Comments on: The Secret Life of Husbands (Sex & the Muslim Ummah) http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/ Discourses in the Intellectual Traditions, Political Situation, and Social Ethics of Muslim Life Fri, 10 Sep 2010 00:57:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Latif http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-72494 Latif Mon, 02 Aug 2010 02:49:05 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-72494 ASA, There is a Muslim life coach by the name of Zeyad Ramadan who specializes in helping Muslim men overcome their porn addiction. I highly recommend this brother as he is the only Muslim life coach that I know of that specializes in this field. Please check out his website at http://www.imancipate.com/ or you can email him at info@imancipate.com. Salams, Latif ASA,

There is a Muslim life coach by the name of Zeyad Ramadan who specializes in helping Muslim men overcome their porn addiction. I highly recommend this brother as he is the only Muslim life coach that I know of that specializes in this field. Please check out his website at http://www.imancipate.com/ or you can email him at info@imancipate.com.

Salams,

Latif

]]> By: Indigo Jo Blogs — A new light on the harms of porn http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-70931 Indigo Jo Blogs — A new light on the harms of porn Sun, 04 Jul 2010 18:49:49 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-70931 [...] few years ago Muslim Matters had some posts on Muslim men’s addiction to this stuff. Of course, viewing this stuff is completely against [...] [...] few years ago Muslim Matters had some posts on Muslim men’s addiction to this stuff. Of course, viewing this stuff is completely against [...]

]]> By: DM http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-62133 DM Mon, 22 Mar 2010 07:58:22 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-62133 well said, divorce should be a last option and recognising huqooq al ibaad is a much forgotten trait amonngst even those of us who are surrounded by muslims, wear islamic dress and pray 5 times a day! well said, divorce should be a last option and recognising huqooq al ibaad is a much forgotten trait amonngst even those of us who are surrounded by muslims, wear islamic dress and pray 5 times a day!

]]> By: Tiriolo http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-62116 Tiriolo Mon, 22 Mar 2010 04:38:26 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-62116 Gossiping about sex lives is about as unmanly as a person can get. The constant talk about sex with Muslims put me off to Islam for a while when I was a non Muslim. The Muslims would always be talking about how so and so is sleeping around, I would be like I never seen people having sex in public, so I have no idea what their sex life is about. Sex is a private matter that usually involves two people, anyone else opinion on the matter is gossip. I don't care about a Muslim or kafirs sex life, it aint my business. The only time I was propositioned by a homosexual was by a "Muslim." There was an Arab from Jordan who I shared the same major with, so we ended up in a lot of the same classes and became friendly. Nearing midterms one semester we were studying at his apartment, so during a break from studying were drinking tea and lounging on the sofa, I start to notice he is staring at my crouch. I was shocked and didn't know what to say, and he ask me if I'd ever had oral sex performed on me by a boy, he wanted to perform this act on me. I say no, I'm not into that expletive expletive, and hastily gather my things to leave. I got out of there in hurry, but not before saying some unkind words and giving him a warning. If he would have tried something I think that would have been his last evening on earth. I've also corresponded with a few Muslim women on the internet who couldn't have a conversation for more then five minutes without asking some question about sex like if I'm a virgin, or how big my "thing" is. Gossiping about sex lives is about as unmanly as a person can get. The constant talk about sex with Muslims put me off to Islam for a while when I was a non Muslim. The Muslims would always be talking about how so and so is sleeping around, I would be like I never seen people having sex in public, so I have no idea what their sex life is about. Sex is a private matter that usually involves two people, anyone else opinion on the matter is gossip. I don’t care about a Muslim or kafirs sex life, it aint my business. The only time I was propositioned by a homosexual was by a “Muslim.” There was an Arab from Jordan who I shared the same major with, so we ended up in a lot of the same classes and became friendly. Nearing midterms one semester we were studying at his apartment, so during a break from studying were drinking tea and lounging on the sofa, I start to notice he is staring at my crouch. I was shocked and didn’t know what to say, and he ask me if I’d ever had oral sex performed on me by a boy, he wanted to perform this act on me. I say no, I’m not into that expletive expletive, and hastily gather my things to leave. I got out of there in hurry, but not before saying some unkind words and giving him a warning. If he would have tried something I think that would have been his last evening on earth. I’ve also corresponded with a few Muslim women on the internet who couldn’t have a conversation for more then five minutes without asking some question about sex like if I’m a virgin, or how big my “thing” is.

]]> By: musalman http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-62111 musalman Mon, 22 Mar 2010 02:30:12 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-62111 Assalam alaikum brothers and sisters Watching porn under any circumstance is unacceptable for muslims. There is no justification for it and you certainly can not use your wife's refusal ( and in the case referred above quite an understable one) as an excuse. For those who feel that they are not physically compatible with their spouse, divorce is certainly an option (allowable in Islam but in may ways as a last resort). One could also argue the case for a second marriage, alhough in my humble personal opinion, an option which would only be resorted to by a weak muslim Please do remember one thing my fellow muslims, there are numerous actions/options allowable in Islam but if not excercised/performed make us more pious in the eyes of Allah. Quran and Hadith provide us with guidelines which were issued keeping in view the whole of mankind. A good muslim never uses hadith and quran to justify his/her actions which cause distress to our fellow human beings. Sometimes we forget the overarching tenets of Islam such as huqooq ul ibad Assalam alaikum brothers and sisters

Watching porn under any circumstance is unacceptable for muslims. There is no justification for it and you certainly can not use your wife’s refusal ( and in the case referred above quite an understable one) as an excuse. For those who feel that they are not physically compatible with their spouse, divorce is certainly an option (allowable in Islam but in may ways as a last resort). One could also argue the case for a second marriage, alhough in my humble personal opinion, an option which would only be resorted to by a weak muslim

Please do remember one thing my fellow muslims, there are numerous actions/options allowable in Islam but if not excercised/performed make us more pious in the eyes of Allah. Quran and Hadith provide us with guidelines which were issued keeping in view the whole of mankind. A good muslim never uses hadith and quran to justify his/her actions which cause distress to our fellow human beings. Sometimes we forget the overarching tenets of Islam such as huqooq ul ibad

]]> By: Shareef Muhammad http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-60797 Shareef Muhammad Tue, 02 Mar 2010 22:15:19 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-60797 Your ignorance of Islam is boundless. If your wife is not observing her marital duty---AND THIS IS ASSUMING THAT THE HUSBAND IS OBSERVING HIS--then, after unsuccessful counselling, you should divorce her with kindness as the surah al-Nisa states. You will not, on the day of judgement, justify doing something that is obviously haraam by hiding behind what somebody else is or isn't doing. Neither husband or wife are permitted to commit adultry because they are dissatisfied with each other. While pornography is not as serious as adultry it is serious and can not be adequatly defended on the day of judgement. It can also negatively affect your ability to perform sexually as studies show. And need I remind you of the husband's duty to satisfy his wife sexually in order to discourage her from straying? Stop listening to the Shaitan. Your ignorance of Islam is boundless. If your wife is not observing her marital duty—AND THIS IS ASSUMING THAT THE HUSBAND IS OBSERVING HIS–then, after unsuccessful counselling, you should divorce her with kindness as the surah al-Nisa states. You will not, on the day of judgement, justify doing something that is obviously haraam by hiding behind what somebody else is or isn’t doing. Neither husband or wife are permitted to commit adultry because they are dissatisfied with each other. While pornography is not as serious as adultry it is serious and can not be adequatly defended on the day of judgement. It can also negatively affect your ability to perform sexually as studies show. And need I remind you of the husband’s duty to satisfy his wife sexually in order to discourage her from straying? Stop listening to the Shaitan.

]]> By: Shareef Muhammad http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-60796 Shareef Muhammad Tue, 02 Mar 2010 22:02:22 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-60796 You are a retrograde with little to no rahmah which leaves us to guess what the problems are in your household assuming you have one. First off Wahhabi Misanthrope, "the letter of the law" is not the recommended approach for interpretating the Quran. The Quran says if a woman refuses her husband's advances without good reason and he goes to bed angry with her the angels curse her till the morning. Without arguing about what constitutes "good reason" let us deduce from the hadith that the wife may refuse the husband and the husband may to go to bed angry rather than force his wife to do something she doesn't feel like doing. Secondly, you've obviously "forgotten" the hadith that says treat your wives kindly which would disqualify forced sexual intercourse which is a form of violence regardless if there's blood. Thirdly, in Islam there is what's called istaahan which is the mercy and compassion which can override the certain legal recommendation. For example, the wife can deny her husband use of her car or money even if it's an emergencey because according to "the letter of the law" the husband has no rights to his wife's property while she has rights to his. However, istaahan overrides this heartless and cold interpretation and recommends that she share her things though she is not legally bound to do so. Lastly, if you respect and love your wife as you should then I don't see why I would have had to tell you any of this. You should already know. May Allah Guide You. You are a retrograde with little to no rahmah which leaves us to guess what the problems are in your household assuming you have one. First off Wahhabi Misanthrope, “the letter of the law” is not the recommended approach for interpretating the Quran. The Quran says if a woman refuses her husband’s advances without good reason and he goes to bed angry with her the angels curse her till the morning. Without arguing about what constitutes “good reason” let us deduce from the hadith that the wife may refuse the husband and the husband may to go to bed angry rather than force his wife to do something she doesn’t feel like doing. Secondly, you’ve obviously “forgotten” the hadith that says treat your wives kindly which would disqualify forced sexual intercourse which is a form of violence regardless if there’s blood. Thirdly, in Islam there is what’s called istaahan which is the mercy and compassion which can override the certain legal recommendation. For example, the wife can deny her husband use of her car or money even if it’s an emergencey because according to “the letter of the law” the husband has no rights to his wife’s property while she has rights to his. However, istaahan overrides this heartless and cold interpretation and recommends that she share her things though she is not legally bound to do so. Lastly, if you respect and love your wife as you should then I don’t see why I would have had to tell you any of this. You should already know. May Allah Guide You.

]]> By: farah http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-60101 farah Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:39:44 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-60101 Assalamo alaikum brothers and sisters, I have been going through most of the comments based on this subject the only thing i want to know is why do the fingers always point on us women??? Firstly marriage should be based on love and respect and understanding each other.... If the man beats his wife then forces himself on to the wife for sex isn't that marital rape??? Women have rights to say NO....And if a man goes to watch pornography there is no sin on that women but it is on the man who has no control on himself.... We all are answerable to our own deeds... Assalamo alaikum brothers and sisters,

I have been going through most of the comments based on this subject the only thing i want to know is why do the fingers always point on us women??? Firstly marriage should be based on love and respect and understanding each other…. If the man beats his wife then forces himself on to the wife for sex isn’t that marital rape??? Women have rights to say NO….And if a man goes to watch pornography there is no sin on that women but it is on the man who has no control on himself…. We all are answerable to our own deeds…

]]> By: X http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-58297 X Wed, 03 Feb 2010 21:29:56 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-58297 You don't appear harsh my friend, just sounds like you have strong points to make. It is incredible how our lives tie in with each others and how the actions of one can have lasting effects on another! Ya Allah protect us from harming ourselves and others!Ameen. The sister you speak of should be made aware of the recent post on this site re: Surah Yusoof, so she and others in such heartbreaking situations can look forward inshaAllah to the taste of sweet patience inshaAllah. Ameen You don’t appear harsh my friend, just sounds like you have strong points to make.
It is incredible how our lives tie in with each others and how the actions of one can have lasting effects on another! Ya Allah protect us from harming ourselves and others!Ameen.
The sister you speak of should be made aware of the recent post on this site re: Surah Yusoof, so she and others in such heartbreaking situations can look forward inshaAllah to the taste of sweet patience inshaAllah. Ameen

]]> By: MAD http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-57858 MAD Mon, 25 Jan 2010 07:48:11 +0000 http://muslimmatters.org/2007/07/31/the-secret-life-of-husbands-sex-the-muslim-ummah-series/#comment-57858 "Stupid people"...really bro? By realising who controls the industry, how does it help those hooked in this vice? You think o the day of judgement we can be excused by blaming those "who control the industry"? The whole purpose of our being placed on Earth is to be tested. There will be temptation of every kind, alcohol, women, gambling and more... we cant blame the industries for existing, we have to look at ourselves as individuals and understand how important it is for our own well-being on Earth as well as the aakhirah to resist disgusting and dangerous behaviour and to have a strong will and faith..otherwise we we WILL be held responsible for our actions..those who provide pork,wine,brothels will be held for thiers and we for ours...only a coward dodges the balme for his own weakness and lives in denial of any responsibilty!! “Stupid people”…really bro? By realising who controls the industry, how does it help those hooked in this vice? You think o the day of judgement we can be excused by blaming those “who control the industry”? The whole purpose of our being placed on Earth is to be tested. There will be temptation of every kind, alcohol, women, gambling and more… we cant blame the industries for existing, we have to look at ourselves as individuals and understand how important it is for our own well-being on Earth as well as the aakhirah to resist disgusting and dangerous behaviour and to have a strong will and faith..otherwise we we WILL be held responsible for our actions..those who provide pork,wine,brothels will be held for thiers and we for ours…only a coward dodges the balme for his own weakness and lives in denial of any responsibilty!!

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