I recall perusing through a book about the model Muslim husband at an Islamic bookstore and much to my dismay, found that the book was teaching husbands to kindly treat their wives because woman are born from a crooked rib and thus are obstinate, deficient, irrational, rash, etc and thus it is not their fault and should be dealt with patiently.

Why is it that many back-home Muslims and some western Muslims are so eager to point out the stereotypical flaws of woman but gloss over men? Sometimes, I feel like people have a tendency to emphasize the more emotional aspect of a woman and use that as a basis for deeming them rash, irrational, obstinate, etc.

Yes, woman are more emotional but that doesn’t mean that it is to their detriment and at the expense of rational behavior. Both men and woman are guilty of irrational behavior. Though emotion may cause some woman to be irrational, ego, arrogance, and stubbornness can also cause men to be irrational.

A man’s position as “head” of household no way predicates the notion that men are more rational and can make better decisions. Rather, allowing the man to be the “head” of the household only conforms to the disposition of both the male and female. A man needs to feel needed by his wife and feel that she has a certain level of respect for him. He also wants to be obeyed. Regardless of whether this is fair is besides the point. Since this is generally the disposition of a man, and since marital discord and disharmony would result if each person weren’t getting what they need in a relationship, men are allowed to be “head” of the household, but not because they are inherently rational and wise. A woman’s disposition and needs in a relationship are slightly different. More than feeling needed, they need to be shown affection, attention, and love. Thus, a male head of the house, because of his ego, is usually what is needed to secure a happy home. However, head does not mean dictator. Shura is essential in decision-making.

So I guess, generally, woman can’t assume the position of “head” of household due to the male ego. However, I wonder if boys can be conditioned to think more along the lines of equal-partnership. Would they still feel the need to dominate? Or is it so much ingrained in their nature?

I am curious how feminist husbands who have equal-partnerships with their wives fare? Are the husbands discontented? Do the wives lose respect for their husband? Or are they truly happy but a rare couple?

Comments greatly appreciated!

Wasalaam

Before I converted to Islam I considered myself a feminist and had to learn to separate the western viewpoint from the Islamic. And the only way for Muslim women, especially culturally, indoctrinated women, to overcome misogynistic viewpoints is through Islamic knowledge. That becomes hard however if women are content to keep things as they are. Fighting cultural tradition is hard to do.

I watched a film a couple weeks ago called “Water” – about Hindu divorced women (and children) in India. According to Hindu scripture, divorced women are ostracized and kept together in closed quarters. The rest of the population make sure not to touch the divorced women b/c they believe some sort of evil will befall them. And not to mention divorced women can not remarry; they are left to die alone.
Therefore, this practice, even today, still applies. You may have those who believe the practice isn’t right, but overcoming that sort of mindset and creating change is hard.

The same goes for Muslim women. Unfortunately, cultural belief/practice supersedes the religious, thus creating weakness w/ in the ummah. Activism is great, but Islamically, change must begin w/ the home b/c we are held accountable for ourselves and our family, and then the community. Who did the sahaba practice dawah on first? There family, and then from there Islam spread to the outer community.

Lastly, I love the idea of Islamic feminism b/c so much oppression still exists for Muslim women, and cultural practices have a lot to do w/ that. Muslim women, single and married, need to also know that marriage isn’t just about pleasing the man either. We hear too much of that and not enough about how the husbands should work on pleasing the wife.