I embraced Islam at the age of 20, in 1987. I left family, friends, and Ivy League hopes to move to Arlington, TX. Alhamdulillah, began traveling the US and abroad in learning my Islam, learned Arabic, made a lot of effort as a young man. Due to the confusion in the immigrant Muslim community, due to their lack of understanding what I was going through,and due to the fact Muslims typically refer you to Allah when you tell them you are having a problem, I suffered a total mental collapse at the ripe age of 23.

I could not get medical help, could not get intelligent advice, could not get an invitation for dinner, masha Allah.

20 years later, I’m looking back:
There was no help in learning my Islam.
There was no help in returning to college – had to take a government riba loan
No help in getting married
No help in getting divorced from a woman I never should have married
I have lost my career, lost my mental and emotional health, lost over $1M in net worth, lost my home, will be homeless one day…

And Muslims wonder why I’m angry!

By the way, I’ve never received a phone call or a knock on my door in 24 years to see if I’m alive or dead, or Allah forbid, if I actually need help with living life alone!

Now, I won’t attend any of the 4 masaajid, because I don’t think anyone here is a human being.

MuslimHomeschoolers: I can totally identify with what you are talking about. I remember attempting to pray in my dorm room after I became Muslim and feeling like a complete failure. If it weren’t for those websites with audio on how to make salat, i would have been done for!

I was very stagnant in terms acquiring knowledge for a long time. I was getting most of my information from the Internet. There were and are a lot of websites out there that with misleading information on everything: salat, aqeedah, hijab, the role of women and so on. It was so hard to decipher what was correct. I had to spend a lot of time reteaching myself after becoming more knowledgeable later on.

Sister Leslie: I understand what you are going thru. On one hand you want to be part of the community on the other hand the community can literally be the biggest headache imaginable! I had some negative experiences with Muslims early on after my conversion. I can remember one time in particular where my mother was treated in a not so nice way because of an incident at the masjid -there is your dawah down the drain!

Many Muslims find a lot of support thru online forums and message boards, I know I definitely did. It is also important to have those close ties in real life. Having that close Muslim friend in your life to lean on and talk to can save you a lot of grief!!! That is something that i wish i had early on.

Focus on cultivating your relationship with Allah. Don’t let other people and their treatment of you discourage you from becoming involved in your local community. You have to learn to ignore the short comings of ignorant people (even if they are at the masjid). This is something that you will always have to do. It takes time to find your own niche within a community.

In terms of advice for people who do dawah or who work with new converts; I am at a total lost. My own initial experiences have made me a bit weary about doing dawah. Perhaps something of a buddy system might be a good thing. I think i would have gotten more out of a one on one interaction verses a new Muslim class (that is just me). Obviously teaching someone about salat is very important, but also focusing on the spiritual aspect of connecting with Allah is key. Let them know that no matter how minor or major the subject or question that they should feel comfortable asking. Let converts know that you are not there to judge them!!

Reading this reminded me of the first time I prayed by myself ,not in congregation. I was so confused. I did cry. I felt horrible. I thought I would never get it. I really did feel so alone.
Everyone is always so helpful when describing to a new Muslim all the things that they have to start doing, no one ever says to take your time, it doesn’t have to be perfect.
That is what I would have appreciated and that is what I tell every new Muslim I meet when they first enter Islam.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/blog/2008/01/07/question-what-is-the-most-difficult-part-of-converting/

I also wish there was somewhere a revert could ask real life questions ie: relationships, work, thier past life thats still part of their current life)and not feel like they were going to be judged

-newpath”

“I accepted Islam about 3 years ago elhumdulillah! I’d have to say that it would help much for fellow muslims to be more accepting and less judgemental, more open minded and less “you must do exactly as I say”, friendlier, to keep in touch more, be less preachy and more welcoming. Subhanna’Allah! no one likes to be told what to do all the time and it is much better if one can learn by a good example instead of being bombarded by “do this” and “do that” all the time. Remember the first muslims did not change everything at one time and the Qur’an was revealed over two decades, so it does take much time for change to come. I also wish that there would always be spaces insha’Allah available in mosques for us women to pray, regardless of how few women may need that space. It is something terrible to be told by another muslim that “there is no place for you here to pray”AstufgAllah! , and a locked door at the mosque for the “women’s section” at time of prayer is something that few men have ever happened upon. I wonder how men would feel if there was no place for them to pray? A heavy curtain in front of him while he prayed instead of a nice, healing open space? Aestetics are very important masha’Allah and open spaces are made healing by Allah swt! Interesting if they could wear our “shoes” for a day in the masjid.

-Kim”

Masha’Allah there has been so much covered that I don’t know if I have anything to add. Let’s see… things that have been helpful for me…

I have learned so much from Islamic literature, much more than one may expect. I guess there are websites that give out free books to new Muslims, and I was lucky enough to have a friend retrieve those for me.

Invite a revert to any halaqas that you may know of. These have been immensely helpful in my Islamic education, and they are a great compliment to basic literature, as they usually cover topics not mentioned in such books.

http://www.islamibayanaat.com/EMQ.htm
This is a website that gives tafsir of every chapter of the Qur’an, which I have found very helpful.

Also, I just want to add that for the most part, I don’t notice people thinking less of me for being a revert. Quite the opposite, actually. However, I get the impression sometimes that people think that just because I’m a new Muslim, and thus don’t know as much about Islam as they do, I must not know much about anything else, either. I know it is in good will, but before giving advise just think to yourself first, “Is this the kind of advise I would give to a child?” If so, it is probably something that is common knowledge for adults and may seem insulting to one’s intelligence. Don’t worry Saqib, I’m not singling you out, I don’t think you’ve ever done that to me! For the most part, I think people are doing a good job.

Oh, one more thing…
If you happen to be one of the brothers or sisters that the revert is probably closest to (it may be hard to realize if the person is new to Islam, as there has not been time to build a really close friendship), it would be a good idea to invite them over for Eid or iftaar. It can be depressing for a new Muslim spending such a special occasion by him/herself.

Wa alaykum as-salaam.

WHAT?