be Given at Home and not in Public Schools | MuslimMatters.org http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-99623 Why Sex-Ed Should Be Given at Home and not in Public Schools | MuslimMatters.org Tue, 07 Jun 2011 15:28:24 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-99623 [...] sand regarding sex. I have been consistent about this position in my articles, from discussion of sexual molestation of Muslim children, to my series on parenting. Part of not keeping heads in the sand is for Muslim parents to also [...] [...] sand regarding sex. I have been consistent about this position in my articles, from discussion of sexual molestation of Muslim children, to my series on parenting. Part of not keeping heads in the sand is for Muslim parents to also [...]

]]> By: noor http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-99420 noor Mon, 06 Jun 2011 04:59:04 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-99420 astugfirullah!, i totatly agree with Mohammad. and again ty for sharing this with us, May ALLAH reward you fr bringing this to us AMEEN astugfirullah!, i totatly agree with Mohammad. and again ty for sharing this with us, May ALLAH reward you fr bringing this to us AMEEN

]]> By: Ranae Westall http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-99124 Ranae Westall Mon, 30 May 2011 17:15:52 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-99124 Definitely, what a splendid site and illuminating posts, I surely will bookmark your blog.All the Best! Definitely, what a splendid site and illuminating posts, I surely will bookmark your blog.All the Best!

]]> By: Muslim girl http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-95897 Muslim girl Mon, 18 Apr 2011 02:02:15 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-95897 Hi! i would like informayion on what is going on in the arab world. and how when the hymen is broken your considered nt a vigin. wll what if you were molested and because of it your hymen is broken? what should you do? for example how to cover up about your hymen when you get married? Hi! i would like informayion on what is going on in the arab world. and how when the hymen is broken your considered nt a vigin. wll what if you were molested and because of it your hymen is broken? what should you do? for example how to cover up about your hymen when you get married?

]]> By: Safiyyah http://muslimmatters.org/2009/02/16/sex-the-ummah-child-molestation-in-the-muslim-world-myth-or-reality-part-i/#comment-90913 Safiyyah Tue, 15 Feb 2011 05:12:56 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/?p=2109#comment-90913 Salaams and Mabrook to all those with their courage to speak out. I wrote a piece on my site in response to an article in a Muslim magazine. The author of the article saw my piece and commented. Please read if you want and tell me if you think her naseehah for the sexually abused us correct. Note that the article author is from Pakastan. http://www.shaalom2salaam.com/2011/02/childhood-sexual-abuse-and-thoughts-on.html Salaams and Mabrook to all those with their courage to speak out. I wrote a piece on my site in response to an article in a Muslim magazine. The author of the article saw my piece and commented. Please read if you want and tell me if you think her naseehah for the sexually abused us correct. Note that the article author is from Pakastan.

http://www.shaalom2salaam.com/2011/02/childhood-sexual-abuse-and-thoughts-on.html

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