Now a “grad night”, at least most i’ve heard of, is a special celebration, just for graduating seniors, and is more like a stay up all night party with entertainment to celebrate the end of school; it doesn’t involve taking a date and doesn’t have the same intergender connotations ascribed to prom.

Kufaar did not invent the concept of a celebration, I think commemorative feasts are something that can be referenced all the way back to the earliest prophets peace be upon them.

Non-Muslims are definitely wrong about alot of stuff; but things do not become wrong just because non-believers do it. We have to understand what intrinsically makes something wrong before knowing whether to do it or not.

By questioning the lawfullness of our behavior based on how closely it resembles the behavior of non-believing kaffirs, we have again allowed them to set the standard for what is right and wrong.

So what if Muslims invented grad night first, independent of any influence by a kafir, would it be okay then? And the answer still is no! Just because a Muslim came up with it doesn’t make it right either.

We have mechanisms to test whether things are right or wrong and these are the rulings of fiqh and adab, based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the prophet.

Our consistency in using these mechanisms to test whether something is right or wrong, (because everyone knows sometimes those silly kuffaar come up with a good idea) is the only way to avoid creating unnecessary paranoya about everything we do.

As long as you are loud and proud about being Muslim–they accommodate to you. It’s a democracy not a dictatorship and at the end of the day, there are more than enough ways to work yourself through the system. And yeah, they will be rude to the sisters and females got their own issues in this (kaffirah women badmouthing muslimahs) so it’s better if your an imposing guy who is vocal. ”

Jazakullah khair for this advice, I’m graduating in a few weeks and was thinking about this over and over and wondered how I would do this, and I didn’t even think of this. So thank you, because I’m one of the two hijabis in the graduating class, and would be glad to tell muslim brothers about this too who don’t want it. Of course, we all know who these muslims are, because as you said, not every single muslim wants this. But I do so jazakullah!

For the person who said prom hasn’t really reached the UK, well… it has. I left high school like 3 years ago, and prom had been going strong for about 3 years before. I thought it was stupid – UK schoolkids have this thing about wanting school to be like what they see on American TV shows, everyone having lockers and homeroom and cheerleading and prom. So our year campaigned for lockers (we got them!), and we even had a cheerleading team set up – nevermind that we didn’t have any sort of sports team for them to cheer on…

That was a bit of a tangent.

Anyway, I think prom in the UK turns out even worse than in America and so on, because the legal drinking age here is 18 – meaning that most people ‘graduating’ high school are old enough to drink, turning the prom into an alcohol-fest as well as everything else haram going on.

Thing is, I knew that I wouldn’t enjoy myself in that kind of atmosphere, but it was sad not to have an event where I could say goodbye to everyone, say thanks to the teachers I didn’t hate and so on. That was the element I missed out on – I couldn’t have cared less about the party and dressing up. I think a lot of the halal-alternatives miss out on the whole point – it’s a chance to meet up with everybody socially, not just the Muslim students. So if an alternative is really going to be that, it has to still incorporate that aspect. I don’t like the idea of a separate Muslim event anyway – it seems pointlessly exclusionary (no, I don’t know if that’s actually a word).

Also, it doesn’t just end at prom. I go to dental school, and everybody is really sociable and friendly. There are countless events in the year – a ball in november each year, plus an extra one halfway through the course, and another one at graduation. Plus countless events throughout the year. So far, every event has involved people getting drunk – like stereotypical students. At the beginning, nobody really asked me & my [Muslim] friends if we were going – but as time’s gone on, and they’ve learned that we’re not actually silent repressed towelheads, some people have gotten really friendly and insistently invite us. I always explain that I couldn’t be comfortable in that sort of environment. But some girls have gotten hurt, they think we’re snobbish and don’t like them. I don’t much care, but again, at the end of the course I would like some opportunity to say goodbye to students & staff. I couldn’t buy a ticket to the dinner or whatever though, knowing that my money would pay for someone else’s alcohol. Anyone think of any alternatives?

Let’s see…

- if you are valedictorian, give an awesome da’wah-licious speech! If you have read A Voice by Umm Zakiyyah, you know what I’m talking about!
-organize some events for Muslim youth who are graduating with college advice from an Islamic perspective
-have an all sisters’ all halal graduating party (or all brothers’ all halal graduating party) with cool prizes, outdoor activities (hiking, horsebackriding, etc..)
-if you are giving grad gifts to people (Muslims or non-Muslims), you can give candy, homemade desserts like brownies or something else but why not add in a ‘Purpose of Life’ booklet
-I try to make da’wah to as many teachers as I can esp. science teachers whom I try to give “A Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam” to; when you are graduating and are saying your goodbyes to teachers, why not give them a gift with an Islamic book also?
-be really vocal about not going to prom/ senior ball / senior breakfast / parties and act PROUD. if someone asks you, are you coming? Reply: Heck no!!! Why would I go? (of course in a nice way ;)) Then you can explain why you are not going and bring it back to Tawheed
-a lot of people at this time (esp high school seniors) talk about what they want to major in and what they want to ‘do in their life’; explain how the decision is so easy for you because as a Muslim, you already know your purpose in life and whatever you study in college, etc… it will bring you back to this purpose

Please add more tips! We can turn a culture or time period filled with fitnah into a da’wah filled, positive energy atmosphere, inshaAllah, bi ithnillah.

I was pretty loud and proud about being Muslim in my high school despite living in an isolated area. I did as much dawah as I could and even got a chance to give a talk about Islam to an entire grade. I even threw a temper tantrum so they had to “cater” to my Islamic senstivities. :)

So when grad time came around I went and was speaking to my principal and told him how the sisters wouldn’t be willing to shake hands with him and he told me that others had already told him not too and he is going to accommodate for that. BUT you cannot tell them that every single Muslim girl wants this–only the ones that request it and if they can speak to them earlier it would be better.

As long as you are loud and proud about being Muslim–they accommodate to you. It’s a democracy not a dictatorship and at the end of the day, there are more than enough ways to work yourself through the system. And yeah, they will be rude to the sisters and females got their own issues in this (kaffirah women badmouthing muslimahs) so it’s better if your an imposing guy who is vocal. :)

Avoid the prom–it’s stupid to attend since usually the food is haraam too and you can’t dance so you just end up looking like an idiot. The Muslim tradition is to do a Muslim grad party which is always good. :)

As long as you get active in the community and set a good example–they will notice and feel good to make things easier for you.

It’s EASY so don’t make it difficult. Actually it’s so easy an idiot can do it so you all should relax and be happy! :D

I’m not aware of the details of this situation, but regardless, the analogy has a fault in that it describes a situation in which the Muslims were around the jahiliyya, not participants in the same gathering, saying, “Hey, let’s go to the halaal part of this celebration and stay away from the haraam part.” – Siraaj

– Just to add, the analogy is also faulty considering Muslims did not have the power to abolish idols or the traditions of the idol-worhsippers. They were forced to be in that position while Muslims are in no way compelled to attend their high school proms. And no doubt about it, during the conquest of Makkah all the idols were destroyed and the Muslims no longer had to put up with the situation.

I agree with sister Mouse, we have to learn to think and behave independently of the present culture when it comes to preserving our religion. I’m Canadian-bred (through and through) but Islam always comes first. It never once occured to me to attend my high school prom because it soo *obviously* runs contrary to Islamic etiquette (it’s almost absurd how haram it is). At any rate, we should promote a culture among Muslims that doesn’t just host social events to prevent our youth from attending their haram counterparts but strives to make halal entertainment/recreation available throughout the year (prom is not the only vice — clubbing, etc is a 365 day/year deal).

So, for me, speaking of “imitating the kuffaar,” denigrates all of my culture instead of a specific practice. In addition, it may assume that any custom not based in Arabic culture is unIslamic. It would be better to leave aside the notion of “imitation” and focus on determining whether a particular practice (such as the prom, mendhi parties for weddings, Basant festival, saint worship, the salary tax in Bahrain, women driving cars, and so on) is haram or halal. In this way, we can examine the particular practice objectively from the perspective of Islam rather than emotionally from cultural prejudices.

There are examples of university and/or some student body organized events where a lot of the stuff mentioned takes place… One of the reason for that, in my opinion is that muslims in my age group (university going students) all over the world are losing the identity that Islam has given to them- due to ignorance of what their religion is, and why they are commanded to do what they are. It’s really surprising how little students seem to know about their ‘code of life’ after studying Islamic Studies for more than 12 years.

For example, people generally know facts like music is ‘haraam’, but yet pay no heed to it- and the only reason i can think for explaining this is that they know but don’t believe because they have been brought up in an environment where asking questions regarding one’s beliefs is considered wrong- and in turn it has vanquished their desire to learn more about their deen.

From the first day, every muslim is taught he should pray 5 times a day as it is fard, but is not told alongside the real reason behind it is being grateful to your Rabb for everything you have. Hence, after growing up in this environment, they ‘know’ a lot of stuff, and have memorized a lot of ‘Islamiyat’ without actually believing in it.

Hence, in my humble opinion, one of the solutions to such problems lies in the proper upbringing of a child due to which he or she feels proud to be a true Muslim, and in following the injunctions of Islam. Then, be it grad season or any other season, he/she will proudly up hold his/her beliefs, even if it means becoming a stranger to the pack.